Why do nice guys exist?

[Gungnir]

But we did become intelligent and you can't ignore that. We have evolved beyond base instinct. We are now capable of having motivations other than the "purpose" that evolution designed us for (if it was a process capable of creating purpose, which it isn't. There's no motivation at work there).

We've even invented means of reproduction that don't even involve fucking. There's no science behind what you are saying, just ideology.

I don't think you understand what I mean regarding the fact that we cannot escape our baser instincts, and we definitely have not evolved past them.
Also, "there's no science behind what you are saying", to be precise it's behavioural psychology. Feel free to read up regarding our basic instincts and psychology. Every little bit of how we behave and react are based around our instincts and correlating emotions connected to them.

Oh and regarding the bold part.. seeing as I was using "fucking" to mean "breeding", I didn't think you'd take that seriously and try to refute it. In fact, I do not understand why you are trying to refute that we are based around breeding.

[Allarius]

Well, two things.

1) OF COURSE that's what they're hoping for. Lets not pretend that it's strange to hope that "putting in extra effort" to get someone's attention might - in fact - get their attention.

2) I've been married forever, so I guess how people "Accept" things might be a mystery to me now, but it seems obvious to me that I'd do "nice things" for my wife above and beyond what I do for other people. I sure as hell am not rubbing your feet any time soon.

You're absolutely right. There's nothing wrong with(In fact I think it's the more intelligent manner) gauging possible outcomes, but you should never assume what the outcome will be. You have no leg to stand on by being indignant and then lashing out at said girl just because she didn't reciprocate in the manner you wanted to. That's a viable possibility and it doesn't mean she's a lesser or bad person because of it.

That's what I meant by being able to "accept" that she might not be on the same page as you. Just like it's presumptuous to expect to get laid just because you took someone out on a date and paid for everything, it's presumptuous to assume that you're going to be able to kindle some kind of romantic relationship by being overly nice. You just have to be willing to accept the possibility that it may not turn out how you want and in these situations, no one is at fault except the person who see only one logical outcome.

[Nathreim]

Who do you want to marry? The nice guy with the car, house and stable job? Or the exciting guy who is in debt, does drugs and would make a terrible father?

Easy choice.

Yet I will die alone.

[minteK917]

Hey it's better than swiping right on all of them and only matching bots

6 months, at least 5 of them had to not be bot and im downgrading the number for sure. Hell some of the match he showed me were people we went to school with. Just fucking give them a shot ffs.

[Lady Dragonheart]

Truly being nice is something you should do for everyone because of your nature and morals, not because you want to accumulate and mythical number of personality points in order to drop panties... "Nice guys" that are kind only to women that they are interested in for the sole purpose of getting laid is a general fallacy of principle. Kindhearted men that are respectful and nice to everyone are significantly more likely to get laid than someone that trying to pass off as someone that is just putting on a charade to get into someone's hotpocket.

[Gungnir]

Truly being nice is something you should do for everyone because of your nature and morals, not because you want to accumulate and mythical number of personality points in order to drop panties... "Nice guys" that are kind only to women that they are interested in for the sole purpose of getting laid is a general fallacy of principle. Kindhearted men that are respectful and nice to everyone are significantly more likely to get laid than someone that trying to pass off as someone that is just putting on a charade to get into someone's hotpocket.

There are way too many variables for that statement to have any validity unfortunately.

[minteK917]

It requires some faith in yourself because you assume you have all the information to make that choice. Since that is seldom true... the "confidence" is feigned (a hope you are right) or subconsciously deluded (knowing you are right) thinking.

You are overplaying confidence a little here, especially when it comes to relationship. There is a thing we know as over confidence, which is what you are describing. Someone confident simply knows what he wants, attempt to get what he wants and is honest about what he wants. A confident person can make mistakes and actually when you are confident recovering from them is simpler, because you can assume blame without shattering your own ego.

[Lady Dragonheart]

There are way too many variables for that statement to have any validity unfortunately.

Like what, specifically?

[lazypeon100]

So what happened to being nice for the sake of being nice? I treat others the way I would like to be treated. If you are interested in a relationship, you should make your intentions clear.

[minteK917]

Like what, specifically?

Like nothing, read the rest of this topic dragonheart. You mythical creatures only date assholes, sorry. Being nice is now means you cant make your romantic interest clear and you cannot act on it.

[the]

What is this "douches gets girlfriend" cliche i keep hearing about? Perhaps it is from some young boys perception that they do because they treat him poorly because he's a spineless coward, and he grows up to resent them.

Not just young boys, males of all ages fall to this mistake. The guy who has a new "girlfriend" every week is probably a douche. So, if you're looking at pure percentages of "relationships", or if looking at a particular girl (as often happens in your "nice guys" demographic you're interested in) douches get more. Ask lots of girls if they've ever dated a douche-bag, and tally these results. Looks like douches get girls! The logic problem comes in with being a douche does not guarantee a relationship, and that fact gets missed from confirmation bias.

But, now it looks like you're just looking on someone to hate now and have chosen those "nice guys" as your target, rather than being a little more open like in your earlier posts that seemed a little more genuinely curious.

