is she playing me?

[Torgent]

100% she's playing you. This girl just got out of a long term relationship (long term teenage fling maybe?), and now she feels free. So now she's free to spread her wings and have fun. It doesn't sound like she wants to be in a relationship, but she wants attention.

If you actually like her, here's what you do:
Continue being you, don't press anything on her. Don't openly flirt with the other girl, but don't pretend to be in a relationship with this girl.
If you get a chance, you can have a real talk with her about what she wants and what you want. That will help both of you stop playing childish games.

[Mister K]

just smash and dash. nobody with that much baggage is worth settling down with.

That's right, she had some problems before when she passed out, moved country because she had to. Does not like her dad, her BF CHEATED ON HER and few other bits. It's all the clear signs that there are cats in her head.

She even told me, you won't put up with me.

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In my opinion, the real question you should be asking yourself is whether or not you want to deal with that, and actually work through finding it out.

and at this age it's probably not worth it. It would be a different if she was older and I knew more about her and had no suspicion. On top of that, I work with her.

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Ofcourse, if you just want to bang her, then that's a different case. Pretend that you don't care about her that much, if you have a chance to bang her, she will let you know.

And ofcourse, this is all my opinion based on my personal experience, knowledge and logic, so things can always go much much more differently than I've said ^^"

Good luck!

Yeh, I tried that but then I fall into being this little shitty puppy which is not good. I really like her, hard worker, pretty fit (6/10 potentially 7.5/10 when she is older, I done better).

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Another female here... When I was younger, yes, I did that, and I'm ashamed of it. No man deserves it. I can give you a little insight, though. When I did it, it was because I wanted another guy but didn't want to be alone so I strung out another guy in case the first one never came around.

It's not specific to women, either - men do it too. After having been played that way myself, I tossed out my playbook and started treating the opposite sex like real human beings.

What you do with it is really up to you, but I'd recommend taking the high road. (Don't tap it and bail, you'll hate yourself later.) Move on and look for something else. You will be more attractive to her if you're not acting like little puppy dog following her around, texting, talking, making excuses to see her. We love that but don't see it as attractive - and that's why so many great guys get friend zoned.

If she comes around, great, you'll know beyond a doubt, but don't jump when she calls. If she doesn't come around, well, you're better off.

I guess it's just something one goes through. You don't realize of the consequences among other things. It's quite possible, specially after 3 year long relationship. She says she is NOT A LIAR but I question that now a lot. She doesn't like to sleep around and has only been with 1 guy who took her virginity too. She is free to choosing, she is young, pretty and not in a relationship, I can't stop her but I hate mind games

Yeah one side is just as bad as the other at times.

It's hard to move on, I do wanna tap it but if something more could come out of it in future id reserve that too. Yeah, I am acting like puppy one minute and the other like she is just a mate I know. I will try to cut it down for the next two weeks and see what happens. When I don't pay much attention to her she notices and asks me what up, why I am upset, em I grumpy etc. I guess she really wants attention and that is certainly not a good sign.

Yep, and I keep telling myself that but not listening. Its like either my emotion and my dick are taking over my mind and when I am back in my thinking mode I look at myself and just wonder "wtf dude" ...

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Being played by teenager is worse than being cuck. Move on, stop dating "devil may care"/yolo/what_ever type of cunts.

Yep, too dangerous and dodgy road.

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She's barely 18 and does not know what she wants herself, you expect too much of what is basically still a child that knows nothing about anything.

Really, in my experience, until like 25 - it's all silly bullshit with either side not really knowing wtf do they really want in the relationship besides banging each others brains out. There are exceptions, but people tend to flatter themselves thinking they are the exception, while in reality they are just the part of the statistic.

But hey, sex is good, so it's all fine as long as no wild expectations are being made, so just chill out and go ahead with this knowing that she is just a temporary thing and the likelihood of this getting serious is slim anyway. From the sound of it - you just overthink it and make elephant out of a fly - just have some fun, you are both young and it is far from last relationship you both will have, so no need to make it sound like some big drama - chances are that after banging each other enough you will get tired of each other and move each separate way, so no need to get psychologically invested into it.

And if it's more bother than it's worth for you, then just cut it out - there is plenty of fish in the lake, it does not have to be only her.

Yep, she does throw her toys out at certain things. Ugh going over this everything points to a bail, but its hard.

