"The Lost Boys" – young men opt for virtual life of pornography and gaming

[Jotaux]

No, not whose partner, but whose wife, plus it is a derogatory term coming from presumption that all relationships are monogamous in nature and that any sex with a non-spouse is cheating. In a polygamous relationship you do not "cheat" pretty much by definition, so this word is out of place and is just used for flaming.

For cuckhold husbands its not cheating either. It's literally the name of the fetish. It's you that are applying a derogatory meaning to it, insulting those that may like it.

[Greelix]

I think the issue has a bit more than just how people fap to it. I think part of the problem is that less than half of the population grows up in a traditional family where there is a stable relationship and a role model of both genders. Since kids are exposed at a young age to a failing relationship and the problems it causes I can see why many would turn away from it later in life, especially men who have to fear losing a lot of their stuff in divorce court. And thus, the no risk, instant gratification of porn because much more inviting.

And of course this, very much this:

Divorce rates are heavily scewed when applied directly to the population. 50% of all marriages may end in divorce but that number includes every person that gets married multiple times. My wife's aunt only has 7 under her belt and working on another.

[unfilteredJW]

For cuckhold husbands its not cheating either. It's literally the name of the fetish. It's you that are applying a derogatory meaning to it, insulting those that may like it.

That's more along the lines of how it's used on this forum, derogatory.

[May90]

For cuckhold husbands its not cheating either. It's literally the name of the fetish. It's you that are applying a derogatory meaning to it, insulting those that may like it.

So you know that it is the name of the fetish. If so, you probably also know the psychological reasons behind this fetish - that have nothing to do with what polygamy is about.

Calling someone a cuckold is like calling someone a nigger. Walk up to a black person on the streets, tell them, "Hi nigger", and when they react, say, "But you are a nigger by definition!". Let me know how it goes - if the hospital has WiFi available.

[Cthulhu 2020]

On the contrary, you seem the type of optimism that is exceptionally naive and isn't realistic at all.

Eventually you will learn, young one.

The vast majority of human seem to be doing just fine pairing up into couples without the woman taking everything after a couple of years.

It's like saying "Don't go outside, people get struck by lightning out there!"

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It's called self-esteem

Narcissism is believing others should also feel as good about you as you do

As you can probably tell, I don't really care about that

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

Can't find anything in there about it being how others feel about you.

Closest thing is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is the overwhelming need to have others admire you, but that still stems from an overly inflated sense of self worth.

[Deleted]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissism

Can't find anything in there about it being how others feel about you.

Closest thing is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is the overwhelming need to have others admire you, but that still stems from an overly inflated sense of self worth.

Fair enough, I've been out-wikipedia'ed

[Celista]

Psh I judge people based on how many partners they have had, if it's too many they are disqualified from dating me.

[Selah]

I wonder what kind of parents these boys in the study had.

[Deleted]

Psh I judge people based on how many partners they have had, if it's too many they are disqualified from dating me.

Slut-shaming at its finest

[May90]

Psh I judge people based on how many partners they have had, if it's too many they are disqualified from dating me.

Well, I have to admit... If someone turns out to have had 7 billion partners, then I might become a little bit concerned, thinking about the age composition of that group!

[Kourvith]

I see the typical woman hating squad has gathered. Some of you need a reality check with your bitterness and depressions.

For real, in the last couple of years I went from 1 friend having a bad time with women to ALL my male friends. All of them, no exception. Some of them even had absolutely no problem with girls, pretty handsome guys, couple material, then turned to a living hell on trying to get the leastest consistent attention. They're all representing a wide age range (25-35), and most of them have reached a point where either they reject the whole concept of even trying, either take refuge in what this topic is mentionning : games & porn. Two of them are going into a severe social depression. One of them has turned towards the most twisted ways of maintaining some sort of dating life I've ever heard. I have to be there, trying to find the right words so they get better, but I can't see how whenever it deals with dating.

I also keep reading random bitter comments on any facebook article mentionning love, dating, or even social medias in general. There *is* a problem. Whatever it is, there is one. Of course some men will jump on the trend to spill all their past bitters on it, but there's also a part of legitimacy that we should consider for others.

Now the question remains ... why, how ?

[May90]

For real, in the last couple of years I went from 1 friend having a bad time with women to ALL my male friends. All of them, no exception. Some of them even had absolutely no problem with girls, pretty handsome guys, then turned to a living hell on trying to get the leastest consistent attention. They're from all representing a wide age range (25-35), and most of them have reached a point where either they reject the whole concept of even trying, either take refuge in what this topic is mentionning : games & porn.

