Is this parenting set up common?

[Tennis]

I was reading the newspaper and came across this.

I’m a single mom with two kids, each from a different father. Both those men have other children with two other women each.

Neither man is well off but they both help me a little financially with the kids. Every once in a while, one or the other will show up at “home” with me.

This setup is pretty common in my background culture. But for those who didn’t grow up with it — many of my colleagues and friends — it’s not common.

The more I’m part of a different North American culture, the more I question this arrangement.

I want to have, and feel that I deserve, a partner for life.

How do I find someone who’ll understand my culture but like me, wants something different for his life?

________

Be very thoughtful if considering a major cultural change for you and your children.

It may be the lifestyle all around you but your children know who their fathers are and presumably accept that they’re only around occasionally. It’s what you formerly accepted, too.

It’s understandable that now, amongst people who appear to have or expect long-term live-in partners, and don’t accept other cultural norms, you question your current lifestyle.

But the reality is that divorce and serial relationships are common in the larger culture.

To seek a “life” partner, you’ll have to take the same risks of dating that others face — meeting men through your personal network, interest groups, online, etc.

You’ll need to hope they have no issue with your previous short-term partners’ easy access to their kids (and rethink the dads’ stay-overs).

And help your children’s adjustment to a new lifestyle at home that still respects the culture of which you and they are still a part.

Is all this is possible? YES, of course.

It won’t happen overnight, and you still have to make sure a man you think is The One, is trustworthy, respectful, kind to your children, etc.

There’s no shame in being a single mom, working, and raising children mostly on your own. But there is some loneliness and uncertainty.

Still, don’t trade it for a wish. Make sure the partner you choose is the right man for you, whatever his culture.

I don't know anyone with such an arrangement yet she says it is common?. How does that even happen? Not to mention raising 2 kids who have different dads on their own?

Why would such a set up be common? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a stable 2 parent family?

[Deleted]

In today's depraved society, yes.

[Deleted]

she says it is common

She says it's common "in her background culture." Out of context.

[Deleted]

Dat bait hahaha nice try but no one's taking it.

What bait? Single mother with two kids from two men? Disgusting indecency.

[Nynax]

I was reading the newspaper and came across this.



I don't know anyone with such an arrangement yet she says it is common?. How does that even happen? Not to mention raising 2 kids who have different dads on their own?

Why would such a set up be common? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a stable 2 parent family?

if you grew up in a reasonably affluent family, or a family that at least wasnt struggling socioeconomically, you are unlikely to have experienced these family structures.

If however you grew up exceptionally poor, in an exceptionally poor community around other poor people (basically the ghetto)...then you'd know exactly what she's talking about.

[Deleted]

I dont really understand the article. What culture do they mean exactly?

And im lower social-economical classes, single moms with multiple children from different fathers isnt uncommon. These people make all sorts of bad life decissions.

[Tennis]

I dont really understand the article. What culture do they mean exactly?

And im lower social-economical classes, single moms with multiple children from different fathers isnt uncommon. These people make all sorts of bad life decissions.

That's what I'm trying to figure out. Which culture promotes this activity?

[Independent voter]

I think among really poor people it's always been common.

[Deleted]

That's what I'm trying to figure out. Which culture promotes this activity?

Well, perhaps you should contact this "Ellie" at the Toronto Star - that's whose article (or blog post) you've quoted, after all - by sending her a tweet or something. Maybe she can give you those answers.

[Spectral]

I want to have, and feel that I deserve, a partner for life.

Perhaps she should have considered this prior to getting knocked up by a couple degenerates. There aren't very many good men that are interested in raising other people's kids.

[Deleted]

I was reading the newspaper and came across this.



I don't know anyone with such an arrangement yet she says it is common?. How does that even happen? Not to mention raising 2 kids who have different dads on their own?

Why would such a set up be common? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a stable 2 parent family?

Did you even read your own article?

