She's Like the Little Sister I Never Had

[Veyne]

There's this girl I've worked with for almost a year now. In fact, we were both hired on the exact same day, went through the company tour, and were in training for the same period of time. It's a relatively small company that doesn't hire a lot of people, and there's only 4 of us total (the other two had been with the company for a couple of years before we joined). Our training was pretty much a matter of the company giving us a basic run-down of what we're supposed to do and how we do it, and then several months of us working on our own to learn how to do it and practicing it. We had to rely on each other for problem solving when one of us couldn't figure something out.

So needless to say, we kind of clicked from the start.

I'm not going to lie, when I first met her, I definitely thought she was a hottie, and if we met randomly at a bar, I'd probably try and make a pass at her. But over the months of acquaintance, I've developed certain feelings for her.

No, no, don't worry, it's not what you think. This isn't one of those threads.

We had a little get together one night a couple weeks ago, she got a little drunk, and she started coming on to me. She started kissing me, and I went with it, but soon, she tried to escalate things.

I simply couldn't get into. I've grown too attached to her to think of her in a sexual manner. So I put a stopper on the whole situation.

Needless to say, she got a bit too drunk to drive home, so she stayed at my place, and we ended up passing out on my bed watching Netflix.

I know. Suuuuuuuuuuuuch an anticlimactic story. But oh well. It happens.

The next day, after she left, I spent a decent bit of time thinking about what went down, and why I couldn't pursue anything sexual with her that night, and it dawned on me.

Some how, I feel like she's become more of a little sister in my life.

We're both in our early-to-mid twenties, but she is a few years younger than me. She's a bit naive and gets reckless from time to time, and she has a habit of doing stupid things and getting herself stuck in stupid situations that really get on me nerves sometimes, but if someone ever hurt her in anyway, I'd really have to fight the urge to punch whoever did it in the throat.

Not looking for any kind of advice for the scenario. I don't believe any advice is needed. I'm just curious if any of you have ever felt the same way about someone in your lives?

[Osyrus]

Yes. I have a male friend that I love dearly but if he was the last guy on earth id find a vibrator.

My 'guy' has a chick that is the same to him.


So i totally understand. To me men and woman can be friends and nothing sexual has happened/will happen.

[Soisoisoi]

I've grown too attached to her to think of her in a sexual manner.

Yes. I have a male friend that I love dearly but if he was the last guy on earth id find a vibrator.

Just make sure you actually tell the person that, leading them on can create a big shitstorm.

[Shadowmeld]

Yeah it's totally fine, and good to get those feeling written down. Just make sure she doesn't get misled, and make sure you aren't avoiding any feelings because of some idea you feel needs to be fulfilled.

[Kalyyn]

Pretty sure that just about everyone in this thread is going to support your decision and tell you that it's okay to just be friends.

But I'm going to be different!

Okay, so let's just jot down the facts real quick so we know what we're working with. You consider this girl to be attractive. She makes you happy. She has feelings for you.

Now I realize that you've since stopped thinking of her in a sexual way. But if I were you, I'd try to get that back. People will tell you that there's a lot of fish in the sea, but what they don't tell you is that fishing is hard as fuck and that of the few you do catch, most of them will be shitty. If you have found a girl that makes your life better, and she wants to be with you, then do not let her go! I won't say that you'll never find somebody else like her, but the chances are slim.

Now I don't know how hard it is for you to pick up women. You may be up to your neck in them, for all I know. But that's not relevant. What matters is that for some reason, you find this woman to be remarkable. That's a very rare thing. What's more, she feels the same way about you. That happens so rarely that most people consider it grounds to get married. In fact, many people never find that kind of connection with somebody, which is why divorce is so common.

Maybe you can't return to that sort of mindset towards her. But you should at least try.

[Veyne]

To me men and woman can be friends and nothing sexual has happened/will happen.

I'd hope so. A vast majority of my friends are female, but I've never had this strange need to be overprotective of any of them before.

I feel like it's almost my job to keep her going straight. I've gone out of my way to make sure she didn't get caught doing something (intentionally or otherwise) that would've gotten her in trouble at our place of work. She does her work well now, but it took her longer to get the hang of things, and I'd go in and clean some stuff up for her after she was finished before passing it to our higher ups (amusingly, she's since gone on to do something slightly different, but she still occasionally has to do what we both used to when things get too piled up for those of us that still do it as our primary responsibility), and I've since become the go-to guy for the sort of thing I do, surpassing the other two guys that had been doing it for a couple years longer than I have.

