My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Part 8: Mmmcake

[Bluesparkks]

Don'...you already know what we're going to say. We've been over this before.

It just feels like people have far less respect for one another, not to mention that the discussions are far less...interesting and thoughtful.

As much as I would like to say this isn't true...

-sigh-

It most definitely feels this way.

[Trydene]

I come up with one thing every single time, the reason why my life is fucked and it is because of me. I am the reason my relationships were fucked from the very beginning, doomed from the start. I am the reason I have let myself become this useless shell of a person, so useless that I basically let myself ruin every single good thing I have ever had in my existence from the moment I could walk. You could ask any person I have had a relationship with and they would only say bad things about me. Ask my family they would agree with what I am saying right now.

First off, I have never said anything bad about you. I don't see how you can be a bad person. If you keep drowning yourself with these thoughts how can you manage to see a light? You're not the reason relationships ended. Equal fault is with the other as well.

I don't even want to work because I know what is waiting for me there. I was so god damned stupid to let myself get to a point that has some how taken away what little drive and happiness on the line. I can't let go of anything. I hold on to things, some of them that I have forgotten, but I can still feel their effect even now. My sentimentality won't let me let anything go. Those few happy times in my life that ended in the worst ways and now I see those times as nothing more than tainted memories, ones I have to lock away, but the safe isn't all that good.

I have said this before, let go. What has happen, happened. Yeah memories will taint and get to you, I go through it everyday, no matter where I am. But you always have to look at the bright side. I don't think I even told you what the doctors have told me the last visit I had.

As for the rest, you still have a life ahead of you, bad or good, it's an unwritten book still, but there will be friends that can stand by your side to get to where you need to be. Just have to keep on hoping.

[Vetali]

Don'...you already know what we're going to say. We've been over this before.

As much as I would like to say this isn't true...

-sigh-

It most definitely feels this way.

What of the old do you miss though? I've been around since the 2nd thread, and really aside from people coming and going the thread is relatively the same ranging from completely random shit to 3feely4u topics like right now.

[GammaIntro]

I'm going to have a Rambo movie marathon tomorrow. Wish me luck

[Coffer]

I don't know about that. A lot of the people that I actually enjoyed talking to no longer post.

Yeah, that's one of the reasons why I've lost quite a bit of interest in the thread as well. Although, in my case, it's...even worse. Not only have most of the people that I really enjoy replying to slowly lost interest in the thread, the fandom or both, but I've even outright broken my relationship with some of them.

I don't think going into detail would be a good idea though. I could mention some names in private, but not here.

The thing is... I started watching this show because I, like many others were in a... how do I put it... a trying state in their lives. That part of me is the past now. I'm recovered from it fully. Thats why my posts back then were much different than mine now.

It's good to hear that you've recovered from that.

My actual intentions of the show were never to get caught up in the fandom. I never liked it before experiencing it, and I still don't. I'd like to cut myself from it without leaving the thread. Then the 2nd part comes in to it being a set back to myself and my life. Its a choice I need to make.

I fully understand that.

There are only two reasons why I actually started posting here: Alai getting me to do it, and my eventual departure from the Chat Thread. Well, the first one is what got me to start doing it, per se, but I wasn't a common poster prior to the second bit.

Even though this thread was the real reason why I returned to these forums (goes back to the days when I posted on the HoN forums, and their pony thread was MUCH smaller. I don't know how I actually found this place, but when I noticed that it had over a million views (it was around spring time last year I believe, back when we were still on the first part), I have to admit that I became...interested.), I was, for multiple reasons, reluctant to post here. I went to the Chat Thread instead and spent a few months there, with Alai's insistence on getting me to start watching the show and start posting here eventually getting the better of me. After that, some...odd events made it so that I broke my relationship with everyone in the Chat Thread, so I diverted my full attention to this thread instead.

As for the show itself? Mostly because of Discontinuity (yes, it's me, but the persona that I employed made it so that I had to watch at least a few episodes of the show in order to avoid blowing my cover). I even stopped after 12 episodes simply because it was too..."light" for me. I much prefer darker stuff.

