Planing on leaving my family but I am worried about them hounding me.

[Goradan]

To me it still sounds like you are not past this stage. So your solution to failures is to fail more? To me it sounds very irresponsible and childish and I think you want to be considered a grown-up. Try to solve it then as adults do.

I can't because they themselves don't behave like adults, always fights and pettiness, so if I am to be the mature one, I have to be the responsible one and say, "I am not gonna waste my time on this, get my act together and move out" Look I can see the error of my ways and I want to move on but my family can't and rip at me for regardless of making an effort I am not going to deal with that fuckery.

[Dawnseven]

I think @Boathouse's story was a good one. OP, you have to commit, and then do what needs to be done. If that means struggling through being homeless for a short period, or working two jobs to keep a roof over your head, or whatever it is, you need to put your head down and do it. No going back. If and when you get your feet under you, then remember with your family it takes two to tango. If they ask to talk, say no and walk away. If they knock on your door, don't answer it. If they call you, quietly hang up. If they find out where you work and hang around outside, walk past them without acknowledgment. If they grab you, punch you, touch you, call the police. There's really nothing they can do about your leaving. Threatening to call the cops or sue ... they're just threats. Ignore them. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing that they're able to upset you, and under no circumstances should you respond in kind. They yell, you yell, they threaten, you threaten, they hit, you hit ... you'd be egging them on and giving them a reason to call the cops on you instead. You don't want to get embroiled in a 'he/she started it' thing. Just don't participate and "it" very likely won't go anywhere. Wish you the best though. Going on your own without support will be hard, but if you put in the effort it will pay off eventually.

[Goradan]

The easiest solution is usually the hardest, talk to them, tell them how you really feel and the response might not be what you expect. Unless you're a dick about it.

Not going to work. I have talked too much and nothing as been resolved. Action speak louder than words.

[Aeula]

Dude... did you even read op ?

He's not from America but Denmark (even pointed out welfare).

He's 22...

No money on credit card are yours to begin with.

I used it as an example. I don't know the names anywhere in Denmark.

Okay then, he can leave whenever he wants.

And I meant debit card.

I read the OP. But that's all I read.

[In Ogres We Trust]

Since you're in Denmark, I would suggest that you enlist in the military (I believe the Term of Service for European nations is, on average, ten years), establish a foundation for your life, learn some discipline, and move-on to something else. For example, what's wrong with working for a few years, tying in some night classes for a vocational/college education, and knowing what you want to do after you're fully grown as an adult? If you're miserable with your life and/or family then you should change your circumstances!

[Zandalarian Paladin]

Hey all. I rarely do or want to talk about my problems as we all have them. But recently because I have to deal with bullshit from my dad and I am planning on leaving his place because all of the fighting I have with him and my brother is total and utter bullshit. I have done my own crap in the past, like failing my school tests and being a lazy asshole with an Know-it-all attitude, but now I want to move on but I don't want them to know I am leaving because they are control freaks and I frankly don't know my way around the world but it's a risk I need to take because if I don't, I will be stuck in the same loop the rest of my life.

I am sick and tired of hearing the same bull about this, and that. to hear about my failures. I want get on with my own life and make amends for my mistakes and be a better person. However my concern is not so much about leaving. it's more about how to stop my family to prevent me from leaving because My dad is a bipolar asshole that likes to threaten with court cases and calling the police so I was planning on telling the cops that after I leave to stop him from finding me. Because he is stuck in the past about the divorce from my mother and other shit I can't focus on doing my own work and I just want to turn over a new leaf in my life and be happy.

Anyone got suggestions on how to deal with this?

Left my house when I was about to turn 17 because me and my dad had very serious issues. Before it turned to fist, I moved out with my grandmother (my grandfather died that summer).

I was lucky enough to have a place to go. If you don't, that's where you should start. Find somewhere to go first, then think about how you'll do it.

[nacixems]

If he's a grown and independent man who hates his dad so much, he shouldn't be stealing daddy's bed, dressers, computer, tv, etc.

