Is the friend zone really a thing?

[Fluffernut]

I'm talking about being friends, but then feelings happen.


Women will assume you always wanted sex and vilify you for it. Even if you always wanted sex, that's still not a bad thing. Sex is natural, normal. And you don't approach someone like '' Yo wanna fuck '' because that will work in 1/1000 cases, you first get to know that person.

I can agree with this - I do think it goes both ways though.

[GeekofFury]

The friendzone is a real thing, but you don't have to stay there.

People: She/he doesn't owe you sex or love, and you don't owe her/him platonic friendship. If you aren't getting what you want out of your friendship or relationship with a person, leave. It doesn't make you a bad person, but if you stick around, lamenting things and resenting her/him for not giving you what you want, it makes you kinda shitty.

I don't know how many times I'm going to have to say it, but: If you aren't getting what you want out of your friendship or relationship with a person, LEAVE. Find someone else. If you aren't getting the kind of attention that you want (from women/men in general), work to find ways to make yourself more attractive.

EDIT: Grammar. Also, many women/men may be trying to use you for emotional / social / romantic validation, attention, and support, and therefore will lead you on and give you hope just keep you around so they can use you. It's just one more reason the best course of action is to be up front about what you want, and if you aren't going to get it, peace the fuck out.

[omglaserzpewpew]

No, it happens to both sexes, but predominantly men who view women as being somehow different to men.

It's because they are... it doesn't make women better or worse than men, but they are different.

- - - Updated - - -

The friendzone is a real thing, but you don't have to stay there.

Gentlemen: She doesn't owe you sex or love, and you don't owe her platonic friendship. If you aren't getting what you want out of your friendship or relationship with a woman, leave. It doesn't make you a bad person, but if you stick around, lamenting things and resenting her for not giving you what you want makes you kinda shitty.

I don't know how many times I'm going to have to say it, but: If you aren't getting what you want out of your friendship or relationship with a woman (or anyone for that matter), LEAVE. Find someone else. If you aren't getting the kind of attention that you want, work to find ways to make yourself more attractive.

This is the /thread answer.

[Sliske]

That makes no sense. You're the man, you initiate sex.

Guy with boring / no relationships detected.

Spoiler alert - women have sex drives, some have insane ones.

[pateuvasiliu]

Guy with boring / no relationships detected.

Spoiler alert - women have sex drives, some have insane ones.

When you're not sure what you just read, you use context. We were talking about dating. First time having sex with a person kinda' deal.

Where in most cases it's the guy that initiates.

And even in relationships it's still men that initiate more/have higher libidos.

[WintersLegion]

Keep dreaming. If you were any good, she would have taken herself. She will introduce you to one of her LESS PRETTY / DOWNRIGHT FUCKING UGLY friends, but you can do that yourself if you lower the standards.

The problem with this line of thinking is it assumes everyone has the same tastes. She may be very into athletics/sports and prefer guys who are that way around while your more interested in art, books, movies things of that nature. So she just likes you as a friend but his other friend of her's prefers guy's like you.

- - - Updated - - -

I disagree. I would call this being lead on, and strung along. This is not how I view the Friend Zone.

Yeah the friend zone is just that they see you as a friend while you either going into the relationship or somewhere along the lines have started to see them as a romantic interest. What he's talking about is they just see you as a tool to be used.

[Glorious Leader]

No, a friendzone happens when one person is in love and the other only has friendly feelings.
It happens.
You cannot blame that on the man or the woman.

Its called rejection. It happens to everyone and is perfectly natural.

What is not natural is hanging around like a sap expecting him or her to change their minds.

[WintersLegion]

As if women cant be "friend-zoned"...sigh. It "exists" because one person has romantic feelings that isnt returned by the other. Gender has nothing to do with it.

Hell two people of the same sex who are gay can friend-zone each other.

- - - Updated - - -

Well, in my days we old people called something like that a "planotic relationship".

