Do you feel bad friendzoning people?

[Hana Song]

Not entirely true,Have you never been blinded by love? Have you ever cared about anyone?

I have but I realized it can't happen without even asking
Yes, I care about a lot of people

[TheMediator]

Don't friendzone people be honest with how you feel about them.

There's two ways this situation comes about, harmless obliviousness and manipulative relationships (which I'd argue aren't even real friendships anyways, but whatever). Obviously you shouldn't manipulate other people, that goes without saying, but if you don't know how they feel, what, you're going to tell every friend "you're just friends" constantly, some sort of bizarre continuous affirmative consent-type nonsense?

[Feltima]

? I just check the term up and it says

The friend zone is a situation in which one of two friends wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not.

I have been in that situations before without taking advantage or manipulating someone

Then you should disregard the OP. If you haven't manipulated people who are infatuated with you then you have nothing to feel bad about. Also, there's no official definition for the phrase. I personally don't like it, and look at is there are ever changing circumstances when it comes to this stuff. "Friendzone" is an oversimplification of the complexities of relationships.

[May90]

"Friendzoning" is such a poor word... It ignores the fact that a relationship has two (or more) people involved, hence me "friendzoning" someone means then "friendzoning" me. If you have a friend, you are already "friendzoned" to each other, and if the friendship then goes into romantic area, it means that you "unfriendzoned" each other, right? This word is a mess.

[TheMediator]

And honestly, no offense to anyone but people that are strong believers in this friendzone business or that think its some feminist conspiracy... ahem... are usually kissless/virgin adults that have never had a real connection with any woman anywhere because of their own shortcomings.

This is an actual good thread, why u trollin bro?

[Deleted]

I'm currently chatting to somebody who fancies me who I don't fancy back. Now most people just ignore but I feel bad credit ignoring people so have a talk. I haven't lead them on but they're now flirting and I am giving the "we're just chatting" vibes but I fear he isn't getting it. I would happily be his friend and nothing more but feel slightly bad hurting him

[BentPencils]

Friendzoning is absolutely something someone does to another person.

It absolutely is not. Statements like yours are indicative of a line of thought that means that the 'friendzoned' individual is always some kind of victim, and that the object of affections never is. This is a corrupted and entirely ineffectual train of thought.

Remaining in a friendship with the ulterior motive of slowly chipping away at someone until they are yours is absolutely your choice and noone elses. Stringing someone along with the hope of something more is absolutely the object of affections fault.

The truth is AFTER one party has made their feelings clear and a relationship does not result, everyone included has the right to choose what they want to do. The idea that a lovestruck person is incapable of rational thought is juvenile and insulting.

Love unrequited is obsession. And an obsessive person may be incapable of rational thought. That is not the object of obsessions fault.

I respect your opinion, but i strongly disagree.

[nanook12]

no not at all, if i knew that somebody thought of me as "friendzoning" them i would end the friendship altogether as i don't consider people who are merely trying to get something out of me to be my "friend."

Everyone is trying to something out of someone else in this world. Thinking anything else is naive.

[Hana Song]

I am talking about you leading people on then formulating excuses through your own rationality in order to take all blame and guilt off yourself.

You are not making any sense

[Feltima]

I'm currently chatting to somebody who fancies me who I don't fancy back. Now most people just ignore but I feel bad credit ignoring people so have a talk. I haven't lead them on but they're now flirting and I am giving the "we're just chatting" vibes but I fear he isn't getting it. I would happily be his friend and nothing more but feel slightly bad hurting him

Why not be frank about it? You don't have to be cold about it, but if you keep it 100 with him, and he can't be cool about that to continue being friends, then he wasn't a friend in the first place, no?

[Kathandira]

Never done it. I always let people know where I stand. The past years, it has been easy. I tell them quite early on that I have a g/f. They generally back down.

[Reeve]

Genuinely curious

No, though I am currently in a position where I friendzoned a girl by citing myself as not being over my ex (which was true, and sort of still is). We stayed friends, but I haven't told her that I'm still dating other women, so I feel bad about that.

