If a wife is raped and gets pregnant from the rapist, is it ok for the husband...

[Chrno]

Life is precious and all that shit, just like people dont allow euthanasia.

I am glad i live in a place where euthanasia is possible/legal.

OP; That's a tough situation to be in. I can understand them both ;(

[Huehuecoyotl]

It seems like you're either failing to empathize with the husband or prioritizing empathizing with the wife above the husband. You know, it's a shitty situation that doesn't really have any good outcome, but rather than empathizing with both people, the husband and wife, you're disregarding one for the other. I mean look at your own words, "A husband is struggling to come to terms with this . . .", you're speaking as if the husband has no say or voice in this situation and that he just has to accept whatever his wife chooses for him. My recommendation for him to leave is based on the fact that he has no right to force her to get an abortion when she doesn't want to, but she has no right to force him to raise a child that isn't his thus they're at an impasse and the only way to avoid one party being forced into doing the thing they don't want to do is to end the relationship.

Not to get all preachy on you, but before you shame others, try taking a look in the mirror because in your post you talk about what the husband should do as if he were a servant rather than an equal partner in the relationship which shows a complete lack of empathy or compassion, and an abundance of selfishness, heartlessness, and dickishness.

Also, I don't endorse the foul views and statements made by others on this thread, but part of the problem is that many men are sick and tired of how no one ever cares to consider what the man is dealing with like you and others on this thread who show utter disregard for him when he's a victim in this situation too (not as much mind you, but he's still a victim of this whole ordeal).

You completely misunderstood my post. When I stated "A husband is struggling to come to terms with this" I was stating this in conjunction with the wider situation. I thought this was quite clear, because how can you break the situation down into small component parts, and act as if they are somehow detached from everything else? No human thinks or behaves that way, surely?

He has the trauma of knowing that the woman he loves has been attacked, injured and abused. He may well feel shame or guilt that he was unable to prevent this. And now he has the issue that his wife wants to keep the resultant child. All of these things have to be considered when talking about the best outcome for what is a horrific situation.

At no point did I even suggest that this situation was nothing to do with the husband. I certainly never suggested anything like the notion that he is a "servant" in this setup, rather than an equal partner. I would suggest you read my post back, without the filter of your own fairly obvious prejudices (shown up in your last paragraph), and reconsider.

[Kathandira]

If a wife is raped and gets pregnant from the rapist, is it okay for the husband to want her to get an abortion? Interestingly enough, a good friend of mine is in this exact situation. It's a difficult situation for all involved. She is very religious and is adamant about keeping the baby; however, he doesn't want to raise a child not his own, especially one who shares its genetics with a rapist. This has caused a huge rift in their relationship, and he's considering leaving. What would you do in this situation?

It is a situation/decision between the wife and husband. Our opinion should have no bearing on their decision.

[Spectral]

He's free to divorce her, but he doesn't get a say in what she does with her body.

This really depends on what you mean by "get a say". Legally, no, of course that's her decision. Ethics are a squishy subject.

From a practical, interpersonal standpoint though, saying that spouses have no say over what their partners do with their bodies is nonsense. Partners should very carefully consider their spouse's well being and preferences in addition to their own.

[stabetha]

If you ever get pregnant, I promise I'll support your right to get an abortion if you want one.

that sounds a lot like the anti gay marriage argument of "they aren't being discriminated against, no can marry someone that is the same sex as them"

[crewskater]

Well, the child isn't his so he has no say in this. Either way he's fucked, be a cuck or leave and be happy.

Even if the child is yours, the man still doesn't have any say in the matter.

[Spectral]

Even if the child is yours, the man still doesn't have any say in the matter.

Could you be a bit more specific about what you mean by "doesn't have any say"? As I said above:

This really depends on what you mean by "get a say". Legally, no, of course that's her decision. Ethics are a squishy subject.

From a practical, interpersonal standpoint though, saying that spouses have no say over what their partners do with their bodies is nonsense. Partners should very carefully consider their spouse's well being and preferences in addition to their own.

