Polyamory can be an alternative to cheating: Ellie

[Pua]

No?

The arrangement with my co-worker ended because he got a promotion and moved to our California offices. It was just a sexual arrangement- we didn't have much in common with one another besides finding one another attractive and having the eagerness to screw time permitting.

I have been happily married to just one person for over 10 years... actually like 14 years or so this year. We're no longer open in our relationship because I decided to have kids a few years back. Too much work with two kids, a job and family on my plate.

I am open to group sex from time to time, but I would not maintain an arrangement such as with my former co-worker. Takes too much time these days. I have a tight schedule.

So you can't or won't sleep around any more because it's too much work.

Thanks for expressly stating that what you erstwhile argued worked, didn't work.

[Hctaz]

Why be legally obligated to someone if you aren't 100% in line with them? Also, from the sound of the article, it was the wife who was the one who had needs that she went away from her husband to fulfill. I've had open relationships before and they're called fuck buddies. I sure as hell wouldn't sign a paper giving away half my wealth if things go south in a chaotic relationship like that.

yes but I think the point is that this situation is the opposite. It isn't an open relationship as in they just want sex from each other. They want the financial stability of each other and all the bond that comes from marriage. The other people are the fuck buddies. They would be riff-raff you wouldn't actually want to live with but fuck good. That's the point.

I mean you would seriously not marry somebody over something as superficial as your potential wife not having a piss fetish or wanting to rub your dick with her feet? I just can't see that being a thing at all.

[The One Percent]

yes but I think the point is that this situation is the opposite. It isn't an open relationship as in they just want sex from each other. They want the financial stability of each other and all the bond that comes from marriage. The other people are the fuck buddies. They would be riff-raff you wouldn't actually want to live with but fuck good. That's the point.

I mean you would seriously not marry somebody over something as superficial as your potential wife not having a piss fetish or wanting to rub your dick with her feet? I just can't see that being a thing at all.

Why do you keep bringing up these obscure, extreme fetishes and trying to project them onto me? All the freaky shit I've done (fucking a girl in the ass, having her swallow cum, ect) has been done on the woman's own volition and desire.

But yeah, if my girlfriend didn't want to do something like suck my dick, it would indeed prevent me from marrying her. Sex is important and if you don't have a good sexual relationship it severely harms the other aspects of the relationship. The post mentions the husband being unable to satisfy the wife's sexual desires, so that must mean she is superficial and shallow since she obviously brought it up as a problem leading to this.... "solution".

[Damajin]

These types of people are shit. Talk about no commitment.

[Albert the fish]

Why be legally obligated to someone if you aren't 100% in line with them? Also, from the sound of the article, it was the wife who was the one who had needs that she went away from her husband to fulfill. I've had open relationships before and they're called fuck buddies. I sure as hell wouldn't sign a paper giving away half my wealth if things go south in a chaotic relationship like that.

you're missing the point. for many polyamorous people, myself included. we are 100% in love with our SOs, all of them. i am 100% in love with my wife, also with my girlfriend.

that's why i am ok with being in a legally binding format relationship with my wife and would certainly consider it with my gf if it were legal.

[The One Percent]

you're missing the point. for many polyamorous people, myself included. we are 100% in love with our SOs, all of them. i am 100% in love with my wife, also with my girlfriend.

that's why i am ok with being in a legally binding format relationship with my wife and would certainly consider it with my gf if it were legal.

I've had multiple girlfriends simultaneously. I understand the benefits of that. I just don't understand why you, as a man, get into a contract where if anyone at any time changes their feelings about the setup of the relationship (and polyamory is even more chaotic and subject to change than even a normal relationship) you are the one who loses.

[judgementofantonidas]

I'm curious, are you in a polyamorous relationship? If you don't mind sharing, what are you getting from having more than 1 partner/lover that you cannot get with just 1? I am honestly curious because I see nothing I could get from another man that I cannot get from my husband.

air tight .

[Doctor Funkenstein]

Of course it's a fucking alternative to cheating. Cheating requires the other person not to know. So if you fucking tell them straight up, duh.

So much fucking stupid.

[Gib Lover]

I've spent enough time laughing at r/relationships posts to know opening your relationship up is a death sentence.

[Albert the fish]

I've had multiple girlfriends simultaneously. I understand the benefits of that. I just don't understand why you, as a man, get into a contract where if anyone at any time changes their feelings about the setup of the relationship (and polyamory is even more chaotic and subject to change than even a normal relationship) you are the one who loses.

a)not sure what me being a man has to do with...anything really.
b) the same reason a monogamous person gets into marriage? the relationship reached a point where we are fairly assured that the feelings won't change and the way we feel about each other and the desire to spend the rest of our lives together is permanent. sure things could change but that's not more likely because im poly. monogamous marriages end in divorce constantly and yes poly relationships and marriages too. it's got little, if anything, to do with the relationship style and considerably more to do with the effort put into the relationship.
c) show me any proof outside of anecdotal that polyamory is more chaotic and subject to change than a monogamous one
d) how do i lose any more than my wife does if our relationship fails or with my girlfriend?

