Stephen Fry criticised for telling self-pitying abuse victims to 'grow up'

[Deleted]

I agree with him in the message, but the way he examplify it is stupid.
You cannot simply tell an abused child to "grow up".

So just because they're a victim of abuse, you can't tell them off when they're being absurd? I've been through cancer and worse and I don't go around bitching about cancer jokes or jokes about my Aspergers or my anxiety issues, because I'm not an insecure little butterfly.

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Being polite like grandma said to be is a very good strategy. Why offend people needlessly? And if you do offend people a lot they will tune you out and your words will be censored by them completely.

Save your outrage for a worthy cause, offend people then. Don't push buttons just because you can.

The thing is, it should be a PERSONAL choice whom or what you decide to listen or not listen to. It shouldn't be a blanket censor of everything.

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Bleh. Kill it with fire. Nuke it from orbit.

That's a grown woman dressing like a 14 year old. Who talks about moral superiority whilst professing to be a prostitute.
It would seem like she's just projecting her own insecurity.

[Barnabas]

Someone has a different opinion than me. So I'm going to demonize them instead of discussing the merits of putting warning labels on every piece of text. I think whoever wrote that article needs to grow up.

[Dezerte]

I agree that self-pity is useless and detrimental to yourself. But maybe the way he said it was a bit brash, but hardly noteworthy (perhaps one of the downsides of being famous is that your every word you speak or type can be dissected and used against you).

[Shadowferal]

Hmf...Some points I completely agree with, others, not..too much.

[Hawthorne Wipes]

So just because they're a victim of abuse, you can't tell them off when they're being absurd? I've been through cancer and worse and I don't go around bitching about cancer jokes or jokes about my Aspergers or my anxiety issues, because I'm not an insecure little butterfly.

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The thing is, it should be a PERSONAL choice whom or what you decide to listen or not listen to. It shouldn't be a blanket censor of everything.

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That's a grown woman dressing like a 14 year old. Who talks about moral superiority whilst professing to be a prostitute.
It would seem like she's just projecting her own insecurity.

Are you really reading?
im speaking about telling that to a child, not to a whining adult.
I completely agree that the self-pitiness Fry talks about its a big mistake in your way to be a healthy and mature person, but ffs, a child who got abused doesn't have yet the conciousness to discuss and understand the implications of his problem.
Telling just to "grown up" its gonna cause the same problems as giving him "safe spaces " for everything and stupid things like that.
One way you hide the problem.
The other, you don't let the kid advance.
The solution lies in a mid point.

[Fortydragon]

I agree with him in the message, but the way he examplify it is stupid.
You cannot simply tell an abused child to "grow up".

From what I read, he's not telling a child who was just abused "to grow up". He is saying that once you're an adult, no matter what might have happened to you as a child you have to be able to deal with it and not have trigger warnings over everything.

[Ryme]

That article was perhaps the most infuriating thing I've read all week. Every time Xarim, every time.

[tehealadin]

Or understand that, were we to find that there is a problem with the free market, our solution would be to help you be able to buy said house in London.
(which is what they do for people in London)
Which really screws her over, because the solution to the problem of not everyone being able to speak, is making everyone able to speak, not restricting the speech of those who 'can' -

Which she doesn't seem to grasp. Restricting what others can say will not give anyone else a voice. Even still, with or without a platform, she still has the right to speech. Everyone does. Just because few can/will listen doesn't alter the fact that she has that right. The same with property- whether or not she can afford London property is irrelevant to rights, she has the right, just not the means to exercise it. I think she is confusing rights and entitlements. And she does come across as entitled. Which links to Fry's point- entitlement, and people expecting their entitlements to be indulged, even if it isn't healthy, or at the expense of others.

[Deleted]

Thank fuck someone else has common sense.

I had to go to a victim support group recently due to what happened to me as a young child, and the amount of self pitying depressing twits in there was suffocating.

And to put things in perspective, I was molested multiple times from the age of 6-8 and don't really care much for it; It hasn't had much of an impact on me at all.

But some of the people there...

"My ex boyfriend shouted at me once and I have PTSD and need trigger warnings for loud noise"

Or the fact the other people there viewed me as completely damaged and needing of lifelong therapy and triggers...

When e counsellor started us doing a trigger warning list I just left.

[Katie N]

When e counsellor started us doing a trigger warning list I just left.

Trigger warning as in this from urbandictionary?

