Do you think being 100% honest and open is viable?

[judgementofantonidas]

Just a thought experiment. Imagine a person who always tells truth and only truth. They never lie, they never sugarcoat anything, never try to hide inconvenient facts of their biography from others. Whenever you ask them about anything (except for private stuff compromising their well-being, such as bank account data), they always give you a perfectly honest answer. They are not necessarily a jerk, but they will always tell you how they feel about you, even if it means telling you that they hate you utterly. Or, if they really like you, they will tell it right away, without any hesitation or anxiety.

Do you think such a person can be well off in the modern society?

only if the truth is what people want to hear about themselves. which is rarely the case.

[Sierra85]

isn't being 100% honest all the time the plot to that horrible jim carrey movie.

[Zephire]

That's only in the case of the persons involved not having sufficient knowledge to ask informed questions. However, if you fly in a plane at least once, then surely you at least know the plane first goes, up, stays in the air while travelling to the destination, then lands on the ground?

So really, you wouldn't have an excuse of being uninformed that you wouldn't know how to ask which part of flying a plane is the most dangerous, because you are already well-acquainted to the major parts of flying.

True. Though one might still need to hear something to be able to change behaviour. Maybe you don't want to know during which part flying is the most dangerous but you might need to face it so that you can overcome it. Maybe flying becomes easier since you'd then know that the first small percent of the flight time is what's scary and then you'd not need to worry about the longer up-in-the-air-transport-time.

Let me put this another way - proactively telling people what they didn't ask or don't need/care to know, is for the most part TMI - Too Much Information.

At that point, you are just willfully busybodying into other people's business and stirring shit up that doesn't need to happen.

Aight, I think I understand. Cheers!

I guess we've travelled away from the core subject though :P

[PosPosPos]

Aight, I think I understand. Cheers!

I guess we've travelled away from the core subject though :P

It's about what qualifies as honesty(and as well as not).

You have to properly define honesty before going on to discuss whether it's viable to be 100% so.

[Deleted]

No, sometimes white lies are unfortunately required.

For example, in work interviews a common question if you have a gap between jobs is what did you do then. "Playing games and sleeping" is not a viable answer, even if it's true.


Another good example is when telling the truth might insult the person "Does this dress make me look fat?" where "yes" is not a good answer.


Lastly in cases of danger, telling the truth would only stress the person more and they might act irrational. In a zombie apocalypse when there's zombies banging on your door, and the people you're with say "we're all going to die", you can't say "yeah, we will", because they might open door to try and run through zombies due to panic, while otherwise they might think more and you all might come up with a better plan.

[Biske]

Just a thought experiment. Imagine a person who always tells truth and only truth. They never lie, they never sugarcoat anything, never try to hide inconvenient facts of their biography from others. Whenever you ask them about anything (except for private stuff compromising their well-being, such as bank account data), they always give you a perfectly honest answer. They are not necessarily a jerk, but they will always tell you how they feel about you, even if it means telling you that they hate you utterly. Or, if they really like you, they will tell it right away, without any hesitation or anxiety.

Do you think such a person can be well off in the modern society?

It works relatively fine for me because I rarely have anything bad to say about anyone to begin with. I don't sugarcoat things, but I also always look for both the good and the bad, rather than just being like "well, I think that's a piece of shit". Sometimes I even warn them that they're about to hear something they're not going to like and ask if they want me to continue. I also try to include helpful advice if the situation calls for it.

Also, the right truth at the right time works as well (if not better) than a lie to turn things your way, especially when people who know you know that you're not lying.

[PosPosPos]

No, sometimes white lies are unfortunately required.

For example, in work interviews a common question if you have a gap between jobs is what did you do then. "Playing games and sleeping" is not a viable answer, even if it's true.

Which is why I said earlier, that being 100% honest is not viable when you stand to lose something you need to survive on doing so.

Another good example is when telling the truth might insult the person "Does this dress make me look fat?" where "yes" is not a good answer.

Why is it not a good answer in this case? Making up a white lie is just postponing and escalating the problem, when said person wears the dress out and is criticized by others. Then she realizes you were just patronizing her.

If she's going to be offended, then in the first place why are you socializing with her? Are you that emotionally needy and dependent?

Lastly in cases of danger, telling the truth would only stress the person more and they might act irrational. In a zombie apocalypse when there's zombies banging on your door, and the people you're with say "we're all going to die", you can't say "yeah, we will", because they might open door to try and run through zombies due to panic, while otherwise they might think more and you all might come up with a better plan.

Putting aside the absurd situation(since I understand the core point it's trying to make), stating "yeah, we will" is not telling the truth - it's just fearmongering over the worst case scenario. Which is far from honesty as a blatant misrepresentation of the facts.

Telling the truth would be "the situation looks bleak, but it's not altogether without hope, even if slim".

[HumbleDuck]

It's not if you are less privileged in life, aiming for higher ground.

However, if you are content with what you have and have a stable environment without running the risk of losing what you have saying something out of turn, it's certainly very viable.

Even in that state, total honesty will introduce enormous amounts of inconvenience to life. People are not perfect and usually ask you about the aspects of their personality they feel insecure about.

[PosPosPos]

Even in that state, total honesty will introduce enormous amounts of inconvenience to life. People are not perfect and usually ask you about the aspects of their personality they feel insecure about.

I don't find my life inconvenient. So at the very least, your blanket statement is not true.

[Biske]

For example, in work interviews a common question if you have a gap between jobs is what did you do then. "Playing games and sleeping" is not a viable answer, even if it's true.

