How common is "no sex before marriage" in your place?

[Deleted]

No sex before marriage is a weird principle to maintain in today's society. Back in the day when the old testament was written, girls were married to a man when they were maybe 13 years old. So for God (who we'll have to assume exists for the sake of this argument) to advice people to not have sex before marriage would essentially result in people not having sex with children, which sounds like a good idea. Today people get married much later, doesn't work the same way.

Another interesting topic I had with a friend once was that if everyone in the entire world had followed god's advice, there would not exist a single sexually transmitted disease. AIDS would not exist, because all diseases would eventually die out within the family. So from this perspective one can argue that god's advice was sound, but now it's already too late.

Personally I have only ever had sex with the woman I married, but we had sex many years before we actually got married. I personally would never want to sleep with anyone I don't love. And I also think that a lot of people are suffering emotionally from having sex with too many, I know many who say they never want to have sex again because of their "stupidity" when they were young. Does this mean that anyone who sleeps around is doomed to suffer emotional trauma? Of course not. Does this mean anyone who saves themselves for one person will be happy? Of course not.

[psyquest]

I've known many Christians who were virgins when they got married, but also knew many who were not. Seems like there were more females who maintained their virginity than males. At least I've heard a lot more "ugh, she won't put out" and can't ever remember hearing a girl complain that her boyfriend wasn't putting out - at least they aren't telling me that. Anyway, I haven't known a single Christian who hasn't sinned at least once...so, I'm not completely surprised. As far as temptations go, fornication is right up there.

All that said, I think there is something special and intimate about a husband and wife who both saved themselves for the other.

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To me the question, for those who follow the Christian Bible, is "are you actually capable of having sex before you are married". There is nothing in the Christian Bible that talks about signing papers before a judge or the Capt of a ship. So while the State has requirements that have to followed to be recognized as legally married, why do we assume God has those same requirements? From what I can tell, it's the act of becoming one flesh, ie. consummation, that makes you married in God's eyes, including passages that say if you seduce a virgin, you need to pay her parents and marry her. From what I can tell, once you have sex with the first person, it's adultery from there on if you hook up with anyone else, going by the Bible's definition.

I dunno, probably treading too close to the line of what we can talk about...just stuff I find interesting.

a marriage is in the eyes of God and as described in the bible is two people that exhange vows before God and some witnesses to be man and wife and live according to God's law. The state has nothing to do with it, it is a new construct. As such, exchanging vows in front of a community or congregation is enough for a christian to be married. However since a christian has to abide by the land's law as long as it does not go against Gods law, the couple should make the necessary arrangement ie, sign the papers required by the country's law in order for the marriage to be legal in human's term (again not spiritual sense).

Regarding what someone said above, above priest having girlfriends or priests being less hard on people or what not and a comparaison with Iran. I am afraid, the fact that some priests have sinned is actually not an open door to say it is ok or that the church is in any way ok with it. The church , catholic for instance, has to understand peoples struggle now, but it cannot in any condone or encourage behavior that goes against the bible or its teaching. As such, the definition of what is sin remains the same. You might seek forgiveness but the sin does not change.

Also to whom asked. Repentance is a christian concept. It is an act to contrition, the act of someone who turns around and walk away from sin. One cannot just say 100 ave maria and be cleared of sin. It must come with repentance, otherwise in Gods eyes it is not a true confession.

For those that might wonder, I studied the bible for 4 years with the intention of becoming a priest when I was much younger, alast it was not my calling.

[Thoughtful Trolli]

I mainly encountered it in high school. Knew lots of girls (and guys) that were saving themselves and even my ex was like that. Soon as they all graduated and moved away all of that stopped and they started opening up to the idea that sex isn't some scary thing that should only be saved for "the one".

This.

Everyone needs to fuck by 17.

[Deleted]

for the vast majority (ignoring highly religious Muslims)... only barely more common than being born with three hands

[psyquest]

One has to ask a question, how come our grand fathers had long marriages in comparaison to todays?

