Sex on the first date expected now?

[Docturphil]

You decided to marry a woman, because on average you get laid more than not being married? Does she know you are autistic?

I mean that obviously wasn't the only reason or even the biggest reason. Just a big plus. Why the joke about autism? Care to elaborate?

[Mehrunes]

Firstly, this is not universally true of all women. Secondly, this phenomenon is not unique to women, it applies to men as well. The only difference is that much of society has double standards and will judge the women who do this harshly, while giving the men a free pass.

While it's not unique to women, it works differently for men. The older a woman gets, the worse she fares on the dating market. That's not really the case for men until they get moderately old. Until then it may even worse inversely. The pressure to settle is not equal.

Hookers = prostitutes = money for sex. That's illegal. But hey, perhaps that's the only experience some "men" out here have with the opposite sex. Would explain their views on women.

Why are men in quotation marks and how does using the services of prostitutes explain one's view on women?

Sure, many places have this weird law where hooking isn't illegal, but purchasing it, is... What countries allow both prostitution AND the purchasing of such services in the west?

UK, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Germany, Denmark, Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Poland, Czechia, Slovakia, Austria, Switzerland, Hungary, Bulgaria, Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Australia, New Zealand. So a majority of them. If you include South and Central America among the western world the majority only grows larger.

In theory the idea of an economically empowered woman or man choosing the life of a prostitute because it's a job they are good at, enjoy, and can perform on their own terms is fine.

In reality this doesn't happen. Prostitution is basically exploitation of vulnerable people who have no choice, and often end up abused because of it.

TL;DR: The idea of the Companions in Firefly: Ok. Prostitutes in real life: Not Ok.

Unless you work in a brothel (and even then not necessarily), there really isn't exploitation. Who is supposed to exploit a "self-employed" prostitute? The client? By engaging in willing exchange of goods for services? And plenty of those do have a choice. And they choose easy money that may be quite a bit above average wage.

The pleasure of the human sexual experience has fuck all to do with logic. So trying to bring logic to the argument is illogical.

Sex has a huge emotional component (and I am not just talking about love, I am talking also about lust and ego and empathy and forming an intimate connection with another human being). It is an experience that engages us in our entirety.

Trying to compare the experience of a sexual encounter with a prostitute with the art of seduction is like comparing a taxi ride with owning a Ferrari.

The difference between someone that understands sex, and one who does not, summarized in one post right here!

No wonder there's such a market for prostitutes still considering just how many men don't seem to be in on sex for anything but their own localized pleasure. Don't want to care about the partner? Rent one that won't care about you.

Except the emotional component is partially caused by hormone release from sex itself and it matters nothing with whom you're having an intercourse. Forming some kind of an intimate connection with another human being is an intrinsic part of sex as well. And when it comes to deeper emotional aspects, chances are a one night stand isn't going to be mind blowing either and it still won't be particularly different from having sex with a prostitute (I suspect it can even go in favor of prostitutes if you're a regular). And not all women are equal when it comes to sex. Seducing a woman that turns out to be a roadkill in bed doesn't exactly result in a Ferrari experience, whereas a high end prostitute (especially if you're into some weird shit and have trouble finding a normal woman that'd accommodate your kink) may rank quite high.

[Docturphil]

Depends though. A ladies man who has no problem getting laid may get more action without being married. Someone who isn't so lucky with the ladies may be better off settling down to get more sex.

Sure it depends on the man, but the vast majority of men are not nearly smooth or good looking enough to pull that off. I'd say maybe 10% of men at most are capable of getting laid as often as someone in a long term relationship outside of a long term relationship.

And there's also the quality of sex. With one night stands you're not going to have any idea what the other person prefers. In a long term relationship you get a lot more practice and you really get to know how to please the other person. Probably not as big of a deal for most men as it is for most women, but still very significant.

[Puupi]

I mean that obviously wasn't the only reason or even the biggest reason. Just a big plus. Why the joke about autism? Care to elaborate?

A pretty prevalent trait of autism is the social awkwardness and inability to process and understand own and others' feelings, also the application of cold logic and inability to see the big picture and focus on tiny single details.

