Relationship "Cushioning"

[Jaylock]

Do you actively practice this in your relationships? A nasty new trend among millennials and younger adults called "cushoning" is the practice of having someone in your "back pocket" in case your current relationship fails.

Basically its like your back-up plan while you are dating even seriously someone.

I think its disgusting and a really lame way to date.

Here is an article from the NY Times on this very subject:

http://nypost.com/2017/04/17/new-dat...relationships/

For those who cant be arsed to click a link:

Millennials have found a new way to sabotage relationships.

“Cushioning” is a newly coined dating term wherein a partner in a monogamous relationship still flirts with other people — so if their main relationship goes kaput, there’s a backup ready.

“I was seeing someone for a few months and it was going well, but it felt like the dust had started to settle a bit,” Anna, a cushioner who didn’t want to disclose her full name for personal reasons, told the Tab. “I still liked him, but wasn’t entirely sure I wanted him to be my boyfriend and was in limbo. Instead of talk about it, the rational thing to do was to go back on Tinder and find some more boys to chat to, just in case the current one fell through.”

Another cushioner, Lauren, said that she was still messaging lads while “hooking up” with her steady.

“It was always awkward when their names would light up my phone while I was sleeping over [my boyfriend’s] place, but I felt like I needed them as an insurance policy,” she told the Tab.

Meanwhile, Rosie believes cushioning lets her channel her neurosis on guys she’s not that interested in, while still keeping her cool with her main flame.

“When I really like a guy, I find a ‘B team’ guy to keep on the side to channel my crazy,” Rosie told the Tab. “I go on dates with him before I go out with ‘A team,’ literally as a practice round.”

Cushioning is the most recent term young people have come up with to articulate petty dating practices instead of communicating like rational adults.

Previous trends have included “ghosting,” where people gradually stop responding to messages and then disappear on their romantic interests, and “breadcrumbing,” where singles continue to leave traces of hope for dating prospects that they’re not actually that interested in.

[jackofwind]

Well she certainly sounds not-at-all-date-worthy. I wonder how she'd feel if a guy she liked was messaging chicks for nudes while dating her?

Back in my day that was called cheating :3

[Torgent]

Well she certainly sounds not-at-all-date-worthy. I wonder how she'd feel if a guy she liked was messaging chicks for nudes while dating her?

Back in my day that was called cheating :3

Basically this

[Deleted]

Where i live, everyone fucks everyone. Really, it is as if Sodom and Gomorrha are the closest villages.

I myself (and my wife) am the most faithful guy you could imagine. But out there it is all sin. Monogamy seems to be a foreign place somewhere in space.

[Jaylock]

Well she certainly sounds not-at-all-date-worthy. I wonder how she'd feel if a guy she liked was messaging chicks for nudes while dating her?

Back in my day that was called cheating :3

Pretty much.

Its plain and simple cheating. The example of the girl who would date the "B" guy as practice for the "A" is also disgusting. And this isn't just an issue with girls, it happens on the guys side as well.

[Mistame]

Should be titled, "We don't like normal young adult behavior". None of this is new. Even the fact that these chics are open with their bat-shit.

Well she certainly sounds not-at-all-date-worthy. I wonder how she'd feel if a guy she liked was messaging chicks for nudes while dating her?

Not really a big deal.

Back in my day that was called cheating :3

"Your day" must be out of time, as it's only ever been "cheating" if it was physical and I'm pretty sure I'm older than you.

[Guy4123]

Sounds like people who are completely terrified of ever being alone for longer than a day at a time.

[melodramocracy]

This isn't even remotely new.

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

This doesn't seem like a new thing at all...all theyve done is taken an old concept and thrown a new label on it.

[zenkai]

Do you actively practice this in your relationships? A nasty new trend among millennials and younger adults called "cushoning" is the practice of having someone in your "back pocket" in case your current relationship fails.

Basically its like your back-up plan while you are dating even seriously someone.

I think its disgusting and a really lame way to date.

Here is an article from the NY Times on this very subject:

http://nypost.com/2017/04/17/new-dat...relationships/

For those who cant be arsed to click a link:

This has been happening long before millennials, it's just probably easier to do now thanks to the internet.

[Azadina]

How is this a "new trend" exactly? People have been cheating for as long as they have existed.

[Dangg]

Monkey branching is a typical female trait and not new at all. Ingrained into their genetics.

[Edge-]

How is this a "new trend" exactly? People have been cheating for as long as they have existed.

Yeah, this kind of shit has been going on for ages. Both the active flirting and the actual cheating.