My birthday is next week, so if I invite her as well as the girl I'm seeing now without saying something first, that could get awkward.

[Deathknightish]

If we have a great connection then they would already know and know it's not possible without even asking and not have false hopes

I'm sorry, what?
I don't know about you, but I do want to have strong connections with my GFs.

Me and my best friend, we are inseparable since 4 years back. 3 years ago I caught feelings for her. How on earth should I have known she wasn't interested without, you know...asking?
Humans aren't mind readers.

Anyway, she told me something I think is the most common;
She didn't feel bad for saying no as she knew that she didn't feel the same way, she did feel bad about seeing me miserable, however, and did all she could to cheer me up.

Today, we are just as good friends as before, even better friends, but she definitely friend-zoned me. I don't mind, however. I have a GF nowdays AND my best friend alongside me, shit's awesome.

[Vynny]

no. if they aren't ok with just being friends, chances are they aren't a good person in the first place.

Don't really agree with you there. I mean, romantic interest and friend interest just aren't the same thing and that's why the friendzone exists. Person A sees Person B as a romantic interest while Person B sees Person A as a friend and one or neither of them are going to get what they want out of the relationship simply because of that mismatch of interests. I mean, there are some girls that I'm great friends with, they're fun to hang out with, and I have no romantic feeling for them while there are some girls that I've been friends with that I've had romantic feelings for and it just felt shitty when those weren't reciprocated although that was no fault of theirs, they just weren't attracted to me. The point I'm getting at is that it feels shitty when romantic feelings are unrequited so it doesn't necessarily make them a bad person if they don't just wanna be just friends.

[Reeve]

"Friendzoning" is such a poor word... It ignores the fact that a relationship has two (or more) people involved, hence me "friendzoning" someone means then "friendzoning" me. If you have a friend, you are already "friendzoned" to each other, and if the friendship then goes into romantic area, it means that you "unfriendzoned" each other, right? This word is a mess.

Friendzoning implies that you cut off possibility of a romantic relationship with someone who remains romantically interested in you.

[Dug]

This is an actual good thread, why u trollin bro?

Eh not really. It can be an interesting topic but so far all I'm seeing is people going "Well this girl didn't want to date me and it made me feel bad, so she should feel bad." That's not how it works.

[nanook12]

You are not making any sense

I am making enough sense that you keep quoting me. I think I have explained my point pretty clearly. You can choose to accept it or ignore it. I don't care either way.

[Feltima]

You are not making any sense

I think what Nanook12 meant to say is that consciously recognizing someone has a strong interest in you, then using those emotions to manipulate said person into doing favors, controlling their actions, amusement, etc and rationalizing they did it to themselves is messed up which is true. Manipulation regardless of whether it involves romance or not ain't cool. In Nanook's opinion, that is what friendzoning is. Still think it's a stupid phrase that over simplifies the reality of human relationship.

[Hana Song]

I am making enough sense that you keep quoting me. I think I have explained my point pretty clearly. You can choose to accept it or ignore it. I don't care either way.

You are saying I am leading someone on when I have never done that so doesn't make sense

[TheMediator]

The truth is AFTER one party has made their feelings clear and a relationship does not result, everyone included has the right to choose what they want to do. The idea that a lovestruck person is incapable of rational thought is juvenile and insulting.

Huh? One person makes their feelings clear, and then "nothing happens"? What a bizarre way of phrasing things. Someone could conceivably express their feelings and their friend/romantic interest literally not even acknowledge what was said, but RESPONDING with "let's just stay friends" is an action, an action called "friend-zoning". Take some fucking responsibility.

Eh not really. It can be an interesting topic but so far all I'm seeing is people going "Well this girl didn't want to date me and it made me feel bad, so she should feel bad." That's not how it works.

If you're actually friends, sure it does. I'd argue if the other person doesn't feel bad, then you're wasting your time with such a "friendship" since they don't really care for you as a friend.