Relationship: Venting and seeking advice

[Self Inflicted Wounds]

That's not it.
You are just the safety-net in this situation...

Get the hell out of dodge as long you still can.

Agreed^

Lots of people have back-ups. Some people just can't really be alone for whatever reason. They just swing from person to person to person.

I would keep her as a friend but lose the feelings as soon as you can.

[callipygoustp]

Sounds like true love. You should do everything you can to steal her away from the other guy; granted its not really stealing cause its clear she would rather be with you.

[Tennis]

So I have a friend I met at work about a year ago and we've grown to be pretty good friends. She's currently dating someone that regularly makes her cry and they've been dating for about 8 months and having problems for the last 4. She regularly shares stories with me about him that make me wonder just WTF is she still doing with him?

After new years, she was working major overtime and went to his place after work. When she got there, he wasn't so she calls him and he says he's at the store for his mom and she should let herself in, he'll be back in 10 minutes. His 7-8 year old daughter is playing video games (pretty sure alone in the house but I could be wrong) and 20-30 minutes goes by and she calls again. He says he's at the check out, he'll be back in 5 minutes. Another 20 or so minutes goes by and he gets to his place, she gives him a kiss and says his breath wreaks of booze. He says, "I'm not going to lie to baby, I was at the bar." She knows he's a drinker and she doesn't like it but she replied "Why were you lying to me?" and her boyfriend says "I'm sorry baby, I'm just so used to lying to cover up my tracks." She didn't have a very conservative response to that and had issues trusting him even before that.

Another time, the 2 of them went to a kid's museum with their 2 kids (they both have a child from a previous relationship) and afterwards they went to meet his mom and his mom's friend for drinks at Applebee's or something. His daughter asked if they were ever going to break up and the boyfriend said "No we're never going to break up." I honestly thought that was an odd thing to say to a little kid but she knew they'd been having problems for months and said "Well you never really know what the future will bring." I have doubts that she'd put attitude behind it or anything but I wasn't there for it. Then her boyfriend, his mom, and his mom's friend all started a conversation about when he's getting back with his ex-wife. It wasn't just a comment is was about 5 minutes of them talking about it in front of her so she said "Thanks for the drinks." Then promptly left some money and walked out.

She's called me several nights just crying about the shit he says/does like that and it is so heartbreaking for me to hear. This is a guy that doesn't let her do things because he finds it disrespectful but he has no issues disrespecting her. Like when they go on a date, he's on his phone a lot to the point she wants to take it from him and throw it at his face but if she's on her phone in her house he loses his shit. We don't hang out outside of work because he gets REALLY jealous and pissy that another guy is doing things with her but we would both very much like to hang out or something. I keep asking her why she puts up with it but she usually doesn't have an answer or says her other friends ask the same thing. Although 1 night she said she didn't want to give up on him and that it would be good for her son and his daughter.

Back in like September, I asked her if she were ever single again if she would tell me and she's pretty aware I have feelings for her. About 2 weeks ago as of the time of this writing, she broke up with him saying that they only sleep together and don't see each other on weekends and that's not much of a relationship so she's breaking up with him (didn't mention the controlling relationship part). 3 days later she takes him back because he talked her into it.

Here's the twists in all this, she gave me her number out of no where back in October, she likes to flirt with me a lot, she asks me to buy her small things from time to time (soda's and food, she's poor and really nice so I don't care), likes to feed me as in directly put food into my mouth the flirty seductive way, says she looks at me the way I look at her, had a very lengthy face time chat the night after she broke up with him (she says she only does that for her boyfriend), has said she wishes I was her man on more than one occasion, and about an hour after she broke up with him she was rubbing on my crotch jacking me off at work.

I'm pretty aware she likes me and all that but its all just a huge mash of WTF to me. Should I be trying to steal her away or just let the relationship deteriorate again? Just so everyone is on the same page: yes, she is hot and has an amazing body. Any comment to assist in helping me vent or advice is appreciated.

TLDR: lady has a shitty boyfriend and likes me more than him

Are you serious dude? Trying to steal a woman from someone? Who does that.
She's in a relationship and you're trying to lure away so you can have her? Good grief!

[Fat Mac]

do YOU want to bang? make a move. shes not married.

there are friend zones, yes. but there are also fuck buddies. make a move before she does find a fuck buddy.


also, shit talk on her boyfriend any chance you can

[jimboa24]

Bottom line: she gets to enjoy his dick and your emotional comfort. She likes to fuck him and get an emotional high from flirting with you. You will never, EVER get anything more than that, man. Listen to a guy who's been there and knows this type all too well: do NOT waste an ounce of your time, money, effort or anything else on this woman. You will be too busy worrying about her to see other opportunities elsewhere, and in the end, even if she does break it off with the drunk douche, she won't fuck you. She'll find another guy just like him because all she sees you as is a guy who's sweet and flirty and romantic. She will NEVER see you as a lover or serious potential sexual partner.