Wow, never said steal, maybe someone should not "Jump" .. I guess i should have said "your items" so the form nazi would not get all fluffed and upset. he asked a question, i gave my answer. your response to me, is by no means helpful or constructive to the thread. geshhh someone's just angry.

[Goradan]

I think @Boathouse's story was a good one. OP, you have to commit, and then do what needs to be done. If that means struggling through being homeless for a short period, or working two jobs to keep a roof over your head, or whatever it is, you need to put your head down and do it. No going back. If and when you get your feet under you, then remember with your family it takes two to tango. If they ask to talk, say no and walk away. If they knock on your door, don't answer it. If they call you, quietly hang up. If they find out where you work and hang around outside, walk past them without acknowledgment. If they grab you, punch you, touch you, call the police. There's really nothing they can do about your leaving. Threatening to call the cops or sue ... they're just threats. Ignore them. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing that they're able to upset you, and under no circumstances should you respond in kind. They yell, you yell, they threaten, you threaten, they hit, you hit ... you'd be egging them on and giving them a reason to call the cops on you instead. You don't want to get embroiled in a 'he/she started it' thing. Just don't participate and "it" very likely won't go anywhere. Wish you the best though. Going on your own without support will be hard, but if you put in the effort it will pay off eventually.

It's true it does take two to tango and that is why I am leaving. because why should I play their game and fight with when they are just fighting because a hurt ego. I realised that some time ago and really, they are just not worth my time. Thank

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Left my house when I was about to turn 17 because me and my dad had very serious issues. Before it turned to fist, I moved out with my grandmother (my grandfather died that summer).

I was lucky enough to have a place to go. If you don't, that's where you should start. Find somewhere to go first, then think about how you'll do it.

I don't have any other friends or family, so that sucks. it also sucks that you lost your grandpa on that summer, compounding the stress.

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Since you're in Denmark, I would suggest that you enlist in the military (I believe the Term of Service for European nations is, on average, ten years), establish a foundation for your life, learn some discipline, and move-on to something else. For example, what's wrong with working for a few years, tying in some night classes for a vocational/college education, and knowing what you want to do after you're fully grown as an adult? If you're miserable with your family then you should change your circumstances!

Kinda considered that, but I mentioned that I don't enlist.

[dextersmith]

How old are you? If you are an adult by your country standards you can do what ever you want --- move out. If you are not you can ask a legal emancipation i guess.

Tell me about emancipation. If you're emancipated do you have to get a job and are responsible for every aspect of life or do you get government money and a social worker?

[tankbug]

Not every country dumps their citizens on streets if they don't have a job. In some countries peoples lives are valued beyond what they can do to increase corporate profits

But they're not giving away apartments either. He can't expect the government to take care of him just like that. He needs to find himself a place to live, and perhaps they will cover the rent fully or partially, until he's on his feet, based on how they deem his situation.

[Goradan]

But they're not giving away apartments either. He can't expect the government to take care of him just like that. He needs to find himself a place to live, and perhaps they will cover the rent fully or partially, until he's on his feet, based on how they deem his situation.

True. its not I want to be a charity case like my fat bitch mom. I already made the mistake of getting to comfortable, not gonna let that happen again.

[Deleted]

I can't because they themselves don't behave like adults, always fights and pettiness, so if I am to be the mature one, I have to be the responsible one and say, "I am not gonna waste my time on this, get my act together and move out" Look I can see the error of my ways and I want to move on but my family can't and rip at me for regardless of making an effort I am not going to deal with that fuckery.

You either are mature or you are not. There is no inbetween. You act mature regardless of people around you. If a kid teases you will you start acting like that kid? That's something you need to understand and do if you want to be mature (notice I say mature and not an adult. Being mature is a state of mind, beind adult is just age)

[In Ogres We Trust]

It's true it does take two to tango and that is why I am leaving. because why should I play their game and fight with when they are just fighting because a hurt ego. I realised that some time ago and really, they are just not worth my time. Thank

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I don't have any other friends or family, so that sucks. it also sucks that you lost your grandpa on that summer, compounding the stress.