Fortunately, I have legitimate things I can say for that: 1. I'm in Puerto Rico, and it's incredibly difficult to find a job here with the economy basically collapsing and all, and 2. I've been taking care of my father who has alzheimer's/dementia and diabetes (work from home now so I don't need time off anymore to make sure that he's not dying/getting himself killed)

For the other points, PosPosPos beat me to the punch.

[Gracin]

Even in that state, total honesty will introduce enormous amounts of inconvenience to life. People are not perfect and usually ask you about the aspects of their personality they feel insecure about.

Will there be occasional inconvenient moments? Occasionally, but not so many as you assume there are. In fact after a while, when you do have you core base of people that can handle your honestly, those moments are non-existent.

[May90]

It works relatively fine for me because I rarely have anything bad to say about anyone to begin with. I don't sugarcoat things, but I also always look for both the good and the bad, rather than just being like "well, I think that's a piece of shit". Sometimes I even warn them that they're about to hear something they're not going to like and ask if they want me to continue. I also try to include helpful advice if the situation calls for it.

Also, the right truth at the right time works as well (if not better) than a lie to turn things your way, especially when people who know you know that you're not lying.

Interesting; I can somewhat relate. I usually try to see the positive in people, and even when I have a lot of reasons to dislike them, I try to focus on the positives and overall still like them. So, even if I am to be perfectly honest, I very rarely will have to say things that will insult people.

For example, if I don't find someone attractive, and they ask me, "Do you find me attractive?", I can honestly answer, "I really like your eyes and figure". If someone asks me whether they keep me interested, even if I keep yawning and looking at my watches, I can honestly say, "Yes, I you offer some really unique curious opinions". If someone is obese, and they ask me, "Do you find me fat?", I can respond with, "You could improve a bit, but it is okay as it is too!".

I really do not thing that one has to be an insulting jerk to be honest.

[ChampionChains]

I'm usually very honest. I don't go out of my way to tell people I feel negatively about them, but when asked, I tell them 100% how I feel. This leads to problems sometimes when people have thin skin or fail to take criticism. I've had people try to report me to HR before, but it usually goes nowhere as I back my opinion up with facts. For instance, I used to work at a corporate HQ for a furniture/home decor company as their studio coordinator/producer. We had a stylist who had been with the company since it was founded (25 years prior) and began as the apprentice to the founder of the company. She was very difficult and demanding and I would often let her know, especially if she crossed the line or made unrealistic demands. She tried to get me in trouble several times, but it never went anywhere as I backed up each incident with a factual explanation of her behavior and how it negatively affected our team and the job we were trying to complete. After a few years, we became good friends and I think the fact that I was always honest with her and that she learned to be completely honest with me helped a lot. Neither of us work for that company any longer (we both left to start our own companies) but we still keep in touch.

As a note though, I do think there is a big difference between "being honest" and "saying every single honest thing that pops into your mind at all times".

[Total Crica]

complete honesty requires perfection, and this is something that doesn't exist, so no, it wouldn't work

this is of course my opinion, there is no way to know for sure if this is fact or not

i DO know that there are times when you NEED to lie - i dont recommend being honest with anyone trying to do you harm, for example...

[Gracin]

I think the majority of people that have problems with those of us who say we are nearly/always honest is you all expect that we walk down the street slinging insults at everyone. When it couldn't be any farther from what actually happens, because I don't walk anywhere... I drive.

[HumbleDuck]

Will there be occasional inconvenient moments? Occasionally, but not so many as you assume there are. In fact after a while, when you do have you core base of people that can handle your honestly, those moments are non-existent.

Maybe in your circle of friends, but how about local stores, your doctors, drivers,... Total honesty will irritate them and that would introduce inconvenience.

- - - Updated - - -

I think the majority of people that have problems with those of us who say we are nearly/always honest is you all expect that we walk down the street slinging insults at everyone. When it couldn't be any farther from what actually happens, because I don't walk anywhere... I drive.

Total honesty includes telling people directly what you think. Not stating the truth is not that much different than a lie.

[Toblat]

Was mostly honest at my last job. Got called a liar, discredited among management and colleagues and pushed out.
There's a lesson somewhere in there.

[PosPosPos]

Maybe in your circle of friends, but how about local stores, your doctors, drivers,... Total honesty will irritate them and that would introduce inconvenience.

And the proof for this is? Do you have scientific studies, or at least a 2nd hand account of someone who was severely inconvenienced from being honest?

Total honesty includes telling people directly what you think. Not stating the truth is not that much different than a lie.

Only if they ask.

If they don't ask, not saying anything isn't lying. As I have stated earlier in the thread, don't conflate verbosity for honesty.

[Deleted]

It's not.

/charrrssss

[HumbleDuck]

And the proof for this is? Do you have scientific studies, or at least a 2nd hand account of someone who was severely inconvenienced from being honest?






Only if they ask.

If they don't ask, not saying anything isn't lying. As I have stated earlier in the thread, don't conflate verbosity for honesty.

Total honesty includes all aspect of honesty, for instance the following statement is one being used by many in contemporary ethics as one aspect of total honesty.

"express negative opinions of others, either without having been asked their opinion, or having been asked in a circumstance where the response would be trivial."
Barbara MacKinnon, Andrew Fiala, Ethics: Theory and Contemporary Issues, Concise Edition (2015), p. 93.

Of course we can argue on the definition of honesty, but then it would be off topic.