Cautionary tale of taking too long to get married

[Witchblade77]

sounds like a cautionary tale of not getting caught up in wedding planning and wedding spending. if they were together for 12 years, suddenly breaking up during wedding planning? sounds like the wedding planning may have been the catalyst. she has a wedding dress already... 7 month before the wedding date. they have that long of a planned ceremony. she run over the dress and smeared it in blood for halloween, but still destroying wedding dress 3 years later is kinda symbolic. she sounds like a bridezilla to me.

what is it with people and confusing wedding for marriage?

[Logwyn]

Isn't that society's fault for pushing marriage as a symbol of status?

What is marriage good for anyway, aside from things like inheritance and tax evasion

It boils down to economic benefits really. Who has the right to you things after you die. Who makes the decision about your health and well being when you can not.

You can throw in things about the kids and such. There are some tax breaks for being married. Which you mentioned.


The whole issue with this is the "tens of thousands of dollars" spent on this ceremony. Why start out your lives together in this much debt already? It makes no sense at all. It why it made more sense to just go to the court house pay the 50 bucks have the family members that wanted to be there come and then go out to eat after. Take the "tens of thousands of dollars" and do something better with it.

[Luperca]

I think this more of a "why are people still getting married in this day and age when 50% of them get divorced anyways" sort of thing. To add to that the cost of a wedding (her dress alone was $600) with all that that entails and then for the divorce lawyer, time in court, time you have to take off work for said court dates..... Really getting married is a modern waste of money and time.

[Queen of Hamsters]

To think that it would've lasted had they only gotten married.

Hahahahaha!!

[Rudkobing]

A rolling stone gathers no moss.

[Soeroah]

I've heard enough Family Court proceedings to know divorce is worse than breaking off an engagement.

[mickybrighteyes]

But at least they would have had a kick-ass wedding instead of having to deal with unplanning one.

Moral: if you meet someone you like marry them as soon as humanly possible.

but then there's the messy divorce proceedings and the petty bickering that would wind up with cutting the dog in half cause someone turned vindictive.

[Soeroah]

It boils down to economic benefits really. Who has the right to you things after you die. Who makes the decision about your health and well being when you can not.

You can throw in things about the kids and such. There are some tax breaks for being married. Which you mentioned.


The whole issue with this is the "tens of thousands of dollars" spent on this ceremony. Why start out your lives together in this much debt already? It makes no sense at all. It why it made more sense to just go to the court house pay the 50 bucks have the family members that wanted to be there come and then go out to eat after. Take the "tens of thousands of dollars" and do something better with it.

I mean, my parents got married at a registry with their parents in attendence, then a few weeks later threw a pinic and mentioned "btw, we're married now" to their siblings and family.

That seems like the smart option to me, rather than two of my cousins who spent tens of thousands of dollars on their respective weddings.

[Manabomb]

I came across this...

https://www.thestar.com/life/relatio...r-wedding.html



How troubling. A 12 year "relationship" and then a 2 year+ engagement period? All for nothing.
What's up with that anyways? If you're gonna get married then go ahead and do it. Why the extremely long engagement period and exorbitant wedding. Clearly the "I'll stay with them a while to make sure they're the right one" strategy isn't a good one. Now this person and others like her are left picking up the pieces and wondering what those last 12 years are worth.

In many cases they end up really angry and bitter and spend a long time trying to erase the other person from their life. A much better plan is to get married soon after meeting the person and go all in. Be committed and sincere.

Her problem was fixation on marriage. Infact, that is everyone's 'problem' is the fixation on marriage. This idea that marriage will make a relationship better with the advent of a fancy dinner and a ceremony and a 'connection' that was always there if anyone bothered to look.

A marriage doesn't make a relationship. People make the relationship. Those two people there? Obviously did not try hard enough. I'm usually against making claims where one should pick themselves up by the bootstraps and move forward, claiming that an individual didn't 'try hard enough', but when it comes to complex social relationships where the only factors are the individual, it's up to those individuals to make the relationship function.

Of course, this is just anecdotal experience from a 7 year long distance relationship with a woman and a 4 year long distance relationship with a man. Infact, both of my lovers seem pretty content with our mutual relationship and don't see it going away anytime soon, mostly because we've all agreed marriage is a cheap trick to publicly express love and only functionally serves as a series of tax breaks.

