Childfree.

[Gredunza]

Yes, it is the social norm. I'll be safe to assume it stems from the biological need to reproduce; inherent to all living beings. In some definitions of 'life,' the 'need to breed' is as important as self-awareness to the definition. And thus, going back to your post, it is 'expected' from parents that children continue their 'blood line'.

Now, allow me to regale you with a bit of personal experience: I felt the same way when I was 23. I felt less strongly about it at 26 and today, at 28, I feel very differently about the matter. So, before you go and declare it as an absolute, I'd recommend you wait a few years. Life is all about change, and as you grow up (and old) - in my limited experience - the 'absolutes' we declare early in our lives have a tendency to fade away with age.

Furthermore, try to understand the point of view of your parents. If you are an only child, you will effectively, and I apologize if I'm stepping over a line, end all that they were, are and will be with yourself. There will be no-one to tell their stories or share in their experiences. As you grow old and begin to consider the footprint you've left on a world which houses seven billion just like you, that's a very powerful thought. And a very powerful fear.
No, you don't owe them this, but do understand them.

I'm not here to judge your decision. I couldn't, even if I wanted to, as I haven't the information, knowledge or training. Either way, having kids - a life altering decision (and not just your own) - should not be taken lightly, and it's good that you're giving this issue the gravitas it warrants.

I'd advise you to hold off on this decision and keep considering it over the next few years. It won't happen until you're ready, regardless; and that is what you should tell family and friends.

But hey, takes all kinds to make a world :3

[schwank05]

There are many flaws in your post and generally in your way of thinking but I'll talk about just one:

"I will not change my mind."

Wrong. 100% wrong. Just because you are currently (probably - assuming here) anti-social or dislike "serious" relationship or guys in general doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the day you meet a guy that will make your tummy tremble, your brain freeze and your heart pound. Yes, there's a chance you won't meet him soon but with the passing years your values WILL change.

People want to be free, bound by nothing, able to do whatever they want.. But that time passes. You'll get too full of "the experience" of being on your own.. It's in human nature to make relationships and seek a partner.. Just because you don't want one now doesn't mean tomorrow you won't wake up with a whole different set of views.

From what I know, while they are a lot of work, require effort and devotion and may cause negative feelings, if you ever have the privilege of holding your own child in your hands, the little thing you gave birth to, the outside part of you.. Believe me, You won't be thinking how messy he/she is, how expensive would be to raise a child or how you're losing your freedom.

Just because you'd like to stand out and "not agree with every stupid person's urges" doesn't mean you should put yourself in such position. A truly free person is the one who is not bound by ANYTHING, including forbidding yourself certain ideas and feelings. If you want to be free and spend all the time you have for yourself, fine, but don't just shelf the whole "settling down, having a partner, having kids" to pursue a career forever.

Having a career is great and makes you feel important and meaningful but at some point you'll begin to wonder if the people that find you important truly matter to you.. That's when you won't find your current thoughts in your head anymore.

I 100% agree with this post, I myself have just recently become a father as of 2 weeks ago, I didn't know I could love someone so much. I thought I loved my wife more than anything in this world. Now my Daughter is the love of my life she is my reason for getting up in the morning, the reason I work 12+ hours a day, and the reason I pretty much do anything. I didn't want kids for the longest time, but last fall when I found out I was going to be a dad my feelings totally changed.

[FrozenFlames]

I see no problem in not getting kids but the only thing in your post is ''I will not change my mind'', how do you know this?

[Enders]

Hey, if you don't want kids, you don't want kids. Nothing wrong with that. I would like to have a child or two someday, but it'll probably never happen as I can't see myself ever being in a long-term relationship (not for lack of wanting).

[Kerath]

Funny enough, I was just talking about this with a colleague of mine.

Being pressured for kids at 23? That's a bit... nuts :S

I'm 29, my other half is 32. Neither of us want children at this point. Unless the infamous 'biological clock' severely changes my/our attitudes, I doubt we'll ever have children. There's nothing wrong with that choice. We're happy with our lives, we're happy with each other and we enjoy the freedom to do whatever we want together (within reason - haven't quite worked out how to achieve unlimited funds yet ).
Don't misunderstand, I do like children - my boyfriend's niece is a delightful child, for example, and I enjoy spending time with her. I just like being able to give her back to mummy once fun aunty time is over
I do occasionally get funny looks from people when the subject comes up and I say that I doubt I'll ever have kids. And I get the old cliched "Just you wait until your biological clock starts ticking!" response that irritates the shit out of me. Fortunately not from anyone that matters - my parents are supportive of my choices in life. My older brother gave me the: "But you'd be a great Mum" speech, but as he's already using his unborn child as an emotional battering ram against my parents, I don't think his opinion counts for much.

