"Lads! Britain needs you to do your duty and get flirting!"

[Deleted]

I've been in a similar position as the guy. I understand that after a while you can't be bothered, because the constant rejections, along with the general sense of frustration of not knowing what you're doing wrong because unlike, say, school or a video game, there's no real feedback on how to do things right. And so the frustration and anger builds up as you get more and more lonely. Hell, I used to stare into the wall thinking about how I'll remain lonely, while at the same time trying to get someone to like me. It came to a point where I had to go to therapy in order to deal with my loneliness.

Now don't get me wrong, I was very succesful at school. I had many good friends, both male and female. Generally, I lived (and now do live) a very good life. But judging from your replies, you don't know how it is to be a lonely guy. Being lonely eats you alive, because to some extent, it shows that no matter how many friends or how successful in school or business you are, there's that little thing at the back of your head constantly reminding you that you're not worthy of romance or love, because hell, if you're doing everything else right in life, surely there must be something really wrong with one, maybe even something irreperable, to not have a romantic relationship. Maybe you don't even deserve one.

If that sounds pathetic to you, it's because it is. But that doesn't make it any less serious. I had luck to meet a real player and become good friends with him who could help me out with women. Other men are not so lucky.

Woah hold on there Dr. Phil

Just because you went through that experience does not mean you can paint it over others. You are right, i do not know loneliness (and it is admittedly a huge factor as to why i don't actively seek my soul-mate). So i am not frustrated or rejected.

I am fine living alone, but i would still prefer having a partner for life to share experiences in life with. I just have no confidence in actually being able to do so. Huge demands for even trying to setting the foot in the door and most of the ways you set up dates are hardly very deep-seeking, but shallow meat-market expediters.

If there were easy opportunities to seek women of similar mindset it would be great, i guess i am just horrible at finding these places. You would think with a great social security net men and women would go ballistics since the economy can always scrape by. but .. no..

Again, maybe it is just me building air castles and making the world harder than it is, but it seems i am by far not the only one thinking in these lines. And you could argue that how we think is how reality is, unless something is changed in the mindset that all this is a trudging experience, then it is a trudging experience for many.

edit in response to a word that stroke me in the post above.

Are we just filled with defeatism? Perhaps we are. But i guess i could also quote myself: "Can you blame us?"
Also most important of all, how do we make guys less defastistic? (is that even a word)

[Deleted]

The telegraph should rename itself to the toiletgraph.

[Azadina]

I can relate to this. When I graduated college my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. About 4 months later I started seeing another girl I met through my brother's girlfriend at the time. It was a weird situation, it was always on the verge of becoming serious but never actually did. Then I told her to lose my number and leave me alone. Then I tried online dating and dated a few people, including one girl who again seemed to be very into me but broke things off after a month. After 3 stinging rejections in a row I started to think there was something wrong with me and I wasn't worthwhile. I threw myself headfirst into work and hobbies and gave up on the dating scene altogether for 5 years. I still socialized with my friends but made no attempt to actually date anyone in any way. Then out of nowhere the girl whom I told to lose my number messaged me on Facebook and we started dating again and fell head over heels for each other and now we're married. Life is weird.

Wait what? 4 years relationship plus two others, where in one you told the girl to leave you alone, now all count as rejection towards you? Is marriage until death rejection too, when one leaves the other by dying?

How on earth do you know if the guy is hitting on everyone and who was recommending that? You presume to know an awful lot about a guy on the basis of a thirty-second snapshot...that really says nothing about the guy's worth as a human being.

It was general advice, not personal. How do you think women get hit on so much with half assed attempts mostly, if many guys didn't do exactly what I mentioned.

[Deleted]

Wait what? 4 years relationship plus two others, where in one you told the girl to leave you alone, now all count as rejection towards you? Is marriage until death rejection too, when one leaves the other by dying?

I was thinking that. Sounds like an unusually negative sort.

[Kalis]

My point is throughout history men have been told WOMEN WANT THIS usually from women which caused men to change but suddenly women apparently don't want that now so men suddenly find themselves having to change again. Essentially men change into whatever women want because men like sex

Women often say they want x, but don't actually want x.

The trick is to never actually listen to what they say they want, but work it out for yourself by judging their reactions and then fake it.

[Deleted]

Women often say they want x, but don't actually want x.

The trick is to never actually listen to what they say they want, but work it out for yourself by judging their reactions and then fake it.

Their reactions don't really tell you much either.

Humpy passive-aggressiveness for example is generally about the strongest indicator that she's really into you than anything else.

[Deleted]

every time i start flirting with women i just get slapped, it makes no sense, i don't know what i do wrong, i dress nicely, im clean, im polite, but as soon as i start flirting my partner slaps me, not sure what im doing wrong tbh, i think most the girls in britain are just whores

[Deleted]

Oh wow, ouch hurtworthy much :|

We dish it out like we take it

[Deleted]

Well whaddya know, we share a piece of worldview.

So which one of us will have to back down so it won't get uncomfortable?

I'm older so off you go

[Kalis]

every time i start flirting with women i just get slapped, it makes no sense, i don't know what i do wrong, i dress nicely, im clean, im polite, but as soon as i start flirting my partner slaps me, not sure what im doing wrong tbh, i think most the girls in britain are just whores

The punchline should come at the end.

[Deleted]

Ahhhhh my wife pulls this all the time.

