Would you date people who have kids?

[icausewipes]

Helllll nooooo.

[Einsz]

Nope, the mother wants whats the best for her child. And being single with child is probably hard on her from economic point of view. She probably wants a normal life for her kid as in being able to afford all the books for the school, school trip. In order to do that she needs your wallet and NOT YOU. Since your wallet can't speak and give her money on its own guess who will she be speaking to that speaks for your wallet? (Yes you speak for your wallet)

[Deleted]

Never, if they made such a major mistake in their life (not speaking of widows), they should deal with it themselves. And their children should deal with it, and the rest of the world should bear those children and their futures.

[Spectral]

Certainly not. I don't like children in general, I have zero desire to raise another person's child, and I have no desire to interact with the father if he's still around. Aside from these concerns, which are present in all cases, I'm generally skeptical of the judgment of single mothers outside of a couple niche circumstances.

[Deleted]

There are a million reasons for a mother (even a young one) to be alone with her child, and they are all her own fault, right?
Damn, you are so deluded.

yep it is.. unless you're suggesting she accidentally fell on someones penis, multiple times and then didnt notice she was pregnant or somethi-.. oh no wait wait I was right the first time, it is her own fault.

I wouldn't be so judgemental. Life happens, people make mistakes (although I wouldn't consider having a kid a mistake, maybe she just picked the wrong guy to do it with), etc. We are all guilty of it at some point.

That being said this is a very situational question. It is hard to know what to advise without knowing the total situation. For example: what if you really love the girl, you really love the kid and the woman is really hot and has a ton of money......

If you are emotionally ready for the possibility of being part of a kid's life (you may not be, I wasn't in my early 20's) then don't let it be a deal breaker. Go on a date and see how it goes. If she is a good mom, she probably won't introduce you to the child for a while anyway, she has to be able to really trust you for you to meet the kid.

Having a child is a conscient choice. I'm not saying having an abortion is mentally easy for a mother but it is a conscient one (yes I'm wilfully ignoring religious crazycookie people that have some utter nonsensensical notions on this subject) a choice I'd expect someone to only make once they're certain about who theyre getting in bed with. You might say stuff happens or.. it could happen to anyone, but I'm not planning to have a serious relationship with anyone. Theres a certain foundation required before people should have a child and if someones ignorant or misjudges a situation so badly that they end up having children in their 20s (our age) then they probably aren't the one for me.

I'm not judging people with a different view at all however, and as I said.. if you really fall for someone you will love their child aswell.. but with the age factor in combination with perosnal experiences I most likely couldnt ignore the fact someone was selfish or ignorant enough to bring a child in the world without truly being ready for one.

[Karlz0rz]

yep it is.. unless you're suggesting she accidentally fell on someones penis, multiple times and then didnt notice she was pregnant or somethi-.. oh no wait wait I was right the first time, it is her own fault.

So the father dying in a car accident is her fault? There are multiple instances of a girl becoming a single mother that is not within her control.
But you are probably a 16 year old keyboard warrior, so you wouldn't really understand anyway.

[jellmoo]

No. But that's largely because my wife would hate it if I started dating people. Kids or no kids.

In all seriousness though, there are some seriously fucked up replies in this thread. If you don't want to date somebody with kids that's totally your prerogative, but blaming women that end up single and saying they fucked themselves up is terrible and you should feel bad about your opinions on the matter.

[Spectral]

So the father dying in a car accident is her fault? There are multiple instances of a girl becoming a single mother that is not within her control.
But you are probably a 16 year old keyboard warrior, so you wouldn't really understand anyway.

Widows a lot less common than people with poor judgment.

[Aeula]

Hell no. I despise kids and have no desire to have any, let alone someone else's.

[Alydael]

yep it is.. unless you're suggesting she accidentally fell on someones penis, multiple times and then didnt notice she was pregnant or somethi-.. oh no wait wait I was right the first time, it is her own fault.



Having a child is a conscient choice. I'm not saying having an abortion is mentally easy for a mother but it is a conscient one (yes I'm wilfully ignoring religious crazycookie people that have some utter nonsensensical notions on this subject) a choice I'd expect someone to only make once they're certain about who theyre getting in bed with. You might say stuff happens or.. it could happen to anyone, but I'm not planning to have a serious relationship with anyone. Theres a certain foundation required before people should have a child and if someones ignorant or misjudges a situation so badly that they end up having children in their 20s (our age) then they probably aren't the one for me.