So OP, your life, your choice. Other peoples' opinions on your choice do not matter - you have to live your life, not them.

[Raelbo]

I'm now 23 years old, and many people are now starting to bring up the subject of kids. I've decided that I don't want them. Ever.

Take it from someone with a bit more life experience than you: Don't be so hasty to make such momentous life declarations when you are still so young.

Yeah, yeah, I know that the kids of today reckon they have it all figured out and know all the answers. Fact is you may, or may not, at some point in your life decide to change your mind. And that is ok


For now, revel in your life choices. If people want to start trying to subtly (or not so subtly) suggesting you think about kids, that's their problem. It happens to most of us that interfering relatives (and various other people who somehow landed up in our lives) just can't resist making stupid comments on the subject.

Personally I think that choosing not to have kids is a bit foolish and is probably a decision that most who take it will eventually come to regret once it is too late. But I also believe that is no one's business except the person making that decision.

As for the question of what is best for society: The human race certainly isn't about to go extinct because some people decide to not have children. In fact a far bigger threat is people who don't seem to have the self control to regulate the number of kids. But by the same token I believe that the problem of overpopulation is not going to be affected by your personal choice to have no kids.

In the end, the issue of overpopulation is all about people who are having too many kids. Electing to avoid having children of your own because other people can't control themselves sets a rather foolish precedent.


Ultimately the decision to, or not to, have children (within moderation) is, and always should be entirely a personal choice which those around you should respect.

[Blupparen]

It's plenty of people getting 10 or more children. I think the human race will survive even though you don't get one.

[Deleted]

I 100% agree with this post, I myself have just recently become a father as of 2 weeks ago, I didn't know I could love someone so much. I thought I loved my wife more than anything in this world. Now my Daughter is the love of my life she is my reason for getting up in the morning, the reason I work 12+ hours a day, and the reason I pretty much do anything. I didn't want kids for the longest time, but last fall when I found out I was going to be a dad my feelings totally changed.

You changed because it happened. I do respect your change of heart, and I'm happy for you. I'm wearing different shoes then you. I the one having to go through the pregnancy. Don't make me bring up what that does to your body and brain. I have plenty of other reasons to live my life and enjoy it that has nothing to do with kids whatsoever.

In general, I have always been old of mind for the most part. I didn't have drastic changes throughout puberty like most others. I'm not even considering kids now either, I'm closer to contemplating getting my tubes tied more then anything else.

[Lupinemancer]

Well, that is entirely your decision.
I'm 24 and I'm also enjoying my freedom, but I have a desire to have kids one day. But first I need to find a girlfriend. But there is no rush, as I said, I'm enjoying my freedom.

[Wynnyelle]

I don't want children either, basically for the same reasons that you described. I'm not even 20 yet though, so for all I know, that could very well change, but I can't see myself ever wanting them. It's just not me.

[Deleted]

I am currently childless, partially by choice. The other part has to do with the dreaded 'friend zone' :/

But even if I should find the woman that's right for me and she wants to marry me, children would not be a part of ~my~ choice for a simple reason.
I have Crohns. It's hereditary and I NOT wish the crap I've gone through on any one of my children.
My sister and her husband (she has it too) are currently working on sprogs, so my parents will have grandchildren eventually, no worries there.

But unless the medical world manages to find a way to cure, or at least reliably suppress and/or halt the effects of Crohns without resorting to crap like Prednison, I'm not going to get kids. And even the medication right now isn't good enough yet, I know first hand. And even multiple surgeries won't fix things permanently... That is NOT a future I want to look forwards to for my kids, you know?

Whether or not I change my mind is completely at the mercy of medical science right now. But for now all signs point to "Nope.avi".

[Deleted]

You changed because it happened. I do respect your change of heart, and I'm happy for you. I'm wearing different shoes then you. I the one having to go through the pregnancy. Don't make me bring up what that does to your body and brain. I have plenty of other reasons to live my life and enjoy it that has nothing to do with kids whatsoever.