[Annoying]

You do, but "I only see you as a friend"

Oh no, whatever shall I do. I have been rejected like 99.9999% of men will eventually be at least once in their life.
Your response to that should be "oh, I guess she's not interested (which she's not obligated to be), better keep looking." Then you either keep her as a friend, or don't if you can't get past your feelings. Pretty straight forward.

Or basically:

Yeah, absolutely. You're an ass if you can't accept someone's decision not to go out with you, for example. No matter how nice you were.

Although, from the other end of it, I've seen (and been involved in!) some pretty shitty instances of someone leading on another person and that can lead to some legitimate negative feelings, but that's another topic entirely, I guess.

No one's obligated to date anyone else. People do what they want, and that's alright. Sure, I've been led on before, but you just keep going regardless. Those are usually just the people who get dropped like a rock that I never talk to again. Doesn't happen often.

[Gamdwelf]

Oh no, whatever shall I do. I have been rejected like 99.9999% of men will eventually be at least once in their life.
Your response to that should be "oh, I guess she's not interested (which she's not obligated to be), better keep looking." Then you either keep her as a friend, or don't if you can't get past your feelings. Pretty straight forward.

Or basically:

No one's obligated to date anyone else. People do what they want, and that's alright. Sure, I've been led on before, but you just keep going regardless. Those are usually just the people who get dropped like a rock that I never talk to again. Doesn't happen often.

You gonna be ok about that rejection?

No need to take it out on me.

[Gungnir]

Like what, specifically?

Well, that is assuming that the person in question who is kindhearted, for example, has other attractive personality traits to the person they're trying to attract.
And that, for example there is another person who is "being fake" who is also trying to attract the same person, that he isn't that proficient at being manipulative or that he isn't incredibly physically attractive for example.

There are so many variables to situations such as this, you can't just blanket state that "well if you are genuinely kindhearted you have a higher chance of getting laid". I've met people who are so incredibly manipulative and good at it, that despite them being blatantly false people they could just wade through lovers like a red-hot spear through butter.

[minteK917]

Well, that is assuming that the person in question who is kindhearted, for example, has other attractive personality traits to the person they're trying to attract.
And that, for example there is another person who is "being fake" who is also trying to attract the same person, that he isn't that proficient at being manipulative or that he isn't incredibly physically attractive for example.

There are so many variables to situations such as this, you can't just blanket state that "well if you are genuinely kindhearted you have a higher chance of getting laid". I've met people who are so incredibly manipulative and good at it, that despite them being blatantly false people they could just wade through lovers like a red-hot spear through butter.

Theres enough women/men that some youll find attractive can be nice as well. The real problem most people have, is not even trying. We have Gamdwelf whining about this all the time, but attempting to date someone once a decade.

[lazypeon100]

Like nothing, read the rest of this topic dragonheart. You mythical creatures only date assholes, sorry. Being nice is now means you cant make your romantic interest clear and you cannot act on it.

But that is false. You're going completely off of anecdotal evidence. I know I have, and I know several people, whoare just genuinely nice and have gotten into good working relationships. You don't have to act like a douche, and making your intentions known do not make it so you cannot also be nice. That is absurd.

[minteK917]

I guess what I am saying... is that the "confidence" itself can sometimes be an issue for people that live their life with rational/proof based way of thinking.

Kind of a bad example, because of its based on a character, but it is an actual personality type.... especially with people in communities like this...

The "Spock or Data" way of looking at everything through a lens of logic. Where confidence is almost never "certain", but rather a percent of probability of you being right.

I work for an electronics giant, work with software engineers... you rarely, if ever, hear anyone give any certainty in anything they say, email, or just talking during lunch. It is all uncertain, projected, based on best estimates....etc... I actually feel better knowing the true level of confidence, than the normal display from people that do not work with machines... because I end up second guessing everything they say.

See thats where you miss understand confidence. Spock is actually a model of confidence. Not having answer to everything or doing mistake is not lack of confidence. You reactions to it will display that.

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But that is false. You're going completely off of anecdotal evidence. I know I have, and I know several people, whoare just genuinely nice and have gotten into good working relationships. You don't have to act like a douche, and making your intentions known do not make it so you cannot also be nice. That is absurd.

I was being sarcastic. Thats why i called her mythical creature.

[lazypeon100]

See thats where you miss understand confidence. Spock is actually a model of confidence. Not having answer to everything or doing mistake is not lack of confidence. You reactions to it will display that.

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I was being sarcastic. Thats why i called her mythical creature.

Welp. My bad. It wooshed over my head.

[Nynax]

When their methods are quite bad. Like they would never work at all. But still they exist, and there are new males to join their ranks whenever.

I just don't get it. It makes no sense. It's been proven that their methods never ever work, why do people subscribe to their "strategies"?

Ugly guys think they can get into a girl's vagina with gifts and flattery. Maybe that shit worked back in the early 1900s, but times have changed.

hmmm....idk.....I can think of a number of cases where the "nice guy" was sweet on a girl with an asshole boyfriend; next thing you know, the "nice guy" has the girl and the asshole is left in the dust.

Maybe that's more of a "bad" bad nice guy though.

[minteK917]

Welp. My bad. It wooshed over my head.

Oh when you read the rest of the thread, i can understand that my post could be serious lol.