Do you think being 100% honest and open is viable?

[NoJuice]

Being wrong is not the same as lying though.

That's exactly my point. You can be honest and wrong.

[kail]

There are different levels of lies and honesty. If someone asks "How do I look?", you could go with a single word answer or go in great detail. Also, you idea of an honest person always speak his/her mind? Or just when required to answer a question? I could go around telling all the old people they have plenty of wrinkles and all the hot females that I'd like to fuck them. While honest, it is also socially self-destructive and completely unnecessary.

In the end, lies are something that helps define us as human IMO. It keeps us in a decent status with the rest of society by not pissing everyone off.

[Nekoyou]

Just a thought experiment. Imagine a person who always tells truth and only truth. They never lie, they never sugarcoat anything, never try to hide inconvenient facts of their biography from others. Whenever you ask them about anything (except for private stuff compromising their well-being, such as bank account data), they always give you a perfectly honest answer. They are not necessarily a jerk, but they will always tell you how they feel about you, even if it means telling you that they hate you utterly. Or, if they really like you, they will tell it right away, without any hesitation or anxiety.

Do you think such a person can be well off in the modern society?

So i have a question, how do you get around being a jerk. If you tell someone that you hate them utterly do you think if you say it softly, or without aggression that you are being nice or pleasant in any way? Do you think there is a way to be completely honest without being a jerk to others by telling them what you don't like about them or what you are thinking about including how you are completely absorbed into your own problems and pretty much don't care about what they are saying? or that you want to know more about them so that you can exploit later? Even if that is not the only reason why you listen to others talk about what is going on in their lives, do you think any reason you give will be completely and honestly 1 dimensional like for instance "you want to get to know them?"

Do you think you would be able to get a girl being completely honest or a guy depending on what gender you are? People keep things to themselves for a reason. There are also reasons why being completely honest and up front all the time does not actually work in the world. It's because we are all liars or that we like to hide ourselves. It's the fact that showing your complete personality up front is a misnomer. No wants to know you in the first 10 mins of a conversation or even in the first day. They want to get to know you over time. It is part of the way society itself functions.

[Gracin]

I have the tendency to be extremely honest. I'm not saying I don't tell lies every now and again, mainly to keep myself out of trouble. However, I have no qualms about speaking my mind, good or bad, especially when asked what my opinion is. I came to the decision several years back that I would rather be considered an asshole, because of my honesty, and only have a few close people in my life. Rather than lying to myself and others just to have a larger circle, and never really knowing if they could handle the real me. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk up to some random on the street and let loose on them. I have tact, but people are in for a surprise when they ask me for an honest opinion.

[kail]

So far I have had no issues living my life like that. I get called an asshole often, because I speak my mind and tell people the truth rather than what they want to hear. But whatever, it doesn't bother me. I mean, I'm sure as a child I lied, I don't think it's possible to NOT lie as a kid. But I learned early on that the truth gets better results than lies. I can live with telling the truth and getting a negative outcome more than I can the thought of having to live a lie.

I have no need to lie to make myself look good, I do not care what other people think of me.

The only time I sugarcoat things is with kids. Adults can fucking deal with it.

It isn't that hard. I don't why people think it isn't possible. Just because YOU feel the need to occasionally lie, for whatever reason, doesn't mean that EVERYONE does that same exact thing.

Because that can very easily lead to a lonely life. We are not robots that can simply shrug off hurtful truths. I'd imagine your reaction if the woman you just slept thinks your dick is rather small. Deep inside, you're going to feel something.

[PosPosPos]

No.

As much as various hypocrites love to expound how honest they are and how much they value honesty in others, these are generally the same people who lie the most.

In any case, sometimes it's really a matter of "you can't help what you think, but what you do".

[Nekoyou]

For many of these couldn't you just use a response of "I'd rather not say" or "You really don't want to know", rather than just blurting out inappropriate things. For the bank robber example, that's obviously an extraordinary situation and one of the times where lying to protect your life is acceptable even from someone who is trying to be very honest.