It is as old as relationships exist.

A platonic relationship isn't quite the same thing. As friend-zone implies that one person is interested in the other for more than just friendship. Platonic just means sex isn't involved.

[endersblade]

It's a real thing, but it's not like women are doing anything wrong. Honest to god he could just not be their type, but still a cool guy they want to be friends with.

Then again types are stupid, you'll never be truly happy if you don't go outside your arbitrary bounds even a little bit. Someone who only dates blue eyed blonds could miss the love of his life because she's a brunette etc.

This hits the nail on the head perfectly. Yes, it exists. No, they aren't necessarily doing it on purpose. But the basic premise behind the friendzone is Person A loves Person B, but Person B just wants to be friends with Person A. That's the friendzone in a nutshell.

[WintersLegion]

Its called rejection. It happens to everyone and is perfectly natural.

What is not natural is hanging around like a sap expecting him or her to change their minds.

While I agree you shouldn't hang around someone if you are just hoping they will change their mind. Unless it's because your feelings are so involved that being friends with them is to painful than the ones that just abandon the friendship are as bad as the type that string the other person along to get stuff from them.

[Hotmail]

I constantly get friendzoned, because all my lady friends think I'm gay. It is a character flaw that I work on daily.

[Eazy]

So, if I make friends with other people does that mean I friend-zone them?

[WintersLegion]

So, if I make friends with other people does that mean I friend-zone them?

If they see you as more than just a friend but all your interested in is friendship with them then yes.

[Glorious Leader]

While I agree you shouldn't hang around someone if you are just hoping they will change their mind. Unless it's because your feelings are so involved that being friends with them is to painful than the ones that just abandon the friendship are as bad as the type that string the other person along to get stuff from them.

Hardly. The fact is you made an offer and its was rebuked. No disception was involved both parties are keenly aware of the feelings involved. Now the rejected party has a choice. He aor she can continue the friendship if they like but they are under obligation to do so. At least all cards are on the table though. Both parties know where they stand.

IMHO move on. Im not saying abandon the friendship completely but put some distance between yourselves, spend time meeting others and spend time with yourself too. Recognize you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved but that means pursuing those things in whatever form they come and you cant very well be doing that if youre spending tme with the person who has stated they will never feel that way about you. Hit the gym, put on some dr.dre (kronic 2001 although compton is excellent as well) and put yourself out there. Most importantly learn to love rejection or at least tolerate it. The more comfortable you get with rejection the more success youll have in the dating game.

[WintersLegion]

Hardly. The fact is you made an offer and its was rebuked. No disception was involved both parties are keenly aware of the feelings involved. Now the rejected party has a choice. He aor she can continue the friendship if they like but they are under obligation to do so. At least all cards are on the table though. Both parties know where they stand.

IMHO move on. Im not saying abandon the friendship completely but put some distance between yourselves, spend time meeting others and spend time with yourself too. Recognize you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be loved but that means pursuing those things in whatever form they come and you cant very well be doing that if you spend time with the person who has states they will never feel that way about you. Hit the gym, put on some dr.dre (kronic 2001 although compton is excellent as well) and put yourself out there. Most importantly learn to love rejection or at least tolerate it. The more comfortable you get with rejection the more success youll have in the dating game.

No if you made the offer up front and were rejected yeah you don't need to be friends with them. I'm talking more about you've been friends with this person for a year they refused to have sex with you so you stop being friends with them.

[Glorious Leader]

No if you made the offer up front and were rejected yeah you don't need to be friends with them. I'm talking more about you've been friends with this person for a year they refused to have sex with you so you stop being friends with them.

Actually even in that instance both parties are under no obligation. You made your feelings clear and your offer was rebuked. Okay well you move on try to meet other woman or men and you know an individual only has so much time in the day. Friendships fade away they die people grow apart.

To be clear their is no fault here, its perfectly ok for friendships to drift apart in this fashion and for this cause.

