Who pays on a date?

[Fencers]

The person who invited the other person on a date. The person asking is implicitly offering to treat the other.

It's totally irrational for the party being asked out to pay for the 'privilege' of the other person's company. For example, Bob is asking out Jim. Why would Jim be bound to pay for what Bob desires? Why would Jim not just chose to do his own thing in that case?

[dextersmith]

Cooking > going out. You want to know your partner? Then you certainly do not want to follow things some pr guy from hundred years set up.

You can't stay at home all the time and entertainment costs.

In most cases, cooking for new gfs have had unfavorable consequences for me. It impresses them greatly then I get stuck with all the cooking and I don't like being domesticated. Whether they know how to cook or not, I'm better at it. I cook and bake fancy things because I like to eat well, but I don't like the role reversal or demands. I always thought I could drop this hobby when I've found the right girl but it seems to be a perpetuating curse. I feel like I contribute so much more than they do.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Whoever asked who on a date pays for date. simple as fuck.

This is it. Whoever asks. Thats it. End of thread. Period. After the first date you should alternate imo.

[Deleted]

The person who invited the other person on a date. The person asking is implicitly offering to treat the other.

It's totally irrational for the party being asked out to pay for the 'privilege' of the other person's company. For example, Bob is asking out Jim. Why would Jim be bound to pay for what Bob desires? Why would Jim not just chose to do his own thing in that case?

This does imply, though, that the person being asked on a date doesn't really want to go on that date, but is rather doing it as a favor to the person doing the asking. I mean, if one party comes up with the idea to go on a date, and both equally actually want to go on the date, there shouldn't be any problem with both paying for what they buy/eat.

And, obviously, it makes the men pay for most dates seeing as though in our world men are still most often the ones doing the asking out. Perhaps men should stop asking until things get equal.

But the point I'm trying to make is, why would anyone want to ask for a date someone who doesn't want to go on that date, and if both want to go on the date just as much, then both are most likely happy to pay for their own way.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

And, obviously, it makes the men pay for most dates seeing as though in our world men are still most often the ones doing the asking out. Perhaps men should stop asking until things get equal.

Yeah, too bad that won't happen lol.

[Teebone]

Whoever asked who on a date pays for date. simple as fuck.

Should have ended the thread here. Although I can expand on this a bit; whoever plans the date should pay for it. If Mary asks John to go see a movie with her she should front ou the tickets at least. If John asks Mary to go to the amusement park he should front up the tickets. Side things like snacks, etc are discresionary.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Should have ended the thread here. Although I can expand on this a bit; whoever plans the date should pay for it. If Mary asks John to go see a movie with her she should front ou the tickets at least. If John asks Mary to go to the amusement park he should front up the tickets. Side things like snacks, etc are discresionary.

Yeah, it'd be great if Jim bought the tickets and Mary offers to pick up the snacks. But oh well.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

But but...how would Mary be sure that Jim can be a good provider, then?!

I don't know, force him through social standards to ruin his jacket by throwing it over a puddle, or something stupid like that?

[Spectral]

Most are, not me though, because the male gender role is incredibly disadvantageous and harmful to men.

Why do I seem to enjoy the male gender role so much? Am I just insufficiently informed about how oppressed I really am?

[dextersmith]

That's indeed true too.
But the general trend is in our necks of the woods, that men and women happily engage in that game without problems.
I mean, we're in the 21th century. There isn't really much left how guys can show their affection, or specifically express their stance towards her value.
paying for a date says in a sense "you're worth it something to me".
Back in the days, we've shown up with a horse, a couple sheep whatever to express that.
Gosh, imagine we exchange livestock again, just go get in each others pants lol

Doesn't this cow tell you how much you mean to me? Now kill it and cook it for me!

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It's all relative, if you're a 6/10 and snag a date with an 8/10 or better you should probably cough up, reverse that and wait it out until she offers to pay, if you're both under 5 then just stay home for the love of god don't scare the public.

There is wisdom in these words!

[THE Bigzoman]

This post made me smirk. Devilishly.

On topic, if I were single, she's buying her own drinks.

It depends.

I think willingness to pay is a good metric for how much you like being around someone, which can be a metric for how good a relationship can be (barring those who have a like for unhealthy relationships.)


Whoever invites the other pays, which unfortunately is jaded towards guys considering they do the "hunting", so to speak.

[Spectral]

Nah, you're not oppressed. Just that in this particular area you're expected to be the one that pretty much puts everything out there for someone that isn't expected to do anything.

That's pretty much how resource scarcity works.

Even this arrangement is basically OK though. Men and women have different experiences here. I don't know that it's better to be the pursued than the pursuer. Both are pretty much fine.