"I married because then I will get more sex on average" sounds something an autistic might say.

That's why I made the joke. I hope I didn't offend you.

[Kathandira]

Sure it depends on the man, but the vast majority of men are not nearly smooth or good looking enough to pull that off. I'd say maybe 10% of men at most are capable of getting laid as often as someone in a long term relationship outside of a long term relationship.

And there's also the quality of sex. With one night stands you're not going to have any idea what the other person prefers. In a long term relationship you get a lot more practice and you really get to know how to please the other person. Probably not as big of a deal for most men as it is for most women, but still very significant.

Can't contest that. You are correct = )

[HumbleDuck]

I personally have never gone on a second date with some one whom I haven't had sex with already.
What if we didn't like the sex? That would be a total waste.

[Docturphil]

A pretty prevalent trait of autism is the social awkwardness and inability to process and understand own and others' feelings, also the application of cold logic and inability to see the big picture and focus on tiny single details.

"I married because then I will get more sex on average" sounds something an autistic might say.

That's why I made the joke. I hope I didn't offend you.

Not offended at all. Just jumped to that point because the topic seems to be focused on sex and relationships. And yeah I probably can be a bit more on the cold side than most. I'm pretty far from social awkwardness or coldness on an autistic level though. Although I would like to think that I place a pretty high value on logic over emotion. /shrug...

[Mistame]

Because; while sexual compatibility is important the quality of the meet matters as well. If you're looking to keep the cow as a pet you want to ensure its quality all around and not only in its milk or meat..

True, but you're not going to keep a cow with rotten milk or meat. If the sex isn't up to par, move along. /shrug

Do you think they're wife material if they're doing that?

Marriage has little to do with sex or relationships. This is like saying a cake without sprinkles is not edible.

Hookers = prostitutes = money for sex. That's illegal.

And shouldn't be. Sex is legal, so is money. Consenting adults = none of the government's business.

But hey, perhaps that's the only experience some "men" out here have with the opposite sex. Would explain their views on women.

Comments like this are no better than the supposed view you're attempting to apply to men who aren't interested in an emotional attachment.

Prostitution is basically exploitation of vulnerable people who have no choice, and often end up abused because of it.

If someone truly has no choice, "exploitation" is the wrong word. Anything else is purely hyperbolic. And an exchange of goods/services is hardly "exploitation". If a chic needs a couple hundred bucks to pay her rent and is willing to swap some "lovin" that a guy needs for it, that's not "exploitation", that's common sense. The alternative is that he rubs one out and she gets evicted.

No wonder there's such a market for prostitutes still considering just how many men don't seem to be in on sex for anything but their own localized pleasure. Don't want to care about the partner? Rent one that won't care about you.

News flash: Not everyone's interested in a relationship. This does not make them a bad person or less of a "man", as you tried to imply in a previous post.

[Kathandira]

In reality this doesn't happen. Prostitution is basically exploitation of vulnerable people who have no choice, and often end up abused because of it.

Therefore, it was made legal in more places there would be more opportunities for willing workers. Which would decrease the amount of unwilling workers.

[Tennis]

because not eveyrbody is 20 years old and satisfied with date in mcdonalds/starbucks ? good restaurant + good wine / cinema/theater will be easily 100 $ +, same liek going to good club and having multiple drinks during dancing there .

standards go up when you are geting older.

If you have to spend $150-200 bucks for one date then you need to reassess this. Seems like you're getting scammed.

[Kathandira]

If you have to spend $150-200 bucks for one date then you need to reassess this. Seems like you're getting scammed.

It's not a scam when I am the one making the plans and setting the budget. It is my call to spend $200 on a date. The woman accompanying me isn't listing demands as to where to go and what to do.

[Tennis]

Either your overestimating your height, under on weight or selling yourself short. I'm 6'1", 200lbs and I'm a toothpick aside from a slight belly pudge. I'd be at least 230 if I was filled out more.

