Roommate is cheating with a married man; none of my business?

[Qlix]

I don't think a nice person would help a husband do that to their spouse.

Hes talking about the "nice people" the husbands are married to haha

[Aori]

She is literally bringing trouble into your home, I believe it is your business to some degree. This can cause a great deal of trouble for you as well, you're involved the moment your roommate started bringing the guy into your home.

I honestly can't stomach that shit. If someone was doing it under my roof, I'd probably have to have words.

[Jotaux]

Hes talking about the "nice people" the husbands are married to haha

At this rate my simple statement of "Really nice people don't sleep with married men" is going to need to be a paragraph long to accommodate all the conditions where they do.

[Mistame]

Sorry, to be clear she is polyamorous.

Then she doesn't "identify" as it because it's not a gender.

Your roommate is cheating.

If her roommate is not in a monogamous relationship with someone else, she is not "cheating". Only the husband is.

Really nice people don't sleep with married men, just saying.

Nice people take care of their spouse. If a husband/wife isn't fulfilling their intimate duties (putting out), they've no cause to complain when the spouse gets it elsewhere.

[Jotaux]

Nice people take care of their spouse. If a husband/wife isn't fulfilling their intimate duties (putting out), they've no cause to complain when the spouse gets it elsewhere.

Then they can leave instead of betraying someone's trust.

[Mistame]

Then they can leave instead of betraying someone's trust.

According to the OP, the wife is crazy, abusive and doesn't put out (so much for "trust"). So she's to blame. But she's also rich, which is justification for playing from both sides.

[Televators]

Not your business. Stay out of people's personal lives. If it affects you, move on.

[May90]

In my experience, those don't really exist in the long term (some rare exceptions may apply).

I've heard of quite a few relationships between two people in which both partners were okay with the other having sex on the side, but they still loved each other deeply and lived happy lives. Not sure if it can be called "open" though, since they still focus on each other, and side sex is just for fun, it has nothing to do with side relationships.

"the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships involving more than two people, with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved" - Wiki

by "everyone" I meant everyone within the confines of the relationship. The key is consent, knowledge, and commitment. Every poly couple (or group - since its usually more than 2 people in the relationship) I know would consider it cheating for one of them to find it outside of the circle.

Ah, fair enough.

[Qlix]

Not your business. Stay out of people's personal lives. If it affects you, move on.

So if her roommate is shooting heroine in her room, and its never out in the open, and the only reason she knows it to be true is because the roommate told her it was true, is it still not her business? Its the roommates personal life, should she still stay out of it?

[Radaney]

Join in, fuck them both. Why not.

[Reeve]

This really is pretty ridiculous. It's one thing to tolerate a friend's flaws, it's another altogether to shrug and say, "hey, I can't judge". Sure I can! And shit, if I were engaging in self-destructive behavior, I would want my friends to judge a little and point it out to me instead of fastidiously avoiding judgment.

Agreed for friends. My friends have intervened against me when I was acting badly before, which I appreciate. Friends should tell friends when they're acting like dicks.

But that's not equally true for people you're just friendly with but not friends, which is something roommates can often fall into. If you relationship is "close friend," have a talk with her. If it's "just roommate," leave it alone, but consider looking for a new rommate.

[Yvaelle]

If her roommate is not in a monogamous relationship with someone else, she is not "cheating". Only the husband is.

It's a fair distinction, but not a position which which I agree: it's guilt by association.

She's abetting the husband to cheat, if she (for comparison) abetted him to murder his wife - she'd be guilty of murder by association.

This is why the term "homewrecker" exists - because abetting cheaters is, morally, the equivalent to cheating what abetting murder is to murder.

[Annoying]

Hes talking about the "nice people" the husbands are married to haha

Nah, I wasn't. I don't think sleeping with a married man is wrong or is cheating. If I sleep with a married woman, I didn't agree to not cheat on her husband, she did. I do think that being married and sleeping with someone else is wrong and cheating, though.

Mistame put it the same way:

If her roommate is not in a monogamous relationship with someone else, she is not "cheating". Only the husband is.

[Reeve]

I didn't think about this but actually this may very well be the case. She constantly asks one of her other exes for money (he's moving back up here from SF; he works in tech), and is always asking people to help her out in various ways.

I find it strange as I've never had cause to ask for money from anyone ever, I've been self-sufficient since high school.

You gave me something else to think about. Thanks for the advice

Wow, the more you describe here, the more she sounds like just the sort of person that you'd want to exclude from your life as soon as possible, before her shit starts to drag you down.

[Qlix]

Nah, I wasn't. I don't think sleeping with a married man is wrong or is cheating. If I sleep with a married woman, I didn't agree to not cheat on her husband, she did. I do think that being married and sleeping with someone else is wrong and cheating, though.

Mistame put it the same way:

If you and I are sitting taking a test, and you look at answers, and I allow you to do so - are you the only one cheating?

[Celista]

Wow, the more you describe here, the more she sounds like just the sort of person that you'd want to exclude from your life as soon as possible, before her shit starts to drag you down.

Yeah, you're probably right I definitely did not know about this stuff before I moved in with her, apparently for good reason.

[Annoying]

If you and I are sitting taking a test, and you look at answers, and I allow you to do so - are you the only one cheating?

We both agreed to the academic honesty policy in that case. We're both cheating because we both agreed not to do that.
If I'm hooking up with a married woman, I didn't agree to not have relationships with anyone but her husband, only she did.

[Qlix]

We both agreed to the academic honesty policy in that case. We're both cheating because we both agreed not to do that.
If I'm hooking up with a married woman, I didn't agree to not cheat on her husband, only she did.

Are you aware that most states adultery laws would disagree with you?

[Annoying]

Are you aware that most states adultery laws would disagree with you?

All states' adultery laws are unenforceable due to Lawrence v. Texas.

The State cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime.

[Qlix]

All states' adultery laws are unenforceable due to Lawrence v. Texas.

"Personal and Private life of the individual" no longer applies as soon as theyre made public (for instance.. posting pictures or something on a public forum/site/etc, telling a 3rd party) by either of the parties involved if im not mistaken. Also Im fairly certain the people involved with the Lawrence v Texas case werent married to someone else.

either way we're completely off topic haha