Do you feel bad friendzoning people?

[tankbug]

Because it doesn't feel nice making people sad? Nobody likes rejection

It hurts, but it's the lesser of two evils. Going into a relationship because you don't want to hurt someone can never last, and will probably be worse for both.

[Raelbo]

Yes but I don't feel bad for my friends if they feel hurt because I didn't want a relationship, sucks for them but that is it

If you had empathy it wouldn't actually matter why they feel hurt. You would feel bad for them. That is the way empathy works.
If you had empathy and the reason they feel hurt has to do with something you did (whether intentionally or not), you would feel even worse for them. That is the way empathy works.

I think it's pretty clear why you are struggling to come to grips with this issue....

[Hana Song]

If you had empathy it wouldn't actually matter why they feel hurt. You would feel bad for them. That is the way empathy works.
If you had empathy and the reason they feel hurt has to do with something you did (whether intentionally or not), you would feel even worse for them. That is the way empathy works.

I think it's pretty clear why you are struggling to come to grips with this issue....

No that is not how it works, I don't feel bad if people can't get something they want from me that I can't or won't give

[Wildtree]

Do you feel bad friendzoning people?

Nope, and why would I?
Empathy? Yeah, I've got that in spades.
But there's also something like growing up, and acknowledging the facts.
I know in the first few pages age was mentioned as a factor already. Just not correctly.
As you grow up you know how feelings aren't always mutual, and that you have to get over it.
Sometimes you're the squirrel, sometimes you're the nut.
It's the younger people that are emotionally if anything.
omg.. he/she don't love me /crycry.

Quite frankly, when you get friendzoned it's almost always on you, and you alone.
You were the one that approached the "relationship" dishonest.
You've allowed it to go places it was never meant to go.
And why would I feel sorry about you - the friend zoned person - for that now?
If anything, I might struggle (circumstance dependent) with not getting pissed, because you've betrayed our friendship.

[tankbug]

No, you can definitely put someone in the friend zone, in the sense that you were friends, one of you makes a move, and other rebuffs that advance but insists on remaining friends. That rebuff is friend-zoning. "Let's not be more than friends". Yes, you certainly aren't obligated to reciprocate feelings, but if you rebuff them then yes, you are the one who put them in the friend-zone. You have plenty of options - you can fade, you can be completely non-committal, or any number of options, but taking action in response to an advance is something you have to hold yourself accountable for.

Giving someone an option to remain friends, to enjoy what you already have, if possible, isn't something bad. To be friendzoned is only bad if you have deep emotions for someone, and the best cure is just to stay away, but that's up to the friendzones person to decide.

[TheMediator]

Giving someone an option to remain friends, to enjoy what you already have, if possible, isn't something bad. To be friendzoned is only bad if you have deep emotions for someone, and the best cure is just to stay away, but that's up to the friendzones person to decide.

I'm not saying it's bad. You don't have to do something bad to feel bad. I put flea medicine on my pupper and he dislikes it, I feel bad that he's upset by it but I don't feel bad about doing it per-say.

[tankbug]

No that is not how it works, I don't feel bad if people can't get something they want from me that I can't or won't give

If your friends are sad, no matter what the reason is, don't you feel sad as well?
I think that's the point they're trying to make here.
No one says you should feel guilty to reject someone, but you care that they are in pain, right?

"My grandma died" = oh, thats terrible. Are you alright?

"You didnt feel the same way about me as I do about you, and now I feel alone and worhtless" = whatever, I don't care, not my fault. *whistle happy tune*


Doesn't sound right.

[Deleted]

Friendzoning isn't something people do to other people; everyone who ever landed in the friendzone put themselves there.

Someone who keeps putting energy into a relationship they know isn't going where they want it to go is making a choice.

Nobody "made you" sad. Someone gave you less than you wanted, and you felt sad about it. Then you kept going back for more sadness on the faint hope that attraction would somehow spontaneously occur. Take responsibility for your own feelings.

This... is... just... too accurate & factual. Must... resist... /thread

[Raelbo]

No that is not how it works, I don't feel bad if people can't get something they want from me that I can't or won't give

I am not trying to argue how it (your emotional response) works for you. I am telling you how empathy works. The implication is pretty obvious.

[Zoibert the Bear]

Yes, I feel pretty bad, as one-sided attraction is pretty frustrating.

I usually offer consolation sex to make myself (and I guess them too) feel better, as long as they are not incredibly ugly, fat or have some kind of physical deformation.