I still have only told 1 person the entire true reason behind why I watched the show. I'm not so sure that it will change. Its not so much I like to keep that part of my life under wraps, its that if I do tell it I can seriously fuck over some peoples lives that may or may not view this thread. Though I know for sure they read this site and also watch the show.

As I said, mentioning something like that in public could very easily end badly, so you're right to be...reluctant in that regard.

---------- Post added 2012-07-31 at 07:05 AM ----------

Don, you're not...the way you describe yourself to be and you know that. Don't dwell on it too much. If you need our help, we're here.

As much as I would like to say this isn't true...

-sigh-

It most definitely feels this way.

Yeah, I don't like saying it either.

What of the old do you miss though? I've been around since the 2nd thread, and really aside from people coming and going the thread is relatively the same ranging from completely random shit to 3feely4u topics like right now.

The first thread was genuinely decent though. I checked a few parts of it while I was still on the HoN forums (and I even posted in it), and I can fully understand why Sparks misses those times.

[yeast]

*snip*

Don, I don't think you're looking at things clearly at the moment. We both know that I'm entirely responsible for the failure of our relationship. As for the rest of your life, you haven't done nearly as many terrible things as some of the best people I know. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you're probably the most guiltless person I know.

Yeah, you've made mistakes. Everybody does. But if you kill yourself then you'll never be able to get past them. They'll consume your life, in an almost literal sense. You need to work towards the future, and actually give your own life a reason.

I wish I could have more to say, but I'm still shocked that you think like this. I should've known that you weren't taking things as well as you let on, but I guess I just let my hopes cloud my judgement. I'll never forgive myself if you do something reckless.

[Inner Universe]

clicky for big

I'm going to have a Rambo movie marathon tomorrow. Wish me luck

Vicious.

[Senedra]

[Dontrike]

First off, I have never said anything bad about you. I don't see how you can be a bad person. If you keep drowning yourself with these thoughts how can you manage to see a light? You're not the reason relationships ended. Equal fault is with the other as well.

I have said this before, let go. What has happen, happened. Yeah memories will taint and get to you, I go through it everyday, no matter where I am. But you always have to look at the bright side. I don't think I even told you what the doctors have told me the last visit I had.

As for the rest, you still have a life ahead of you, bad or good, it's an unwritten book still, but there will be friends that can stand by your side to get to where you need to be. Just have to keep on hoping.

Trydene, this isn't about what happened between us and then the rest of my life. This is about everything and how I fuck it all up.

In all honesty if I had known you were currently around I wouldn't have said anything. I am still waiting on.....you know what? Never mind.

[Senedra]

ok gonna post a smaller pictuer next

[Vetali]

snip

I still don't think most people care for me. I'm not the type to be like, xD I LUVE PONI /HUG EVERYBODY. Thats the stupid shit I used to do before.

I still like the show and the characters. I don't think I'll stop watching it.

Sad thing is I don't mind telling the story of why I'm here. I don't care about those people at all. They are from a past time in my life. They are just random people to me now.

I'm an extremely forgiving person. Very much so, but I could never forgive one person from that story. I just don't want to tell it for attention I guess. Not to mention I'm pretty sure it'll be a 10k word post.

[Inner Universe]

She's not crying, it's just the rain.

[Bluesparkks]

What of the old do you miss though? I've been around since the 2nd thread, and really aside from people coming and going the thread is relatively the same ranging from completely random shit to 3feely4u topics like right now.

People being genuine, people caring about each other even if they didn't like each other, that sort of thing. I don't know if there's been a shift in general mentality or if it's just that there's too many people now, but that genuinity is gone now, or at the very least buried beneath layer upon layer of inane chatter, inside jokes, RP, and the like. People never ignored each other back then, or if they did, they apologized and made it up. People--and I'm guilty of this, too--ignore each other now left and right without pause for second thought. Like, say, Dontrike. He's in a rough spot again, and he's been there before, but just pay attention to everyone who posts without acknowledging him.

