Stephen Fry criticised for telling self-pitying abuse victims to 'grow up'

[Deleted]

What were the most stupid triggers? xD

If a man is taller than her she needs to cross to the other side of the road or els she'll have a panic attack.

Another one couldn't handle meat or even look at it and any talk of red meats would make her start fake hyper ventilating.

Hmmm what else...

Oh yeah another one needed to be forewarned if lots of fruit was going to be served at our session she was "force fed" grapes or something like that when younger.

It sounds like I'm making it up but I wish I was

[Yarathir]

I agree that it's not good to let victims wallow in their self-pity, or worse yet - exacerbate it by reaffirming or validating their fears and inability to move on.

The most positive possible thing that can be done after a traumatic experience is "getting over it". It may be hard - no - it is hard, and it might lead to a lot of pain and anxiety at first.

But it's better in the long run. If you let it define you, you're done for. You're marked for life and you'll have given your all to the perpetrator. It will lead you down a spiral of self-loathing, depression and fear. It might make a bunch of morelly devoid pissants feel great to shelter you and tell you "Yes, you're a poor victim, but we will protect you from anything that might hurt you.", but it will only hurt you, and you will get caught up in your own trauma.

That said, it's a lot harder than just "growing up.", so I think the answer lies somewhere in the middle.

What were the most stupid triggers? xD

I think some here might be quite headdesk-worthy.

[Katie N]

If a man is taller than her she needs to cross to the other side of the road or els she'll have a panic attack.

Another one couldn't handle meat or even look at it and any talk of red meats would make her start fake hyper ventilating.

Hmmm what else...

Oh yeah another one needed to be forewarned if lots of fruit was going to be served at our session she was "force fed" grapes or something like that when younger.

It sounds like I'm making it up but I wish I was

I would start laughing, did you have problems not laughing? xD

[Deleted]

I don't see why there has been such a backlash over trigger warnings. Like I get the annoyance at trigger warnings being expected for everything (trigger warning: celery) but the perception that PC culture does that is - so far as I can tell - a strawman by anti-pcs. I've only ever seen trigger warnings for topics like rape, abuse, violence and those are things which can genuinely trigger PTSD in many people. It takes literally no effort to put a little warning on your work saying that it may contain disturbing content so what reason is there to not accommodate abuse victims? Don't we already have "trigger warnings" in the form of parental advisory warnings?

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I agree with the sentiment, but people can't simply "grow up".

Well yeah they can. Its really a personal choice.

[Deleted]

That sounds a lot like the opposite of what people would associate with cultivating mental health.

It was just a giant circle jerk about how we're all delicate little snowflakes.

But I believe the exercise was underneath something like "understanding and acceptance; identifying xxx" I might have the leaflet in my room still from it somewhere.

[Barnabas]

If a man is taller than her she needs to cross to the other side of the road or els she'll have a panic attack.

Another one couldn't handle meat or even look at it and any talk of red meats would make her start fake hyper ventilating.

Hmmm what else...

Oh yeah another one needed to be forewarned if lots of fruit was going to be served at our session she was "force fed" grapes or something like that when younger.

It sounds like I'm making it up but I wish I was

Yet these people aren't taught to overcome these fears?

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I don't see why there has been such a backlash over trigger warnings. Like I get the annoyance at trigger warnings being expected for everything (trigger warning: celery) but the perception that PC culture does that is - so far as I can tell - a strawman by anti-pcs. I've only ever seen trigger warnings for topics like rape, abuse, violence and those are things which can genuinely trigger PTSD in many people. It takes literally no effort to put a little warning on your work saying that it may contain disturbing content so what reason is there to not accommodate abuse victims? Don't we already have "trigger warnings" in the form of parental advisory warnings?

Ehh, I don't think parental advisory warnings are anywhere near the same as trigger warnings. I would think more so your parents know whether they should buy a Cd with that warning or not. Mainly since music doesn't have the same ESRB ratings as games/movies do..

[tehealadin]

From an educational point of view, I am not wholly against trigger warning/safe space culture. What I am against is going overboard with it.

For example, I am a teacher, and I used to teach PSE. We will cover topics that might be uneasy for some people. For example, we were looking at drugs. One boy had got taken away from his parents because they were junkies, and he was born with heroin in his system. Do we stay clear of drugs, to avoid upsetting him? No. We have a duty to inform people, and the others have a right to know, and be educated, and that takes precedence over his feelings. It wouldn't be reasonable to avoid it altogether. Now, he didn't make any issue over it, just to clarify. We will also talk about sex and consent. We can't not talk about these things for fear of upsetting someone, it is too important. On some topics, I will start by saying "Look, some of this might be upsetting, if you need a time out, let me know, and you can", I think that is reasonable, but I will not avoid the topic out of fear of upsetting people, that isn't reasonable, we have a duty to inform and educate on these topics.

