How common is "no sex before marriage" in your place?

[Aori]

Fairly common, I know a few late 20s, 30 and 40 year old virgins, male and female. Christianity plays a role in most of their decision to wait.

The no sex before marriage thing is a Christian indoctrination teaching, it isn't clear cut in the Bible but refers to marriage as a ball and chain to prevent sexual immorality as the community knows who your lover is.

[Guyv3r]

There was one girl in my old school who had this bullshit idea of getting married a virgin.

Years later she told her girlfriends that her then boyfriend only did her up the ass. Lucky bastard..

[Easo]

Latvia? Quite rare. Was, of course, more prevalent in the past, but times change.

[Kathandira]

Have encountered a fair share of those women through my life, trying to figure out just how they think that's going to even work out. Like, how to deal with it if you're not really meshing sexually after you're married? Divorce them then? Why not just have sex before marriage to make sure you're even compatible with each other?

From what I know (anecdotally) it is not common what so ever.

As to your concerns. Sex is not a 'you are either good at is, or not' sort of practice. Sex can be taught, studied, and learned.

As the largest piece of the puzzle of relationships is communication, you can only have a good sexual relationship, if you know how to communicate. If you and your spouse can't communicate, and the sex isn't good, then you are doomed until you break that shell and get to talking to each other about your sexual desires/needs.

[dRk]

Sex can be taught, studied, and learned.

I'm afraid that's not the point. People like different things. Imagine you having a thing for, say, oral sex, and discovering that your partner can't stand it after marrying.

[Kathandira]

I'm afraid that's not the point. People like different things. Imagine you having a thing for, say, oral sex, and discovering that your partner can't stand it after marrying.

That is part of the communication which is required.

Also, sometimes, within limits, you may have to do something you don't enjoy for the sake of your partners satisfaction. I don't eat pussy because it tastes great and is relaxing. It is work, and doesn't taste great. But if she likes it, and it gets her off, then so be it.

Compromise is almost as important as communication. You can't find a compromise without knowing how to effectively communicate.

[Deleted]

That is part of the communication which is required.

Also, sometimes, within limits, you may have to do something you don't enjoy for the sake of your partners satisfaction. I don't eat pussy because it tastes great and is relaxing. It is work, and doesn't taste great. But if she likes it, and it gets her off, then so be it.

Compromise is almost as important as communication. You can't find a compromise without knowing how to effectively communicate.

If they haven't had sex before marriage then communication beforehand won't help because they don't know what they like and don't like. I also disagree with compromise regarding sex, if I don't like oral I shouldn't feel obligated to do it. Sex is about both enjoying NOT taking turns in pleasure. I would feel awful if my partner performed a sex act on me which he hated just to please me

[Kathandira]

I also disagree with compromise regarding sex, if I don't like oral I shouldn't feel obligated to do it. Sex is about both enjoying NOT taking turns in pleasure. I would feel awful if my partner performed a sex act on me which he hated just to please me

That is why I said within limits. If someone hated anal because it hurt real bad, then of course you don't force them to do it just cause you like it.

But if it is just something you aren't crazy about, then eh, that's where communication and compromise comes into play. If you don't really like doing it, but know they love it, you may consider doing it on occasion to make them happy.

I hate going to pottery shows, but I do it with my g/f because she loves it. I don't really like eating women out, but i'll do it because some love it.

Now if it really does just come down to being repulsed by the notion of oral, and it is the one and only way he can get off, then they have a pretty big problem. Which is kinda the risk of no sex before marriage.

[Heladys]

Does not exist outside of freaks committed to weird belief systems. People who wanna bang do so.

[Luckx]

According Bible,Tanakh and Quran pre-marriage sex is one of worst sins.

But yeah most people doesnt care about this and starting having sex for the first time when they are 13-14years old, including people who call themself Christians and Muslims and go to Church.

(Not all of them ofc)

[draykorinee]

Non existent in Somerset.

[RobertMugabe]

I dont know. Me and probably most people in my country do not talk about that topic, mainly because it is none of our business and so should it be imho.

That being said, this is actually quite common in muslim communities

[draykorinee]

I dont know. Me and probably most people in my country do not talk about that topic, mainly because it is none of our business and so should it be.

Talking about sex is what people do in non repressive or non boring countries.

[Kathandira]

According Bible,Tanakh and Quran pre-marriage sex is one of worst sins.

But yeah most people doesnt care about this and starting having sex for the first time when they are 13-14years old, including people who call themself Christians and Muslims and go to Church.

(Not all of them ofc)

Getting older makes this seem crazy. "When I was young" people waited till around 16. Hearing that 13 year olds are having sex seems too early for me.

But it is none of my business really. Just seems too soon to me. I was still playing with action figures at 13.

[Jibjub]

People have sex before marriage more now than they ever have. Divorce sky-rocketing. Depression sky-rocketing. People having NO clue how to have adult relationships sky-rocketing.

But hey! The flesh is weak.

[Kathandira]

People have sex before marriage more now than they ever have. Divorce sky-rocketing. Depression sky-rocketing. People having NO clue how to have adult relationships sky-rocketing.

But hey! The flesh is weak.

Speaking from experience, id rather be in a relationship with an experienced woman, than someone who has no idea what they like, or what to do.

[Release]

People have sex before marriage more now than they ever have. Divorce sky-rocketing. Depression sky-rocketing. People having NO clue how to have adult relationships sky-rocketing.

But hey! The flesh is weak.

Are you making a spurious link that somehow having sex before marriage has increased the divorce numbers? That sounds like a leap made with no evidence and dismissal of a metric shitton of other factors affecting divorce statistics such as that people feel they actually have the freedom socially and legally to divorce.

I would argue sex before marriage is necessary as its a massive part of spending your life with someone.

[Triggered Fridgekin]

I live in a fishing community and it has one of the highest teenage birthrates in Nova Scotia so I'm going with nearly non-existent. Dalhousie even did a study of the area to find out why and the TL;DR results were something like incredibly easy girls, money, and booze.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Speaking from experience, id rather be in a relationship with an experienced woman, than someone who has no idea what they like, or what to do.

Personally I think inexperience has a certain charme, you can at least encourage some exploration. It only becomes an issue when the person is also very prude or extremely shy and easily ashamed, but in these cases 2 decades worth of misionary experience probably also don't mean much...

[IIamaKing]

But you can learn how to "mesh", right? Its not like "i guess we're better to divorce now than later"

I honestly cannot comment. I have had 2 sexual partners. My wife and some rando in college while me and the wife(then girlfriend)were broken up.

Lets assume you can learn. What happens if you dont? Just because you can doesn't mean you will. If you dont learn to mesh or have no chemistry what so ever, you are stuck with a person. Most humans I have met have sexual urges, left unaddressed, they can and do lead to infidelity.

I cannot accurately put into words the intimacy my wife and I's sex life has given us with each other.