I also keep reading random bitter comments on any facebook article mentionning love, dating, or even social medias in general. There *is* a problem. Whatever it is, there is one. Of course some men will jump on the trend to spill all their past bitters on it, but there's also a part of legitimacy that we should consider for others.

Now the question remains ... why, how ?

Strange... Nothing like that among my friends, at all. One of my best friends just got engaged, another one is now with a child... I literally don't remember anyone, neither guys nor girls, complaining about the hardships of dating.

Yet, in the Internet, so many people, both guys and girls, are crying and complaining. Perhaps, the problem lays not in the people, but in those of them most prone to cling to the Internet?

[May90]

Yes, because clearly all relationship woes didn't exist until the internet. :|

My point is, perhaps those people are minority, but in the past, when there was no Internet, they couldn't be as vocal as nowadays, and so weren't as noticeable? Internet has this strange property of making small groups with problems or causing problems look like large groups, because they stand out way more, due to the way they deliver their messages.

[Kourvith]

In fairness, women experience the same negative things in relationships and go on the same self-imposed "dry spells" because of bad experiences.

Society just tends to not make as big of a deal out of it when they do it because their traditional gender role is to be selective and whatever to begin with. When men do it, we're failing our most important job or something silly like that.

That's an interesting point of view, could explain why men get it so harder when they fail. But on the other hand, rejection has happened since forever, for different reasons, so why is there now a convergence towards a particular type of failure ? (which is not even rejection, just a greater lack of consistent affect, or even caring at all)

Strange... Nothing like that among my friends, at all. One of my best friends just got engaged, another one is now with a child... I literally don't remember anyone, neither guys nor girls, complaining about the hardships of dating.

Yet, in the Internet, so many people, both guys and girls, are crying and complaining. Perhaps, the problem lays not in the people, but in those of them most prone to cling to the Internet?

It seems like big cities are the main target, I also have great, simple af stories, but they're never in Paris. About the internet that's what I thought aswell for a time, until it happened to my real life friends. The OP article also points at a sociological trend that may not be entirely tied to internet relations. Also a relation (therefore its delusions) always takes place in real life, so ...

Now where you got a point is how internet has taken over real life in choosing a potential mate. Which makes me realize that all those RL friends failures were with people met on the net first (not on dating sites though). Is internet simply not fit to meet the right person ?

p.s : really nice post, may90. There is indeed some truth in it. Meanwhile, everything tells me that your mindset should be the best one to attract your type, but it seems like not yet. Which sends me back to the pit of my former social interrogations

[May90]

It seems like big cities are the main target, I also have great, simple af stories, but they're never in Paris. About the internet that's what I thought aswell for a time, until it happened to my real life friends. The OP article also points at a sociological trend that may not be entirely tied to internet relations. Also a relation (therefore its delusions) always takes place in real life, so ...

Now where you got a point is how internet has taken over real life in choosing a potential mate. Which makes me realize that all those RL friends failures were with people met on the net first (not on dating sites though). Is internet simply not fit to meet the right person ?

Hmm, I suppose something like this might be taking place. As many people pointed out in the thread, traditional values are slowly being left in the past, and it is bound to cause some problems in the process.

Regarding Internet as a dating place... It is weird. You absolutely can find the right person online, and I know quite a few people who did - he-h, some people actually found each other on these forums alone. It is just that, since socialization happens from beyond the screens and is, for the most part, anonymous, this process strongly differs from how people do it in the real life. Easy to get no the wrong person, that seems awesome at the first glance, but has some hidden quality that might be a deal breaker for you later, when you learned of it... Scammers or just dishonest people are present in large numbers, too. As long as you are smart about it, you totally can find a great match, although it might take some time, possibly more time than in real life - depending on where and how you live.

[Jotaux]

Calling someone a cuckold is like calling someone a nigger. Walk up to a black person on the streets, tell them, "Hi nigger", and when they react, say, "But you are a nigger by definition!". Let me know how it goes - if the hospital has WiFi available.

Why do you automatically assume a black person would resort to violence?

[May90]

Why do you automatically assume a black person would resort to violence?

Because I was making a joke. You people are way too sensitive!

[Kraenen]

Because I was making a joke. You people are way too sensitive!

Check your privilege, May90.