People in strong marriages consider their spouse's desires very strongly.

[crewskater]

Could you be a bit more specific about what you mean by "doesn't have any say"? As I said above:

When a women wants to get an abortion, it happens, when the man wants it, it's her body her choice. If that's the case, he should be exempt from having to pay child support.

[Spectral]

When a women wants to get an abortion, it happens, when the man wants it, it's her body her choice. If that's the case, he should be exempt from having to pay child support.

This seems like a non-sequitur, but that's OK I guess.

[Louisa Bannon]

Honestly, not sure why I am bothering to reply to this thread except that maybe there's a 1% chance that its a real/true scenario and the husband in question is seeking opinions because he feels truly conflicted. That said...

As the woman, I would never carry the product of rape to term. I would get that object of hate and violence out of me at my earliest opportunity. The fact that the woman supposedly feels conflicted because of religious reasons beggars my credulity. I have zero respect for such a viewpoint especially if it would cause her husband distress. Given her supposed religious views I would think that whatever a man might want her to do should mean a lot. There's just something about the whole thing that feels really passive-aggressive about keeping a baby like that, esp against the wishes of the husband.

As the man I would ask my wife to terminate the pregnancy. If she refused on religious grounds I would seek divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. I simply would 100% refuse to have anything to do with such a child or its upbringing. It's not that I blame the woman for being raped, far from it. Rape is a ghastly crime. But if she can't see reason on the issue then I'd have to wonder about her ability to compromise on every day issues too. The one compromise I might make is this: carry the child to term and place it up for adoption. As the husband I would despise that situation altogether, but if I truly loved the woman I might agree to it. This solution respects the (imo bullshit) concern about abortion as murder, but then the couple is free to truly move passed the rape by not raising the child themselves. If the wife refused even that compromise then she is welcome to carry on by herself. I'd dump her like a hot potato.

The situation is one of those impossible scenarios - there is no good solution that addresses all needs or concerns. Still, there's something about the woman's intransigence that makes me think she's a bit loony.

Here's an interesting bit:
Mothers may also face legal difficulties. In most US states, the rapist maintains parental rights. Research by legal scholar Shauna Prewitt indicates that the resulting continued contact with the rapist is damaging for women who keep the child. She wrote in 2012 that in the US, 31 states allow rapists to assert custody and visitation rights over children conceived through rape.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pregnancy_from_rape

Oh and hey, know what? Fuck that...!

[Loosecannon]

Is it OK for him to *want* her to get an abortion, absolutely.

Does she have any requirement to do it if she doesn't want to, absolutely not.

[Louisa Bannon]

The OP doesn't even indicate that the woman wants to keep the child permanently, only that she's refusing to abort it...

From OP:
"She is very religious and is adamant about keeping the baby; however, he doesn't want to raise a child not his own, especially one who shares its genetics with a rapist..."

Reading comprehension issue...

[Spectral]

From OP:
"She is very religious and is adamant about keeping the baby; however, he doesn't want to raise a child not his own, especially one who shares its genetics with a rapist..."

Reading comprehension issue...

The term "keeping" in this context can simply mean "carrying to term".

This does call up the obvious compromise position - if she can't countenance abortion for religious reasons and he's unwilling to raise his wife's rapist's child, adoption is a good option.

[Sliske]

Is it ok for him to want her to do it? Yes, its okay for him to want to do anything. What matters is actions, not thoughts.

Is it morally acceptable? Well, see, when it comes to abortion there is no morally right choice. Thats where people get caught up - they try to find the morally right choice and there simply isn't one.

At the end of the day when it comes to abortion, you're debating the happiness of the mother vs the life of an unborn child. Personally i'd take the former, but again, because theres no right answer, i can see why the latter is also a potential choice.

In an ideal world, we would just say "fuck it" and let these retards deal with their own bad decisions (getting pregnant) like we do with people abusing drugs and such, but thats the thing - you can't. You can't when theres an innocent 3rd party - the child.

