Another silly girl advice thread.

[Belize]

Man, we need a board dedicated to relationship advice...

OT: I'm sorry bro : / look at it this way, my best relationship lasted 4 months and she only did it because I was the first one to ever ask her out...

[Jayburner]

I hear these stories daily from my brother.

[Llunai]

I hear these stories daily from my brother.

It just goes to show that people need to learn when to quit. It's respectable that some people try to hold on no matter what (and, with how easily some people give up these days, very admirable indeed), but there comes a time when one needs to walk away. The OP is clearly there, as (I suspect) is your brother.

[Deleted]

Why does everyone suggest finding a new woman?
Getting over your ex by starting a new relationship is a terrible idea! It's probably the worst thing you could possibly do. That doesn't mean you can't go out and have some fun with other women, but starting a new relationship is a simply a really bad idea. First you need to accept that it's over. She clearly isn't fit for a true relationship and certainly not you. You should accept that fact and you should accept that you are never going to be back together again and you need to get over her. It's easier said than done, and those things take time. Focus your love on your daughter, not your ex.

Oh, and stay away from the pills, pills usually makes things worse and feed self pity.

[Orangelight]

Well that story made me really sad.

The only advice I could give, based on experiences I've been through, cheating once almost always leads in to more. It's shown to me that they can't control themselves or stay loyal for the relationship they're in. I've had it happen to me in my past two relationships and grown to simply move on from people who do that. It's left a few trust issues for future relationships, but I'm getting over it.

[Llunai]

Why does everyone suggest finding a new woman?
Getting over your ex by starting a new relationship is a terrible idea! It's probably the worst thing you could possibly do. That doesn't mean you can't go out and have some fun with other women, but starting a new relationship is a simply a really bad idea. First you need to accept that it's over. She clearly isn't fit for a true relationship and certainly not you. You should accept that fact and you should accept that you are never going to be back together again and you need to get over her. It's easier said than done, and those things take time. Focus your love on your daughter, not your ex.

Oh, and stay away from the pills, pills usually makes things worse and feed self pity.

They're thinking of the typical male urge to have rebound sex. Perhaps that would be helpful, but I don't think a new relationship would be. The OP needs to learn to live for himself (and for his daughter), excluding his ex as much as possible (physically and especially emotionally) from his life.

[starkey]

The first thing you have to do is make damn sure it's over for good. No matter what she says or does, no matter what your broken heart tells you to do, it has to be over. You have to be firm with yourself that it is no more. Put that chapter in your life behind you.

As for your visitations, obviously your daughter is important, and that means contact with the ex. For that, be polite. Be cordial. But do not be her friend. She has had such an incredibly negative impact on your life (I think you realize that but don't totally want to admit it to yourself, correct me if I am wrong), that you do not need that in a friendship. You also do not need all those negative feelings in a friendship. Yeah, you have to see her. Accept that. See her, be polite, don't be her friend, enjoy your time with your daughter. Consider passing on those "you and her and your daughter" activities. You might think that's healthy for your daughter, but I don't think it is.

Get out. Live your life. Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking she's controlling you (because that's what this has been about for a very long time - her manipulating and controlling your feelings).

Pretty much this, as long as she is on the scene you'll just still be the door mat

[Ragedaug]

I think it's really completely depressing when you hear stories about "oh we were together for 5+/10+ years and then poof". You'd think after all that time you'd know a person. Just makes a guy wary about relationships.

But he did know her. He chose to live in a false reality. She had already cheated on him multiple times. He was and always will be her backup plan, but he refuses to accept that.

As far as being wary of relationships, it's typically due to the person in the poisonous relationship refusing to remove the rose colored glasses. Every time I come across one of these, all of the person's closest friends and family have already warned them and told them it was a bad or failed relationship, but the person will not accept it, rather believing that everyone else is wrong and that "this relationship" is different. Best advise to take if you are wary of getting into new relationships is to be vigilant on keeping an open mind and listening and following the advise of friends and family who love you.

[skrump]

hate to say it but she cheated on you several times, she is a dishonest cunt, my suggestion is go buy a sack of weed to help with the depression and sit on the sideline until she falls flat on her face a few times and either tries to come crawling back or you are in the position to take custody of the child.

If I were you however and she tried to come crawling back at any point I dunno, sounded like a pretty good relationship from your description other than the fact she cheated, I myself don't tolerate such shit and find it unforgivable.

A Dna test to see if the kid is actually yours would also be a smart idea, Either way quit feeling sorry for yourself because this girl doesn't deserve that kind of power over you.

[Llunai]

Pretty much this, as long as she is on the scene you'll just still be the door mat

This is a very good way of putting it.

hate to say it but she cheated on you several times, she is a dishonest cunt, my suggestion is go buy a sack of weed to help with the depression and sit on the sideline until she falls flat on her face a few times and either tries to come crawling back or you are in the position to take custody of the child.