Withdraw. Don't feed her the emotional romance she craves. Because as long as she's getting that SOMEWHERE, she's content. Starve her of it and she'll either finally break up with douchebag or find another sucker to play footsie with. But either way, do NOT date this woman. Fuck her once if you get the chance, so you can get it out of your system, then move on.

Either that, or man up, press the issue, and get her alone at your place. You either show her you have some balls and you both know how to and want to use them, or you back off completely like I suggested above. Make a move and fuck her, or get her the fuck out of your life completely.

[Fat Mac]

Are you serious dude? Trying to steal a woman from someone? Who does that.
She's in a relationship and you're trying to lure away so you can have her? Good grief!

oh so this woman is this other guys property?? good grief. perhaps he can offer him a few goats or something in return

[Replica]

Human pillow, time to get the fuck outta dodge.

[Tennis]

oh so this woman is this other guys property?? good grief. perhaps he can offer him a few goats or something in return

She'sn a relationship according to the OP. It's a scumbag thing to be trying to make her cheat on her SO.

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Sounds like true love. You should do everything you can to steal her away from the other guy; granted its not really stealing cause its clear she would rather be with you.

What? How does this sound like true love?

[jimboa24]

She'sn a relationship according to the OP. It's a scumbag thing to be trying to make her cheat on her SO.

If she isn't happy she isn't happy. All is fair in love and war. You can't "make" someone cheat on his/her SO. You can tempt them, but ultimately it's on them if they go for it. And she's the one that's throwing herself at him emotionally.

What? How does this sound like true love?

I can never tell if you're purposefully trolling, or if you really are incapable of grasping the concept of sarcasm.

[Fat Mac]

She'sn a relationship according to the OP. It's a scumbag thing to be trying to make her cheat on her SO.

She is the scumbag here

[Tennis]

This is why I don't do relationships.

What do you do?

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No such thing as the friend zone. However, there is such thing as women who use men as security blankets. Hate to say it but your sweet, flirty friend is just using you. She's not getting everything she wants out of her shitty relationship with her boyfriend, but she's not really interested in giving you anything more than the few things that are necessary to keep you around and in her life.

If you're just interested in a physical relationship, put some distance between her. Up the ante. If you're looking for something meaningful, you're not going to find it with her.

Really? Do you have examples of women who do this?

[jimboa24]

What do you do?

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Really? Do you have examples of women who do this?

Isn't it obvious? You don't need a relationship to enjoy sex.

And if you don't personally know of at least a few women who act like that, you're either the blind, naive sucker being emotionally toyed with, or you don't k ow that many people.

[callipygoustp]

What? How does this sound like true love?

How does it NOT sound like true love!?

[Tennis]

You are in the friend zone and a shoulder for her to cry on.

Move on buddy, move on...

He works with her though.

[Sunseeker]

" and about an hour after she broke up with him she was rubbing on my crotch jacking me off at work. " wasn't expecting that end AHAH

Anyway she looks pretty unstable so either just use her, don't get too attached or leave. Nothing good can get out of that future "relationship" ..

Yeah, this lady's got issues. You may like the benefits but it's not worth it. Eventually she's going to pick an overly possessive douchebag to bone whos going to come around and you'll end up on the 9 o'clock news.

[The One Percent]

You sound like a desperate loser. Have some fuckin self respect.

[Tennis]

If she isn't happy she isn't happy. All is fair in love and war. You can't "make" someone cheat on his/her SO. You can tempt them, but ultimately it's on them if they go for it. And she's the one that's throwing herself at him emotionally.



I can never tell if you're purposefully trolling, or if you really are incapable of grasping the concept of sarcasm.

Sounded like he was serious.
Also, there are 2 kids involved. It's awful for the OP to just blindly follow his desires like a wild animal.

[YourExWife]

You already got a handjob. Either quit while you're ahead, or try to leverage all those gross garbo snacks you bought her for a little extra tongue work. Either way, your friend isn't looking to go much further than that since she's been looking in the direction of another guy to make her wet for the entire time.

[Fencers]

The freind zone isn't even real. It's just a comfort for people cannot state their feelings and make a move on them.

It's not at all imaginary.

There are plenty of people you enjoy having around but don't want to fuck. But the aspect of having a friendship where sexual desire is openly stated is more uncomfortable than simply allowing that other person to be 'friends' with you.

In fact, most dudes will fall into this category for most women I have known.

[Gref]

man that twist lol. also all the answers are good, the post after yours (Tomservo) being the best imo.

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do YOU want to bang? make a move. shes not married.
there are friend zones, yes. but there are also fuck buddies. make a move before she does find a fuck buddy.
also, shit talk on her boyfriend any chance you can

shit I didn't see this reply. This here wins the thread. Seriously you are my hero haha. that honesty is awesome