Why is it okay to ask someone if they are planning on having kids?

[Granyala]

You've decided to not have children?

I have.
Genetic reasons.

[sheggaro]

Because why wouldn't it be?

[Kaeth]

I was under the impression that deciding not to have children was a perfectly acceptable life choice in this day and age. If I ever ask you if you have or are planning to have kids, it's because I'm pretty much shit at coming up with interesting conversation topics, and I'm trying to decide how annoyed you'll be if I blather about my own kids for the next thirty minutes.

Is this stigma really still a thing in some places, or is it more of a persecution complex on the part of the offended?

[Ebalina]

Tbh the question should be.
Should that couple have kids.

There needs to be selective breeding of some sort cause the earth is over populated and there many many many many parents that are just to damn stupid to be parents and raise tiny humans.

[Spiffums]

If it bothers you just get a bunch of shirts that read "Don't Ask Me About My Reproductive Future".

[Deleted]

I'm sort of on the same boat as far as relationships go, but can't even get my own I do hope to atleast adopt at some point ^^

Let me rephrase: I have made the choice to be unable to have my own. Because reasons. ^^

My brother is in a similar boat, and most likely will never have (own) kids either. So yeah, our parents have accepted the fact that there probably won't ever be own grandchildren (in a biological sense) - but I think they don't really care that much about it.
I know that some others do, though. A lot. Something about continuing the family line at all costs. Which of course vastly increases the pressure on someone.

[endersblade]

....I can't comprehend this level of potato.

What stupid every-day happening are the PC police going to get offended by next? Breathing?

[monasou1]

There's nothing rude about asking if people are planning on having kids.

What's rude is when people fight you on your answer.

[Deleted]

Sure.. but I I personally thing following it up with "why?" or "why not?" is going too far unless you know the couple really well. Or well, not exactly unacceptable but Id call it prying and would get rude if someone asked me that.

[Theodarzna]

Well yes, it was a hyperbolic example. But there's a reason that "commitment phobia" is a phrase thrown around in regards to people who choose to remain unattached. Although "attachment avoidant" is the phrase more commonly thrown around by therapists.

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You don't find that intrusive or annoying? I do/would.

Not really, I mean people have kids, plus she is my mom she is interested when grand kids might come out of me. My sister had one, but she staid behind in the UK so she is kinda far away.

I don't really consider it intrusive, idk why I would think it so.

[Azadina]

Let me rephrase: I have made the choice to be unable to have my own. Because reasons. ^^

Atleast you got to choose

[Celista]

Not really, I mean people have kids, plus she is my mom she is interested when grand kids might come out of me. My sister had one, but she staid behind in the UK so she is kinda far away.

I don't really consider it intrusive, idk why I would think it so.

I would find it intrusive because you are not obligated to pop out and raise grandchildren for your mother's benefit. Also the act of constantly asking seems like it undermines your autonomy a bit, it doesn't seem respectful to ask about grandchildren every other phone conversation. To ask that much seems excessive.

However if you do not see an issue with it, then clearly it is not an issue on your part.

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Is this stigma really still a thing in some places, or is it more of a persecution complex on the part of the offended?

It's a global forum so the stigma is likely more or less prevalent based on culture, parental pressure, etc.

[sheggaro]

don't we have enough people on this planet?

Many Western nations have birth rates below the replacement rate.

[Jonnusthegreat]

There's nothing rude about asking if people are planning on having kids.

What's rude is when people fight you on your answer.

This is basically it.

[Theodarzna]

I would find it intrusive because you are not obligated to pop out and raise grandchildren for your mother's benefit. Also the act of constantly asking seems like it undermines your autonomy a bit, it doesn't seem respectful to ask about grandchildren every other phone conversation. To ask that much seems excessive.

However then if you do not see an issue with it, then clearly it is not an issue on your part.

I can see that point, though I've never expressed that I "Never want kids," and my mom knows kids are something I do want. She asks a lot since my current relationship is getting serious, as in I might be with this one for decades to life kinda serious and she knows kids are an absolute goal of mine. So maybe it helps that she knows its something I want, she wants me to want, and well..... Eh, I don't find it too intrusive.

If a kid says they don't want kids it could be a little irksome I guess.

[oplawlz]

Not as offensive as asking me how I want an $80 steak cooked. Bitch, what kind of pleb do I look like?

[Khadgar]

This woman's facebook post proves its never okay to ask someone if they're having kids.



Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people's reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family ... before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works ... before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock's ticking ... just stop. Please stop. You don't know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don't know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn't right. You don't know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don't know who has decided it's not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don't know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings -- but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends' experiences -- it more than likely does.

Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it's absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they're excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you're curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready.

[Jonnusthegreat]

This woman's facebook post proves its never okay to ask someone if they're having kids.



Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people's reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family ... before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works ... before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock's ticking ... just stop. Please stop. You don't know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don't know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn't right. You don't know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don't know who has decided it's not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don't know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings -- but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends' experiences -- it more than likely does.

Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it's absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they're excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you're curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready.

I think saying, "It' none of your business." is a perfectly reasonable response to the question, while blowing up like this is immature.

[lucred]

Eh, No real experience myself, but I don't think I would find it rude as long as it is just once per person and they accept the answer... Past there however, then yes I agree that it is rude.

[Khadgar]

I think saying, "It' none of your business." is a perfectly reasonable response to the question, while blowing up like this is immature.

yeah but it was just a FB post and not directed at anyone specifically, she was accurate in everything she said, depsite over reacting it was much more insightful than if she didn't and just posted one "None of your business" sentence, a lot of people seemed to agree, that post netted her nearly 50,000 likes and 80,000 shares