[FuxieDK]

One has to ask a question, how come our grand fathers had long marriages in comparaison to todays?

Because back then, women didn't work and thus had no means to support herself in case of divorce, and thus had to endure a lot of crap.

Today, where as many women as men work, women won't take a man's crap, because she can support herself.

[psyquest]

No sex before marriage is a weird principle to maintain in today's society.

It is not a principle. Religion (any) makes senses only to those that have faith. As such, it might seems strange to see some rules for people outside of it. Those rules have nothing to do with society and really some to do not make sense unless you take the time to understand the why.

The jews have lots of rules for instance and some made plenty of sense if you look at the context.

always check the context, when how and why.

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Because back then, women didn't work and thus had no means to support herself in case of divorce, and thus had to endure a lot of crap.

Today, where as many women as men work, women won't take a man's crap, because she can support herself.

so in your views all our grand mothers had bad marriages and they only stayed because they had no choice?

In my view, our grand parents had a more sensible view on life and how to deal with hardship (remember the wars). They knew better how to compromise and deal with hardship. Nowadays the youth want things now, want the perfect x (replace with whatever) and want the perfect job. There is no compromise, no give and take. and guess what, a marriage is about compromise, give and take and living with another person that is not perfect, like you. Nowadays people have largely forgotten about compromise.

[Captain N]

One has to ask a question, how come our grand fathers had long marriages in comparaison to todays?

Because they were in an era that actually knew how to communicate with their spouses and fixed issues instead of throwing it away for something easier.

At least that's what the meme says....

In reality you're looking at an era where women were for all intents and purposes a house keeper, cook, and incubator so as long as their men took care of the bills most looked the other way while the men got what they wanted elsewhere. A divorce in those times was incredibly damaging to a man's reputation and for the woman an indication she was a poor wife.

[Tailswipe]

It seemed to be the norm when I was growing up in the 90's in the white part of South Africa. Thankfully it partially shielded us from the HIV epidemic that's now killing the rest of the country on mass.

[Mayhem]

so in your views all our grand mothers had bad marriages and they only stayed because they had no choice?

In my view, our grand parents had a more sensible view on life and how to deal with hardship (remember the wars). They knew better how to compromise and deal with hardship. Nowadays the youth want things now, want the perfect x (replace with whatever) and want the perfect job. There is no compromise, no give and take. and guess what, a marriage is about compromise, give and take and living with another person that is not perfect, like you. Nowadays people have largely forgotten about compromise.

So one question then, why weren´t they able to communicate that to their children and grand children?

[Deleted]

It is not a principle. Religion (any) makes senses only to those that have faith. As such, it might seems strange to see some rules for people outside of it. Those rules have nothing to do with society and really some to do not make sense unless you take the time to understand the why.

Did you read my post? I made sense of the "rule". Any rule or principle in a religion that can't be figured out should not be maintained. Whether or not you believe you can and should always ask yourself "Why would this be the will of god?" or "Why did people back then believe this was the will of god". For example the ban on eating pork made a lot of sense back in the day because of poor handling and risk of parasites etc. In a country where these risks are removed it makes no sense anymore. There is no comprehendable reason why a deity would deem one type of meat bad and another good purely "because". There had to have been a reason for it.

[haxartus]

It wasn't popular 50 years ago, let alone now.

[Gaaz]

About as common as snow storms in hell. There is only 1 person I know of that was still a virgin up until 20 years of age, and marriage is something that is normally done much later around here.
Most of the western culture is sex based now. Is it so surprising that people tend to follow the path of least resistance?

[Mormolyce]

Almost unheard of in Australia.

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a marriage is in the eyes of God and as described in the bible is two people that exhange vows before God and some witnesses to be man and wife and live according to God's law. The state has nothing to do with it, it is a new construct.

It also says a man fit two of every animal on earth onto a boat.

Back in the real world, when a priest marries someone they are acting as agents of the state.