[THE Bigzoman]

If I thought I was going to get laid I'd pay, if not then half and half. But it didn't take me long to realise that dating was a waste of time and it was better to text for a while then go to her place or her come to my place for some drinks, music and roots.

This is why you should never spend a ton of money on dates. It doesn't make it more likely that a relationship or sex will form, and spending too much might indirectly push an obligation on the person you're taking out.

[Spectral]

power.

/10char

Could be, but I doubt it. The majority of masculine things I enjoy don't really have much in the way of power attached to them.

[Spectral]

There are more women than men in the world, "scarcity" doesn't seem to quite be the issue.

I think our instincts drive the scarce resource here to be sex with women. Even though birth control throws the actual scarcity off the rails here (and thank goodness), it doesn't succeed in subverting the reality that women get to be the selectors (for the most part).

Scarcity is probably not the best term though, you're right.

I'm pretty sure that it's better in every measurable way.

Oh sure, you might have to deal with people who you're not interested in offering to do stuff for you.

When trying to empathize with women on this one, I think about whether I'd like obese women hitting on me on a regular basis. I would not enjoy this. I'd be repulsed and irritated by it. I suspect this is how many women feel.

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Reading your posts it totally is.

Thanks for the psychoevaluation chief!

OK, let's suppose that's the case - I enjoy some theoretical power that comes with masculine behavior. How is this consistent with these sorts of statements:

Most are, not me though, because the male gender role is incredibly disadvantageous and harmful to men.

uh both gender roles are harmful to everyone.

These are really strong claims. If this is "incredibly disadvantageous and harmful" and "harmful to everyone", why are there so many people like my wife and I that enjoy gender roles just fine?

[THE Bigzoman]

I'd gladly take the ability to simply be the one who gets to choose while not putting any skin into the game so to speak.

I think the same thing.

But I admit I might think differently if a bunch of fat chicks hit on me constantly. Like, all day every day.

[Spectral]

I'd gladly take the ability to simply be the one who gets to choose while not putting any skin into the game so to speak.

I think the same thing.

But I admit I might think differently if a bunch of fat chicks hit on me constantly. Like, all day every day.

That's cool, I'm not saying that I'm sure it's nominally equal. All I'm saying is there's a legitimate downside to being the pursued. I'd get real sick of having women I was repulsed by trying to seem smooth while hitting on me. Maybe the overall arrangement would be more enjoyable - I just don't have any way to know that.

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I'd love to meet this hypothetical female that I hear about so often from the internet-feminist crowd. The one that can't step foot out of her house without an infinite number of "creepy men" spontaneously forming out of the aether for the sole purpose of fawning over her.

Women get hit on a lot. From the outside, we look at a single instance of this and go, "holy shit, why are you being such a jerk to that guy, he's just some nerdy guy that mustered up some courage to talk to you". This is, I think, because we can't really know what it's like to get hit on a couple times a day by clumsy, awkward interactions where the only goal is to get a date. I'm not saying it's some living hell of constant misery, but even a couple times a day would get real old, real fast.

[Spectral]

Well biological reductionism plays into a lot of power fantasies and isn't really all that good a gauge of actual human behaviour. In another thread your views on authority showed a respect for power. You attitude towards women, bleeeh, all these kinda show that you enjoy having power.

Sorry i was going to say why i thought it whether you asked or not.

Maybe you're not aware of the damage it's done? Maybe you're playing up how much you actually enjoy it. Maybe you're purposefully or ignorantly misattributing a negative aspect of your gender roles to something else. Maybe you're not that phased by the whole idea and enjoy being told how to behave.

I can't really give you a concrete answer without like your life story or going into your head.

I will admit i was being slightly hyperbolic but not a lot. Gender roles negatively impact a lot of people, actively and passively.

It must be hard going through life knowing how miserable all these people around you secretly are. I must confess, it makes me wonder just how fantastic your life is that you're able to so clearly see all this destruction in the lives of people that aren't even aware of it!

I'm curious though, what exactly is my "attitude towards women"?

[THE Bigzoman]

I'd love to meet this hypothetical female that I hear about so often from the internet-feminist crowd. The one that can't step foot out of her house without an infinite number of "creepy men" spontaneously forming out of the aether for the sole purpose of fawning over her.

I can see it to a degree.


I like to say that my great peripheral vision makes my "fawning" or "male gaze" undetectable, but this stallion at the grocery store put that into question.

Mind you, this is from someone who was conscious about those impulses. Now imagine those that aren't or just don't care.

[Deleted]

The person who invited or each pays what they consumed.