Friends with Benefits

[May90]

How is it not the same double standard?

What is? Are you talking about virginity being seen as a bad thing for males, but okay for females? If so, then yes, it is also a silly double standard.

What is not a double standard is pointing out the frustrated folks on these forums, blaming the opposite gender for everything - and that's what Durgaka did, as I understood it.

[nanook12]

I don't think OP is bitter at all. He's just telling it like it is.

Sex works like an economy, with supply and demand. Clearly the supply is limited for men due to societal customs and biological drives. And the drive is higher for men for similar reasons.

If women had libidos the same way men do, this would not be an issue. We'd just be screwing all the time. I believe I have read in a few studies that the incidence of sex from highest to lowest is gay men > straight couples > lesbians.

Women have something that men want and they know it. They also don't feel the instinctive (or society-driven) pressure to give it out freely. Not only are they not as interested in the first place, they stand to gain something something should they choose to have sex, because it's worth more to the guy than it is to the woman. See: sugar daddy phenomenon, men paying for dates, Hefner and Playboy, etc. etc.

These are all generalizations, but I think that sums up a large part of how it works. The best thing is to find a woman who is on the leading edge of the sexuality population distribution, or find one who doesn't pay so much mind to what she can get out of the deal.

Oh my fuck, e-hug out to you for not calling me a virgin, misogynist, etc like everyone else.

[Jotaux]

What is not a double standard is pointing out the frustrated folks on these forums, blaming the opposite gender for everything - and that's what Durgaka did, as I understood it.

By using being male virgins as an insult.

[nanook12]

cmon guys... OP is right... women having morals and not sleeping with anyone that wants to sleep with them is sexist. we must put an end to this right now! we should have a law that requires women to fuck any guy that tells them to.... /s

That is not what I am saying...

If a girl and a guy go on some dates and like each other, then go have sex with each other. All I am saying is that women shouldn't withhold sex from a guy that they like because they want to gain something out of the deal. It is very simple, if a girl likes a guy and wants to fuck him, then go fuck him! There are not a lot of negative repercussions that can hurt you anymore. Strangely, many people in this thread are claiming that I am degrading women, but this is actually about empowering them to have more casual sex and stop thinking about what you can gain from it.

[Deleted]

Having preferences isnt the same as controlling. Its like saying "I dont like redheads" is trying to control redheads into becoming non redheads.

I can see "I wont have sex if you dont do the dishes" as controlling, but "I dont like casual sex" is absolutely not controling.

Agreed, people will have their preferences no matter what, simply because something is convenient won't change that. There are still people who want to wait till they are married to have sex, there's nothing wrong with that. It wouldn't work for me, but I would never want to date a person like that.

----

There are also men who seek to control their women by being financially better off that their partners, there will always be people who will try to control and manipulate others, women don't have a monopoly on it, nor is it as common as the OP makes it sound.

I don't understand the moaning about it. Just because the chosen people you want to have sex with don't feel the same way about the subject, doesn't mean they should rethink their stance on it. It's their body and lives they can and should do whatever they want and feel alright with as long as they aren't hurting anyone else.

[Koji2k11]

yes women use sex as a weapon if you'd do the same to the woman she would not give a fuck and sooner or later just leave you this is how woman are ..... its realy nothing new and they wont have casual sex unless they are realy desperate and drunk

[Underverse]

Evolutionally speaking: the most optimal survival strategy for a man (and thus the strategy that increases the chances of your genes being passed on) is to get as many women as he can pregnant, to increase the chance of a viable offspring surviving.
On the other hand, since the woman can only get pregnant a maximum number of times, her optimal survival strategy is to get pregnant from 1 man who is really commited to her.

Hence the difference between the eagerness for sex that men and women have.

Besides that it doesn't help that there is a positive social connotation to a man that has sex with multiple different women (''player'') and a negative connotation to a woman who has sex with multiple different ment (''slut'').

Not in a critically social society. Increased pair bonds increase fitness. That why humans have sex even when they're not at their most fertile, like other primates do. Sex is a tool of pair bonding more often than it is a tool of reproduction in humans. Otherwise your explanation would be correct (and it is, for many other species).

I rather think this is a cultural outcome - we haven't quite overcome our ideas of ownership by marriage, and historically it's been far more acceptable for men to sleep around due to deep cultural misogyny.

[Itisamuh]

Sadly my experience has been the exact opposite, I want a good meaningful relationship but they all seem to just want no strings attached.