Me: what should we have for dinner?
Her: I don't care, you pick.
Me: Chinese.
Her: no.
Me: sushi.
Her: no.
Me: pizza.
Her: no.
Me: burgers.
Her: no.
Me (exasperated): then what do you want?!?!
Her: I don't care.

its not jsut your wife, this seems to be something programmed in to women, when this happens you always end up with something neither of you really wanted for dinner

- - - Updated - - -

The punchline should come at the end.

what ever, i don't do jokes

[Deleted]

When I'm interested I've got no particular problem in being forward about my ideal situation but the last few years it's just felt like it's not worth the effort. Quite a few town centres/city centres have become increasingly hostile places on weekends - or at least see the risk of a misstep resulting in an arrest especially for men. Coupled with all the other diatribe which means if you put a foot wrong or approach the wrong person you may well find yourself in a rather embarrassing or even worse, troublesome predicament. There's nothing wrong with the average woman, there's nothing wrong with the average man.

It's a pretty shit deal all around, spending £50-£60+ a week to try and find a lass isn't particularly appealing though as that's what it breaks down into. I've got a couple of friends who are my age (late 20's) still living with parents, and I've got a couple who are with kids, and a couple who are like myself and live in their own home - usually shared with a mate/brother etc and generally speaking the most miserable of the lot of us is the one that has 2 kids and a mortgage to pay because he can't afford to take risks with his employment to try and better himself in the way some of us have, he can't afford to do what I did which was quit a well paying but mind-numbing job and wait a few months for the chance of starting something he'd enjoy much more. Don't get me wrong, the lad with a missus, kids & mortgage isn't depressed and such but when it comes up you can certainly tell there's a "what might have been" sentiment.

Personally I'm putting the finishing touches on a plan for my next 5-6 years, which is mostly focusing on my career now that I'm in an environment I really enjoy, getting a track record and actually putting my plans into action to dramatically increase my earnings. For me personally, if a relationship happens it happens in that time frame, but it's not a particular priority.

[Kalis]

If you want to talk history, then vast majority of it, men have told women what to do and what to think. Still happens. Anything else?

Which is a bit of luck, otherwise we would still be waiting for her to decide if she wants mammoth for dinner or not.

[Deleted]

How do you think women get hit on so much with half assed attempts mostly, if many guys didn't do exactly what I mentioned.

Define "half-assed". Did it occur to you the guy might just not be very good at it?

You may not be aware of this but approaching a girl you don't know has about the same biological effect on a man as jumping out of a plane with a parachute. There are complex revolutionary reasons for this (it is nothing to do with being a wuss as women seem to think). It takes some practice to do it at all. Doing it well is something most men never master, at least judging from the road-accidents-masquerading-as-seduction I've witnessed.

[Deathquoi]

Wait what? 4 years relationship plus two others, where in one you told the girl to leave you alone, now all count as rejection towards you? Is marriage until death rejection too, when one leaves the other by dying?

Lmao, you really do reach, huh?

Not that I feel you're entitled to the details of my life, but the four year relationship was mostly long distance after we both went to college, and yes, when someone dumps you, that's rejection. It hurts a lot. Also, it's not like I told the second girl to fuck off out of the blue. By her own admission she was stringing me along and treating me poorly by not being honest, and I got tired of her not giving a shit about my feelings at that point. But feel free to pass judgement on my life, you're clearly very keen on it.

[Azadina]

Which is a bit of luck, otherwise we would still be waiting for her to decide if she wants mammoth for dinner or not.

I want mammoth for dinner. See, it was that fast. Your turn.

Define "half-assed". Did it occur to you the guy might just not be very good at it?

You may not be aware of this but approaching a girl you don't know has about the same biological effect on a man as jumping out of a plane with a parachute. There are complex revolutionary reasons for this (it is nothing to do with being a wuss as women seem to think). It takes some practice to do it at all. Doing it well is something most men never master, at least judging from the road-accidents-masquerading-as-seduction I've witnessed.

Well, half-assed and bad attempts have about equal results, so dunno.

[Deleted]

Women often say they want x, but don't actually want x.

The trick is to never actually listen to what they say they want, but work it out for yourself by judging their reactions and then fake it.

This is dangerous territory my friend.

Guess right: Sex
Guess wrong: Rape charge

Jokes aside, it is a quite known fact that most men do not know the hidden messages of women, and this fact have been a problem and written about since the human race could write. (and have of course been a problem since we ever existed. (although i guess it was easier then, because fuck signs when you have a club, (its a joke))

[Deleted]

If you want to talk history, then vast majority of it, men have told women what to do and what to think. Still happens. Anything else?

That doesn't negate what I said lol

[bewbew]

"Guys someone talk to me"
"That random guy just came up to me and tried to talk to me. What a creeper. Why can't I just meet a nice guy?"

My favorite version of this logic is when you're trying to decide somewhere to go for dinner.

Man:"Where would you like to go for dinner?"
Woman:"Doesn't matter to me, you pick."
Man:"How about X?"
Woman:"No"
Man:"How about Y?"
Woman:"Not feeling that either"
Man:"How about Z?"
Woman:"We just went there last week"
Man:"How about Q?"
Woman:"You KNOW I don't like that place"
Man:"How about G?"
Woman:"Can you stop playing 20 questions and just pick a place?"
Man:*loads gun*

That's because they want you to say "We are going to X".

Despite any resistances.

[Azadina]

That doesn't negate what I said lol

Because what you said was pretty nonsensical. Different people have had different and changing views thru the entire human history. Trying to point that on just one gender is some biased nonsense, when it applies to everyone equally.

Lmao, you really do reach, huh?

Not that I feel you're entitled to the details of my life, but the four year relationship was mostly long distance after we both went to college, and yes, when someone dumps you, that's rejection. It hurts a lot. Also, it's not like I told the second girl to fuck off out of the blue. By her own admission she was stringing me along and treating me poorly by not being honest, and I got tired of her not giving a shit about my feelings at that point. But feel free to pass judgement on my life, you're clearly very keen on it.

One can only read what is written. What you write for others to see is up to you. But don't be surprised when people only read what you write, and not the things that you leave out, which is impossible to read. I would have thought this to be rather obvious.