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Kinda considered that, but I mentioned that I don't enlist.

In this particular situation, it's apparent what the real issue is with your current situation, i.e. it's you. It's your behavior; it's your attitude; it's your failings; it's your beliefs; and it's your own shortcomings and failures to own up to your situation while seeking structured reinforcement and assistance to aid you in your emotional, physical, and psychological development. Instead of owning up to your own shortcomings, you're projecting your own failures onto your family and their personal attachment for you. Just going off of this thread, your comments, and your rejection of sound advice, it's apparent that it's a waste of time to offer further guidance.

[ItachiZaku]

Well, Tyrion shot his pops on the shitter with a crossbow and is setup to choke out his sister. So, you have options.

[dextersmith]

True. But I am more worried about harassment. there is reason for them to chase me, especially when he has threaten to kick me out. in fact I ran away twice because a one point to shut him up, and both time he cried out of "worry" normally I would feel sorry and guilty but when he behaves so erratic i find more self-centered than anything. Also Normal people would have gotten the message but both my dad and my "intelligent" brother would get it unless I take drastic measures for a simple thing.

You ran away twice just to show them? What a **** child. Did it shut up your father when you came crawling back twice?

[Zandalarian Paladin]

I don't have any other friends or family, so that sucks. it also sucks that you lost your grandpa on that summer, compounding the stress.

That summer has been challenging to say the least, but I'm happy now so don't feel bad.

The point is more about finding a place - wether or not it's with friends/family or something else entirely. I know most colleges have dormitory in the US. Might be worth looking at.

[Goradan]

Well, Tyrion shot his pops on the shitter with a crossbow and is setup to choke out his sister. So, you have options.

Hehehehehehe, if this was Westeros. I properly would have don't that if he was like Tywin. But that is still a sick thing to do. But why give them a victim card when you can just leave them to rot.

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In this particular situation, it's apparent what the real issue is with your current situation, i.e. it's you. It's your behavior; it's your attitude; it's your failings; it's your beliefs; and it's your own shortcomings and failures to own up to your situation while seeking structured reinforcement and assistance to aid you in your emotional, physical, and psychological development. Instead of owning up to your own shortcomings, you're projecting your own failures onto your family and their personal attachment for you. Just going off of this thread, your comments, and your rejection of sound advice, it's apparent that it's a waste of time to offer further guidance.

Ehhh. Nope.

Well Apart from some asshole comments I am glad I got something out of this. I am planning to go to one the social centers to talk to them about getting a place or how to, and at the same time getting a part-time job as well to have some extra money for when shit really hits the fans. But I am really glad people here heard me out on the matter and gave me some well needed feedback, idea's and criticism on my case so I could better laid out my plans for leaving. So I thank you guys for the comments and stuff.

Peace and have a good day.

[dextersmith]

And how would you know his family cares for him? Plenty of families neglect their offspring. I get the impression they're just putting him down and blasting his dreams apart, but like you, I don't know the full story. For the record I've been to psychiatrists too and they pretty much did sweet F/A.

It's not neglecting when this guy is an adult and too good for family. I've known men in their 30s who still lives with mommy, as well as those who say "I hate you and never want to see you again but you better give me my allowance!"

[Nihilist74]

Well, I was 17 and not happy with my home situation, so I joined the Army. One of the best decisions ever. Not sure if you have that option or not. But it gave me a secure place to sleep, food, some income , etc. Also taught me discipline.

Good idea but join the navy or air force. If you join the army you might be sent somewhere awful in the middle east and get shot at. If you join the navy or air force you may have a better chance at getting some kind of technical training.

[Boathouse]

It's not neglecting when this guy is an adult and too good for family. I've known men in their 30s who still lives with mommy, as well as those who say "I hate you and never want to see you again but you better give me my allowance!"

I'm not going to jump to his defense since I clearly don't know everything, but I wouldn't go that far to insult him either. Beaten wife syndrome does fall to children as well who never get a chance to be an adult. Turning 18 doesn't magically make you able to mentally or physically take on the world.