Why the outrage over paying for your half of the meal?

[Tennis]

I was reading this in the newspaper and it doesn't add up.

Lydia is a 35-year-old teacher who lives in Humewood. She says “I love fashion, but I don’t dress fashionably. I wear whatever I have around. I don’t take myself too seriously.” Lydia says her friends would describe her as “thoughtful, intellectually oriented, relaxed, and a bit quirky. I’m definitely unique.” Lydia loves puzzles, Sudoku and chess, as well as “less nerdy activities, such as going out to the bar with friends.” She says “I’ve been single for 14 months, and decided to check out a few dating apps to see what the hype is about.”

I liked Darren’s profile. He was attractive, and seemed intelligent, creative and somewhat successful. My friends and I researched him online before I agreed to meet up with him. There was a lot of info about him on the Internet, which was reassuring. He appeared to be talented, with a cool-sounding career. That was a plus. He asked me to meet him at a coffee shop. My first real-life impression of Darren was that he seemed preoccupied. He was nice, and cute, but I wasn’t 100 per cent attracted to him. I know that most of the time, the attraction builds as you start to like someone, so that was fine with me.

I was about 10 minutes late because I couldn’t find a parking space, and when I arrived he had already ordered and finished his coffee. That struck me as a bit off.

Our conversation was low-key and light, but he just didn’t seem fully present. We were a bit rushed, so I wrote it off, and I sensed we had enough in common to warrant a second date.

As we left, he asked me to go for cocktails later that same week. Darren said he had a thing for speakeasy-type cocktail joints, so he asked me to meet him at a bar he liked that was “hidden” but was part of a restaurant.

When I got there, I had a hard time figuring out where the entrance was. I eventually made my way in and walked down a random hallway until I found the place. It was definitely one of the coolest bars I’ve ever been to in Toronto. It was nice to see him again.

The conversation went really well, and was once again really fun and easy. Being in this underground kind of bar felt like we were having a secret adventure.

We talked a lot about our favourite teenage bands and travel-related stories. We asked the bartender to make us Moscow mules, and decided to come up with a story about how it got to be called a Moscow mule, and what the deal was with the copper mugs.

I noticed that Darren seemed a bit detached, like he was thinking a lot, and not as present in the moment as he could have been. It was the same as the first date, in that way.

He liked talking about himself a lot, and didn’t ask me about myself, which I thought was a bit strange. The cocktails were amazing. We talked about cocktails a lot, actually — bourbon was his main point of conversation, and he always seemed to go back to it. It felt like he wanted to impress me with his bourbon knowledge.

I was having fun, but I decided not to have a third drink — two was enough. Darren asked me if I wanted to come back to his condo and take a look at his bourbon collection.

I said that I would have to pass this time — I don’t sleep with guys on the first date, although I didn’t say that to him — and explained that I had my friend’s keys and had to return them to her that night.

Darren said that he would come with me in a cab, and then we could cab back to his place. I declined.

The mood changed abruptly.

Darren seemed really put off. He then asked the bartender for two bills. Actually, he kind of demanded them — it was very rude.

I had come much, much further to meet him at the bar he chose, so I was shocked that he didn’t at least offer to pay. It was very clear that he had a single agenda.

Once we left, it was obvious that he was not happy and could care less where I was headed, or how I was going to get there. He basically told me that it was nice to meet me — although he didn’t say that he had a good time, even though we had, right up until the end — and abandoned me outside of the bar in the dead of night.

What a pseudo-classy, uncool, immature jerk.

Lydia rates her date (out of 10): 1

https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/03...an-agenda.html

Seems ridiculous that in 2017 she expects that he should pay for it all. This is quite perplexing.
Also this dating ordeal sounds really exhausting. Must suck to be dating for years and years and not be able to get married and gain stability and committment.

[Independent voter]

She wouldn't put out so he didn't want to pay for her meal, lol.

[GennGreymane]

If you invite someone somewhere, its polite to at least offer.

[Revi]

It doesn't sound like splitting the bill was her biggest gripe with Darren.

[Kalis]

Also this dating ordeal sounds really exhausting.

Being exhausted after a date typically means it went well.

[Deleted]

It doesn't sound like splitting the bill was her biggest gripe with Darren.

I agree. More like that he seemed to have gotten offended by the fact that she didn't want to come home with him after just one date - and that this was the reason why he suddenly didn't want to anymore.

That said, I do think that you should expect to split the bill on the first date. Seems like the most reasonable thing to do.

[Deleted]

First world problem.

[Socialhealer]

bit a of a "dick-move" which is expected since he was thinking with his dick.

[Tennis]

Being exhausted after a date typically means it went well.

Her description sounds very exhausting and her date didn't sound well. Stalking Darren online before meeting him. Then being so frustrated after it didn't go well.

[Amerrol]

I don't often agree with you, but in this case I guess I do. If someone wants to pay that's cool, especially if they asked you out, but women need to stop expecting it and be prepared to pay for their share.

[Kathandira]

If you invite someone somewhere, its polite to at least offer.

This is how I see it as well. The person who invites, should offer to pay. If she suggested the next date, then she can offer to pay.

[GennGreymane]

This is how I see it as well. The person who invites, should offer to pay. If she suggested the next date, then she can offer to pay.

heck most girls I date want to split 50/50 and feel awkward by me even suggesting it.

[Deleted]

First world problem.

There is nothing wrong with having a "first world problem" while living in, you know, the first world.
Just because others somewhere else in the world have different/worse problems doesn't mean that we can't regard difficulties/issues we encounter as such as well. The world is not only black and white (with black being end-of-the-world problems and white being pink-cottoncandy-life) - there are different shades of grey inbetween.

[Underverse]

If you invite someone somewhere, its polite to at least offer.

Yeah I'm going with this. If you ask someone on a date, you should offer to pay for their meal/drink etc as you are the one making the inquiry into them.

[the game]

Millennials getting outraged at nothing again. Women want equality but they don't want to pay for their meals.

[Dread Pirate Phayde]

I've always looked at it as the person who does the inviting does the paying, unless specified before the adventure begins. I'm more bothered by that fact that people post so much of themselves online for anyone to find, but I guess I just like my privacy.

[zenkai]

I wish I could care, but, I just don't.

[Tennis]

Millennials getting outraged at nothing again. Women want equality but they don't want to pay for their meals.

She's closer to your generation than ours.

[Deleted]

Millennials getting outraged at nothing again. Women want equality but they don't want to pay for their meals.

Again, this does not seem to be the (main) issue in this case. It was him apparently going to this (first!) date with the certain expectation to get sex afterwards as a "thank you" for inviting her to dinner. Which is really silly to put it mildy.

[GennGreymane]

Millennials getting outraged at nothing again. Women want equality but they don't want to pay for their meals.

she is a year too old to technically be one. Shes 35 as stated in sentence 1.