Do you dislike people that pity themselves?

[YUPPIE]

I ask this because recently someone broke off being friends with me after years, stating all I ever did was "wallow in self-pity" about an undeniably shit life but said it was too much to bear to listen to anymore and just ditched me. Needless to say, I'm pretty confused. I stubbornly insist if you are justified to do so, you can pity yourself but when I Google it seems people that do such things or sulk are universally disliked. Thumbs up for people that saw this anime called "Evangelion" as a bonus.

But I thought why not ask here among other places. Like, if they have a good reason, do you at least sympathize with someone that acts like a victim forever? What if said person was your friend and raped? Would it bother you if that friend from then on was always negative and brooding about how horrible his/her life is.

[Forgettable]

There's a time for everything. A time for sorrow, and a time for joy.

Your entire life is not a time for sorrow. So mourn for a while, and then move on with your life and be happy again. I personally don't like to be around people who constantly pity themselves - And I know a few myself. I avoid them because they're annoying.

[May90]

Self-pity is definitely repulsive, when it starts affecting your everyday life. I sympathize with people having struggles in life, and I will always support them and comfort them when they are feeling low - but people for whom self-beating is a lifestyle and who do not want to help themselves, I usually try to distance myself from, because it is pointless and it makes both sides feel bad.

Fisher who has been working hard, but got no fish, deserves a hug. Fisher who hasn't even tried to fish and, instead, complained the whole day about being hungry - deserves spanking in a dungeon.

[Deleted]

Everyone has their own problems and their own shit to deal with. Having to listen to someone else's problems 24/7 can definitely piss a lot of people off. Being someone's friend is a two way street; yes, they can offer you a shoulder to cry on as often as they feel comfortable doing so, but in turn, you should respect them and not burden them with your load.

[Yamuri]

It's not black and white. It happens, everyone does it at one point but if it's a continuous thing, it does tend to be annoying. I don't dislike them but if it gets bad they are people I don't want to be around as often.

You can also help people not be this way if you can lift people's moods. It's not always fixable but it's better than just saying "I don't like this person." That is also something I despise, judgmental attitudes and superiority complexes.

[YUPPIE]

Everyone has their own problems and their own shit to deal with. Having to listen to someone else's problems 24/7 can definitely piss a lot of people off. Being someone's friend is a two way street; yes, they can offer you a shoulder to cry on as often as they feel comfortable doing so, but in turn, you should respect them and not burden them with your load.

Going by that, is it never a good idea to explicitly tell your friend you mope on to regularly that "they do not understand or had it as bad" because I'd like to add that's what I spilled out before the guy got mad and ditched me.

It seems, unwittingly, I often go on and on about how bad I have it and whatever someone says to me goes on deaf ears. I don't willingly ignore people, it just happens.

[Mizix]

I can sympathize and maybe even empathize with people who are having a rough time. I'll listen and offer my insight if asked but, for the life of me, I cannot stand people who constantly wallow in self-pity. I'm not a psychotherapist :/ It's just unhealthy and I think selfish on their part because it implies all I am for them is just someone to complain to, not a single care in the world about my problems or my happiness. It also becomes kinda depressing after a while... How can I share my life with someone like that?

Obviously, I won't ditch anyone for having a really bad time and needing to vent. But if it becomes a regular thing they cannot get over for years until our friendship basically revolves around their self-pitying, then I'll just move away over time.

[Aeluron Lightsong]

Sometimes it's difficult, especially when you feel like you are trapped(Metaphorically speaking) in a cage and cannot break out.

[Deleted]

Do you dislike people?
Yes

[Independent voter]

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and
Demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life,
Beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and
Its purpose in the service of your people.

Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
Even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and
Bow to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and
For the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks,
The fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing,
For abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts
Are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes
They weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again
In a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

[Asotcha]

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and
Demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life,
Beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and
Its purpose in the service of your people.

Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,
Even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and
Bow to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and
For the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks,
The fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and nothing,
For abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts
Are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes
They weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again
In a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

That's really lovely-- what's it from?