[The One Percent]

a)not sure what me being a man has to do with...anything really.
b) the same reason a monogamous person gets into marriage? the relationship reached a point where we are fairly assured that the feelings won't change and the way we feel about each other and the desire to spend the rest of our lives together is permanent. sure things could change but that's not more likely because im poly. monogamous marriages end in divorce constantly and yes poly relationships and marriages too. it's got little, if anything, to do with the relationship style and considerably more to do with the effort put into the relationship.
c) show me any proof outside of anecdotal that polyamory is more chaotic and subject to change than a monogamous one
d) how do i lose any more than my wife does if our relationship fails or with my girlfriend?

If you're the breadwinner, you have more to lose. If you have kids, you have more to lose. If those don't apply, then you're in a bit more sensible of a situation.

Multiple parties create more chaos. Simple.

[Drusin]

If people want to have more than one partner that's on them and it's 100% not my business.

[Albert the fish]

If you're the breadwinner, you have more to lose. If you have kids, you have more to lose. If those don't apply, then you're in a bit more sensible of a situation.

Multiple parties create more chaos. Simple.

interesting assumption that im the breadwinner because i have a dick.
how is my kid more of a liability again? if i break up with my gf then i still have a stable household with my wife in which to raise him. if i break up with my wife then i still have a stable household with my gf(and her husband in this case) in which to raise him. if anything this provides benefits to my son. with more adult 'parents' looking out for him, his safety net is more secure.

multiple parties creates more chaos might apply if i had a harem of 12 women, not with 2-3. leastaways not if we enter into our relationships as if we were all adults and not teenagers looking to get some strange,

[Drusin]

I'm curious, are you in a polyamorous relationship? If you don't mind sharing, what are you getting from having more than 1 partner/lover that you cannot get with just 1? I am honestly curious because I see nothing I could get from another man that I cannot get from my husband.

Race and size differences.

What if I'm in the mood for an Asian, Hispanic, Black, what if I want a fatter woman or skinnier woman, what if I want shit I don't know someone who is prissy or someone more sexually adventurous (my nice way of saying slutty) so a difference in personality. I mean you can fake the mental stuff but if monday I want a BBW and tuesday I want someone anorexic what 1 woman could satisfy those desires?

[The One Percent]

interesting assumption that im the breadwinner because i have a dick.
how is my kid more of a liability again? if i break up with my gf then i still have a stable household with my wife in which to raise him. if i break up with my wife then i still have a stable household with my gf(and her husband in this case) in which to raise him. if anything this provides benefits to my son. with more adult 'parents' looking out for him, his safety net is more secure.

multiple parties creates more chaos might apply if i had a harem of 12 women, not with 2-3. leastaways not if we enter into our relationships as if we were all adults and not teenagers looking to get some strange,

Men are generally the breadwinners. If you break up with whoever the mother of the kid is and think that the type of relationship you're in can't be used against you if she wants to have primary custody or even full, then that's pretty foolish. And having a harem is far less chaos than multiple partnerships all intermingled.

[Albert the fish]

Men are generally the breadwinners. If you break up with whoever the mother of the kid is and think that the type of relationship you're in can't be used against you if she wants to have primary custody or even full, then that's pretty foolish. And having a harem is far less chaos than multiple partnerships all intermingled.

if i am the breadwinner than my "breadwinner" status and the extra stability my gf provides will both be points a good lawyer will argue provide the best benefit to the child. if i am not the breadwinner and she is than my son will be in better hands with her so that's also ok because i want what's best for him, not my precious little ego.

[The One Percent]

if i am the breadwinner than my "breadwinner" status and the extra stability my gf provides will both be points a good lawyer will argue provide the best benefit to the child. if i am not the breadwinner and she is than my son will be in better hands with her so that's also ok because i want what's best for him, not my precious little ego.

Doesn't matter if you make the money, the state can give it to her. For the second scenario, good for you for having such a nice mindset, I'm proud of you. However, I know I'm the best choice for my kids, ego aside.

[Albert the fish]

you are absolutely bound and determined to look at this in the worst possible light. well, that's your prerogative i suppose.

poly isn't any more of a mine-field than monogamy. it's just a different one. all relationships are rife with potential disaster, adults learn to predict, compromise, and compensate. none of these things are different within polyamory. so long as everyone involved is genuine, communicative, and mature.... everything can be worked with no more problems than standard monogamy.

[The One Percent]

I just didn't find any of your arguments compelling enough to sway my opinion.

[Spectral]

you are absolutely bound and determined to look at this in the worst possible light. well, that's your prerogative i suppose.

poly isn't any more of a mine-field than monogamy. it's just a different one. all relationships are rife with potential disaster, adults learn to predict, compromise, and compensate. none of these things are different within polyamory. so long as everyone involved is genuine, communicative, and mature.... everything can be worked with no more problems than standard monogamy.

I'd bet quite a lot that "poly" people are statistically less likely to form permanent relationships and are less likely engage in the host of pro-social, household-building behaviors associated with monogamous marriage.

I suppose it'd also be hard to find hard evidence given the typical transience of these sorts of relationships.