[bossmode]

The reason not to have sex until marriage isn't entirely based off of religion. Quite often, religion has nothing to do with it. It's a matter of a person's morals and values. To abstain from sex until marriage is the belief that you must first connect with someone on a real emotional level- without any sexual influence. What this means is, that you aren't with the person simply because ' the sex is good '. That can lead to quite a toxic relationship of people who hate each other as people still sticking around simply because they enjoy the sex. People who abstain want to be sure that they love the person for who they are as a human being, and that the other person feels the same way. If your partner is willing to hold off on sex until you two are married, then they clearly love you very, very much. Another reason people abstain is that they want to only ever have sex with the person they truly love, and to some, the only way to know that for sure is to be married to each other, to enter a life-long commitment.
Someone who abstains until marriage can also be seen as a person who is very trustworthy and loyal in a relationship, as their number one priority is love, not lust (not meant in a religious sense). This could also mean that cheating is far less likely to happen, especially if both people have abstained until marriage. So basically, it's to make sure that you and your partner love each other on an emotional and personal level (and spiritual, for the religious folks) and that the other person shares their morals and values, as people who abstain until marriage often have strong morals and values.
And the idea of ' needing ' to lose your virginity by a certain age is laughable. Are you really so petty, so shallow, that you can't wait until you find your true love for sex? Needing to lose you virginity to feel like a man/woman is quite a powerful insecurity. It's also a poor product of society, one that is unfourtunately blindly accepted without a second thought. To me, a real man is a man with high values and morals, one who doesn't need to bang random women to feel like a man. He knows who is is. He has his own identity. And no one can make him change who he is, or what he values. Same would go for the perfect woman.
Basically what I'm saying is that some people out there actually value morality and true love, looking towards a long lasting relationship that can be held and continued without sex, because there will be a time in the marriage when you reach a certain age, and sex becomes far less frequent and may eventually stop all together. Sex is, of course, important during the marriage. It helps keep the marriage stable. Again, it simply comes down to people having very high and good morals and values, who wants a parent who is the same. Unfourtanetly, society and culture has been crafted by impulsive apes who can't think about the long term and what is morally correct, hence the current state of the world.

[Deleted]

I've lived in multiple countries in my lifetime, met and made friends and interact with people from, literally, over 50 different nations on almost a daily basis, and I've never heard of this being a real thing, outside of 2 notable exceptions: muslim countries, and the USA.

Edit: Just like circumcision!

[Cosmic Janitor]

Only super backwards religious people practice that around here.. and most of them are probably lying about it as well.

[psyquest]

Did you read my post? I made sense of the "rule". Any rule or principle in a religion that can't be figured out should not be maintained. Whether or not you believe you can and should always ask yourself "Why would this be the will of god?" or "Why did people back then believe this was the will of god". For example the ban on eating pork made a lot of sense back in the day because of poor handling and risk of parasites etc. In a country where these risks are removed it makes no sense anymore. There is no comprehendable reason why a deity would deem one type of meat bad and another good purely "because". There had to have been a reason for it.

you are trying to reason logically with religion. Religion is about faith. Faith has nothing with logic. But I understand where you are coming from.

[Deleted]

you are trying to reason logically with religion. Religion is about faith. Faith has nothing with logic. But I understand where you are coming from.

I disagree. There is and should be logic in all religions. You shouldn't believe in something that's completely and utterly improbable. For instance there are sound arguments for believing that a powerful being sat in motion the processes that lead to our world coming into being. Faith is about believing for instance that this being will intervene and assist you when you are in need.

[Rotted]

A number of Cypriot girls were determined to stay virgins until they got married, so they only gave blow jobs and took it up the arse. I think they misunderstood the spirit of the virginity thing.

Tbh, this is exactly why this concept needs to stop being forced upon children and drilled into them from a young age. If as a person grows older and they decide they want to wait for marriage first, then fine, nothing wrong with it. But like I said, it needs to die when its being taught to people.