There is plenty of fish, I don't ten to go out as much since 1) Money, 2) no time and I hate wasting my time getting pissed. Thats why I started doing random activities. Started Kitesurfing again, going Italy in September. Thinking of visiting my homeland and seeing mates there going to a festival. I think that shit would be good but again money. Hell focusing on driving license and getting a car will open up a lot of doors too.

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Sounds like you're the one playing her to be honest. "Just wanna bang her and move on". Yikes, hate guys/girls like that.

I don't just wanna do that but at least that if it aint going to get much out of this. I know thats a "something for something" mentality and its not a good trait to have.

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Not so sure about that. A lot of people that are that long in their first relationship strike out after that one. I'd personally struggle to predict how the majority would behave in such a situation. I'm not saying it isn't a valid possibility, just wondering how the chances actually are.

Specially if it was her first real relationship where the guy took her virginity as well. That and he cheated on her multiple times (apparently, only heard one side). She says she isn't a liar and sleeps around but at the end of the day anyone can say that and just be bs around.

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Desperation would be my bet. It's right there in OPs text, that he doesn't even want relationship, but "fun" times. She might have sensed as much, and might not be interested in one night stands.

Yep, that is partly true. I have not had anything intimate (sex, had other fun) with an English girl yet and I have lived here for 11 years. That as well as her being only with one previous guy so, (this will sound bad I know) fresh. I don't think she has sensed it, she would probably more sense that I want something serious. Hell she said that she wants something serious in the future even invited me to go to the pub with her parents like a week ago or two ago.

Mixing work and pleasure is stupid.

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Ditch that bitch, Scratch that itch.

haha thanks for the giggles but true, hard to scratch it off.

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First red flag that should signal you to gtfo. Are you only able to think with your johnson?

When I am around her and talking little fella is on one. When I am free with my mind to think, I know everything I have learned from other peoples problems, movies and common sense.

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Show me a picture of her.
Show me a picture of you.
Are you rich?

If i know these things i can give you the answer.

I would but I am too paranoid about this shit leaking out to Mars.

[Deleted]

I think that's just the way the girls are. They'll always come up with some bullshit (mom taking her phone, someone is dying etc.). They don't want to say no but they don't want to say yes either. Your mother is a smart woman.

Just because you've met some stupid people doesn't make the entirety of them stupid.

[Mister K]

Cut it off right there. It's a bad idea to date in the workplace in the first place...especially if all you really want is to bang her a bit.

I could manage keeping things "professionally" in terms of if we both knew exactly what we want. But right now its like a mind game. But no you are right, it's a bad idea. A friend+colleague told me as long as it doesn't affect work.

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^ this there are always two sides to a story.

You know her better and lets just say for the sake of it she is bs'ng you 100% and you don't like her brand of bs (seems like you dont) then move on there are more women out in the world. But if you do like her brand of bs then do you. Whatever makes you happy

Indeed there are. Whether its me and her and how I have been acting with her to her talking shit about her "ex" (I would laugh so hard if she had something with him in the last two weeks lol).

Nope, assuming it is BS.

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Always good in situations like this to remember that your brain isn't fully developed until around 25, with the decision making parts being the last to mature. Hard to know what she wants when odds are she has no clue herself.

Yep and even myself I don't know what I want. One minute I am fully loved up, the other ready to forget about her and then just purely wanting fun. It's a lessons to be learned here if anything.

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Especially when there are red flags.
If maturity does not present itself, run.

In few things she is mature, in others I facepalm hard.

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100% she's playing you. This girl just got out of a long term relationship (long term teenage fling maybe?), and now she feels free. So now she's free to spread her wings and have fun. It doesn't sound like she wants to be in a relationship, but she wants attention.

If you actually like her, here's what you do:
Continue being you, don't press anything on her. Don't openly flirt with the other girl, but don't pretend to be in a relationship with this girl.
If you get a chance, you can have a real talk with her about what she wants and what you want. That will help both of you stop playing childish games.

Yeh most likely the case even if she says she isn't a liar and does not sleep around. Yep exactly, a long term teenage tyranny what she has explained to me. Yep, that is pretty accurate, mum said and it makes sense out of teenage girls mind.

I will deffo be playing my normal game and I never openly flirt with the girl, apparently I do it unknowingly from what my mate noticed at work haha. Hell I wouldn't even want anything her (she is an apprentice too, nice tits but the mind is even more immature). Even the new girl got cheated on recently lol... She started sending me kisses on Skype and I was oh god wtf...

