If a wife is raped and gets pregnant from the rapist, is it ok for the husband...

[Zafire]

Then why do you expect this from your partner?

What? She didn't consent to rape. She didn't want to get pregnant by the rape. Rape is a very miserable, traumatic experience. Getting raped wasn't a choice she made.

If she wants to keep a rape baby, she can. It's pro-choice, like you said. It's also pro-choice that I do not sacrifice my life to raise a child that isn't mine that was conceived unwillingly. I feel that should, too, also be respected.

[TirielWoW]

What? She didn't consent to rape. She didn't want to get pregnant by the rape. Rape is a very miserable, traumatic experience. Getting raped wasn't a choice she made.

Obviously you missed my point, but that doesn't surprise me. Suffice it to say: I never said it was.

If she wants to keep a rape baby, she can. It's pro-choice, like you said. It's also pro-choice that I do not sacrifice my life to raise a child that isn't mine that was conceived unwillingly. I feel that should, too, also be respected.

The OP doesn't even indicate that the woman wants to keep the child permanently, only that she's refusing to abort it. So let's just throw this out here - she may well wish to put the child up for adoption. Yet, your stance appears to be, "Abort it or leave." So from my perspective - as someone that has actually been raped, mind you - you appear to be saying, "Not only do I want you to violate your sincere religious beliefs for me (which is what you're saying, because the implied threat is, "I'll leave if you don't kill it"), but I'm willing to abandon you to the winds when you need me most because you're refusing to kill what you believe is a living, breathing human being who isn't to blame for what happened to you."

[Deleted]

If she is so religious that she wants to keep a child she got from being raped then leave her. That kind if person is never worth being with

Its either selfish bordering on the extreme or its religious extremism. Either way its nuts

[Whitedragon]

Which is an absolutely pointless statement.

You are a rape baby. It's in your blood, your bone, and your DNA. You will be hard pressed to find anyone with a lineage completely devoid of rape, so we're all, essentially, rape babies. Guess that means we're all tainted.

Guess that means that you feel a woman shouldn't have control over her own body. Maybe this is her way of coping with what happened to her? But we're not allowed to talk about that because apparently if your woman gets raped, and god forbid, gets pregnant, your dick shrivels up in tandem with her expanding waistline.

The best part about this is that the statements here - calling men who stay with their wives after the wife has been raped "cucks," and the rest of the ripe bullshit going on in this thread - are freaking classic rape culture. Because apparently y'all truly do believe that your female partners are merely an extension of your own bodies.

I genuinely hope most of y'all will grow up before you ruin too many people's lives.

I personally would never consider abortion an option (even going so far as to protest it, but that is a different story), but I do believe adoption can and should be insisted upon. This would actually give the child a better chance at happiness because as much as some people may deny it both the mother and the surrogate father would harbor animosity towards the child (i'm not going to say it always happens, but like wise NO one can say it never happens ether.). Giving the baby a fresh chance with parents who don't know his/her past and that desperately want a child of their own may be the best thing for everyone involved.

[Phlegethon]

He's free to divorce her, but he doesn't get a say in what she does with her body.

He should be able to have a say in whether he wants to "keep" it or not. That said, that does not mean an abortion, more like a financial abortion. You want to keep it? Fine, you pay for that shit. (and that counts for any baby, not just rape babies)

But that would be equal choice and that's not what we want right? :-)

[Stelio Kontos]

I personally would never consider abortion an option (even going so far as to protest it, but that is a different story), but I do believe adoption can and should be insisted upon. This would actually give the child a better chance at happiness because as much as some people may deny it both the mother and the surrogate father would harbor animosity towards the child (i'm not going to say it always happens, but like wise NO one can say it never happens ether.). Giving the baby a fresh chance with parents who don't know his/her past and that desperately want a child of their own may be the best thing for everyone involved.

I can see that point. Depending on the parents' disposition to the child, it might be better to put the baby up for adoption.

[zephid]

You're beating a dead horse, friend.

