Why is virgin shaming a thing?

[THE Bigzoman]

Thinking something is a signal for social competency isn't really shaming.

[Nihilist74]

I think most of the people who do this are the types in which really easy for them to get laid. They are really good looking or they have really good social skills with the opposite sex. They shame somebody who is not like this to make themselves feel bigger. This is usually why anybody shames anybody for anything. To make themselves feel bigger.

[Fencers]

I mean sure, if you are a virgin by 20 or 30 it'd be weird, but still, why do people care so much about your virginity?

Probably because we are inherently social animals. The ability to obtain, maintain and acquire social connections is the most important quality to being human in human civilizations. Sex, relations, friendships and so on are all part of one's social capability.

[Devonitar]

Probably because we are inherently social animals. The ability to obtain, maintain and acquire social connections is the most important quality to being human in human civilizations. Sex, relations, friendships and so on are all part of one's social capability.

That's pretty ironic that in order to bash someone else's social capability one break his/her own social capability by being a douche.

[May90]

Yes reason being: People are fucking idiots.

Hellscream brothers approve!

[Devonitar]

Not really. "Being a douche" towards people NOT in your social group is pretty much one of the bigger parts of being in a social group.

The way I see it is not some tribal competition, but limiting potentially useful conections to new people or reducing trustworthiness in the currently maintained relations. Bashing shortcomings of the others doesn't make someone very trustworthy.

[Neliah]

90-00s entertainment plenty of virgin shaming there. American pie and 40 year old virgin to name a few. Nothing against the movies. They're great and hilarious.

Pretty sure we're not talking about movies.

[NoiseTank13]

I was really depressed last year when I hit 30 and still a virgin. I don't think it's my looks, just really no self-confidence and the fact that I never really wanted a relationship of that kind. Yeah at times I get lonely and wish I did have someone to be intimate with, and when 30 rolled around I was seriously depressed for the whole year. I'd probably be a terrible partner anyways.

Sort of moved on from that. If it happens it happens, if not, oh well. There are worse things than life than being a wizard.

[Deleted]

Well, being fuckable surely should not be the most interesting part in human interaction. It should be more about being kind, intellectually compatible, having the same interests..

But probably i am just too old to value something like that that much.

[Usernameforforums]

Pretty sure we're not talking about movies.

Media is a starting point, hun.

[ComputerNerd]

Virgins at the age of 20/30 are usually people who have some solid reason to not have had sex. They are ugly or bad at flirting, lack self-esteem, believe in "purity", etc. The end result - they have no experience in relationships/intimacy/etc and that could lead to other problems. Also, people like making fun of other people in order to feel better about themselves. For whatever reasons.

Source: The first 19 years of my life.

Indeed.
Shaming someone is just about proving you are better, by some definition you create yourself instead of simply letting someone else decide that.
Someone who insists on telling us they are better are not only trying to convince us, they are trying to convince themselves.

Is it actually wrong ?
No.
It simply isn't matching the experiences that someone else has had.
Well so what ?
Everyone is unique, there is no "normal" as applied to some fictional majority, as there is no such wide measure that applies to anything but a small minority.
And the wider you try to make "normal", the fewer it covers, if ever more than a single person.
The one you are using as the model.

[Deleted]

When you're constantly told that having sex is alright, not having it becomes "not normal". And the sentiment is rationalized through social darwinism or whatevs: not having sex is a sign of social incompetence or something along those lines.
Real people are more nuanced than that. Of course. Some people like being virgins. And some are uninterested in sex at all.
People who virgin-shame, however, live in that simple black and white subreality.

[Evil Midnight Bomber]

The same reason any kind of "shaming" is a thing.

Fat shaming, Skinny shaming, Slut shaming, Virgin shaming.

[Mihalik]

Probably because we are inherently social animals. The ability to obtain, maintain and acquire social connections is the most important quality to being human in human civilizations. Sex, relations, friendships and so on are all part of one's social capability.

Not much else to add here. Maybe it is worth mentioning what Mormoloyce said too...Virginity is social construct with little to no biological basis that was invented to control human (especially female) sexuality.

[derpkitteh]

people are immature, even adults.

[frogger237]

Virgin shaming happens for different reasons:

For female virgins:
Women will shame you for the same reason a bully bullies, to feel better about themselves and so they can call you a slut after you do have sex.
Men will shame you so they can have sex with you.

For male virgins:
So you get pressured into hooking up with some slag with 4 kids. Men do it so they dont have to deal with her and the kids and women do it because the "bad boys" she used to bang want nothing to do with her.

[Radaney]

The title of the post is "Why is virgin shaming a thing?"

Then OP says "I mean sure, if you are a virgin by 20 or 30 it'd be weird".

Aight.

No it wouldn't be weird, if you're a virgin at 20 and 30, you keep doing your thing and lose it to whoever the fuck you want or don't lose it at all if that's your thing. No one with a brain actually cares.

In fact I'm slightly jealous if you manage to lose your virginity to the person you marry at about 30, that'd be an interesting life experience.

[Wilfire]

People like belittling others to feel better themselves. You should learn from them and fight fire with fire.

Your dignity is your constitutional right, if your country is so lawless and morally bankrupt that your government can't protect your rights, you should take matters into your own hands and take the necessary steps. If you live in a country that allows ownership of firearms, you should look into getting one and practicing at a shooting range. Go big or go home applies when selecting firearms. Open carry is always better than concealed carry for deescalating social situations.

Now that said, people who shame virgins most likely tie most if not all of their self esteem to their sexual prowess. That usually means they don't have any other notable achievements. Getting banged is so extremely easy that practically everyone can do it. Use this fact to your advantage and mock virgin shamers relentlessly. If you do it enough, a societal shift might happen and our society will stop being so damn obsessed with sex.

[Fencers]

That's pretty ironic that in order to bash someone else's social capability one break his/her own social capability by being a douche.

It is unlikely those successful socially would negatively impact their own interest and standing socially by isolating those that are not as successful. I doubt anyone increased their social standing by inclusion of those with relatively poor social standing compared to their own.

"Why are you friends with him (her)?"/"That person is weird. Don't invite him (her)." sentiments are pretty common throughout human culture.

Unsuccessful members of a given group are typically pushed out by successful group members.

[Freighter]

Probably because we are inherently social animals. The ability to obtain, maintain and acquire social connections is the most important quality to being human in human civilizations. Sex, relations, friendships and so on are all part of one's social capability.

So I'm the only one who is excited to get in bed with someone that's new to sex? Their reactions are often kind of cute.