Polyamory can be an alternative to cheating: Ellie

[Ihazpaws]

I am transgender woman and I live with pretty much hetero man. I am still waiting in line to get sex-change surgery. My husband clearly wants to have sex with real woman and that's why we tried to find 3rd person / another couple to fulfill some desires but when I saw how exited and lustful he became, I could not do it. I've said to him soooooo many times that if he wants to be with real woman then tell about it and we can go our own ways. I cannot give him what he wants and I cannot bear to see him go so lustful when he has a chance to be with biological woman. So going in separate ways is best thing to do if one night with woman is what he wants. If we had 3rd person with us, I would be left aside to just watch... I could not live in polyamory relationship or have 3rd person with us randomly (specially because it most likely would become something that man wants everytime). I would feel like lesser being in that group.

It really annoys me that I am not able to do that because I don't want to keep him in the leash when it comes to the sexuality, because I know that I am not able to give him everything he wants, ever... If men really just think with their downstairs brain when they get a chance like that, then it's better to be selfish and say no to polyamory.

[Deleted]

Been there and done it. Works just fine if you and the other has the ground for it.

Life is way more richer in this way.

[Polarthief]

Can you believe this? To brazenly propose such an idea?
It seems pretty clear that you don't truly love the other person if you're okay with then doing this.

Who the fuck are you to define what "true love" is? If it works for people, it works for people. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't for others.

As they said: "The idea that one person can fill all the needs of another is one that I find ludicrous.", and this is without a doubt 100% true, and it's usually why people searching for "the one" end up either in an unhappy marriage, divorced (usually multiple times), or forever alone.

[Deleted]

Who the fuck are you to define what "true love" is? If it works for people, it works for people. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't for others.

As they said: "The idea that one person can fill all the needs of another is one that I find ludicrous.", and this is without a doubt 100% true, and it's usually why people searching for "the one" end up either in an unhappy marriage, divorced (usually multiple times), or forever alone.

Aye. For me, love is also about not being in the way of other ones happiness and right to have experiences.

[kamuimac]

If you want to produce a massive amount of violent, criminal men you should totally legalize polygamy.

history teaches us easy solution to that too - you simplysend them to random stared war as cannon fodder - why do you think most of wars started ?

rich people just wanted to ensure peasants wouldnt start rebellion and thinning the herd always helps

[Seirith]

He literally just lives half a country away at this point and I only have so much time to get across town on a whim for the D. If we still worked in the same office- we'd probably fuck almost every day.

So, did you have sex at work or did you bring him home/go to his house? Was your husband home when the two of you were having sex? Curious on how that works!

[Fencers]

So, did you have sex at work or did you bring him home/go to his house? Was your husband home when the two of you were having sex? Curious on how that works!

I am only answering in the interest of demystifying and reducing preconceived notions about open relationships.

In my experience the real issue with an open relationship of any kind is logistical- finding time to hook up, getting the hotel room, being on time, and so on. More so than actual sex outside of one's coupling. The latter is easy and almost a non-issue if the couple have good communication and trust in one another bonds.

No, my co-worker and I did not expressly have sex at work. We'd meet at a hotel near work or his apartment after work.

My husband works from home and I respect his working space/time as such. At the time, my co-worker's apartment was a short train ride in the direction I was headed anyway. So that became a convenient meeting place for sex. We'd use a hotel if that was more convenient for whatever reason.

My husband was not involved in any hook-ups I had with my co-worker, iirc. Though obviously I have had group sex with (such as threesomes and so on) and alongside my husband (sex in the same room, not with each other) often- as we both enjoy this type of sex and were open about it even before we got married.

As I said earlier, none of this was something that came up of the blue. During our dating I made my interests known and my husband did the same. Turns out, we are very compatible and have been married now for quite some time and very happily.

I have always had an open view on sex, sex positivity and do not feel sex as an act needing to have a 'deep' emotional component anymore than masturbation requires.

[Deleted]

slutting around is a sign of a lack of morality, decency and self respect

hardly something I'd advice doing in a relationship

[Traveler Voltin]

The joys of pro-cheating. /s

[Iriluun]

I'm in a polyamorous relationship. We went through years of needless fighting and arguing, being jealous or suspicious of each other, even though we both knew going in that neither of us fell into typically monogamous mindsets and were both very flirty people. A year and a half ago, we decided that we would try opening things up and being honest about it instead of both of us having to sneak around just to even flirt with anyone else. I can honestly say that we've NEVER had this much trust for one another, and the frequency of our arguments in general has decreased significantly. We're also both less stressed out, and we can express ourselves freely, and even discuss the people we are currently into. It works really well for us, and improved our relationship with each other quite a bit. Its not for everyone, but I just dont believe that one person can possibly handle all the needs one has. now i can have a more intimate relationship with people who are more into things she isnt, not just sexually but hobby or interest-wise, and so can she. Win-win for everyone.

