Passive Aggressive Behavior

[shadowmouse]

Fair warning, I'm going to drop this here without much input. Several things have come up over the last month that have left me a bit twitchy about passive aggressive behavior. Here's and excerpt from one of many articles out there:

I have a friend with a passive aggressive streak. In so many ways, she's a great friend and colleague, and I love her. But then, seemingly out of nowhere, that savage streak — it strikes when least expected, and it makes my head spin for a moment before I recognize what's up.

If you have relationships with someone — a friend, parent or partner — whose weapon of choice is a passive-aggressive remark or behavior, you'll know what I'm talking about. Their comment hits you and, at first, it almost sounds logical, and maybe even justified, but then you realize you're confused and strangely annoyed, and it all happened in a split second.

You think, "There's something not right here. What is it? Wha-a-a-t?"

Stop for a moment, recognize the feeling, and take stock. The normal flow would have you just responding to them, doing what you figure they want you to do. You justify it by saying it's easier that way. But it's not and here are better ways to handle the situation.

Don't complain about passive-aggressive people; stop enabling them!

Enabling them is simply making it easier for them to keep doing what they're doing. You accommodate them or appease them by doing what they want, and you just became part of the very problem you hate. You're now not only playing the passive-aggressive game, you signed up for the team.

The excuses, reasons, and justifications for passive-aggressive people are just under-handed ways to get you to do what they want you to do without really asking. They're attempts to get the upper hand, wield some power over you, and get off scot-free themselves, taking no responsibility for what they want, what they are unwilling to provide, or for their part in the interaction.

Source: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/rho...-stop-enabling

Passive aggression -- are you aware of it? Do you encounter it? What are your general thoughts on it?

[Deleted]

Yeah. And it pisses me off to no end. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Be honest, and don't play silly games. My wife tends to do it sometimes when she's in a bad mood, and it's an instant conversation killer. I just get up and leave the room. I refuse to get sucked into it. Clear communication or not at all. Fuck that.

[Nehezbegar]

I am passive agressive mostly, but at the same time i cba discussing with passive agressive ppl

[Jayburner]

I've been known to do this once in awhile...you just don't even realize it at the time.

[Deleted]

Yep. In some it culminates into childish behaviour "it's not my fault it's your fault". At least that's how my ex acted. Everything bad that happend to her was because of me. Left her after she started physically assaulting me.

[Trumpcat]

In "real life" I would say it's very easy: avoid those people if you don't like it (and why would you like it, unless YOU are those people).

In cases where you're stuck with them, for example at the workplace you could still do your best to avoid them, but if their behavior would still hamper the work environment the best you can do is address management. Or if you are the manager - please do not let passive aggressive attitudes brew, everyone will be thankful.

But since we're on an MMO website and in context of in-guild relations and from the perspective of someone who's been in guild management for ten years, what I can say about passive aggressive behavior is that it is an incurable type of attitude and should be met with zero tolerance - in the interest of the entire guild.

I have spent many (MANY) hours over the years in profound conversations with passive aggressive people about everything they may not be okay with it and how to remedy that. I've concluded it's been pointless, I learned to quickly recognize and end that behavior before they continue damaging the guild atmosphere and people's moods. If it's been an isolated case of annoyance, which happens when playing online, and it doesn't define how a person behaves normally and they put efforts in fixing the situation (apologize, talk honestly), then that can be worked with, we are all people. If not the person will have to find a guild that has more relaxed tolerance on toxic behaviors.

All being said - do not become part of it, do not tolerate it, face it with resilience and decisiveness.

[Santti]

I hate to admit it, but I am passive aggressive in real life. I didn't even realize it before I was told. I don't think I ever went too far with it, but still, it kind of hit like a mule, because I loathe the quality in people. I've tried to tone it down since then, but I'm not sure how successful I've been with it.

[AeneasBK]

Much better than actual agression

Just to be sure, this is seperate from being dishonest, manipulative, controlling etc. They often go hand in hand but we're talking the means to the end not the end itself.