If Dontrike takes his own life, people who are ignoring him, ask yourself if he'd still be alive if you had said something. Yes, he's been in this rut before, yes, I too am at least a little annoyed by it, but I know that I won't ever forgive myself if he goes through with it, knowing that I could have done something.

This phrase is absurdly overused now, but back in the day, if Don had posted what he just did, about the next 3-6 pages would be people asking him not to do it, some explaining why, some not. Quite obviously, that just doesn't happen anymore. That's what I miss, Vetali. (Not the oft attention horsing though. :<)

Also: I hate saying this, but I think the RP that seems to dominate the thread during the daytime is a huge impediment to genuinity. Why? Because when people are trying to have discussions and other people are attempting to RP at the same time, they are forced to ignore each other or risk irreparably derailing each other, which creates awkward social tension, which just...kind of steps all over each other despite the mutual ignoring of each other.

Bolded "I think" because it's more than possible that I'm wrong.

The first thread was genuinely decent though. I checked a few parts of it while I was still on the HoN forums (and I even posted in it), and I can fully understand why Sparks misses those times.

I still feel a little awkward talking about this because part of me is very afraid that all my "back in the day" bullshit is nothing but rose-colored glasses...

I still don't think most people care for me. I'm not the type to be like, xD I LUVE PONI /HUG EVERYBODY. Thats the stupid shit I used to do before.

For what it's worth, I like seeing you post. And yeah, I know that feeling. I do not like how I used to be.

[Coffer]

I still don't think most people care for me. I'm not the type to be like, xD I LUVE PONI /HUG EVERYBODY. Thats the stupid shit I used to do before.

I always thought it mattered more if the ones that you liked also cared for you. I've had two moments where I got upset because most people hated me, but barring those times, I never really minded it too much as long as I still had a few people that really gave a damn about me.

I dunno though. I can't really predict what some posters in this thread might think about you, but I still think most of them care. At least a slight bit.

I'm an extremely forgiving person. Very much so, but I could never forgive one person from that story. I just don't want to tell it for attention I guess. Not to mention I'm pretty sure it'll be a 10k word post.

Having the ability to easily forgive someone is a very good thing imo. And hey, you can always say it in private if you want. I'm a pretty good listener, even though most of the time I have no clue what to respond with.

[Inner Universe]

[Coffer]

People being genuine, people caring about each other even if they didn't like each other, that sort of thing.

Which is why I still heavily respect Kortin (to the point where he's #2 on the list of people that I like and care about from this thread), even with our severe differences in opinion. That guy has a...potential for caring the likes of which I've only seen once before.

This phrase is absurdly overused now, but back in the day, if Don had posted what he just did, about the next 3-6 pages would be people asking him not to do it, some explaining why, some not. Quite obviously, that just doesn't happen anymore. That's what I miss, Vetali.

Fully agreed.

I still feel a little awkward talking about this because part of me is very afraid that all my "back in the day" bullshit is nothing but rose-colored glasses...

I don't know. Even if I was to sift through that thread now I think I'd like it. I don't think it's a matter of seeing things through rose-tinted glasses here. I can usually tell when that's the case, and IMO, this isn't one.

I do not like how I used to be.

Maturity and experience generally contributes to that. Of course you're not going to like how you used to be. I think it's a natural thing.

[Vetali]

snip

I don't know man. When I joined, nobody really talked to me. It took a while to really get into it. At that point I just had to dive into conversations and such, which is fine cause I'm used to doing that, but that was just for me.

I have reasons for not engaging in conversations. Reasons that shouldn't be brought up right now because of context. Maybe in private or at another time though.

I completely agree with the RP bit. I didn't really say anything about it, but it made it super awkward to post in the thread for me.