[Konteil]

its not friendzonig, its building a harem......

[Deleted]

Guys! Even the friendzone has different levels.

The worst level of friendzone, and the one that matters most, is when 'the crush' is aware of the romantic feelings from 'the nice person' and actually exploits the hell out of it. You know: "Hey, nice guy, can you come over and fix my PC?" / "I need someone to drive me to [location]" / "I'm hungry. Would you cook me some food?", etc.

That is a really bad way of taking advantage of the imbalance within the relation-/friendship... even if the exploited person is dumb/desperate enough, to endure the humiliation with full awareness.

At this level, both persons should immediately break up, at least for a while. Even as 'the crush' you should feel at least a little bit responsible for the situation, if it lasts longer than it should and causes severe heartache. Everything else is selfish and cold-hearted.

[Sylreick]

No I don't really feel bad for them, it's not something that could be helped.

If they keep trying after being told it isn't going to happen, then I'd pity them if anything else. They just can't accept the facts.

[Sarkol]

I think a lot of people are confused in this thread. The friend zoning it refers to is not wanting a romantic relationship with someone, but treating them in such a way that they'll always hold a hope it can happen. It's pure manipulation. 'Stringing along', if you will. The friend zoned person won't ever get told they don't have a chance, or they will, but very indirectly as to not be 100% straight. It's happened to me, and i can't believe how fucking stupid i was go along with it, but at the end of the day, i was being taken advantage of. I doubt anyone who actually does this will comment in this thread though, and it also comes naturally to many people. Sure a lot of people love having someone right under their little finger ready to do anything they ask in hopes of something more.

[Witchblade77]

Well, obviously it's if your best friend is a guy. But to be fair, that still applies. Surely you don't feel GOOD about making someone sad?
Doesn't mean you have to feel bad about your choice, that's completely unrelated.

Jesus, I feel bad for saying no to friends who want to hang out when I can't. Because it feels like I disappoint them a little. Common human emotion to feel bad when you hurt someone, even if it's something as tiny as saying no that that friend you haven't seen for some time who wants to do something.

I used to. I've been learning not to. because feeling bad for saying no is how I got into the most trouble before, because than no would turn into a yes that I didn't mean but only said because they were sad and then I would be far more sad, becasue I just got stuck doing something i didn't want to do in a first place. there is nothing wrong or sad with saying no, even to someone close to you.

- - - Updated - - -

I think a lot of people are confused in this thread. The friend zoning it refers to is not wanting a romantic relationship with someone, but treating them in such a way that they'll always hold a hope it can happen. It's pure manipulation. 'Stringing along', if you will. The friend zoned person won't ever get told they don't have a chance, or they will, but very indirectly as to not be 100% straight. It's happened to me, and i can't believe how fucking stupid i was go along with it, but at the end of the day, i was being taken advantage of. I doubt anyone who actually does this will comment in this thread though, and it also comes naturally to many people. Sure a lot of people love having someone right under their little finger ready to do anything they ask in hopes of something more.

I honestly don't understand how you would even accomplish that sort of manipulation. like... how do you not get a hint if the person "stringing you along" dates other people?

[Calfredd]

I honestly don't understand how you would even accomplish that sort of manipulation. like... how do you not get a hint if the person "stringing you along" dates other people?

Make them think they still have a chance with you, that the person you are currently dating isn't going to work out (rinse, repeat).

[ItachiZaku]

A little bit, but only when they didn't get the hint. There wasn't a chalkboard with their status, but it seemed clear enough to me.

[Gamdwelf]

Yes but I don't feel bad for my friends if they feel hurt because I didn't want a relationship, sucks for them but that is it

You don't sound capable of friendship.

- - - Updated - - -

This... is... just... too accurate & factual. Must... resist... /thread

Except it's completely wrong.

[Azadina]

If you had empathy it wouldn't actually matter why they feel hurt. You would feel bad for them. That is the way empathy works.
If you had empathy and the reason they feel hurt has to do with something you did (whether intentionally or not), you would feel even worse for them. That is the way empathy works.

I think it's pretty clear why you are struggling to come to grips with this issue....

Exactly right. Maybe some people who claim to have empathy, just have so very little of it, that it doesn't really show. If my friends are sad, I feel sad for them.

[Sci Fi Samurai]

You have to be empathetic to feel bad for others when they hurt.

no. if they aren't ok with just being friends, chances are they aren't a good person in the first place.

Maybe they really did fall for you and a friendship would just be more painful for them. :\