Very sketchy. You're likely a good 20 pounds overweight. Russel Westbrook is 6'3 and 200lbs. You're likely nowhere near his muscle mass yet you weigh the same while being shorter.

[Hell-Nicø]

Usually sex is expected BEFORE the first date.

[Emberex]

I share your views on it tbf, but also add that I'm afraid of STD's and people having cameras and all the rest.
I'm not into casual sex either, but I'll defend women's right to be into it just the same as men.

Yes I do agree with you, I don't care who is doing what as long they are protected and happy about it, my best friend is into casual sex (and she is a girl) I told her that I don't mind as long as she is protected.

[INVASMANIXOXOXO]

I feel like the thread got a little derailed. Like I said in my original post about the bragging, I know that what I did is kind of nothing, but for me it is slaying it lol, I just didn't want to put it all out there like no big deal and I wanted to give as much detail as possible.

I'm not really interested in discussing all of the double standards (except for an entirely different one I'll get to) , "I won't date girls that put out on the first date", etc. To each their own, some people were raised to not sleep around and expect that out of a potential partner who cares? I have a few female friends and some of them are sluts, and pretty attractive. What is extremely unattractive to me is low self esteem girls that need validation from guys and that is where their slutiness stems from (guy shes fucked once or twice kicks her to the curb so she needs to immediately call one of her friend-zoned guys to fuck to validate her)

My main point is that it seems that if a guy takes a girl to a concert, he can't just expect to have a couple beers listen to some good tunes with a fun lady and drop her off and get a short kiss, because it seems those expectations are shifting. Therefore I tell any of my male friends going on a first date to be ready for her to jump you, regardless of the vibe she is putting off... so you need to have everything in order down stairs, clean apartment, and protection ready to go.

I wanted to get to get the female perspective on guys rejecting first date sex, and be honest lol. I've only done this once (she wanted to go to my place, but it was a mess so I said no), and she pretty much ghosted me. Does that throw a red flag up for girls sort of how a lot of guys here claim putting out immediately throws up a red flag for them (I don't agree with this)?

[Zomis]

Hell No! I'm not that easy! I also don't want STDs! Yes, you can still get STDs, even with a condom!

[Puupi]

Hell No! I'm not that easy! I also don't want STDs! Yes, you can still get STDs, even with a condom!

Going to the movies and having a cup of coffee won't change that though.

[Selah]

I think it depends wildly on the two involved. I personally want several dates and a lot of time to know if the person I'm with is bat shit crazy, but not everyone is that way and don't mind just going for it.

[Celista]

I listened to a talk on NPR about casual sex among millennials, it is in fact more common now but nowhere near as common as is claimed...less than one out of three college students are participating in hookup culture and overall millennials are having less sex than previous generations. In my opinion, casual sex can be psychologically damaging for individuals who participate in it, particularly those individuals who develop attachments through sex (which is not everyone no matter the gender, but makes up the majority for either gender). This overall aversion to attachments among millennials is troubling and is setting them up for trauma in later adulthood.

http://www.npr.org/2017/02/14/514578...llege-campuses
http://www.latimes.com/opinion/opini...nap-story.html
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/s...ryId=105008712

Also OP you come across as a narcissist in your post, not sure what your deal is. And I don't participate in hookup culture/casual sex or use dating apps and am happily in a committed relationship.

[Spectral]

I listened to a talk on NPR about casual sex among millennials, it is in fact more common now but nowhere near as common as is claimed...less than one out of three college students are participating in hookup culture and overall millennials are having less sex than previous generations. In my opinion, casual sex can be psychologically damaging for individuals who participate in it, particularly those individuals who develop attachments through sex (which is not everyone no matter the gender, but makes up the majority for either gender). This overall aversion to attachments among millennials is troubling and is setting them up for trauma in later adulthood.

I think it can be hard to tease out causality on the bolded. I basically agree with you, but I'll also note that a significant subset of the people that are highly promiscuous were already emotionally damaged.

Some combination of the two is undoubtedly part of the reason why highly promiscuous people have higher divorce rates - these aren't, on average, people who are good at forming lasting interpersonal bonds.