[Fencers]

I don't know what culture the woman in the article comes from in which this practice is common. But many modern women with multiple children from different fathers do have the fathers assist if all are on good terms.

My cousin has two kids, different fathers. Both fathers visit the children and go to outings together. That is to say, her, her two baby daddy's and her boyfriend. All of 'em at Six Flags or Disney together.

A girlfriend of mine has three kids, different fathers each. One dided. The remaining two are on friendly terms with each other and her. Occasionally they stay over for a week or so and chill with her and the kids. She kinda has two DWBs (Daddy with benefits). Seems to work well for all three. I met both guys and they are very agreeable, standup dudes. She's a real estate broker.

[slime]

Where the ultr-cool terms baby momma and baby daddy come from. Personally I hope those kids grow up to be fucked up members of society and she never meets anyone and rots away like the pile of shit she is and all people like her.

[Twix]

Probably "black" culture

[Deleted]

Where the ultr-cool terms baby momma and baby daddy come from. Personally I hope those kids grow up to be fucked up members of society and she never meets anyone and rots away like the pile of shit she is and all people like her.

Edgy or perhaps sour

[Vash The Stampede]

Perhaps she should have considered this prior to getting knocked up by a couple degenerates. There aren't very many good men that are interested in raising other people's kids.

Exactly. I know a few people where I live that have this situation. One woman has a baby with a man that had babies with many other woman. Ten years later he was found floating dead off the shore of Florida, where they found him with a ton of alcohol in his system. She's in a relationship with another guy who doesn't want to get too involved with her, mainly cause he wants to have his own children and she's not interested. She already has this one child after all.

Point is don't have children with people that aren't into you. You'll be left alone with a child you're supporting on your own. Condoms are important people.

[Sunseeker]

I'm fairly curious what her "background" culture is here. The article seems to lose a lot of context.

Okay she's seemed to work things out with having two different dads who sometimes want to play daddy and sometimes just want to send some dough. Good for her I guess. I don't think it's very common in my area, people are pretty traditional around here.

[chazus]

A lot of people say that divorce is bad for kids, and they should just 'stick it out for the kids'. You know what's awful? Growing up with miserable parents. That does a lot more damage than separate, happy ones (or at least not mad).

It's not uncommon at all, really. Sometimes relationships just don't work out, or people DO stay so long together because they hope it will just 'fix itself'. I grew up bouncing between my parents every other week and thought it was normal and fine. I think I would have much rather that, than them yelling at eachother.

[Dys]

She's a slick ho.

[Doctor Amadeus]

I was reading the newspaper and came across this.



I don't know anyone with such an arrangement yet she says it is common?. How does that even happen? Not to mention raising 2 kids who have different dads on their own?

Why would such a set up be common? Wouldn't it make more sense to have a stable 2 parent family?

I am going to say lack of education and probably over all I.Q or intelligent, not that people with higher I.Q's wont do stupid things. Or that having two fathers one mother has to be stupid.

I would say the lack of sex ed or contraception could be a real issue also.

But yeah gay or straight I think a two parent set up is the best, mostly because a kid can be a lot of responsibility, I mean a person can do it but regardless to wealth, there needs to be actual parenting.

I would also say things could be better if as a society we were smarter too, that education for everyone including adults after they have had children would be good too. Especially single parent homes.

- - - Updated - - -

A lot of people say that divorce is bad for kids, and they should just 'stick it out for the kids'. You know what's awful? Growing up with miserable parents. That does a lot more damage than separate, happy ones (or at least not mad).

It's not uncommon at all, really. Sometimes relationships just don't work out, or people DO stay so long together because they hope it will just 'fix itself'. I grew up bouncing between my parents every other week and thought it was normal and fine. I think I would have much rather that, than them yelling at eachother.

Yeah, I think I am in that first part you talked about, having a kids get married and if it doesn't work try to make it work, and getting a vasectomy. I think the worst is just having kids with multiple partners is probably the worst.