Does having kids make you happier? Research paper.

[ArguesWithStrangers]

Please explain to me how not having kids is selfish?

self·ish

adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

"I don't want kids because I don't want to share my time."

"I don't want kids because they'd inhibit my personal ambitions."

"I don't want kids because they are expensive and would limit my lifestyle."

Do any of these sound familiar? Like I said, all of this is okay. Just own it and accept it. We'll accept it right along with you if you let us.

[Speaker]

Seems more like it is probably related to unwanted/unplanned pregnancies. In the US it seems that people are having kids younger and younger on average, a lot of them unplanned. Lots of women also try to get pregnant to try to keep their man, and then find out the opposite happens, because the man they hooked up based on looks alone actually isn't as great a guy as they thought he was, and then they end up having to raise this child alone and it becomes a burden on them. More single mothers, more unplanned pregnancies, and younger parents who aren't ready for raising a child yet seem like the biggest factors to me.

On the other hand, a mature couple who are ready to settle down, and financially capable of raising a child I can see this being a great thing for them. Someone that they can raise, and watch as they begin to make their own choices and have their own accomplishments in life is a pretty great thing.

This is all my own personal opinion though.

[Jotaux]

Oh man, it's so common.

My dad asks me "So does my line end with you" every time he has a few drinks in him.

My grandpa keeps tellling me I don't need to get married to give him some great grandchildren

[jimboa24]

Please explain to me how not having kids is selfish?

That's just the reason I see from a lot of people who say they don't want kids. They say that they are selfish and would make terrible parents, etc. And living purposefully without kids so you'll have more money and time to spend on yourself is selfish in a very literal way - you love yourself more than you would love your hypothetical offspring, so that's who you choose to spend your resources on. In this case, there isn't anything morally wrong about that; better to not have kids than have them and neglect them after all.

[The Stormbringer]

That's just the reason I see from a lot of people who say they don't want kids. They say that they are selfish and would make terrible parents, etc. And living purposefully without kids so you'll have more money and time to spend on yourself is selfish in a very literal way - you love yourself more than you would love your hypothetical offspring, so that's who you choose to spend your resources on. In this case, there isn't anything morally wrong about that; better to not have kids than have them and neglect them after all.

Darn straight. I for one think I could maybe manage a kid, but only with a partner to help out, and definitely not more than one, and certainly not until I got my shit together.

[dez1216]

Boys are superior, they carry your name into the future. A girl lets your name vanish. I dont like this. Keep in mind this is my opinion. Not a fact.

But what happens if, like me, you give your son your name? My SO and I aren't married, so I gave my son my name, not his. It's not terribly uncommon these days.

[RayenDark]

I've never been a fan of the hyphen. When I married my wife I told her I'd be honored if she took my name. If she wanted to keep hers however I'd respect her choice. What was out of the question was hyphenating. It is a silly and unnecessary compromise when all one needs to do is make a decision and own it. Plus it makes names obnoxiously long.

Which I understand but as an artist I have two choices. 1. Hyphen or 2. Not change my name.

I would loose a lot of credibility and creative identity because no one would know who I am should my last name change. An artists' signature and name carry a lot of weight in their career.

[Nihilist74]

I don't want to have children. Its too much responsibility and dedication. If I met woman who I was really in love with and I knew she was in love with me, if she needed to have children to be happy, I would. The worlds too over populated and I wouldn't want to screw up some innocent child's life by bringing them into the world.

[vindicatorx]

Please explain to me how not having kids is selfish?

That is easy, I don't want kids because I'm not willing to downgrade my interests and plans for kids or at this time a significant other. I mean this is me not everyone, I'm selfish as fuck. Now, this may change but I'm over 35 so while the significant other part might eventually change the kids problem is quickly becoming less and less of a possible issue.

[Crispin]

Voted sometimes, and I'll quickly explain why.

Last night, 1 of my 1 year old twins decided to take a shit and start pushing upwards with her legs, resulting in poo beeing pushed out her diaper and on to the linen.

I have no doubt that people without kids, were alot happier sleeping at 4am, while I was washing a screaming kid and her bed afterwards.

That beeing said, I wouldnt have had 4 kids if I were miserable after the 1st one.