So now you are making rules for when it is acceptable and when it is not to be honest and tell the truth. The original post stated you are honest to a fault. Unless you are saying that you will not be honest all the time only when YOU feel it is okay to be so? like when you want to speak your mind but every other time you can avoid telling the turth or be less then truthful.

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I have the tendency to be extremely honest. I'm not saying I don't tell lies every now and again, mainly to keep myself out of trouble. However, I have no qualms about speaking my mind, good or bad, especially when asked what my opinion is. I came to the decision several years back that I would rather be considered an asshole, because of my honesty, and only have a few close people in my life. Rather than lying to myself and others just to have a larger circle, and never really knowing if they could handle the real me. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk up to some random on the street and let loose on them. I have tact, but people are in for a surprise when they ask me for an honest opinion.

why? do you think it is appropriate to be an asshole? do you like it when others are an asshole to you? I understand that we unfortunately live in a society where it is not only acceptable to be an asshole to others but it is encouraged under the notion that you have to have "thick skin" or that this is the "real me" or better then notion that "it doesn't bother you". But those are all false. Having "thick skin" does not excuse others being an asshole to you nor does it mean that you have an excuse to be an asshole to them. Honestly, this is why people end up in therapy or with massive issues that they do not speak to anyone about because they are so busy trying to pretend like you don't have any emotions or like you can handle it. The fact of the matter is that no one really likes people being an asshole to themselves. They just "say" they are okay with it because they like to be an asshole to others.

[Zoibert the Bear]

My girlfriend is very close to this. She tends to be brutally honest and doesn't lie, even if it hurts someone/herself.

I've seen so many different reactions to this, but overall, people either love her or hate her, no middle ground. Her friends are incredibly reliable friends, but she's also got quite a few enemies.

[PosPosPos]

My girlfriend is very close to this. She tends to be brutally honest and doesn't lie, even if it hurts someone/herself.

I've seen so many different reactions to this, but overall, people either love her or hate her, no middle ground. Her friends are incredibly reliable friends, but she's also got quite a few enemies.

Sounds a lot like me.

It's great to not have lukewarm acquaintances, and separates the hypocrites from the sincere. At the very least, I get to deal with less people with unknown dispositions because their reactions to me tend to be polarized.

[Gracin]

My girlfriend is very close to this. She tends to be brutally honest and doesn't lie, even if it hurts someone/herself.

I've seen so many different reactions to this, but overall, people either love her or hate her, no middle ground. Her friends are incredibly reliable friends, but she's also got quite a few enemies.

Sounds a lot like me.

It's great to not have lukewarm acquaintances, and separates the hypocrites from the sincere. At the very least, I get to deal with less people with unknown dispositions because their reactions to me tend to be polarized.

These two posts get it. It's not about pissing people off intentionally, it's about weeding out those who can't handle being around us. Hell I don't even consider myself an asshole; that's the public's decision really. I'm just honest, and despite the "honesty is the best policy" garbage people will shove down your throat, most people don't want to hear the truth.

And those who can deal with the truth, will likely be around forever.

[Cosmic Janitor]

For many of these couldn't you just use a response of "I'd rather not say" or "You really don't want to know", rather than just blurting out inappropriate things.[...]

These won't get you far in life. In most scenarios people will interpret them as the negative response, in others you are at best seen as indecisive.

[PosPosPos]

most people don't want to hear the truth.

This is also the kind of people who get off emotionally on having a huge number of facebook or even real life "friends", when no actual, meaningful and lasting bonds have been formed. Worse are the kind that use the fact that they have "so many friends" to high horse over people who have less, but real relationships.