[Dontrike]

Don, I don't think you're looking at things clearly at the moment. We both know that I'm entirely responsible for the failure of our relationship. As for the rest of your life, you haven't done nearly as many terrible things as some of the best people I know. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that you're probably the most guiltless person I know.

Yeah, you've made mistakes. Everybody does. But if you kill yourself then you'll never be able to get past them. They'll consume your life, in an almost literal sense. You need to work towards the future, and actually give your own life a reason.

I wish I could have more to say, but I'm still shocked that you think like this. I should've known that you weren't taking things as well as you let on, but I guess I just let my hopes cloud my judgement. I'll never forgive myself if you do something reckless.

......and there is the second person I didn't want to see this, have to wonder where the third one is.

I won't get into anything else here about what we were here, as this is not the place.

People being genuine, people caring about each other even if they didn't like each other, that sort of thing. I don't know if there's been a shift in general mentality or if it's just that there's too many people now, but that genuinity is gone now, or at the very least buried beneath layer upon layer of inane chatter, inside jokes, RP, and the like. People never ignored each other back then, or if they did, they apologized and made it up. People--and I'm guilty of this, too--ignore each other now left and right without pause for second thought. Like, say, Dontrike. He's in a rough spot again, and he's been there before, but just pay attention to everyone who posts without acknowledging him.

If Dontrike takes his own life, people who are ignoring him, ask yourself if he'd still be alive if you had said something. Yes, he's been in this rut before, yes, I too am at least a little annoyed by it, but I know that I won't ever forgive myself if he goes through with it, knowing that I could have done something.

This phrase is absurdly overused now, but back in the day, if Don had posted what he just did, about the next 3-6 pages would be people asking him not to do it, some explaining why, some not. Quite obviously, that just doesn't happen anymore. That's what I miss, Vetali. (Not the oft attention horsing though. :<)

Also: I hate saying this, but I think the RP that seems to dominate the thread during the daytime is a huge impediment to genuinity. Why? Because when people are trying to have discussions and other people are attempting to RP at the same time, they are forced to ignore each other or risk irreparably derailing each other, which creates awkward social tension, which just...kind of steps all over each other despite the mutual ignoring of each other.

Blue it is fine. I just wanted to get it out, because I have been telling myself this all day, and needed to put it out publicly. Somewhere else probably would have been better.

There isn't more or less, just different people and many have seen me be this way. I am a wreck and I wouldn't doubt that some don't say anything out of not knowing what to say or that someone else has already said it. Some may want to even bash and laugh.

I shouldn't have said anything.

[Vetali]

I always thought it mattered more if the ones that you liked also cared for you. I've had two moments where I got upset because most people hated me, but barring those times, I never really minded it too much as long as I still had a few people that really gave a damn about me.

I dunno though. I can't really predict what some posters in this thread might think about you, but I still think most of them care. At least a slight bit.

Having the ability to easily forgive someone is a very good thing imo. And hey, you can always say it in private if you want. I'm a pretty good listener, even though most of the time I have no clue what to respond with.

Like I said, I'm not going to do anything harsh yet. I figure I'll wait for my capture card and see how that goes. If it becomes something that uses up my time more, then well you won't hear from me much anymore lol.

I like the fact I can forgive and forget easily. I think if I told the story, I'd just type it out to the thread. I remember telling the one person that I told it to... it took like 2 hours to type out the convo probably.

---------- Post added 2012-07-30 at 09:38 PM ----------

Most productive thing I have done all month.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/MBFZS.png[IMG]

I like the collar.

[Coffer]

Like I said, I'm not going to do anything harsh yet. I figure I'll wait for my capture card and see how that goes. If it becomes something that uses up my time more, then well you won't hear from me much anymore lol.

There's always Steam, right?

I like the fact I can forgive and forget easily. I think if I told the story, I'd just type it out to the thread. I remember telling the one person that I told it to... it took like 2 hours to type out the convo probably.

I really like having long conversations over the same subject, especially if it's a bit more...emotional. Or personal. Or just something deep and thoughtful. I can't think of the right word to use here.