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

I ask this because recently someone broke off being friends with me after years, stating all I ever did was "wallow in self-pity" about an undeniably shit life but said it was too much to bear to listen to anymore and just ditched me. Needless to say, I'm pretty confused. I stubbornly insist if you are justified to do so, you can pity yourself but when I Google it seems people that do such things or sulk are universally disliked. Thumbs up for people that saw this anime called "Evangelion" as a bonus.

But I thought why not ask here among other places. Like, if they have a good reason, do you at least sympathize with someone that acts like a victim forever? What if said person was your friend and raped? Would it bother you if that friend from then on was always negative and brooding about how horrible his/her life is.

Anyone that spends all their time talking about themselves is annoying. Anyone the refuses to believe anyone else could "have it as bad" is annoying. Anyone that has just given up on ever being happy is hard to be around. Anyone that's all of these at the same time is nearly impossible to stay friends with. You've had a bad life? I feel bad for you...but it doesn't get better by wallowing in pity.

[Gamdwelf]

Glad I never wallow in self pity

People don't like it. If your problem is something you can fix there is no use in complaining, just fix it.

[Dug]

You have to be willing to help yourself and be open to advice and change. If you refuse then yeah you're going to annoy people by being a sadsack all the time. I suffered from depression for years and still do but I try to be optimistic and open to change and actually will change my behavior to try and better myself. If I had just sat there and complained I would have lost all my friends long ago.

[Independent voter]

That's really lovely-- what's it from?

Chief Tecumseh

[Docturphil]

Fisher who hasn't even tried to fish and, instead, complained the whole day about being hungry - deserves spanking in a dungeon.

Well shit, I'm never fishing again.

[Grym]

Yes, I dislike them.

Firstly, most obvious reason, it brings you down. You can imagine them being this massive black cloud constantly raining with thunder, the moment it gets near you, you just want to escape. I don't need someone around me that is constantly there to bring my mood down, they can kindly get out of my life if they insist on being like that, I won't miss them.

As for your example of what if a girl got raped. Of course you will feel sorry for her and she probably will be a bit unstable at first. But let's say, after 6 months? One year? If every time you arrange a night out and all she is doing is remind us she was raped, then very soon she will find out she is not in the invitation list anymore. When you get a group to go out and have fun, someone that you know 100% will bring in negative vibe is someone that you don't need to invite.

And lastly, no matter what shit you have had, get over it! Everyone had shit times in their life, you might claim yours is more serious, but I bet someone somewhere has a shittier life than you and can still manage to get over it. Lost a job? Find another one. GF broke up with you? Find another one, or just stay single and be happy. parents divorced? That shit is common now don't even try to act like a victim over that. Lost an arm or a leg? Find hobbies that you can still do, challenge your limit.

No one needs a dark cloud around them all the time, or ever.

- - - Updated - - -

Anyone that spends all their time talking about themselves is annoying.

Oh shit, I always tell people how happy I am with my life.....

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

Being like that isn't constructive, or helpful to yourself or anyone. People are empathetic to others with hard lives, not others that complain all day.

[Zindai]

Going by that, is it never a good idea to explicitly tell your friend you mope on to regularly that "they do not understand or had it as bad" because I'd like to add that's what I spilled out before the guy got mad and ditched me.

Not a good idea. I mean, I know my life, and I know the bad experiences I've had. But I haven't shared all of them with others, so they don't know what I've been through. Similarly they haven't shared every part of their lives with me, so I have no idea what they've been through. Assuming that they can't have had it as bad as or worse than me is kind of rude.

If you're the type of person who openly shares everything that bothers you, then I can understand that you - without giving it much thought - assume that they would do the same, and perhaps that's why you go ahead and say such a thing. But yeah, it's rude.

[Super Kami Dende]

Self-pity and people playing the Victim card are one of the biggest red flags to stay away from someone. Since it shows massive mental instability or illness.

Unfortunately playing the Victim is the hot new thing to do these days.