Roommate is cheating with a married man; none of my business?

[Rooflesstoofless]

Well, in all fairness it is about "Should I make it my business" - not about "Do you think she is morally questionable and / or a slut". So you are already getting further than what Celista asked...but only as far as judging the girl.

Are you triggered or something? I already answered the question of 'should I make it my business' in my first post to the thread. Anything beyond that was commentary on the PC use of the word 'poly'. The world is full of sluts and it's ok that her roommate is one as well.

[Celista]

Is he spending his wife's money on your room mate? Very likely situation. Is that one of the main reasons your room mate likes him so much? Is it a reason she wants to move into a bigger place?

I didn't think about this but actually this may very well be the case. She constantly asks one of her other exes for money (he's moving back up here from SF; he works in tech), and is always asking people to help her out in various ways.

I find it strange as I've never had cause to ask for money from anyone ever, I've been self-sufficient since high school.

You gave me something else to think about. Thanks for the advice

[Deleted]

TL, DR: see thread title.
TL, DR2: yes it's another of Celista's "blog posts", if you don't have anything constructive to say then you don't need to comment.

So you mean constructive is something that you feel you want to hear? I'm sorry, thats not how it works. This kind of thread, when you already know its none of your business to interfere in other peoples' affairs, is made only for attention. And yeah, saying that is constructive.

What they do is really not your concern. Only reason to involve yourself in the situation is to have power over the course of other peoples' lives - if you meddle, you won't be doing it for "good" reasons, only because meddling is fun. Trust me, I know, it is damn fun. But I doubt it would be worth it.

[Inay]

This really is pretty ridiculous. It's one thing to tolerate a friend's flaws, it's another altogether to shrug and say, "hey, I can't judge". Sure I can! And shit, if I were engaging in self-destructive behavior, I would want my friends to judge a little and point it out to me instead of fastidiously avoiding judgment.

My point was that it wouldn't affect to my living arrangements. Of course I would say my opinions if we would talk about cheating but that wouldn't make me get another roommate or apartment if everything else is all good. Sorry my outcome was a bit misleading.

[Celista]

So you mean constructive is something that you feel you want to hear? I'm sorry, thats not how it works. This kind of thread, when you already know its none of your business to interfere in other peoples' affairs, is made only for attention. And yeah, saying that is constructive.

The TL,DR:2 is because of the "why do you post this stuff in a gaming forum" comments I've gotten in previous threads. Yes it's a gaming forum; I post in the OT forums.

[Talgriv]

Really, I'd say to just be honest with the roommate. Not brutally so, but just sitting down for a one-on-one talk, identifying your concerns. Let her know your point of view -- you're concerned for both her and yourself, as it seems the wife of the man does not approve of it, and people can do some very irrational things when they get hurt, emotionally; the last thing you want is the wife tracking him to your place, showing up, and causing a scene. Put it kindly, in a way that she's able to understand where you're coming from, but mostly just let her know your feelings on the potential dangers in the situation. Don't tell her what to do (i.e. "end that relationship or I'm going to find another roommate") as that will only complicate things between you and her -- just let her know you're concerned, and while it is her decision to make on seeing the guy, to just be careful.

As for contacting the wife? I wouldn't, simply because I feel like that would be overstepping boundaries way too much - I probably wouldn't even have a chat with the roommate, myself, I care about other people's involvements in things so little, but I can understand where one would be concerned with the entire situation. In the end, though, think about the consequences of both actions, and which you would regret more, later on in life: not telling the wife (regretting it for moral reasons), or ending a good friendship over something like that. A 'best of both worlds' option would be to try to convince the roommate to stop, however that's a decision that she has to come to, it can't be forced on her. If you can help her come to that decision, I suppose you could try going for it, but just be careful in the way you word things, so they're not taken incorrectly.

[Malachi256]

Behaviors are contagious - I wouldn't associate with a person like that, let alone live with them.

[Torgent]

The TL,DR:2 is because of the "why do you post this stuff in a gaming forum" comments I've gotten in previous threads. Yes it's a gaming forum; I post in the OT forums.

Fine, I'll be your roommate Celista, stop begging. I promise to not drag married men into the apartment.

[Celista]

Fine, I'll be your roommate Celista, stop begging. I promise to not drag married men into the apartment.

Haha okay. That was easy <3

[Oneirophobia]

I didn't think about this but actually this may very well be the case. She constantly asks one of her other exes for money (he's moving back up here from SF; he works in tech), and is always asking people to help her out in various ways.

Oh god. Be careful.

I find it strange as I've never had cause to ask for money from anyone ever, I've been self-sufficient since high school.

You gave me something else to think about. Thanks for the advice

Any time!

[Fenixdown]

Stay out of it. Don't start none, won't be none.

[D3thray]

It is none of your business as many others have said, but you also deserve to feel comfortable in your own home. If it's not something you feel you can live with, I would talk to your roommate. Share how you feel and maybe ask she be more discreet. It's an accommodation for you to be sure but given the situation I don't think it's unreasonable. All relationships are give and take and you've given plenty of your patience toward the matter it seems. A little give on her part is fair.

[Celista]

Oh god. Be careful.

She's a really nice person! I have to emphasize that she's never asked for anything from me financially. But I will be

[Jotaux]

She's a really nice person! I have to emphasize that she's never asked for anything from me financially. But I will be

Really nice people don't sleep with married men, just saying.

[Celista]

Really nice people don't sleep with married men, just saying.

Well she and I definitely have different value systems, that is for sure.

[Hodacia]

You call him a slut too, quite simple really. I mean I know I myself have been a whore, and I won't deny it. Best I can do is accept it and move on or change it if I don't like the connotation. Now sure you can argue that they shouldn't have to change to fit other people's thought, but guess what the people labeling shouldn't have to change because of someone's thoughts either if you wanna go that argument. "Oh but their feelings were hurt. People shouldn't be mean, etc etc." Fact is you're gonna run into someone in life that disagrees with you or says something you don't like. So either learn to accept yourself as yourself and not care what others think or well you're in for a rude awakening in this thing called life.

Yes you should call him a slut to if you have the need to point out that she´s one. The thing that irritated me was, well noone did, all namecalling such as whore/slut was pointed to the roommate. And good for you being able to call yourself a former whore, but it doesnt work just as easy for a girl to do that, and we both know that. Thats a problem, 2016, in my opinion. But thanks for the warning, I will watch out for that thing called life.

[Qlix]

Really nice people don't knowingly sleep with married men, just saying.

fix'd lol but truth.

[Jotaux]

fix'd lol but truth.

Well I didn't want to add a whole bunch of conditions like sleeping with a married man with permission from his spouse or w/e other situation that would make it acceptable :P

[Annoying]

Well I didn't want to add a whole bunch of conditions like sleeping with a married man with permission from his spouse or w/e other situation that would make it acceptable :P

Nah, plenty of nice people sleep with married men. However, married men who sleep with people they aren't married to would fit the bill.

[Jotaux]

Nah, plenty of nice people sleep with married men. However, married men who sleep with people they aren't married to would fit the bill.

I don't think a nice person would help a husband do that to their spouse.