She says she hates talking about "cringey stuff" one sign that she is immature. Il see where it leads I guess but I seriously need to distance myself. If she comes around she comes around. I did tell her I dont wanna pressure her like 3 weeks ago and she said I am not but meh...

[Deepfreeze]

Move on, nothing but a world of hurt with that young girl. I was a young man once and experianced something pretty similar to you. I had to change job just to get away from her in the end. There are plenty of females out there that only love the attention and when they feel they get it from you with no effort, they will get bored and move on to the next guy.

[Mister K]

Edit: Nvm, she is just weird, I wouldn't bother TBH. I missed the part where she went to the cinema with another guy while bullshitting you. Her behavior is quite contradicting tbh, which always spells trouble.

Yeh it was strong BS imho. He is a footballer and she has a footballer cousin who is gay but she could have said that in the first place. Too many ifs, too many questions and the signs are clear. Gotta stop thinking with my dick and emotions.

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Move on, nothing but a world of hurt with that young girl. I was a young man once and experianced something pretty similar to you. I had to change job just to get away from her in the end. There are plenty of females out there that only love the attention and when they feel they get it from you with no effort, they will get bored and move on to the next guy.

Yep, I felt pretty shitty at work few times before and that is a sign to back off now. I think on the weekends she might have all the attention she needed hence lack of talking then during the week she seems me with the other girl talking (friendly, nothing there from my end) and wants the attention, talks to me during the week loads on Snap, WhatsApp and Skype, tags me in shit.

Mixing work and pleasure isn't a good idea.

I think I am being partly "desperate". Last time I have been with a girl was like in March (she lives abroad but is a great smart gal with future ahead, deffo not a toyer).

[Deleted]

No guy should have to work this hard to glue a clam.

Go to a bar, get a slutty girl drunk and drape those curtains instead.

[Hotmail]

Yes, the feelings don't appear to be mutual.

[Spoonman]

I get the feeling she isn't taking u very serious so if u wanna continue the idea of u and her u gotta drop the big emotion attachments, don't see her as the one but keep her around still by not doing anything stupid

I'm in a relationship kinda like this, difference tho is that it's only her insecurity about herself that makes me worried
it was a problem at first but I've learned to live with holding back my feelings and let her make the first moves

[aethermachine]

I dont see what the issue is here, sounds to me like you shouldnt give two shits about a situation that honestly to me doesnt exist. You said yourself you dont see yourself being with her in 5 years so dont give a fuck? Keep her on S a booty call and hit it as long as she is into it.

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

I could manage keeping things "professionally" in terms of if we both knew exactly what we want. But right now its like a mind game. But no you are right, it's a bad idea. A friend+colleague told me as long as it doesn't affect work.

You might be able to keep things professional...but can she?

[Kasterix]

That's right, she had some problems before when she passed out, moved country because she had to. Does not like her dad, her BF CHEATED ON HER and few other bits. It's all the clear signs that there are cats in her head.

She even told me, you won't put up with me.

Things like that last comment are designed to make you feel sorry for her, and ultimately keep you feeding her attention.

I'm fortunate enough to be comfortable with not settling for anyone, or desperate for company, and I'm not even remotely interested in dealing with attention seeking bullshit like that. These days I'll drop interest the moment someone makes a remotely suspicious comment/excuse about things like that.

A lot of people who lie tend to make the mistake of overdoing it, with things like giving you more reasons/excuses for something than was necessary, etc... A 'throw out a bunch of excuses, and eventually they'll believe one' shotgun approach. So if what you're saying is accurate it sounds sounds like this girl is lying her ass off, and if I were a betting man I'd say it's likely you're not the only guy she's lying to.

Still, you seem to be intent on using her as she is using you... So I have little sympathy for your situation.

[THE Bigzoman]

Yeah.

Like a fiddle.

[mizeri]

ignore her completely, other then hello's at work, dont be a stalker man

[brimdog]

To the Universe, Humanity is a disease that heat and cold and force have not been able to remove.

[Kithelle]

Just leave her be...sounds like this girl I used to be interested in who was younger than me...sounds a little like this girl by brother used to date that was younger than him and I...seeing a pattern here?

