Is it ever ok to tell your friend they shouldn't get engaged?

[Gamdwelf]

Have a friend who just got engaged today and I honestly wanted to tell him not to propose when he showed us the ring but I kept my mouth shut.

Him and his now fiance basically fight all the time and he gives up all of his time for her. Like he will stopp anything the cares about doing to do what she likes to do while she doesn't really do the same for him.

Its not the worst relationship I've ever seen, but its up there.

IS it ever ok to be real with a friend about their relationship?

[Shelly]

Have a friend who just got engaged today and I honestly wanted to tell him not to propose when he showed us the ring but I kept my mouth shut.

Him and his now fiance basically fight all the time and he gives up all of his time for her. Like he will stopp anything the cares about doing to do what she likes to do while she doesn't really do the same for him.

Its not the worst relationship I've ever seen, but its up there.

IS it ever ok to be real with a friend about their relationship?

Yes, but you missed your chance. You should have said something well beforehand.

[kasuke06]

that sounds like a bad relationship and you should have said something.

[zlygork]

Yeah, sounds like a toxic relationship. If you honestly have reasons to believe your friend's relationship is abusive/toxic, you start subtly suggesting it as early as possible. A head on confrontation before the person expresses any doubts generally doesn't end well, but few people lose it if you start by tiny comment. As the poster above said though, good luck now. The best you can do is be there when everything goes to shit and take advantage if you see a serious opportunity at some point before the marriage.

[vindicatorx]

Told my brother not to get engaged to his now ex-wife, told 2 of my other friends not to marry either none listened. If you are ok with not being friends anymore then sure tell him. But, I doubt he listens to you. People in love are blind to the truth of things..

[Celista]

If you feel like you should say something, then say your piece. Doesn't matter what the reason is, as long as you aren't being a dick about it then I would be very surprised if your buddy held it against you. Just be like, "I feel like I need to say this" and say it, and let him know you said it because you care about him and don't want to see him get hurt.

Then leave it at that. Don't drag it out and don't bring it up again, unless he does.

Know that you're probably not going to change his mind and you probably don't know the full context of their relationship (is she the one causing drama, or is he contributing to it?). But you'll feel better letting him know what you think, and you'll probably give him some food for thought, even if he decides to ignore your advice.

[Torto]

Some painful lessons in life can only be learned by living them. Your friend is about learn a very painful lesson that will cost him very dearly and there is nothing you can do about it.

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that sounds like a bad relationship and you should have said something.

Have you ever known a guy to break up a relationship based on the advice of his friends?

[Bathory]

I'd rather my friends be honest with me than lie to me, especially if it's to my own detriment.

Giving up his time isn't necessarily a bad thing so it's hard to gauge whether or not you should intervene. I'm sure there's more to the relationship that you don't see, but at the same time, if your friend is miserable, if he's not ok with spending that time but does it anyway, then yeah maybe speak up.

You don't have to run in and go "STOP THE WEDDING" but have a sit down and just talk to him. See how HE feels about it. If he gives you a padded answer, press him. Make him share his real feelings. Give him the moment of outreach that he may be looking for. Marriage does have to potential for change, but more times than not, it'll exaggerate the flaws and leave both people burned.

Regardless of answer, you opened up the discussion, the next step is on him. BUT if it goes south, hopefully he'll remember who gave him a moment to speak freely.

[Cosmic Janitor]

Don't ever engage in the relationships of other people. Pretend to listen, just never actually do anything or voice something. No matter how it ends,it usually comes back to bite you in the ass. People have no ability to reflect on themselves and hitting them with the stick of truth does usually not cause them to receive sudden enlightenment.

[BananaHandsB]

You think saying something would have made a difference? Let's be real. Guys in these toxic relationship have had their weak minds blinded by puss and have likely been told similar things by a million other ppl. If he hasn't realized what you have by now, he's not going to. All it would have done is distance you from your friend and made him secretly resent you, even if he did end up calling it off. Let him live out the fate of his choosing. Sometimes people need to learn the hard way. People love to say they want the truth, but most people can't handle the truth.

[Granyala]

I do not understand why people get into such relationships to begin with.
Don't they see how it is and don't they perform simple extrapolations on how it will turn out?

[truckboattruck]

absolutely, men give up on life alllll the time and marry a fat chick
its your duty to prevent one from self harm

[Cosmic Janitor]

If you feel like you should say something, then say your piece. Doesn't matter what the reason is, as long as you aren't being a dick about it then I would be very surprised if your buddy held it against you. [...]

The issue is usually not the friend hating him, it's usually that he will let something slip to the girl, he makes the mistake anyway and then you have to live with the soured relationship because "you tried to break them up" and she starts bullshitting against you.

[Alvito]

If you aren't willing to tell the people you care about hard truths then you don't really care about them.

[BananaHandsB]

If you aren't willing to tell the people you care about hard truths then you don't really care about them.

This is untrue on many levels. Do you go around telling everyone they're fat, stupid, weak-minded, etc when they are? Hopefully not. Some things are best left unsaid. You can care about someone and also accept their faults and often the fruitlessness of pointing them out.

[Granyala]

This is untrue on many levels. Do you go around telling everyone they're fat, stupid, weak-minded, etc when they are? Hopefully not. Some things are best left unsaid.

I don't care about everyone.
I definitely would express concerns to my friend no matter what. He is my friend for 20 years now, we trust each other.

[BananaHandsB]

I don't care about everyone.
I definitely would express concerns to my friend no matter what. He is my friend for 20 years now, we trust each other.

Read the quote i was responding to. I didn't mean "everyone" as in everyone you interact with.

[Cosmic Janitor]

I don't care about everyone.
I definitely would express concerns to my friend no matter what. He is my friend for 20 years now, we trust each other.

Well, then I hope you will never find out how miserably you would fail by doing so.

[Granyala]

Read the quote i was responding to.

If you aren't willing to tell the people you care about hard truths then you don't really care about them.

I have. Have you?

[Alvito]

This is untrue on many levels. Do you go around telling everyone they're fat, stupid, weak-minded, etc when they are? Hopefully not. Some things are best left unsaid. You can care about someone and also accept their faults and often the fruitlessness of pointing them out.

If it has to do with them making a choice or doing something that is very difficult or in some cases impossible to undo yes. Pointing out valid issues is much different then calling somebody fat. I have actually been in the position of the OP. My best friend asked me to be his best man for a horrible wretch of a woman. I told him what I had to say. I let him know I supported him either way, but I had to say what needed to be said. Sadly they got married and divorced 3 years later when she took half his shit after not working those 3 years. My biggest regret is I didn't make a stronger case sooner.