[Stelio Kontos]

As I said earlier, none of this was something that came up of the blue. During our dating I made my interests known and my husband did the same. Turns out, we are very compatible and have been married now for quite some time and very happily.

Is he free to sleep around like you are?

[Masark]

Is he free to sleep around like you are?

According to their previous posts, yes.

It's still working. We've had no issues and both are free to still pursue a sexual arrangement pending spousal approval. We just have been busy lately. Which I expressly stated.

[Seirith]

I am only answering in the interest of demystifying and reducing preconceived notions about open relationships.

Thank you for answering, I do appreciate it. Although it would never be for me, I have no issues with it and am just interested in how a couple maintains a relationship with also having other people involved as well.

[Thoughtful Trolli]

If you want to produce a massive amount of violent, criminal men you should totally legalize polygamy.

Actually it would produce women who are unable to compete and consequently treated with less respect they must endure just to survive, and such women would then go on to destroy any vulnerable men by tricking them into monogamy.

Which would make those men turn into violent criminals over broken promises, which only comes back to people who are liars creating people who are monsters.

In all these cases, the lie is the idea of monogamy. While nobody wants to talk about demolishing the lie of monogamy outright, suggesting polyamory is a start.

[Jinpachi]

Of course it is. People view sex and love as the same shit. If you love somebody you can't have sex with somebody else. The reasons relationships fall apart for sex isn't even because somebody can't fulfill your fantasies either. Little known fact: When you're fucking the same person for 10 years it gets a liiiiiiiittle boring. Heck after 7 months I usually am not as excited for it as I am the first two weeks. You just probably shouldn't ever get married basically is what I'm saying. Some people want to have sex with other people and their partner doesn't want that cuz they're jealous so they break up. That cannot be avoided simply by two people sharing identical interests in sex. Eventually somebody is going to get bored. People are just weak and care about superficial "This makes my dick feel good"s instead of what actually matters: your future.

Don't ever get married until you learn what it takes to make a marriage work. And it sure as fuck isn't any of the things you mentioned in that paragraph.

- - - Updated - - -

I'm in a polyamorous relationship. We went through years of needless fighting and arguing, being jealous or suspicious of each other, even though we both knew going in that neither of us fell into typically monogamous mindsets and were both very flirty people. A year and a half ago, we decided that we would try opening things up and being honest about it instead of both of us having to sneak around just to even flirt with anyone else. I can honestly say that we've NEVER had this much trust for one another, and the frequency of our arguments in general has decreased significantly. We're also both less stressed out, and we can express ourselves freely, and even discuss the people we are currently into. It works really well for us, and improved our relationship with each other quite a bit. Its not for everyone, but I just dont believe that one person can possibly handle all the needs one has. now i can have a more intimate relationship with people who are more into things she isnt, not just sexually but hobby or interest-wise, and so can she. Win-win for everyone.

Don't ever bring children up in that environment. You're less stressed because you're not responsible anymore, not because you've found the magic recipe. Can't keep your dick in your pants? No problem! Just con your partner into agreeing with an open relationship.

[Fencers]

Is he free to sleep around like you are?

Pending my approval, yes.

Thank you for answering, I do appreciate it. Although it would never be for me, I have no issues with it and am just interested in how a couple maintains a relationship with also having other people involved as well.

We talk about any arrangement we might be interested in beforehand. Sometimes if it is an arrangement that might be long term or ongoing- we meet the 3rd party and talk some more, etc. 3rd parties not interested in the lifestyle are unlikely to have an arrangement with either of us.

[Independent voter]

Pending my approval, yes.

We talk about any arrangement we might be interested in beforehand. Sometimes if it is an arrangement that might be long term or ongoing- we meet the 3rd party and talk some more, etc. 3rd parties not interested in the lifestyle are unlikely to have an arrangement with either of us.

Did you love this guy you were shtupping?

[Fencers]

Did you love this guy you were shtupping?

Nah. We didn't have much in common or any real romantic connection. We were more 'friendly', in the 'Oh hey, how's it going?'/'Sounds good. See ya around!' type of way, outside of sex.

[Hctaz]

Don't ever get married until you learn what it takes to make a marriage work. And it sure as fuck isn't any of the things you mentioned in that paragraph.

What are you talking about? Lol all I said was that sex isn't something that stays new and exciting forever. I didn't talk about "what makes a marriage work" at all. The only statement I made about relationships in this post is that if somebody is stupid and just wants a good fucky fuck (a lot of people) then they will break up when the sex gets boring.

[Tennis]

Is he free to sleep around like you are?

You're accusing her of cheating on her husband?