I'll still send her a heads of message in chat when I know a higher-up's coming her way. She's a little too free with the youtubing and facebooking during work hours (still gets her shit done on time, though, and generally speaking, it's not a big deal what we do online as long as we meet our deadlines with quality work, but particularly when it comes to streaming video, they don't want us tying up unnecessary bandwidth while we're pushing preview and final products to our clients over FTP).

Yeah it's totally fine, and good to get those feeling written down. Just make sure she doesn't get misled, and make sure you aren't avoiding any feelings because of some idea you feel needs to be fulfilled.

I could be. Honestly, I've been detached from romantic feelings for well over 6 years now. I may be experience some that I just don't understand yet. We'll see how things pan out, I suppose.

Now I don't know how hard it is for you to pick up women. You may be up to your neck in them, for all I know. But that's not relevant. What matters is that for some reason, you find this woman to be remarkable. That's a very rare thing. What's more, she feels the same way about you. That happens so rarely that most people consider it grounds to get married. In fact, many people never find that kind of connection with somebody, which is why divorce is so common.

Maybe you can't return to that sort of mindset towards her. But you should at least try.

I never have much problem picking a woman up at a bar or something of the sort. I just don't do it often. I don't have much interest in it. After work, I usually just want to spend my time relaxing at home, so I don't go out often enough to meet a lot of women. I'm one of those rare creatures that social interaction comes completely naturally to (I've never understood the whole concept of social awkwardness. I feel most of it comes from people trying to hard), and whenever it happens it's a nice bonus, but I do just fine without it, and I rarely ever crave it.

But like I said previously, maybe it all really is the result of feelings I don't quite understand yet. I won't mislead, but we'll so how things end up. No clue what her plans are in life, but if either of us leave the company for whatever reason, I'll likely make more of an effort to spend time with her outside of work. I know I don't plan to be there for years to come (thinking really long and hard about joining the military, personally, to work with some kind of intelligence, and hopefully move on to the CIA or maybe some kind of private sector work in the field - weird aspirations, I know, but it's something that interests me, but I've still got a few good years left before it's too late to make that decision).

It's a relatively small company that doesn't hire a lot of people, and there's only 4 of us total that do what we do.

Left out some really important words in the original post. Whoops. It's a small company but not THAT small. XD

[Deleted]

I have a friend like that. We have an interesting relationship. We became really good friends, and I'll to this day protect her like, like you said, as a little sister, but in some periods we also slept together. It would stop whenever one of us got a girlfriend/boyfriend, at the moment we both have significant others so we're "just" friends at the moment.

Sex doesn't have to mean you can't be really good friends, nor does it have to mean that you are in a relationship with each other either. In some circumstances sex can take a friendship to a whole different level, where you get to know each other in a very different way.

It can also destroy your friendship, I've heard. Depends on who you are.

[GotMoxie]

The world needs more men like you, OP. Big time. I'd buy you a beer if I could.

[Kisho]

Yeah, I have a friend like that too. It's weird, because on paper she's exactly my type (redhead, singer, funny, intelligent, a bit eccentric in a good way, etc.)... But I just don't feel that way towards her. She's my best friend, that's all she'll ever be, and that's all I'll ever want. She is, indeed, like my little sister.

So yeah. Good on you for not wanting to jump on her the first chance you get.

[Letmesleep]

Yeah, I have a friend like that too. It's weird, because on paper she's exactly my type (redhead, singer, funny, intelligent, a bit eccentric in a good way, etc.)... But I just don't feel that way towards her. She's my best friend, that's all she'll ever be, and that's all I'll ever want. She is, indeed, like my little sister.

Sometimes you just don't have chemistry with someone. I've had someone who's my type chasing me forever but I just can't get into it. She looks almost identical to Carrie Underwood, is one of the sweetest, most selfless girls I know, would be a fantastic and nurturing mother, and is willing to watch anime. Seems like a winner, right? God, we have no chemistry. There is no spark; she doesn't excite me. She's very sexually appealing to me, but I just feel like I never see the real her. I've tried to make it work over and over but every time I leave her house I just think, "that's the last time I come over". She's perfect for someone, that much is for sure, she's just not perfect for me.