I always enjoy a new "OH THOSE DARN MILLENNIALS!" rant where folks complain about shit that's been going on for ages, though : 3

[belfpala]

Do you actively practice this in your relationships? A nasty new trend among millennials and younger adults called "cushoning" is the practice of having someone in your "back pocket" in case your current relationship fails.

Is that a new trend?

Edit: Nevermind, everyone beat me to it

Emotional cheating is a thing too!

- - - Updated - - -

I always enjoy a new "OH THOSE DARN MILLENNIALS!" rant where folks complain about shit that's been going on for ages, though : 3

I'm getting to the age where I get to blame everything on the next generation, but I'm still young enough to blame the previous generation. FUUUU boomers and millenials!

[Grimbold21]

Soooo, cheating?

[Dhrizzle]

This doesn't seem like a new thing at all...all theyve done is taken an old concept and thrown a new label on it.

OP didn't even read the article he linked;

"Cushioning is the most recent term young people have come up with to articulate petty dating practices instead of communicating like rational adults."

- - - Updated - - -

I'm getting to the age where I get to blame everything on the next generation, but I'm still young enough to blame the previous generation. FUUUU boomers and millenials!

I like the way that millenials and boomers* are constantly blaming each other when Gen-X is probably best positioned to fuck up the world at the moment.

*By which I mean some people on the internet who broadly fall into the rough ages of the "boomer" and "millenial" generations, it would of course be utterly ridiculous to make any sort of sweeping generalisation and expect it to apply to everyone born in a certain ~20 year period.

[Tijuana]

Do you actively practice this in your relationships? A nasty new trend among millennials and younger adults called "cushoning" is the practice of having someone in your "back pocket" in case your current relationship fails.

Basically its like your back-up plan while you are dating even seriously someone.

I think its disgusting and a really lame way to date.

Here is an article from the NY Times on this very subject:

http://nypost.com/2017/04/17/new-dat...relationships/

For those who cant be arsed to click a link:

If you have a back up plan, you are already on the way out.

[Deleted]

For god's sake, who cares!? Why is everyone so uptight and right-wing? Who the hell cares about 'relationships' anyway why do people have to take themselves seriously, can't they just have fun? Who gives a sh** who sleeps with who? Jesus or something?

[Deleted]

I personally do this but to a lesser extent: currently I am pretty ''serious'' with a girl I met on tinder (we have had 3 dates so far & are basically talking on whatsapp a lot during the day). Having said that, we havn't so far said that we would stop seeing other people so I am talking to 2-3 girls I find less interesting on the side as well that I maybe could ''develop'' in case my primary date doesn't work out.

However, I am not actively pursuing those girls romantically, but mostly just chatting with them and getting to know them and I am not leading them on by pretending to be interested in them, similarly I am not proposing to go out with them/meet them irl (which automatically means nothing happens, I have yet to meet a girl on tinder who takes initiative).

Having said that, in the end I think my primary girl would be disappointed to hear if she found out and by some people definition of cheating, me thinking that means I am cheating.

Actively talking to other people with pseudo-romantic aims while in a comitted relationship and using people I am not really interested in as a ''dry run'' for the people I am is fucking scumbaggery though.

[AcidicSyn]

I personally do this but to a lesser extent: currently I am pretty ''serious'' with a girl I met on tinder (we have had 3 dates so far & are basically talking on whatsapp a lot during the day). Having said that, we havn't so far said that we would stop seeing other people so I am talking to 2-3 girls I find less interesting on the side as well that I maybe could ''develop'' in case my primary date doesn't work out.

However, I am not actively pursuing those girls romantically, but mostly just chatting with them and getting to know them and I am not leading them on by pretending to be interested in them, similarly I am not proposing to go out with them/meet them irl (which automatically means nothing happens, I have yet to meet a girl on tinder who takes initiative).

Having said that, in the end I think my primary girl would be disappointed to hear if she found out and by some people definition of cheating, me thinking that means I am cheating.

Actively talking to other people with pseudo-romantic aims while in a comitted relationship and using people I am not really interested in as a ''dry run'' for the people I am is fucking scumbaggery though.

You said it yourself; you're not in an exclusive relationship with the girl; thus not cheating. If you two decided to enter into a committed relationship (And thus discuss boundaries and so forth) and you continued to engage in that kind of behavior? Then yeah, you'd be cheating (Assuming of course that the aforementioned boundaries included monogamy).

This is why couples should discuss this kind of stuff at the onset of the relationship and make expectations clear; saves everyone time imo.