I have read a few of your posts in this thread, and while I do not share all of your views (I, myself, am pro-choice, whereas you have indicated that you are pro-life), you have articulated yourself well and have been very patient with others. I agree with your sentiments on marital vows 100%, however. Being a married man myself, I too vowed to my wife to stand with her through everything, not "just the stuff that is easy to deal with."

Understand, though, that you're addressing a group comprised primarily of teenagers or 20-somethings who have never been married, and are probably not mature enough to conceptualize a long-term, loving relationship. All they see are sleights against their manhood, and their prideful nature takes control.

It'll take them a long time to really understand what you mean. Just know that there are others who (mostly) agree with you, and be thankful that for MOST of these people, it is something they will grow to understand.

It might be the case that most people fall into that category, I however do not. I'm 33 years old and I'm currently in a long-term relationship (coming up on 7 years).

[anveena]

If she likes her rape baby that much she can raise it by herself. I'll pass on wasting my time and money raising someone else's child.

[Zafire]

Obviously you missed my point, but that doesn't surprise me. Suffice it to say: I never said it was.



The OP doesn't even indicate that the woman wants to keep the child permanently, only that she's refusing to abort it. So let's just throw this out here - she may well wish to put the child up for adoption. Yet, your stance appears to be, "Abort it or leave." So from my perspective - as someone that has actually been raped, mind you - you appear to be saying, "Not only do I want you to violate your sincere religious beliefs for me (which is what you're saying, because the implied threat is, "I'll leave if you don't kill it"), but I'm willing to abandon you to the winds when you need me most because you're refusing to kill what you believe is a living, breathing human being who isn't to blame for what happened to you."

I would be able to accept if she wanted to have it and then put it up for adoption. I would not stick around if she raised the child. I've been with the same woman for five years now. I'm 29 years old. My life and emotional well-being are just as important to me as hers is. If it makes me selfish to feel that way, I'm okay with that. If she needs to raise a rape-baby to be happy, then I need to leave to be happy. Just the way it would have to be.

[Flarelaine]

OH!! That's one for the "I said vows" crowd. What would you do if your wife wanted a sex change?

Easy. We do not have same-sex marriages here, so I'd help her through and the marriage would automatically become invalid.

(I take it as implied that if she decided to become a man, she would not want to act as a woman in bed anyhow... which, however, is not necessarily reason enough to not stay friendly, especially if we have kids to take care of. In fact, the latter is a strong argument to help her and not just dump her, because sex change involves throwing your hormonal balance out the window which leads to literally insane mood swings. Not a good thing with children around.)

Edit: Before all that, I'd probably go mad at the news.

[Deleted]

She has last word, can't be forced to abortion. Her husband can't be forced to raise child from rape.

[Deleted]

He should dump her.

Religious nutter should be left alone with her stupid ass decision.

[Deleted]

He is ok to want her to do an abortion.

He is not ok to force her to have an abortion.

It's her choice to keep the baby and it's his choice to leave her if he wants.

I know I wouldn't want to raise rapist's kid. So I'd probably divorce if she insisted on wanting to keep the baby.

- - - Updated - - -

i've heard stories of dudes in similar situations injecting the womans food with small amounts of poison to try to secretly miscariage. it is horrible.

A real man would deal with the situation and support his wife through the troubling time. counselling could also help too, but it is her body and he should respect that.

Sorry but that's total BS. We might as well say "real woman would not want to raise rapist's kid and hurt her husband like that". Why should he suffer for long years because of her decision? Because he's a man?

[Stelio Kontos]

Sorry but that's total BS. We might as well say "real woman would not want to raise rapist's kid and hurt her husband like that". Why should he suffer for long years because of her decision? Because he's a man?

Because when you get married it stops being about just you or just her. it's not about 'me', it's about 'us'.

If the vows mean nothing then why bother making them?

[Deleted]

I'm curious, you are surely aware that you are almost certainly - probably 99% probability - the product of at least one (possibly dozens) rape in your family history, yes?

Most, if not all of us, are.

Are you a rape baby? Should you have been aborted because, somewhere in your family tree (probably dozens of times, actually), one or more of your ancestors came into being because of rape?