As much as I firmly believe that using ANY substances to help cope with what the OP is feeling is a terrible idea, if he has to use SOMETHING, weed is the better choice for sure.

[Ragedaug]

Why does everyone suggest finding a new woman?
Getting over your ex by starting a new relationship is a terrible idea! It's probably the worst thing you could possibly do. That doesn't mean you can't go out and have some fun with other women, but starting a new relationship is a simply a really bad idea.

I'm guessing that what you are suggesting is what they mean. The advice givers aren't saying "go out and start a new relationship", simply "find a new woman". In this case I tend to agree with it as it is probably the only thing that is going to get his mind off his x. The more important part however, it not to start a new relationship as he is recovering (as you say).

[Christan]

don't drink, don't take pills, move past the pain.
tbh it sounds like you need counseling, there's nothing bad about having someone to talk to, since you can't talk to her anymore.
cherish your daughter, you gave your heart to her mother, and she to you, though she is gone now, you still give all that love to your daughter, she doesn't deserve not having a father because she has a @%#@^#$ as a mother
whether you find another woman or not, or decide never to have a woman again, your daughter needs a father

[TheBeardedOne]

Get a dna test on "your" child just to make sure, only contact her with regards to the child you love, apart from discussing the child and doing things for the well being of it, do not contact her or spend any time with her

[Uennie]

The amount of times you took her back is staggering. I think you need to go to therapy there seems to be a lot of stuff you need to work out. No one here can help you more than a therapist can.

Aside from that, this is all being presented to your daughter as acceptable behaviour and I would be very worried about how her mother's behaviour is shaping the kind of woman she'll be. I'm not going to say "get full custody" because there are obviously some serious things wrong with you as well and I don't know if your daughter will be in any more of a stable environment than she is now.

Get help. REAL professional help.

[Karrmer]

I think it's really completely depressing when you hear stories about "oh we were together for 5+/10+ years and then poof". You'd think after all that time you'd know a person. Just makes a guy wary about relationships.

What you learn is that being with one person your entire life is kinda boring.

[Chingylol]

LAWYER UP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't stress this enough. Unmarried mothers are pretty much considered the prime holder of custody, and although it's sexist as hell, the law will hold her in favor regardless nless you have evidence of her suicide attempts/cheating. If there's any emails or ANYTHING of these events, SAVE THEM! You will NEED them. This women doesn't sound like a fit parent at all, and she's if she's vengeful you don't want her to have primary custody. Your daughter will grow up hating you if she's the type to put shit in her head.

Accept the fact she's destroyed your life aside from giving you a daughter.

[undethknight]

My 2 cents is to go nail some chicks. obviously this doesnt apply to you. this is more for alot of the misguided guys i see on these threads. i know people on this forum are "mature" but if you are 17-22 then wanting to get some pussy is normal. dont let people make you feel like your a scumbag or childish for wanting to go bang. thats COMPLETELY normal and natural and for the love of god go get good at it before you try to have a relationship. sex is a huge part of that and if you like a chick and you mess around and shes not into it you could lose her because you didnt know what to do. and if she breaks it off because you arent good at hooking up that doesnt mean shes a slut that means she wants a full and complete relationship.

[Natureseer]

you should have known she was trouble when she walked in

[raechuul]

I second the don't fall in love advice. I'm going through a rough patch as well. Don't go back to this girl. Keep it civil for the kid, but it's bad news.

[Hanyuu]

The first thing you have to do is make damn sure it's over for good. No matter what she says or does, no matter what your broken heart tells you to do, it has to be over. You have to be firm with yourself that it is no more. Put that chapter in your life behind you.

As for your visitations, obviously your daughter is important, and that means contact with the ex. For that, be polite. Be cordial. But do not be her friend. She has had such an incredibly negative impact on your life (I think you realize that but don't totally want to admit it to yourself, correct me if I am wrong), that you do not need that in a friendship. You also do not need all those negative feelings in a friendship. Yeah, you have to see her. Accept that. See her, be polite, don't be her friend, enjoy your time with your daughter. Consider passing on those "you and her and your daughter" activities. You might think that's healthy for your daughter, but I don't think it is.

Get out. Live your life. Don't give her the satisfaction of thinking she's controlling you (because that's what this has been about for a very long time - her manipulating and controlling your feelings).

I really agree with this poster; cordial but also keep your distance and guard up. You stand by your daughter, but for pete's sake, don't let the girl get at you again. She's already hurt your enough. Time really does heal wounds...or at least make them seem less important to you. She's already proven again and again, she'll hurt you without a second thought. You are nothing to her. You have to pull out of the tailspin and guide your life to a better place...and honestly, it sounds like any place would be better than where you are.

Figure out whatever your want to do with your own life. It could be something as silly as mmos or something other hobby from reading, to painting, to writing, to surfing.

I think it is okay...in a way to let someone get close enough to you so they can really hurt you. To close yourself up completely is to be among the walking dead. But by the same merit, you should never give anyone the opportunity to hurt you so bad twice. Just accept it and move on to better things.