[Auxora]

Yes she's playing you, and yes if you get the chance for happy fun times go for it. She's clearly fooling around leading you on but and not serious. It's not always even intentional, it's just that a lot of girls especially that age don't know what they want, they enjoy the feeling of being hot and chased after by lots of guys, and so if you understand that it kind of works out for both people. BUT, if you can't handle that and start to get too clingy/relationship-y then you'll feel hurt and depending if she pushes you away before or after you fool around physically you may feel hurt badly when you realize the deal.

All that said, if you pass up the chance for carnal relations in your situation you will most likely be kicking yourself later. Keep it in perspective and remember you're both still very early into your adult lives, and know it's probably not going to be marriage going in. You're probably giving off those relationship-y vibes from the post, which is probably why she's kind of pushing you away. Keep it casual and act like you're 22 not 42.

[toxicrusader]

I've been down that road too (well, sorta)...

And bro, the only lesson I've got with all that is as simple as it sounds...

Don't be the first to show your gun, and by that I mean, keep it casual, be cool and let things roll.

I've got involved with the younger sister of a great friend of mine, and despise all the things that we said to each other, and the level of involvement we had, she managed to blow things up, clearly a sign of immaturity (she was also 18, I was 24).

You got involved with someone younger, even by not much, but in this stage of life, a couple of years means a lot. Run away from this mindgame, don't do the same mistake I did. It cost me almost a year and kept me away from my emotional sanity during this time.

Keep things on a professional level and treat her with respect, but distance, that's the best you can do.

[Zafire]

I took Yoda's advice and I haven't had any serious relationship problems since I was 20 (Now 28). I mean, I HAVE, but I was able to deal with them logically without feelings getting in the way.

DO NOT let yourself get too attached for a long, long time. It doesn't matter how attractive she is, how great at sex she is, if she is into your hobbies or not. Teach yourself to not care beyond a certain point. If you do, you just get taken advantage of and it becomes harder and harder to be yourself.

[Mister K]

I get the feeling she isn't taking u very serious so if u wanna continue the idea of u and her u gotta drop the big emotion attachments, don't see her as the one but keep her around still by not doing anything stupid

Yep, I think telling her how I feel is #1 mistake I have done.

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I dont see what the issue is here, sounds to me like you shouldnt give two shits about a situation that honestly to me doesnt exist. You said yourself you dont see yourself being with her in 5 years so dont give a fuck? Keep her on S a booty call and hit it as long as she is into it.

Yeh I am creating myself issues that shouldn't of been there in the first place. Specially since I was the one that said I wanted to go "slow" because of her previous relationship, work interference etc... Shot my self in the foot, well both of them.

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You might be able to keep things professional...but can she?

I think she could but I shouldn't really gamble with that. I can forget about things quick, might take me two weeks to readjust and stop caring about her but now I just gotta do it and just be friendly :/

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Still, you seem to be intent on using her as she is using you... So I have little sympathy for your situation.

Yeah I know it sort of sounds bad. I genuinely like/(d) her and would care for her but it's also very lust driven too I guess.

She made another excuse for not talking to me all day yesterday. I sent her one message in the morning saying to "steal me some bread" from her last day at a weekend job, it got delivered but no reply. I was busy anyway so it didn't bother me (and its bothering me less and less). That and the Snapchat (I know its petty from me) 'pending' status which I mentioned in the op.

Today the excuse was, "my messages ain't sent to u from yesterday lols", I mean, fuckinel' rly haha? I had no reaction told her "no worries " and left it at that. Then she sends me a text saying I have an ump with her and didn't bother replying. That and I was in town getting some jeans and later watching GER vs SVK footie (Draxler is immense). Then she sent me bunch of WhatsApp messages tell me she hates when I have the "ump" (which I dont, well had few times but now I dont care) with her every 5 minutes to the point she dosnt wanna talk to me. I personally don't care and just brush it off with 1 liners.

Then sends me some quite about "when girls say they dont mind their man checking out other girls" blah blah...

I do make a joke out of a lot of things but I hate tension :3

But yeh taking into account what everyone has said I am just going to distance myself, or try to and give her the room she needs. It's not like she is going to be leaving our work for the next 2-3 years (anything can happen).

I do thank everyone for the advice/shared experience.

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Yeah.

Like a fiddle.

Hmm for Christmas Santa I should get her a little toy fiddle, now that would be banter.

Last time one of our guys got someone a Drum and Base CD (the other guy HATES Drum and Base)