[Breccia]

I have some friends complaining about it. I told them to move on

Good.

The "friend zone" is a thing. It is not a negative thing unless you allow it to be, and that reflects on you more than her. I am friends with many women, including a fair share of women I was at one point romantically interested in but who did not agree. It's not a downside. Hell I just got back from lunch with one of them literally an hour ago.

Do these people not have in-laws? Single work colleagues? Neighbors?

Seriously, think about what the friend zone implies. The implication is, that a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, is a big enough offense that you don't want to be her friend. How fucking entitled do you have to be to believe that?

And maybe, this is kind of a side effect so might not apply here, but maybe the friend zone only applies to women you think aren't too ugly to bang. In which case, copy and paste everything above and throw in "shallow" for good measure.

[Lionwoman]

You were feeding into a toxic entitled mindset that has no place in the third millennium.

- - - Updated - - -



And how many times did she treat you?

- - - Updated - - -



What bullshit? It's literally what happens.

Women shame men for wanting sex all the time.


Like when a girl sleeps with a dude expecting a relationship and then she gets mad at him for ''stringing her along'' when he never said he wants one.

It's manipulation 101.


The thing that's hilarious is that if you call out a woman for it you get crucified. But men get crucified for wanting sex from women all the time.

Just like women weaponise sex, men weaponise commitment.

We're talking about "friendzone" (assumpting they're friends) not disco pick ups that you barely know, that's not the point.
Also, you're seem salty.

I'm talking about being friends, but then feelings happen.


Women will assume you always wanted sex and vilify you for it. Even if you always wanted sex, that's still not a bad thing. Sex is natural, normal. And you don't approach someone like '' Yo wanna fuck '' because that will work in 1/1000 cases, you first get to know that person.

Because generalizing is beautiful. In that case all men are *ssholes, no?
Not all women are ***** but not all men are right.
And asking out of nowere "Hey, you wanna sex?" Yeah, it kinda sounds wierd for some people.

[Vorkreist]

"I just like you as a friend" translation: You are a passive beta cuck but nice enough to make me keep you around as a cute dog.
"Women don't want sex as much as men": Men do have an edge here but not that much really. The girl that tells you she wants you as a friend goes later that night to a date or just bang some crush.
Mistake nr. 1: 99% of friendzone cases the guy behaves overly nice before crashing in that rejection.
Mistake nr. 2: The guy makes the decision to tag along this "friendship" thinking "I'll get her to change her mind somehow, I'll make her fall for me eventually" instead of just dropping it and get on to some other more probable relationship.
Mistake nr. 3: The guy goes along with the "friendship" but with the same mistakes. He keeps trying to be friendlier and nicer and can't wrap his head around why his crush keeps looking at "bad boys" or just guys that are more confident in expressing their personality.

[Berengil]

"Women don't want sex as much as men": Men do have an edge here but not that much really.

They don't, they really don't (with the rare exception, who stands out because she's, well, exceptional). Otherwise nothing but screwing would get done. Chris Rock has an interesting bit about this in his show entitled Bigger and Blacker.

@GennGreymane: Yes, it's a thing. Guys who fall for it are morons. I'm "friends" with only 5 types of women:

1) Lesbians ( for obvious reasons, and maybe if they and their girlfriend decide they want to try it out with a guy AND they don't look like lumberjacks)

2) female relatives

3) very ugly women who are somehow otherwise interesting (shared interests, work at the same place, etc); this would also include women old enough that their looks have gone (age isn't an auto-disqualifier, just their looks; when I was 31,had a brief thing with a 54 yr old who I wouldn't have thought was a day over 40)

4) other men's women; I just don't go there. "Save the drama for yo momma." --- Booker T

5) any other woman that some special circumstance would make it a bad idea to sleep with

Every other woman is a potential ... "fun place". This colors my reactions to them, and thus makes thinking of them as friend difficult. I don't generally think about sleeping with friends.