[May90]

Check your privilege, May90.

Just checked... I think I am hopeless! I need to do something about it.

[Kourvith]

Hmm, I suppose something like this might be taking place. As many people pointed out in the thread, traditional values are slowly being left in the past, and it is bound to cause some problems in the process.

Regarding Internet as a dating place... It is weird. You absolutely can find the right person online, and I know quite a few people who did - he-h, some people actually found each other on these forums alone. It is just that, since socialization happens from beyond the screens and is, for the most part, anonymous, this process strongly differs from how people do it in the real life. Easy to get no the wrong person, that seems awesome at the first glance, but has some hidden quality that might be a deal breaker for you later, when you learned of it... Scammers or just dishonest people are present in large numbers, too. As long as you are smart about it, you totally can find a great match, although it might take some time, possibly more time than in real life - depending on where and how you live.

While I welcome such suggestions, they are essentially driven by hope Hope can help maintain a certain form of happiness, health, and I hear and agree with you on evrything you said. Although there's this point where there's too much rely on hope, and the reward feels too thin compared to the amount of efforts. At first you tell to yourself, "well, it's just not my place". Then comes another place where it's not your place. And one day you realize that the place where you should feel comfortable still doesn't exist. That's when questions start to kick in. Or when some other bunch of people start to rant about society

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Long post, but it might be interesting for anyone who's digging the debate.

As an illustration to where I feel there's a growing problem, I saw a V-blog yesterday. A simple video, where a girl was talking about her experience on Tinder. Generally she was telling how you *could* find love on such a site, as she did, but at one point she told this :

« The thing that emanates from all this is that it is very complicated to find a certain feeling with people, in the sense that I got along well with everyone. So there is a moment, you think in the end, it can not be a criterion. »

And this is the true problem I'm trying to put a finger on.
The problem though I think is not dating sites, but the thing they just revealed. They allowed to demonstrate how the abundance of choice can become a demystification of the traditional adage : "Love, my son / daughter, is to meet this unique, special person in your eyes." Certainly, if he had been told the contrary, doubt would have kicked in : if "I" don't seek the gem, and that "she / he" does not either, it would mean that we're all replaceable? That anyone could just screw us up? How to trust "him/her" if "I" am not special ?

My point :

Like any technology, online dating sites have automated this concept by offering higher performance. What could be more perfect to meet the old saying ? What more attractive idea that accessibility to this gem, away from the daily déjà vu ? The words of our parents eventually became those of entrepreneurs, turning hope into a turn-key proposal. The practice eventually entered the customs, the marriage of automation and sentiment continued to seduce but never questionned the rare pearl principle, all while opening an ocean of choice. And as automation goes equally well with time, they had a beautiful baby : the routine. The original concept was so well-known that it was set aside, always offering more efficiency, transforming social dynamics into simple logic : acceleration of the selection process, desecration of dialogue, crush based criterias, narrowing the meeting into simple pictures, easier to judge.
Tinder was born.

And entrepreneurship had succeeded to capitalize on the sacrosanct adage, by simply making it more difficult to achieve ... by offering us an ocean of potential gems.

There is no less love, less authenticity, there is just more choice. And it's a sudden change that society takes a long time to digest.

Like Tinder, Paris counts 50% single. Guys moaning their dates come useless, women moaning they never fall on good people, everybody "dreaming of finding the gem but it's complicated," yet when I go out ... All I see is people who get along well with everyone. Curiously, when you ask the most enduring couples why they love each other, they'll never mention a crush, but simply how they get along well. "So there is a moment, you think in the end, ..." that it must remain a criterion. And the only criterion. The time for "small communities" is gone (at least in large cities), so I think the answer will be found in everyone's ability to simply make a choice, because yes, we are all potentially replaceable initially. "But mom you told me that he / she had to be special !" Yes, he / she will be, if we are intelligent enough to understand that the difference we're searching for will grow with confidence in each other, and to be present, rather than seeking to bring ocean bottled. Which is opposite to what current society is trying hard to make us do. Somehow, it is perhaps the irony in dating sites, and even on a larger scale in social media : by wanting to feed us virtual choices, they will eventually make us prefer the real intimacy.

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I posted this on my fb newsfeed as a reaction to more and more friends starting to feel lost, without expecting a reaction, or even anyone to read till the end. To my big surprise, it was welcomed with a lot of agreement, long texts about how they felt the same. Guess what ? most of them were women