Who pays on a date?

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

If it was just one person it wouldn't be hassle, when it happens every now and then by a lot of different people you have no interest in it becomes a hassle

Oh the humanity! I've been on both sides of this, and its preferable to have people come to you. (imo)

[Hana Song]

Oh the humanity! I've been on both sides of this, and its preferable to have people come to you. (imo)

It's preferable to not have people you are never interested in hassling you at all

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

It's preferable to not have people you are never interested in hassling you at all

There are negatives to everything. But its better for the ego, easier, less pressure, you have 100% of the dating choice... etc etc.

[Deleted]

Me and my partner have a shared income, and when we dated (we're engaged now) she mostly paid for it all - because I was the one forking over £700 a pop to come over to see her in her native China.

[icausewipes]

I pay for 30-45 mins and then they leave.

[May90]

Even if your premise is correct, those types of people are in the vast minority. Like under .05%. SOMEONE has to make the first move. SOMEONE has to initiate the date, and SOMEONE has to pay. SOMEONE has to ask for another date. etc. Its silly to act like two people are falling into things. And in our society, mate selection is mainly up to the female with the male being the one who pursues. You can act like you're not either of those people, but that'd be the exception to the rule. Its meaningless to point that out.

Hmm, how do you think do gay/lesbian dates work? Who is the pursuer and who is the pursued? And those people constitute up to 20% of the entire population, according to various sources.

My point is, regardless of how rare it is, this role separation exists only as long as both persons are willing to play this weird game. One doesn't - the game isn't on. People complain about being on either side of the fence, but in reality you don't have to be on either.

Oh the humanity! I've been on both sides of this, and its preferable to have people come to you. (imo)

Ha-h... One of the most painful moments in my life was when someone was seriously interested in me and I had to say "No", because the interest wasn't mutual. Damn that. I wouldn't call that preferable!

[Bushtuckrman]

This is why you should never spend a ton of money on dates. It doesn't make it more likely that a relationship or sex will form, and spending too much might indirectly push an obligation on the person you're taking out.

Well I wouldn't have cared if they felt obligated either lol

[Hammerfest]

I was raised to believe the man should pay because it takes the woman more time, money and effort to get ready for a date than it takes for the man.

[GennGreymane]

If you invite someone somewhere, you should at least offer to pay.

[Gandrake]

All of the benefits, none of the hassle... that's equality for you

some courtship rituals are pretty traditional and hard to break off from because of the qualities they give people the impression of. Men are supposed to be providers and if you can't pick up a check for dinner how are you ever going to buy a house or afford an engagement ring, let alone feed, clothe and father a child?

if it's a "hassle" to pick up a check for a date, then you should probably choose better company or just eat somewhere less expensive.

[Surfd]

Hmm, how do you think do gay/lesbian dates work? Who is the pursuer and who is the pursued? And those people constitute up to 20% of the entire population, according to various sources.

I would hazard a guess that it comes down to personality, which probably (though I really have no idea) divides almost roughly exactly the same way normal dates would. There will be the "aggressive / dominant" person, and the more passive one. How often do you see two Butch Lesbians dating eacchother? Probably not nearly as often as you see one Butch lesbian dating a more "feminine" lesbian. Same thing applys to Gay men. As such, I would be willing to bet that the more "masculine" of the pair is the one doing the chasing, and also the one more likely expected to pay for the date. Primarily because such behaviour has been ingrained into our collective subconcious for generations.

[May90]

I would hazard a guess that it comes down to personality, which probably (though I really have no idea) divides almost roughly exactly the same way normal dates would. There will be the "aggressive / dominant" person, and the more passive one. How often do you see two Butch Lesbians dating eacchother? Probably not nearly as often as you see one Butch lesbian dating a more "feminine" lesbian. Same thing applys to Gay men. As such, I would be willing to bet that the more "masculine" of the pair is the one doing the chasing, and also the one more likely expected to pay for the date. Primarily because such behaviour has been ingrained into our collective subconcious for generations.

What if two very feminine lesbians are dating each other? I do not quite understand why the chasing/hunting part should be involved at all. After all, two people are getting to know each other better, they have a mutual goal and mutual interest - no need to play these Tom and Jerry games.

But I see your point and I agree that in many cases it is probably like you describe.

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Hmm, how do you think do gay/lesbian dates work? Who is the pursuer and who is the pursued? And those people constitute up to 20% of the entire population, according to various sources.

My point is, regardless of how rare it is, this role separation exists only as long as both persons are willing to play this weird game. One doesn't - the game isn't on. People complain about being on either side of the fence, but in reality you don't have to be on either.


Ha-h... One of the most painful moments in my life was when someone was seriously interested in me and I had to say "No", because the interest wasn't mutual. Damn that. I wouldn't call that preferable!

Someone will be the pursuer, and someone the pursued.

And again, pointing out .000001% of the population is meaningless.

And seriously May, if having to telling someone you weren't interested is the most painful part of your life, you truly live a charmed life.

[Hana Song]

There are negatives to everything. But its better for the ego, easier, less pressure, you have 100% of the dating choice... etc etc.

I don't agree that it is better, most who hit on you are people you don't consider dating so they are just hassling you

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I don't agree that it is better, most who hit on you are people you don't consider dating so they are just hassling you

Is that your only argument though? "Its a hassle" ? Sorry, more to it than that.

[Hana Song]

Is that your only argument though? "Its a hassle" ? Sorry, more to it than that.

I don't need any other arguments for that?

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I don't need any other arguments for that?

Yes you do? You don't seem to have much experience on the other side of things. You can't really compare the two very well.

[Hana Song]

Yes you do? You don't seem to have much experience on the other side of things. You can't really compare the two very well.

I would rather have people I am not interested in not hit on me

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

I would rather have people I am not interested in not hit on me

Thats fine. Happens to me too. Still preferable to the alternative.

[Tommy T]

I would rather have people I am not interested in not hit on me

Can't have it both ways.
Put your feet in a man's shoes.

Men 95% of the time have to approach in order to find a partner.