[Zephire]

My wife is afraid of flying, particularly when there is turbulence. She is totally fine during takeoff and landing though. I am an aviator by trade, takeoff and landing are the most dangerous parts of any flight. They call them the critical five minutes of flight for a reason. I will never tell her that, even if asked directly, as it would only make things worse for her. There are important things in relationships that you should always be honest about, but using good judgement as to what is actually beneficial (for your partner and the relationship as a whole, not just for yourself) is part of a healthy relationship.

I agree with what you're saying, though, for the sake of arguing, maybe she really needs to be told? Maybe it's required for overcoming the feeling? If you always have to deal with blunt truth you won't have to deal with middle ways which would limiting unsure factors.

I don't think being 100% truthful will work unless everyone else is the same. Situational truthfulness works with it self but not with someone being 100% truthful, it's two different ways of behaviour and I think it's hard for them to co-exist.

[PosPosPos]

These won't get you far in life. In most scenarios people will interpret them as the negative response, in others you are at best seen as indecisive.

Citation required

Whenever I say something like that, my friends interpret this as something not situationally appropriate, or something that can hurt them. It is a warning that, if they expect me to continue with the line of conversation, I am inevitably going to say something nasty.

So at the very least, your singular anecdotes don't speak for me, much less the majority.

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I agree with what you're saying, though, for the sake of arguing, maybe she really needs to be told? Maybe it's required for overcoming the feeling? If you always have to deal with blunt truth you won't have to deal with middle ways which would limiting unsure factors.

I don't think being 100% truthful will work unless everyone else is the same. Situational truthfulness works with it self but not with someone being 100% truthful, it's two different ways of behaviour and I think it's hard for them to co-exist.

Then she can ask.

You are not being deceitful, either directly or indirectly, if you don't answer to what isn't asked.

Being truthful is not the same as being verbose, don't conflate between the two.

[HumbleDuck]

No, its not.

[PosPosPos]

No, its not.

It's not if you are less privileged in life, aiming for higher ground.

However, if you are content with what you have and have a stable environment without running the risk of losing what you have saying something out of turn, it's certainly very viable.

[WintersLegion]

No. A noble lie is sometimes better than a harsh truth.

Yeah a truth that only brings pain is no better than lying to cause harm. An example, A womans husband dies, you know he was cheating on her since he's dead telling her the truth will only bring unnecessary pain, unless you find out that the woman he was cheating on her with had an std or something while he was with her.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Citation required

Whenever I say something like that, my friends interpret this as something not situationally appropriate, or something that can hurt them. It is a warning that, if they expect me to continue with the line of conversation, I am inevitably going to say something nasty.

So at the very least, your singular anecdotes don't speak for me, much less the majority.

Really?
A: Am I good in bed?
B: I'd rather not say.

You might as well say no outright. Every situation that calls for decency and/or a modicum of courtesy is a situation that calls for white lies.

[Zephire]

Then she can ask.

You are not being deceitful, either directly or indirectly, if you don't answer to what isn't asked.

Being truthful is not the same as being verbose, don't conflate between the two.

Well, if she don't know about it maybe she can't ask? There's a lot of things people can tell me which I don't know and would never ask about since I've no idea they existed or worked in that way.

I'm unsure what verbose is so I don't really understand what that part means.

[PosPosPos]

Well, if she don't know about it maybe she can't ask? There's a lot of things people can tell me which I don't know and would never ask about since I've no idea they existed or worked in that way.

That's only in the case of the persons involved not having sufficient knowledge to ask informed questions. However, if you fly in a plane at least once, then surely you at least know the plane first goes, up, stays in the air while travelling to the destination, then lands on the ground?

So really, you wouldn't have an excuse of being uninformed that you wouldn't know how to ask which part of flying a plane is the most dangerous, because you are already well-acquainted to the major parts of flying.

I'm unsure what verbose is so I don't really understand what that part means.

Let me put this another way - proactively telling people what they didn't ask or don't need/care to know, is for the most part TMI - Too Much Information.

At that point, you are just willfully busybodying into other people's business and stirring shit up that doesn't need to happen.