[AeneasBK]

If you don't have kids you failed life by the only objective measure :S

That said, it isn't curious that countries with better social support for parents make the whole thing less miserable.

[Mazeari]

I wonder what defined kids in this research. For example, as a non parent that wishes for kids. I'm personally looking more forward from when they are aged 11+.

I can also imagine people would react differently to being happy with their kids if they had a 4 yo kid compared to a 13yo kid

[xenogear3]

Boys are superior, they carry your name into the future. A girl lets your name vanish. I dont like this. Keep in mind this is my opinion. Not a fact.

You must be a Chinese (or Asian).

[Keosen]

My daughter is still very young (18 months) and i can say she is making me as happy as it gets every single day.
Before she was born i never thought that just by watching another person smile can you give so much happiness that will bring tears in your eyes.

[Yriel]

self·ish

adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

"I don't want kids because I don't want to share my time."

"I don't want kids because they'd inhibit my personal ambitions."

"I don't want kids because they are expensive and would limit my lifestyle."

Do any of these sound familiar? Like I said, all of this is okay. Just own it and accept it. We'll accept it right along with you if you let us.

Now please give us three "I do want kids because..." statements and i bet (if you are honest) they are just as selfish.

[Ryme]

Out of interest, what are the typical family roles in the countries where having kids makes you happy?

[Deleted]

Maybe I'm going to break from the way people are approaching this topic by saying this

What if it doesn't matter if kids make you happier or not?

Look at the countries at the bottom of that ranking: USA, UK, etc - these are the more individualistic societies

Having kids is a quintessentially unselfish act, it is inherently anti-individualistic as the focus is the child and its happiness, and not the interests of the adults involved

Maybe this is why kids cause unhappiness in individualistic societies: they run counter to the ethos of the culture

[Puupi]

Out of interest, what are the typical family roles in the countries where having kids makes you happy?

In Finland, both parents work - if that's what you mean by roles. Stay-at-home moms are very rare.

But you know, we have a somewhat long paid parental leave when the baby is born.

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Maybe I'm going to break from the way people are approaching this topic by saying this

What if it doesn't matter if kids make you happier or not?

Look at the countries at the bottom of that ranking: USA, UK, etc - these are the more individualistic societies

Having kids is a quintessentially unselfish act, it is inherently anti-individualistic as the focus is the child and its happiness, and not the interests of the adults involved

Maybe this is why kids cause unhappiness in individualistic societies: they run counter to the ethos of the culture

Considering the amount of people on this planet and the amount of kids without parents - having kids is indeed a very selfish act. I'm not saying it's wrong, but it definitely is selfish.

[Aeula]

Hormones probably do most of it. The rest is more pride than happiness.

Personally I'm too selfish for kids, so fuck that noise.

[ArguesWithStrangers]

Which I understand but as an artist I have two choices. 1. Hyphen or 2. Not change my name.

I would loose a lot of credibility and creative identity because no one would know who I am should my last name change. An artists' signature and name carry a lot of weight in their career.

Which is perfectly legitimate. Why not then just keep your original name and not worry about the hyphen?

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That is easy, I don't want kids because I'm not willing to downgrade my interests and plans for kids or at this time a significant other. I mean this is me not everyone, I'm selfish as fuck. Now, this may change but I'm over 35 so while the significant other part might eventually change the kids problem is quickly becoming less and less of a possible issue.

Thank you for not being a part of the "I wan't to be selfish but don't want to be called selfish crowd." Owning your choices in life is admirable. I wonder if there is a synonym for selfish they would find more palatable?

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Now please give us three "I do want kids because..." statements and i bet (if you are honest) they are just as selfish.

Alright I'll play. Perhaps you're on to something.

"I do want kids because I enjoy teaching them, getting to know them, and seeing them grow." (depends on how you look at it)

"I do want kids because I want a bunch of grand-kids and playing with them will be a blast when I'm older." (totally selfish)

"I do want kids because I'm deeply religious and see it as a social responsibility." (not really selfish)

I suppose your right in a sense. Anything can ultimately be called selfish if the person doing it derives personal satisfaction from it. We have the word in the English language for a reason though. That is because we make a distinction between drawing personal satisfaction from giving of yourself for the betterment of others and having personal satisfaction through not giving of yourself.