As for you, OP, it sound like you're still confused about how you feel about her. Just take it slow and don't feel obligated to get physical. Maybe with time it will become more clear, but don't force yourself to have sex with someone; I'm glad you declined on that offer since you weren't sure. Let things play out naturally, but since you've already crossed a physical barrier with her, I think it might be prudent to let her know you're feeling a bit ambivalent. It's clear that you care for her, but you're not sure in which way that is yet. As long as you make your current expectations for the relationship clear, she can mentally prepare herself for you possibly rejecting her. Just ease up and realize you don't have to rush a relationship. Neither of you do, actually.

[Anakso]

I have kind of the exact same situation with this girl at my work. We've worked together for two years now, she started just after me. She's a couple of years younger than me also, and just like you I thought she was pretty hot when I first saw her.

There is one big difference though, that means nothing you've experienced has ever or will ever be a problem for me. She's a lesbian. So same situation but with no issue at all about it escalating beyond friendship.

[Proskill]

friendzone

Infracted.

Post constructively please.

[Deleted]

OP, are you my clone? lol Seriously, had something very similar except she's older (yet still naive and getting into stupid situations because of it). We met during university, we were at same university.
Yet she didn't get so drunk to make a pass on me and I started actually liking her for good, which are the differences in my story to yours. But before that there was a quite long time when I saw her as a sister I always wanted but never had...

[Hyve]

*Manly handshake*

Well done. Most men would take advantage of her in that state, and you didn't. It might be something that could take off, but if you genuinely feel she is more of a friend then a partner, then keep it that way.

[Kerath]

I've adopted one of my little brother's best friends as the little sister I never had (she's such a sweetheart), and adopted most of his other close friends as my league of little brothers - but doesn't really have any relevance to your situation because I'm a straight female (and not into younger men)
I hope your situation comes to a good resolution - Letmesleep has offered you some sound advice (as usual), so I won't waste time basically repeating what he has said

[Kurioxan]

She's a bit naive and gets reckless from time to time, and she has a habit of doing stupid things and getting herself stuck in stupid situations that really get on me nerves sometimes

Every. Single. Girl. EVER.

Joking aside, yeah i understand, its perfectly normal, although she might start making friendzone comics on 9gag.
I have 3 such sisters myself, its releasing tbh, you know what is what so with all the possible sexual tension out of the way you do things most guys/girls dont with their gfs/bfs, its usually a really tight and close relationship, but nonsexual at all.

They are all hot tbh, but naaah, have my gf and wouldnt care for others, even if didnt, they are as sisters to me, seen them all naked as they saw me, we all snuggle time to time (not nearly as much as gf would have a conniption so out of respect)
But still watch movies together go out together and so forth.
Perfectly normal, i do think that some guys will go "omg you idiot" but rest assured, most of them hardly ever saw anything so they still think as teenagers do.
Sometimes, but just sometimes, i think i have a better relationship with them than i ever had with gf's.

[Deleted]

It's more common than you'd think.

[Kurioxan]

It's more common than you'd think.

Sadly very common among couples as well, they think they tick because of the first times, but then they... dont quite tick at all, sexual frustration comes after and cheating, so its one of those things you really shouldnt rush

[drwelfare]

I knew one like that, now years later I deeply regret not having taken things further. Now I don't have an option to and it bothers me everyday.
I finally was a real asshole to her so she stopped talking with me, I did this on purpose so I didn't have to talk with her and feel stressed.

[Trunksee]

I think a lot of us have been in a similar situation. I mean even so you made a good decsion because she was drunk. You really just proved yourself to her if she has genuine feelings for you not just horny drunk ones. Honestly id be surprised if things werent awkward at work though. If you plan to just be friends dont say a word about it imo. If shes still coming on to you you have a decsion to make though. Your better off letting it play out. To me it sounds like you have a fear of committment as you went along with it at first. You enjoyed it at first id assume then panicked. Either way smart choice as a first sexual encounter being a drunk one never turns out well.

---------- Post added 2012-12-31 at 09:36 AM ----------

I knew one like that, now years later I deeply regret not having taken things further. Now I don't have an option to and it bothers me everyday.
I finally was a real asshole to her so she stopped talking with me, I did this on purpose so I didn't have to talk with her and feel stressed.

After reading this post it brings up a lot a bad memories for me as i did the same. Im now married to another woman but there is always this thing in the back of your mind where you wonder where it might have gone. It took 5 years after the fact to start really looking back but as you get older you look back and wonder about past decsions. Dont let a good situation pass you by as it will haunt you for the rest of your life.