I'm not judging people with a different view at all however, and as I said.. if you really fall for someone you will love their child aswell.. but with the age factor in combination with perosnal experiences I most likely couldnt ignore the fact someone was selfish or ignorant enough to bring a child in the world without truly being ready for one.

I have two kids. My wife and I planned both of them. Even with that, you can never truly be "ready" for the responsibility of a child.

This is why this whole thread is very situational. Maybe the single mom was in love, thought the guy was in love with her- but he turned out later to be a douche and cheated on her or fell out of love with her. Maybe once the child came things changed (happens a lot). Maybe their job situation/ family situation changed. Maybe he had a drug/ drinking problem- he seemed to be over it but he fell off the wagon, hard. You never know what happened in someone's life that led them to their current situation, which is why I don't judge people like that.

That is also why I feel, if the op is ready to be involved in a child's life, he should give the single mom a chance and see what her situation is and see where it goes. A responsible mom would most likely not introduce him to the child until things got a little serious, so he should be able to get an idea of the situation before that point.

[Karlz0rz]

Widows a lot less common than people with poor judgment.

True. But it's just one example where it's not the mothers fault.
I get that young boys don't like the idea of a child coming with as a part of the package, I really do. But once you get wiser and older, you start to see the world differently.
There are A LOT of keyboard warriors on these forums though, so yeah..

[Breccia]

I would, and have. Not everyone is a single parent by choice.

[Spectral]

True. But it's just one example where it's not the mothers fault.
I get that young boys don't like the idea of a child coming with as a part of the package, I really do. But once you get wiser and older, you start to see the world differently.
There are A LOT of keyboard warriors on these forums though, so yeah..

I'm 31 and married. I was probably more open to the idea of dating a single mother when I was younger. As I've aged, I've become more inclined to think that if you wind up leaving your kid fatherless, there's a pretty good chance the parents have some significant character failings.

[Airlick]

Yeah, I would. I actually have a major crush on a girl with a few years old daughter - and here I was thinking I was over such feelings already. She will never know this, though at times I think about making a move. I'd even sacrifice my ambitions for her, and my ambitions are stretching to the other side of the world. That aside, I doubt she'd give me a chance anyway.

[LoLcano]

No
/10char

[Karlz0rz]

I'm 31 and married. I was probably more open to the idea of dating a single mother when I was younger. As I've aged, I've become more inclined to think that if you wind up leaving your kid fatherless, there's a pretty good chance the parents have some significant character failings.

What if the character failings was on the behalf of the man, and not the woman? What if you decided one day to leave your wife, for whatever reason. Is that your fault, or her fault?
Can you really give "blame" out on something so subjective as personality traits/common grounds?

[Deleted]

So the father dying in a car accident is her fault? There are multiple instances of a girl becoming a single mother that is not within her control.

The father could have been abducted by aliens, but that's not very likely either. In fact, wouldn't you agree that most single-mothers aren't widows or rape victims, but rather the result of their own free will? And shouldn't her past behaviour be taken into consideration if you're deciding wether someone is fit to be your partner?

[Elim Garak]

What if the character failings was on the behalf of the man, and not the woman? What if you decided one day to leave your wife, for whatever reason. Is that your fault, or her fault?

Both. Isn't it obvious?

[Spectral]

What if the character failings was on the behalf of the man, and not the woman? What if you decided one day to leave your wife, for whatever reason. Is that your fault, or her fault?
Can you really give "blame" out on something so subjective as personality traits/common grounds?

As mentioned, this would show poor judgment. Of course, the larger failing is on the part of a man that leaves his children fatherless.

I am inclined to have a high standard for relationships. I'm not interested in entanglements with people that have poor judgment. With rare exceptions, I think single mothers have displayed character traits that I do not find consistent with what I want out of a partner.

[Karlz0rz]

The father could have been abducted by aliens, but that's not very likely either. In fact, wouldn't you agree that most single-mothers aren't widows or rape victims, but rather the result of their own free will? And shouldn't her past behaviour be taken into consideration if you're deciding wether someone is fit to be your partner?

True, it's not very likely.
But will you also concede that a lot of people have children with the forethought if actually staying together, and then down the line they break up for different reasons?
I feel like people judge single mothers harshly, JUST for the fact that they have a child.