No Sex Before Marriage

[Woadnson]

It is the right thing to do. Those who don't wait are those who often lack morals and don't care for others around them.

Not all morals are defined by sex, and using sex as a barometer for a persons morals is less reliable than it is for their attractiveness. Also doling out orgasms seems to demonstrate some altruism, don't be so ready to judge.

[Deleted]

So I was looking on my Facebook as I do once in a blue moon and found a post from a British couple in their twenties perhaps even thirties announcing their wedding date after 5 years engaged. Nothing particularly interesting about that then I read that they don't believe in sex before marriage and was genuinely surprised because I didn't think people still believed that in Britain beyond incredibly devote religious people (which is uncommon here) and they claimed they're not overly religious. My immediate thoughts were that she's going to be incredibly disappointed on her wedding night. Got me thinking, do you know people who still believe in no sex before marriage or perhaps even believe it yourself, what's your views?

IF you have no sex before marriage, the sex you have on your wedding night is gonna be really, really bad.

[DemoBytom]

Personally I feel "no sex before mariage" is bad because putting a concrete date on it can harm you. If you wait for it your whole life, postpone it "because you it needs to be after this one special day", that will somehow transform you into different being - you automatically put a lot of expectations on the act alone. You expect it to be perfect, best thing in the world, life changer.... What's more that thinking ostracize you, puts you into a mindset that sex is bad. That it's something you should be ashamed of, should put away whenever a thought comes. It forces this negative relation that whenever you do feel horny - it's a sin, it's bad, it's damning, etc. And you go through big chunk of your life, pretty much conditioning yourself that those feelings are wrong.. And then, on a marriage night you're expected to do 180 turn and suddenlty think of sex as beautiful act, act of love, and affection..
And that poses a question - what really changed, that everything you've been conditioning yourself for the bast 10-20 years, is not void and should be forgotten? For some it's easy to get over that, but some go through it really badly - women that can't relax themselves, who feel ashamed to show themselves naked to their husband (few hours ago it would be sin, and she would be damned or whatever). Men who don't know what to do, afraid of the fact they don't know what to do, but feeling expected to know. Men who, just like women, don't feel comfortable enough to undress. This leaves a stigma, or at least can leave a stigma. That even after marriage they can't get rid of the thinking that what they do is wrong in it's core..

So should people just bang whenever? Flower Children, full sexual open-ness (?).. No I don't think either. Because it again devalues the act, but also can put the opposite strain on a person - "I have to have sex before X".. Before marraige, before engagement, before 5th date.. Whatever - it can hurt as well, because again - people can simply not be ready, and just feel pressured to comply.

In the end - I always answer with, IMHO the simplest view - people should have sex when they are ready. Without bothering if it's before or after marriage. Before or after any, artifically imposed, date, moment, feeling.. Just when they feel like it.. For some it might be 3rd date, for some it might be 2 weeks after marriage (my grand parents for example).


The weight shouldn't be put on whether or not we should have sex. It should be put on how we feel around eachother - are we comfortable. Do we feel comfortable kissing. Are we ready for the touch. Do we feel good hugging, walking together, holding hands. Sex alone is just a tiny bit of the affection, love, passion, feelings between people - and when they are ready, when they feel comfortable it's not a giant step - it's just natural progression of intimacy between them.. And I think that's the most important thing - we shouldn't focus on an act of sex alone - but on the whole spectrum of intimacy, trust and feelings people have towards eachother. Just like kiss, touch, hug - it's just a part of it.

[Dug]

Got a christian friend who's doing that with his GF of 6 years. I can't understand it but hey if that's what they want to do then go for it. Well, he wouldn't mind but his GF is adamant about no sex before so /shrug sucks to be him. I think she gave him a handy once he told me but only once lmao. Poor guy

Personally I'd never do that with a girl, even if I absolutely loved her. No sex in the relationship is a deal breaker.

[Selastan]

While I personally don't believe in it, if I started dating a girl who said she wanted to wait...I would think it is kinda hot.

[TwoNineMarine]

Definitely couldn't have waited.

[Zervek]

Not all morals are defined by sex, and using sex as a barometer for a persons morals is less reliable than it is for their attractiveness. Also doling out orgasms seems to demonstrate some altruism, don't be so ready to judge.

Acting on lust is one of the worst things you can do.

[Reeve]

Since graduating college, I don't think I've encountered a single person who believes in no sex before marriage. Possibly that's because those people all got married young in order to be able to have sex, and most of the people I interact with are coworkers I wouldn't talk to about that and other single people near my age, all of whom have sex whenever it pleases them.

[Guyv3r]

I heard of a girl in my neighbourhood that wanted to be a virgin at her wedding. So the boyfriend convinced her to do other things.

She had 6 years of anal before getting married. Lucky guy....

[Reeve]

Acting on lust is one of the worst things you can do.

Then I guess I'm a very very bad boy.

[Independent voter]

Whatever the couple want to do is fine. Mostly religious types abstain before marriage I would think. We're a religious couple but we're like rabbits, it's disgusting.

[Raetary]

Acting on lust is one of the worst things you can do.

shoo! back into whatever church you came from!

[Mitters]

If I got a girlfriend (which is never happening) I wouldnt mind waiting if she wanted to

[satimy]

You don't buy a car without test driving it and that's only a 5-10 year relationship

[devven9]

IF you have no sex before marriage, the sex you have on your wedding night is gonna be really, really bad.

I am totally prepared for this to happen lol.

[Raetary]

IF you have no sex before marriage, the sex you have on your wedding night is gonna be really, really bad.

people have sex on their wedding night?

[Aggrophobic]

It is the right thing to do. Those who don't wait are those who often lack morals and don't care for others around them.

Do you invite "others around you" into your bedroom? A bit kinky but whatever floats your boat.

On topic: Let them do whatever they want. It's not like it actually affects anyone but themselves.
It sounds stupid as all hell to me but people do stupid things all the time so whatever.

[Deleted]

IF you have no sex before marriage, the sex you have on your wedding night is gonna be really, really bad.

Or.... magical.... *dreamy eyes*

[Rezhial]

My current girlfriend told me on like date 2 that she wasn't having sex before marriage. Then she said 2 years, then 1 year, then 6 months, then 2 months, then "fuck it, maybe this weekend". This happened over about a month's time, maybe a little longer.

I believe waiting for marriage is an awful idea. What if you just aren't compatible sexually? It happens. Just like never actually living with a person and marrying them. Sorry but you don't really know someone until you live with them.

[Woadnson]

Acting on lust is one of the worst things you can do.

Any action caused by any motivation can be be the worst thing you can do. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

We are however talking about committed long term couples and wanting to make love to your partner is far better a subject than wanting to amputate their limbs and use them to make a hearty stew.

Though if you feel lust is the worst impulse to act upon, please continue to restrain yourself, it sounds as if you're doing it wrong.