I suppose you're fortunate in that one or more of your female ancestors had more mercy in one of their fingers than you appear to have in your entire body.

And don't tell me, "Oh, but they didn't have abortion then!" Because that is ripe bullshit. Abortion has existed for as long as women have become pregnant, and if the abortion didn't work, there was always the option to leave the newborn in the wild to die. So don't tell me they didn't have the option, because they did.

I like how you incorrectly foresaw my answer here and already told me how wrong it was before I even said it. I'm not going to argue with such flawed logic and I'm kind of offended you assume I'm that kind of stupid.

Anyhow, you're absolutely right that somewhere in our ancestry someone is a rape baby, and that's fine, that's not the issue for me.

The problem for me if my wife had a rape baby would that it would be the ultimate mockery of me and my worth and I would feel like a pathetic piece of shit if my wife. (Not native English speaker, not sure how to phrase this)

But... This will never become an actual problem in my life, as I would never marry a woman who would be so ridiculously fucked up in the head that she would ever keep a rape baby. And even if it did... Maybe there is something lying on the stairs in the night so she will trip.. Maybe they were slippery.. Who knows?

Happy new years

[Theoris]

(Didn't Ray Cumfart make a movie about something like this?)

Well, this is a dilemma if there was one. It's not his child, so the man has no obligation to care for it. On the other hand, it would be pretty terrible to leave his wife to take care of a rape baby. (Apparently he has to pay child support anyway, so even worse)

And then there's the kid itself.

It won't be fun when it grows up and finds out it's a product of rape. It was planted in its mom's womb without her consent and her religious views conflicted with her getting an abortion. On top of that, it will have "My mother's decision to keep me ruined her marriage" hanging over its head if the husband decides to leave.

They at least caught the rapist, I hope?

[Mistame]

Can't say I'd feel terribly bad about a man abandoning his wife after her rape getting financially hosed.

While it can be said that love of a child is "unconditional", an intimate relationship never truly falls under that categorization. Otherwise, there would be no divorces. Your comment is based on the [false] assumption that leaving her would be "abandoning" her. While she didn't agree to be raped and subsequently get pregnant, etc, he didn't agree to take on the responsibilities of another man's child.

Marriage is nothing more than a state-sponsored relationship and no relation is subject to an aspect of unconditional commitment. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to end a relationship, this is not even being among the most obscure. Your claim that undue hardship on him would be warranted because of a reason that you disagree with is, at best, asinine.

Not wanting to have a child doesn't absolve you of the responsibility of raising it if it's born anyway.

If it's not your child, that alone should absolve you of any responsibility.

What would you do if your wife wanted a sex change?

Considering that one gets involved with the expectations of certain attributes, changing those attributes is a legitimate reason to end the relationship. There's plenty of reasons I'd leave, included things as obscure as her getting implants or refusing to work. /shrug

[Zafire]

Because when you get married it stops being about just you or just her. it's not about 'me', it's about 'us'.

If the vows mean nothing then why bother making them?

Why does marriage even matter?

You say vows you're legally allowed to break. You're allowed to get remarried over and over again like it's some kind of game.

Why can't you have the exact same relationship married or not? Why can't you say vows to each other while not in a marriage? How come marriages somehow changes the relationship? Can you not love the woman you're with if you're not married? Is someone who got married after 3 months in a better relationship than me and my girlfriend that have been together 5 years?

Doesn't it prove that you love the person you're with by NOT being married and sticking it out with them, since leaving would be so incredibly easy, and you stick it out anyway?

[Flutterguy]

She can't be made to get an abortion and even if he decides to leave her over it, he will still need to pay child support.

[Deleted]

Because when you get married it stops being about just you or just her. it's not about 'me', it's about 'us'.

If the vows mean nothing then why bother making them?

I am married. Vows are not made just by a man but also by a woman. When you are also conciously hurting your husband by wanting to keep rapist's baby that's not really caring for each other is it? Being together is also sometimes about compromises. If you cannot reach it like in OPs case then it's best to divorce.