Now, when it comes to literature and English, and you are going to be working on a particular book which contains some unsettling things, say abuse, and you know a pupil has been abused, I don't think that it is unreasonable to look for alternatives. If you don't know if anyone has been abused, then, I don't think it is reasonable to look to change things. If you are studying law, and rape comes up, they can't avoid rape just because someone was raped- they need to talk about it.

It is about balancing what is reasonable and what isn't. Telling people not to clap, and use jazz hands instead, I think this is unreasonable. I need to find the link for it, I read of students complaining in the US about rape being talked about in a law class, this is unreasonable. Putting warnings on things, and allowing people to leave, I don't find this to be unreasonable, however once you reach college/university age, and you are studying a course that will cover nasty subjects, you know what you are getting in for, if a lecturer forgets a trigger warning and the lecture is titled "Rape", it isn't reasonable to start complaining, or start a hash tag campaign to get them sacked. This is immaturity, and you shouldn't be on that course. What Fry is getting at is the indulgence of unreasonable adjustments, which is infantile.

And I am not surprised to see the regressive author focus more on his skin colour and sex, than his actual arguments. It is never ok to simply dismiss someone, or attack someone, because of their skin colour and sex. I hate when these people are indulged, and their bigotry not called out, just accepted as being ok. Sure, the harm might not be on the same scale as not letting women vote, but you either support the principle that you don't judge someone by their sex/skin colour, or you don't.

[Deleted]

I would start laughing, did you have problems not laughing? xD

It was bloody hard I'll say...

My sense of humour is quite dark so when you have 15 people in a room spouting how they're broken for life and need a trigger warning in case we had meat in the room...

I sometimes wish I did just say something or burst out laughing :P

My care coordinator wouldnt of been a happy bunny if I did though... I already annoyed him slightly by not responding to cbt or dbt therapies.

[Kuntantee]

This guy is wasting breath... Pseudo intellectual, 2nd class artist and simply talks too much.

[Deleted]

Yet these people aren't taught to overcome these fears?

If I remember correctly in the second session we talked about being comfortable and acclimatising to our "Illnesses" I didn't go back for anymore after that.

But classical things like facing the fear and whatnot wasn't discussed when I was there.

[Deleted]

Pear is an anagram of rape, therefore some people get triggered by seeing pears in the supermarket, they have to be banned.

[Barnabas]

If I remember correctly in the second session we talked about being comfortable and acclimatising to our "Illnesses" I didn't go back for anymore after that.

But classical things like facing the fear and whatnot wasn't discussed when I was there.

Then we end up with broken people that are never healed and this is the end result.

[Deleted]

Ehh, I don't think parental advisory warnings are anywhere near the same as trigger warnings. I would think more so your parents know whether they should buy a Cd with that warning or not. Mainly since music doesn't have the same ESRB ratings as games/movies do..

Well what's the difference? They're both just labels regarding the content. Just one is in regards to age, the other is in regards to potential PTSD sufferers. Why the resistance? Obviously you can't label every possible thing that one might be triggered by but you can cover the basics pretty easily. What's the harm?

[Katie N]

If I remember correctly in the second session we talked about being comfortable and acclimatising to our "Illnesses" I didn't go back for anymore after that.

But classical things like facing the fear and whatnot wasn't discussed when I was there.

That sounds like not much of a good thing to get rid of your problems.

- - - Updated - - -

Well what's the difference? They're both just labels regarding the content. Just one is in regards to age, the other is in regards to potential PTSD sufferers. Why the resistance? Obviously you can't label every possible thing that one might be triggered by but you can cover the basics pretty easily. What's the harm?

Make mentally fragile people that can't deal with life is a good idea to you?

[Deleted]

This reminds me why people including celebrities spend too much time online

[The One Percent]

Bubble wrap everything.

[tehealadin]

Well what's the difference? They're both just labels regarding the content. Just one is in regards to age, the other is in regards to potential PTSD sufferers. Why the resistance? Obviously you can't label every possible thing that one might be triggered by but you can cover the basics pretty easily. What's the harm?

There isn't, not really. I think it is when people start complaining when one wasn't present, and the topic of discussion was, lets say, abuse, if you make it to college and don't know that abuse will cover unpleasant things, that is a problem with you and I don't think it is reasonable to start bitching if one wasn't present, as the nature of the topic comes with unpleasantness. Or banning clapping for fear of triggering people, this isn't reasonable. Not saying that this is widespread, but there are people who are looking for ways to be victims, or enhance their victim status, or virtue signal, and make unreasonable demands.

It is like with many good ideas, some people take it too far and become unreasonable with it.

[Deleted]

Bubble wrap everything.

...That's my trigger

The sound of the popping sets my fake ptsd off.