In general, I have always been old of mind for the most part. I didn't have drastic changes throughout puberty like most others. I'm not even considering kids now either, I'm closer to contemplating getting my tubes tied more then anything else.

Do not do this! If you change your mind later you will really regret it, it is better to have an option than to not have it.

[Deleted]

Take it from someone with a bit more life experience than you: Don't be so hasty to make such momentous life declarations when you are still so young.

Yeah, yeah, I know that the kids of today reckon they have it all figured out and know all the answers. Fact is you may, or may not, at some point in your life decide to change your mind. And that is ok

Thank for the input!

On the flip-side, there are parents regretting having kids. Take my dad as the closest one actually. He now has a vasectomy. He doesn't hate me or my siblings, nor do I hate him for saying it, I fully respect it.

[Deleted]

Do what pleases you, aka no kids for now. I dont see why it would be a problem. The age when people usually become parents have incresed alot. IMO 23 is still quite young. I am 26, I want to have kids someday, but I dont feel forced to have them asap. Some people become parants at the age of 18, others 40. Maybe your opinion change in 10 years, but at that point you can get kids than instead. I have always done what suits me. I have never worried what others think about my decisions. I wish more people did.
Don't be a slave to the norm. Dont bother getting kids when you dont want to. If you change your mind, do it than. If you never change your mind, dont care about kids.

[Deleted]

Do not do this! If you change your mind later you will really regret it, it is better to have an option than to not have it.

It's a thought closer to me then having kids.

[aztr0]

If you don't want to have kids, find someone with the same mindset and made it known before it gets serious. I know people who do not want kids and they live a carefree life. They would travel around the world and not feel tied down. I'm sure you're not the only one to feel that way. But it is intriguing that you stated, "I didn't choose to be born..." do you hate your life or something?

[Ripoff]

Am in the same boat pretty much (Am a guy though), I honestly dont want kids. Add togheter the time I spend on work + the time needed to raise a kid, I wont have time for myself. It kinda seems selfish, but oh well. The only reason I MITE have kids, would be to carry out my legacy. If I was the only child, then yes, I would probably have kids, to carry out the legacy of my family.

[Itko]

Rest assured, you will hear the 'just wait and you'll probably change your mind' for a long long time. Both my girlfriend and myself have been hearing it for a good 10 years now, ever since we've realized that we don't want kids, ever. We haven't been together for 10 years, we had both decided that before met, and we actually talked about it before getting into a serious relationship since it would've been a dealbreaker for me (and, as it turned out, for her as well).

That aside, 23 is, as others have said, a bit too young to start talking about a biological clock ticking. From what I've read, and seen in my group of friends, that generally starts at about 28-30. 23 is actually considered pretty young to have a child amongst my friends and family, though that probably depends where on the 'social ladder' your friends and family is situated (I know it sounds horrible, but nonetheless it's mostly true, here in the Netherlands anyway).

It's just a choice you have to make, and once people realize your mind is made up they are usually fine with it as well, some (specially parents) might take a while to get used to it though.
Also don't forget, if you're not sure you want them, and regret it when you have them for whatever reason (peer pressure comes to mind first and foremost), it's not just your life that gets screwed up but also that of the child, who hasn't had a choice in it at all! Personally I would say that if you're in doubt everyone will be better off that you don't have kids. The world doesn't need more people to survive (quite the contrary) and at least here in Europe kids aren't essential when you get older, that's what you've been paying taxes and saving money for all your life.

Having no children opens up lots of possibilities, and we're loving it! We both have a decent job, nothing amazing but a bit above average wages. We go on a far away vacation (SE-Asia / Africe / S-America) at least once/year, usually an in-Europe vacation as well. We go out for dinner at least once a week, we can eat and drink what we want, buy books /DVD's and whatnot whenever we want.
Compared to our friends with kids the things we can afford are just amazing, most people don't seem to realize how much time and money you can save by having no children

[Deleted]

It's a thought closer to me then having kids.

There are other options rather than surgery, thats one option you cannot fix if you regret it later. At 23 your mind and body are still maturing, you will not be the same person in 10 years time. If you still feel the same way at 30 ish, fine, go ahead and do it.

[Deleted]

I have never heard of people that look down on people that don't want any kids. If you don't want kids, don't make em. I don't think anyone should make kiddies in this screwed world anyway.