A phrase posted at the beginning of various posts, articles, or blogs. Its purpose is to warn weak minded people who are easily offended that they might find what is being posted offensive in some way due to its content, causing them to overreact or otherwise start acting like a dipshit. Popular on reddit SRS or other places that social justice warriors like to hang out.

Trigger warnings are unnecessary 100% of the time due to the fact that people who are easily offended have no business randomly browsing the internet anyways. As a result of the phrases irrelevance, most opinions that start out with this phrase tend to be simplistic and dull since they were made by people ridiculous enough to think that the internet is supposed to cater to people who can't take a joke.
Trigger warning: If you think this phrase needs to be posted before politically incorrect opinions, you don't belong on the internets.

That is so very cringe if they did that. xD

[zenkai]

Thank fuck someone else has common sense.

I had to go to a victim support group recently due to what happened to me as a young child, and the amount of self pitying depressing twits in there was suffocating.

And to put things in perspective, I was molested multiple times from the age of 6-8 and don't really care much for it; It hasn't had much of an impact on me at all.

But some of the people there...

"My ex boyfriend shouted at me once and I have PTSD and need trigger warnings for loud noise"

Or the fact the other people there viewed me as completely damaged and needing of lifelong therapy and triggers...

When e counsellor started us doing a trigger warning list I just left.

I know someone who always plays the victim to have people feel sorry for her, she will even make up stories just to have a people feel sorry for her, she loves the attention. I think it's how some people think it's the only way they can be loved, they should get a dog instead.


Sorry to hear about what happened to you as a child but happy to hear you have turned it into a strength.

[Deleted]

I agree with the sentiment, but people can't simply "grow up".

[Aeula]

Fry is right, 100%. Abuse victims should all grow the fuck up instead of trying to live in some little bubble world.

[Deleted]

Trigger warning as in this from urbandictionary?

A phrase posted at the beginning of various posts, articles, or blogs. Its purpose is to warn weak minded people who are easily offended that they might find what is being posted offensive in some way due to its content, causing them to overreact or otherwise start acting like a dipshit. Popular on reddit SRS or other places that social justice warriors like to hang out.

Trigger warnings are unnecessary 100% of the time due to the fact that people who are easily offended have no business randomly browsing the internet anyways. As a result of the phrases irrelevance, most opinions that start out with this phrase tend to be simplistic and dull since they were made by people ridiculous enough to think that the internet is supposed to cater to people who can't take a joke.
Trigger warning: If you think this phrase needs to be posted before politically incorrect opinions, you don't belong on the internets.

That is so very cringe if they did that. xD

Yep :P

I felt like clawing my eyeballs out and I only went to two sessions...

We pretty much sat down and turned whatever situation we were discussing (social, event, normal day to day life) and put a potential list of triggers that could "set us off".

[Katie N]

Yep :P

I felt like clawing my eyeballs out and I only went to two sessions...

We pretty much sat down and turned whatever situation we were discussing (social, event, normal day to day life) and put a potential list of triggers that could "set us off".

What were the most stupid triggers? xD

[Svad]

That woman in the picture below, is that a transgender or waht?

[Simulacrum]

Are you really reading?
im speaking about telling that to a child, not to a whining adult.
...

I don't think Fry is talking about children, dude.

[Deleted]

I know someone who always plays the victim to have people feel sorry for her, she will even make up stories just to have a people feel sorry for her, she loves the attention. I think it's how some people think it's the only way they can be loved, they should get a dog instead.


Sorry to hear about what happened to you as a child but happy to hear you have turned it into a strength.

I know the exact type of person you're talking about.

It drives me up the wall they exist, but also makes me genuinely pity them if they need such a high level of validation and attention (Note girlfriends don't count they're special...)

And cheers I guess, I've never felt like a genuine victim of it and apart from me and my mother acknowledging it happened that's the limit of my introspection for it.

Plus I get to make some zingers about child molesters and when people get mad I can go "Relax I was diddled as a kid I can joke about this!"

[Simulacrum]

We pretty much sat down and turned whatever situation we were discussing (social, event, normal day to day life) and put a potential list of triggers that could "set us off".

That sounds a lot like the opposite of what people would associate with cultivating mental health.

[Barnabas]

Yep :P

I felt like clawing my eyeballs out and I only went to two sessions...

We pretty much sat down and turned whatever situation we were discussing (social, event, normal day to day life) and put a potential list of triggers that could "set us off".

That definitely sounds like western medicine psychology to me. I think the problem lies within the rhetoric of the science itself.