Confessing to a married co-worker?

[Tennis]

Do you think this is an acceptable action? Would you do it?



https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/04...eel-ellie.html

My male co-worker of several years and I hit it off right away.

He started working with me six months before I started dating my now-husband. He had a girlfriend (now his wife).

During the brief period that I was still single, he made flirtatious comments to me.

I was too nervous or immature and walked away then. He never told me his feelings outright.

Five years later, I’ve realized I’ve had feelings for him all along.

I see him occasionally outside of work and we always have the most amazing time.

I still love my husband, but I desperately want to tell my friend I still have feelings for him five years later.

I also want him to tell me the same.

I don’t want to break up my marriage. What should I do?

Instead of trying to light a fuse, put this bomb aside and look at your marriage.

Lots of married people have some fantasies that turn them on — e.g. the flirty guy at work — but they don’t all have affairs.

Yet, that’s exactly where asking about “feelings” can take you.

What follows is discovery by your husband, his pain, your humiliation and possibly a breakup.

That’s not what you want, if you truly love him.

But you may need more in your relationship — of appreciation, affection, sex, laughter. Work on making those things happen before you risk not having a chance to try.

Ask nothing about your co-worker’s feelings. See him less outside of work. It’s great to get along well. Not so great to break up his family either.

Besides, if he doesn’t have feelings for you, it’ll be mortifying to have asked.

Unbelievable. How can this even be an option? Even worse instead of immediately suppressing this illicit desire, they are considering it?

[Silver Forte]

People are garbage and do bad things. I wouldn't, but most would.

[zebreck]

Having fantasies is normal and healthy. No one person can perfectly meet any other one person's needs. That's just how it is. People are variable and moody and imperfect. The problem only shows up when you DO something about those fantasies in the real world. That's not a good plan, which this advice columnist pointed out. So yeah, normal situation, good advice 9/10.

[Halyon]

Well, I won't ever promote cheating, but having a clean table to work any potential issues out would be preferential. Lack of communication is usually what breaks shit in the end.

[Dug]

Divorce your husband then. Emotional cheating is still a form of cheating.

[Sunseeker]

Two people friend-flirted for years and one of them is surprised she developed actual feelings?

People are fucking idiots that's what this is.

If your husband isn't a completely jealous bastard, talk to him first, explain how you and your coworker used to behave and explain to your husband how you feel. It's going to be rough, no question, but if you have a loving understanding husband and you love your husband too, eventually you'll work through it. Just voicing the feelings can often offer a lot of relief and put things into perspective of no matter how you may feel, what you may also be feeling is the "rush" of keeping those things secret. Keeping it bottled up is way worse than expressing it and making a fool of yourself and talking it out.

[Tennis]

Seems really hypocritical to say that she loves her husband while also claiming to have feelings for someone else.

[Independent voter]

Thread: Confessing to a married co-worker?

I would advise against this.

[D3thray]

You're either too young, inexperienced, naive, or all of the above to think that tennis

I don't know what the right answer is but I do know there are no guarantees in life. There is never going to be one right or wrong answer to couch to every situation. The respondent gives good advice. She should be thinking about why she wants to do this. But in the end there will be no right or wrong answer. Each must decide for themselves.

[Blueobelisk]

Tennisace. You're posting too many of these trashy "this is how my love life/date went" threads. You're officially boring me.

[Machismo]

If you want to bang someone else, then bang someone else. Problem solved.

[Mistame]

Just wife-swap and be done with it. That's what she gets for being stupid and getting married.

[Docturphil]

Do you think this is an acceptable action? Would you do it?



https://www.thestar.com/life/2017/04...eel-ellie.html




Unbelievable. How can this even be an option? Even worse instead of immediately suppressing this illicit desire, they are considering it?

I think this kind of shit happens because people see too many movies. They feel like they have to have some sort of exciting romance with all these butterfly feelings and shit.

The truth of the matter is they don't know what love is. Love isn't a feeling in your gut or romantic excitement. Love is what's left after all that fades away. And it does fade away. It always does.

Love, like the kind you see in a healthy marriage, is hard work. It's all about perseverance, patience, and most of all it's about selflessness. "I don't love you anymore" is bullshit. It's a cop out for people who have given up.

My advice in this particular scenario: ignore your feelings, get over it, and move on.

[Super Friendly Kitty Cat]

Do you think this is an acceptable action? Would you do it?

I doubt she has actual feelings for the guy. She is just bored and wants to justify creating chaos in her life for the thrill of it. Most likely from watching Hollywood garbage promoting that type of self-destructive lifestyle.

I feel bad for her husband, probably a great guy trying to create a better life for his wife.

[Priya-tan]

Seems really hypocritical to say that she loves her husband while also claiming to have feelings for someone else.

I agree. If you are a monogamous person, how can you possibly, truly love your spouse if you also "love" someone else? I can't imagine loving anyone other than my husband (besides family, of course).

[Louisa Bannon]

No one person can perfectly meet any other one person's needs. That's just how it is.

Shockingly, this time statement is false but I won't claim its easy to meet the right person either. Given that most people want immediate gratification there's no point in discussing details.

[Deleted]

I like how she says, "
I was too nervous or immature and walked away then." While it was actually the "mature" thing to do. While he had a girlfriend.

[Rudkobing]

Fuck their brains out and get it out of your system.

[Deleted]

I agree. If you are a monogamous person, how can you possibly, truly love your spouse if you also "love" someone else? I can't imagine loving anyone other than my husband (besides family, of course).

Loving someone doesn't have to be exclusive to your spouse, you can love your friends, and fall in love with them for a ton of reasons, that doesn't mean you love your spouse any less or not at all, you just ended up loving someone else also. If you decide to act on your feelings rather than get over it, it would mean that the love for your spouse isn't as great as you thought it would be.

[pateuvasiliu]

It's natural to be attracted to others. You're married, your body doesn't care and will react whichever ways.

But it's up to you to shut that shit down and not act on it.

Act on it and you're trash. Cheaters deserve no respect whatsoever, be it emotional cheating or physical... or both.