I would want my wife to get an abortion if she was raped, even though thats a really shitty thing to do right after a rape, but thats my feelings on it.

If i actually wanted kids , i may want her to keep it, but even then it would be a tough choice.

If i was the woman i'd get the abortion easily, no thought at all.

[Louisa Bannon]

real men recognize mental problems that cannot be fixed and gtfo. stop loving broken people, at least people that f'n broken. gotta draw the line somewhere.

Millennials; got to love them and their complete lack of social development.

Life is not a dress rehearsal. Everyone has the right to seek happiness in their own way and not to have to feel responsible for the bad decisions of others. We have precious little true freedom and I see no problem with someone wanting to express that freedom however they may wish to do so.

The woman has options. The man has options. Choose wisely.

Guilt take the hindmost, to alter a cliche.

- - - Updated - - -

The term "keeping" in this context can simply mean "carrying to term".

Agreed, but its is not the most obvious nor simplest meaning of those words. Plus look at the whole statement. The phrase "he doesn't want to raise a child not his own" suggests that what is being contemplated is in fact keeping the child to be raised as their own.

[Zolaris192]

No court anywhere in the world will let a man force a woman to get an abortion.

Ya try a Muslim country, they just stone her to death lmao

Do you live in a basement or something?

[cubby]

If a wife is raped and gets pregnant from the rapist, is it okay for the husband to want her to get an abortion? Interestingly enough, a good friend of mine is in this exact situation. It's a difficult situation for all involved. She is very religious and is adamant about keeping the baby; however, he doesn't want to raise a child not his own, especially one who shares its genetics with a rapist. This has caused a huge rift in their relationship, and he's considering leaving. What would you do in this situation?

The thread was over in the first response - "no court anywhere will force the woman to get an abortion". I think, however, that he would have good cause to leave her. And hey, no child-care payments.

(although they should do a paternity test - how is the husband sure it's not his?)

[Mistame]

Which one are we talking about here? Two different issues.

Um, what? I quoted a single comment. There is no context in which what I said does not apply.

Millennials; got to love them and their complete lack of social development.

I fail see how what he said is a "lack of social development". Logic dictates that you don't stick your dick in crazy and if the crazy surfaces after the fact, get the fuck out.

It's hardly an ideal situation but punishing her for being raped is wrong in so many ways.

Maybe I'm misreading what you're saying here but it seems a bit out of context. First, leaving her is not "punishing her". It's protecting himself. That it comes at the expense of her "feels" is irrelevant. Secondly, the so-called "punishment" would be for keeping the baby, not being raped.

Oh come on, there are more than one religion. Just switch to another more reliable god.

That's the problem with imaginary friends - They're never around when you need them.

[Deleted]

Ya try a Muslim country, they just stone her to death lmao

Do you live in a basement or something?

Just because it happens doesn't mean it's legal in those countries. In fact, a quick google brought up islamqa.info/en/40269 which talks about this very point, having said that abortion in Islam is allowed if it's due to rape (provided it is done as early as possible).

[cubby]

Um, what? I quoted a single comment. There is no context in which what I said does not apply.

Blanket statements are never right.

Logic dictates that you don't stick your dick in crazy and if the crazy surfaces after the fact, get the fuck out.

This is so good it needs to be a sig and on a bumper sticker. Should be freshman orientation, too.
(not being sarcastic here, just to be clear)

Maybe I'm misreading what you're saying here but it seems a bit out of context. First, leaving her is not "punishing her". It's protecting himself. That it comes at the expense of her "feels" is irrelevant. Secondly, the so-called "punishment" would be for keeping the baby, not being raped.

Could not agree more - if she really wanted to get rid of the baby and still keep religion, there are passages and phrases she could use. I would bet (with zero evidence) that she just really wants a baby and they haven't had one yet - but again, total speculation.

That's the problem with imaginary friends - They're never around when you need them.

Not bumper sticker worthy, but definitely a good chuckle.