It's been a rough week, and I just feel completely alone

[Claymore]

I get it, posting on a video-game forum is pathetic. Well, it's where I'm at.

I'm working all the time, which is NOT been going well, and my grandmother passed away a few nights ago. I couldn't make it back to her funeral, because it's a 15-hour drive each way, and I wouldn't be able to see my family again for the rest of the year. So, yeah, I feel like a complete piece of shit about that. And then it brought up a lot of feelings about my grandfather, wondering if I'd be a huge disappointment in his eyes if he were still around.

I'm working all the time, and I'm just barely able to cover my expenses renting a BEDROOM from someone else's house. I'm second-guessing if this is a life-long career or not, and I really just want someone to hug me. Just hold my hand, or lean my head on her shoulder and just let some of this out. I feel like I'm trying my best to hold it together, and the stitching is coming apartl

I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow, put on a happy face, and just go right back to pretending everything is hunky-dory. But right now, I really just wish someone was here to hold me. Or at least stare at a pair of mildly attractive boobs, and forget about everything for a night.

[Pebrocks The Warlock]

Leave this site while you still can. It's likely a large source of your depression.

[Occam-OC]

I know it's hard but things can and will get better. If you enjoy what you're doing then STAY THE COURSE. And remember that there are people who care and want you to succeed (even if you don't know them).

[Ianus]

Leave this site while you still can. It's likely a large source of your depression.

this /10 chars

[Claymore]

Gonna do a quick guess that OP lives in the USA.

Yup. That a meaningful factor in any way?

[Nyoken]

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and move forward. The sooner you accept things for what they are the easier it gets. Forget, forgive and move on.

[Shadowferal]

I'm almost certain if the OP made a lot more money this site wouldn't be any problem whatsoever.

[Laerrus]

I'm working all the time, and I'm just barely able to cover my expenses renting a BEDROOM from someone else's house. I'm second-guessing if this is a life-long career or not,

.

Go join one of the armed forces. Be thrifty with your spending while you are in, and squirrel most of your pay away in savings and investments.

After 4 years you will have enough money to start a life as well as free college.

[Deleted]

I couldn't make it back to her funeral, because it's a 15-hour drive each way, and I wouldn't be able to see my family again for the rest of the year. So, yeah, I feel like a complete piece of shit about that.

Don't worry. Funerals are for the living, not for the people who died. There's absolutely no need whatsoever to ever attend one.

[Video Games]

Watch a good anime. I am watching re:creators right now.

[Worgar]

Go join one of the armed forces. Be thrifty with your spending while you are in, and squirrel most of your pay away in savings and investments.

After 4 years you will have enough money to start a life as well as free college.

i mean, we'll probably find someone to declare war on within the next 4 years, so maybe don't put all your eggs in the military basket.

[derpkitteh]

there's always that hollow blanket of numbness that can console you op.

it wraps around you an the hours just melt away.

[Zelk]

Talk to someone close to you. They'll offer you better advice than anyone here, or at least be able to comfort you more than anyone here. Don't be afraid to tell those around you how you feel because they're best positioned to help you and if they really care then they will. Know that things can get better. We've all been in bad places in life; find something or someone that will help you feel better.

[Deleted]

Well, you obviously have the internet, so what's stopping you? Nice blog post by the way.

This, all you have to do is get on twitch and show some cleavage.

[Aoyi]

I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough week. I know you're going to get a lot of shitty responses on here, but I just wanted to voice a little sympathy. Losing a family member is always hard. Especially when you can't make it out for the funeral. I know its hard, but try not to let everything crappy during your day make you feel too much worse. When you're already upset about something big like this, all those little extra annoyances can stack up. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and that you can try and think of the good memories of your grandmother rather than beat yourself up for not being able to make it home. Your family will understand. Even if they seemed disappointed, I'm sure it was just their own grief during the situation and not really about you being unable to make it. Its hard for everyone when this happens.

[Deleted]

Why not ask your wife to step up and start earning more money, the lazy scrub. Perhaps she'll even be able to afford that boob job you both want.

[Shinela]

If you've made it to a point that you've got to post about it on a gaming forum, then yes I do feel for you.

It's all right, I'm not very good with these forum messages, I'm used to back-to-back conversations, instant messaging and just talking, but let's just leave that aside for now.

Mate, life can be a bit bad, and yeah it does drag out a lot of the worst parts. A lot of people live in this fake happiness, but it is also often the case that if you fake your happiness in a genuine manner, you are genuinely happy for a while as well. Up to the point where you are alone again, and then you get back to the loneliness which only gets worse because the spectrum between happy and sad is bigger.
Don't let it drag you down too much. I'd say start finding alternatives. Now I'm a lazy person and I myself would slack a lot with it, but try and just go around to search for other things to do. Not necessarily lucrative just yet, try simple things. I for example joined a theatrical group to spend my days around people.
It's a start for your mood, and a good beginning for a general confidence.
You mentioned having a job, but if it barely pays for a bedroom, then there's obviously something going wrong. Now I don't know what goes on, what you do and all around it, but try figuring things out a little around places, try finding out what does and doesn't work, where the general step is to get a better footing.
Anyway, try and find something that makes you happy. Not just distracts you from the sad things like most games do. Find something that -actually- makes you happy. And embrace it. It's not easy to find, sure, but nothing stops you to look for it!

This is all just as little of information I could give, things you probably thought or heard about before. But think of this instead: Things always turn out for the better, even when it looks like they won't. Don't give up just yet, patience is a virtue but you need an action to have the patience for. As in coding, you need an event, a condition and an action. If your event is to wait for an action but you don't have an action, then.. You just wait.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Or at least stare at a pair of mildly attractive boobs, and forget about everything for a night.

I had some sympathy for you, but after the last line I think you might just try to get some pity sex.
Well in case you are serious anyway, maybe just some kind of spring depression?

[Independent voter]

It's normal to be depressed after a death in the family.

[yetgdhfgh]

Not sure if a bunch of internet posters will give you comfort but i bet a good nights sleep will!