Nothing about marriage would make either of my two relationships anymore special than they already are. Screw this woman for thinking it would suddenly vilify or justify those 12 (edit: 14 I guess if you add engagement) years. Cherish those 12(14) years and next time try harder.

[Rudkobing]

A 12 year relationship and then a 2 year+ engagement period?

They might have had 14 years of happiness, and had some good fucking sessions.

/shrug

Sucks to be her, though.

- - - Updated - - -

Well that's fucking depressing.

People should be able to figure their shit out after 12 years though. Like what the fuck? The dude should have broken up with her 10 years ago if he was going to do it.

The pussy might have been good though.

[Nihilist74]

I don't care about the money and planning she wasted but I am curious why he dumped her after so long.

[Rudkobing]

Making maple syrup, taming beavers and trading furs with the native.

I like taming beavers. Its such an exquisite sport.

[Xargoth6634]

I was engaged for a year and a half once. Fortunately, while we had made plans for the wedding we hadn't finalized anything, so when she ended it at least we didn't have a lot of cancellations and shit to do. It really sucked, but life goes on.

[Sunseeker]

After 12 years, shit of get off the pot man.

[Halyon]

Well, could always just go the better way and not get married at all!

[Kathandira]

How troubling. A 12 year "relationship" and then a 2 year+ engagement period? All for nothing.
What's up with that anyways? If you're gonna get married then go ahead and do it. Why the extremely long engagement period and exorbitant wedding. Clearly the "I'll stay with them a while to make sure they're the right one" strategy isn't a good one. Now this person and others like her are left picking up the pieces and wondering what those last 12 years are worth.

In many cases they end up really angry and bitter and spend a long time trying to erase the other person from their life. A much better plan is to get married soon after meeting the person and go all in. Be committed and sincere.

Sooooooooooo...why did he break it off? That is basically the most important part of this story, and it is missing from what I see.

My g/f and I are similar. We have been together going on 9 years. I do plan to propose to her in the near future. But it has never been a pressing issue. It is just a formality. It won't make us love each other more. The only thing it does is give us a tax break (which we don't really need) and allows her to get on my health insurance (which would be nice since mine is better than hers). But aside from that, it's just a party, after that things go back to the way they were.

In the case of this story, yes it is quite the bother to have to go through the motions to undo all the wedding plans. But something must have triggered him to leave. Likely something that would have happened before the engagement, during it, or after they were married.

- - - Updated - - -

Better to end it then living in a loveless marriage. Just a waste of money and time anyways or I'm missing the point of it all.

A marriage where he 'potentially' could have gotten screwed in court and left with nothing during the divorce. If you asked me, he may have dodged a bullet.

[Deleted]

I don't think you should be giving relationship advice... just sayin.

I was thinking the same, but then I realized, we don't even know how long Tennisace has been married, do we? If this crusade for marriage comes from a place of having experienced it for at least a couple decades, then I mean, sure, there's some credibility to it. Then again, if it's all from someone who has never been married, then what does it all mean?

[Kathandira]

I mean, my parents got married at a registry with their parents in attendence, then a few weeks later threw a pinic and mentioned "btw, we're married now" to their siblings and family.

That seems like the smart option to me, rather than two of my cousins who spent tens of thousands of dollars on their respective weddings.

I may actually be doing a picnic wedding as well. It just seems super cute.

[cubby]

I came across this...

https://www.thestar.com/life/relatio...r-wedding.html



How troubling. A 12 year "relationship" and then a 2 year+ engagement period? All for nothing.
What's up with that anyways? If you're gonna get married then go ahead and do it. Why the extremely long engagement period and exorbitant wedding. Clearly the "I'll stay with them a while to make sure they're the right one" strategy isn't a good one. Now this person and others like her are left picking up the pieces and wondering what those last 12 years are worth.

In many cases they end up really angry and bitter and spend a long time trying to erase the other person from their life. A much better plan is to get married soon after meeting the person and go all in. Be committed and sincere.

I would hazard a guess that she was his "side babe", although an elaborate one, and he was never going to marry her. That, or he came out of the closet, which happens (not being slanderous/homophobic, in case it sounds like, just saying it can happen at any time).

[Kathandira]

I don't care about the money and planning she wasted but I am curious why he dumped her after so long.

That is the trap of this thread. We can all sit and talk in circles, but the most important piece of the puzzle is missing. So the conversation is mostly pointless.