[Independent voter]

Women are really good at passive aggressive stuff and aggressive aggressive stuff too. The passive aggressive stuff is hard to respond to at times because you don't know if it was meant in a negative way. If she calls you an asshole there's no mistaking she's mad.

Sarcasm is passive aggressive unless you're from a culture that practices a lot of sarcasm.

[GennGreymane]

I've been known to do this once in awhile...you just don't even realize it at the time.

Its alright Jay.

- - - Updated - - -

Welcome to 90% off mmo-champ gen OT posters, myself included.

I appreciate the self awareness. Very rare these days.

[Shinra1]

Can you give me an example of passive aggressive behaviour?

[zenkai]

Fair warning, I'm going to drop this here without much input. Several things have come up over the last month that have left me a bit twitchy about passive aggressive behavior. Here's and excerpt from one of many articles out there:


Source: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/rho...-stop-enabling

Passive aggression -- are you aware of it? Do you encounter it? What are your general thoughts on it?

This forums is nothing but a bunch of people who are passive aggressive.

[GennGreymane]

This forums is nothing but a bunch of people who are passive aggressive.

And some who are aggressive, but hide it well.

[moremana]

Everyone is passive aggressive. Some just worse than others.

[Akka]

I might simply have not encountered yet subtle enough passive-aggressive people, but for me I've never felt what the OP describe (confusion and manipulation and so on). I've always perceived it (and seen perceived) as "indirectly aggressive", which tends to draw about the same kind of judgement than directly aggressive.

[Nerovar]

Fair warning, I'm going to drop this here without much input. Several things have come up over the last month that have left me a bit twitchy about passive aggressive behavior. Here's and excerpt from one of many articles out there:


Source: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/rho...-stop-enabling

Passive aggression -- are you aware of it? Do you encounter it? What are your general thoughts on it?

I've experienced this a lot in my family. It's a pain in the ass but there isn't much you can do about it most of the time. People sometimes just want to be pissed for the sake of it. Most of the time I try to dismantle this kind of behaviour with humour but sometimes you'll just have to play along if you don't want things to escalate.

[Jokerfiend]

I appreciate the self awareness. Very rare these days.

I really don't get how it's self awareness, when 90% of the posters here are passive aggressive. And who woulda thunk, that a bunch of forums nerds would be passive aggressive anyways! The audacity of some people!

[Soulwind]

Can you give me an example of passive aggressive behaviour?

Oh, now YOU need examples?












That was the example.

[GennGreymane]

I really don't get how it's self awareness, when 90% of the posters here are passive aggressive. And who woulda thunk, that a bunch of forums nerds would be passive aggressive anyways! The audacity of some people!

he admits it though. I appreciate. Many here would never admit to doing anything they are doing.

[Ghostpanther]

In "real life" I would say it's very easy: avoid those people if you don't like it (and why would you like it, unless YOU are those people).

In cases where you're stuck with them, for example at the workplace you could still do your best to avoid them, but if their behavior would still hamper the work environment the best you can do is address management. Or if you are the manager - please do not let passive aggressive attitudes brew, everyone will be thankful.

But since we're on an MMO website and in context of in-guild relations and from the perspective of someone who's been in guild management for ten years, what I can say about passive aggressive behavior is that it is an incurable type of attitude and should be met with zero tolerance - in the interest of the entire guild.

I have spent many (MANY) hours over the years in profound conversations with passive aggressive people about everything they may not be okay with it and how to remedy that. I've concluded it's been pointless, I learned to quickly recognize and end that behavior before they continue damaging the guild atmosphere and people's moods. If it's been an isolated case of annoyance, which happens when playing online, and it doesn't define how a person behaves normally and they put efforts in fixing the situation (apologize, talk honestly), then that can be worked with, we are all people. If not the person will have to find a guild that has more relaxed tolerance on toxic behaviors.

All being said - do not become part of it, do not tolerate it, face it with resilience and decisiveness.

This. I am not going to accept someone is my friend who acts like that towards me. Friends do not treat each other that way.