[Awbee]

You appear to be under the assumption that the only reason why women don't have casual sex is to spite men. Which is hilarious, but wrong.

Can only speak for me, but I don't have casual sex because I just don't find it appealing.

[May90]

By using being male virgins as an insult.

It was a joke, mate... Wasn't even word "virgin" used in it, nor any reference to males.

[Jotaux]

It was a joke, mate... Wasn't even word "virgin" used in it, nor any reference to males.

Now you are just being facetious. He used the term wizard, I would say go urban dictionary it and come back but you know what it means.

[nanook12]

You appear to be under the assumption that the only reason why women don't have casual sex is to spite men. Which is hilarious, but wrong.

Can only speak for me, but I don't have casual sex because I just don't find it appealing.

And you don't find it appealing because you are not gaining anything from it. Stop thinking about what you can gain from a guy for having sex with him and just have sex with him because you like him, it feels good, and you want to. Wipe away the ulterior motives of thinking that "I really want to have sex with him also, but am going to be sneaky and withhold sex from him until he does A for me, then I will later reward him with sex. That I way I gain something from this transaction."

[Awbee]

This guy nails it again. Women experience the same urges and want to have sex, but instead of having sex when they feel like it they would rather get something out of the guy first then reward the guy with sex because it is convenient for them. Some fucked up manipulation going on there. Maybe women aren't the devil, but the would fit in well as one of his henchmen lol.

Again -- you seem to have this idea that women who don't have casual sex, will only "put out" once they get a material gift or something.

Again, can only speak for myself, but I know a lot of women who feel similarly about this as I do. I will only have sex when certain conditions are met, but those don't require the guy spending money or whatever. It requires that we know each other very well, that I can trust him almost completely, and when I'm certain that this will be a long lasting relationship.

- - - Updated - - -

And you don't find it appealing because you are not gaining anything from it.

Lolwut. I hope you realize you basically just said all men are terrible in bed?

But yeah, it's kind of true -- many women can't relax in bed when they can't really trust the guy. If I get no sexual pleasure out of it, only worries and insecurities and possible heartbreak and danger, why the hell should I do it?

[May90]

Now you are just being facetious. He used the term wizard, I would say go urban dictionary it and come back but you know what it means.

I know what he used and what he meant. I don't understand why a simple joke bothers you so much. Aren't you one of those "anti-SJW" folks, who complain about people getting offended over nothing? Don't see the resemblance, do you?

What are we even discussing? 50 or so comments about something having nothing to do with the OP.

[Jotaux]

And you don't find it appealing because you are not gaining anything from it. Stop thinking about what you can gain from a guy for having sex with him and just have sex with him because you like him, it feels good, and you want to.

I'm a guy and I don't find it appealing.

[May90]

And you don't find it appealing because you are not gaining anything from it. Stop thinking about what you can gain from a guy for having sex with him and just have sex with him because you like him, it feels good, and you want to.

What if the person doesn't like him, then what? Or what if the person just doesn't feel like having sex with him at the moment? You will still see it as using sex for their benefit?

I mean, of course I agree with you that using sex as leverage is a very jerky move. My question is, how did you come to the conclusion that women tend to do that often? Perhaps you are merely misinterpreting your personal experiences?

[Jotaux]

I know what he used and what he meant.

You say that yet:

Wasn't even word "virgin" used in it, nor any reference to males.

[May90]

You say that yet:

But we've already talked about it: female wizard isn't unheard of in fiction.

[Jotaux]

But we've already talked about it: female wizard isn't unheard of in fiction.

We did talk about it and you were wrong. In Forgotten realms a female wizards is called wizardess

[Awbee]

Stop thinking about what you can gain from a guy for having sex with him and just have sex with him because you like him, it feels good, and you want to. Wipe away the ulterior motives of thinking that "I really want ot have sex with him, but am going to withhold sex from him until he does A for me, then I will later reward him with sex."

How am I supposed to know that I like a guy, when I don't know him very well yet? Maybe he's really an asshole, and only pretending to be nice to get me into bed? I can't "like" a person I haven't known for a while and who's proven trustworthy.

How would it feel good? Sex with a stranger, or almost stranger, who I can't trust? Maybe he'll start raping me or beating me or even kill me? Seriously, if I don't trust him, how on earth could I have sex with him and relax enough to get enjoyment out of it?


And you REALLY need to stop thinking this has anything to do with "favors" or material shit.