Online Dating, I forgot!

[Thoughtcrime]

Hell, I have women message me just to start shit over my profile because I state that I'm not into big girls.

All I want is someone honest...but not that honest...because then you're just a shallow prick who should get to know me for my personality...which is proving to be pretty awful based on the way I'm attacking you. Read the vague and pseudo-profound internet memes that make up the half of my photos that aren't high angle shots and really get to know me!

[TheLimonTree]

It would be swell if I could stop the people who have an asian fetish from messaging me.

I'm sure getting lots of attention can get annoying, but belittling people for having a preference is a bit shallow.

[Freighter]

I'm sure getting lots of attention can get annoying, but belittling people for having a preference is a bit shallow.

Fetish is not preference.

[TheLimonTree]

Fetish is not preference.

Fetish is just a stronger word for preference.

[Freighter]

Fetish is just a stronger word for preference.

Hahaha, no.

[TheLimonTree]

Hahaha, no.

Then care to explain the difference? You prefer your dates to be blonde, you have a blonde fetish. how are those different?

[shadowmouse]

Fetish is just a stronger word for preference.

Odd how you say that but "It would be swell if" is belittling someone rather than expressing a preference. Good going!

[TheLimonTree]

Odd how you say that but "It would be swell if" is belittling someone rather than expressing a preference. Good going!

I think you're confusing me with someone else, I've literally never said "it would be swell if"

[Mistame]

All I want is someone honest...but not that honest...because then you're just a shallow prick who should get to know me for my personality...which is proving to be pretty awful based on the way I'm attacking you. Read the vague and pseudo-profound internet memes that make up the half of my photos that aren't high angle shots and really get to know me!

Well said.

[shadowmouse]

I think you're confusing me with someone else, I've literally never said "it would be swell if"

Disingenuous at best, reread post 534.

As for the difference between preference and fetish, it is similar to the difference between liking a good drink and being an alcoholic. At one point 80% of my students were college age Asian females and I've spent days worth of time talking to young women who encountered the creepy stalker types either on one of Beijing's subways, while out and about in a tourist heavy area, while abroad, or just online. Preference is that I like red heads. Fetish would be that past that to seeking out red heads and going on obsessively about their red hair, if I went on about the personality traits that I think are linked to being red headed, that if I ever got a date with a red head it seemed more like I was there to date her hair and be seen with it than to date her, and if we ended up having sex I kept bringing up her red hair and it became a major focus of our sex.

Now, some people at some point may get into that. Where I am, I'm on the opposite side of the coin and I'm a fetish. I get passed phone numbers on the subway. If I'm dating a Chinese woman and she likes my looks or the fact that I have (for them) strangely colored and fascinating eyes, it doesn't faze me. Thanks though, if I'm on the subway, obviously wearing jewelry meant to show I'm in a relationship, mention that I'm in a relationship, and have my fiancee's picture as the unlock screen on my phone -- I'm not looking for a date no matter how charming and exotic I am considered to be. My fiancee has been quietly upgrading my wardrobe and I realized that in part I've fallen into the habit of dressing down to avoid some of the unwanted attention.

From being on the receiving end -- there's the difference for you.

[TheLimonTree]

Disingenuous at best, reread post 534.

As for the difference between preference and fetish, it is similar to the difference between liking a good drink and being an alcoholic. At one point 80% of my students were college age Asian females and I've spent days worth of time talking to young women who encountered the creepy stalker types either on one of Beijing's subways, while out and about in a tourist heavy area, while abroad, or just online. Preference is that I like red heads. Fetish would be that past that to seeking out red heads and going on obsessively about their red hair, if I went on about the personality traits that I think are linked to being red headed, that if I ever got a date with a red head it seemed more like I was there to date her hair and be seen with it than to date her, and if we ended up having sex I kept bringing up her red hair and it became a major focus of our sex.

Now, some people at some point may get into that. Where I am, I'm on the opposite side of the coin and I'm a fetish. I get passed phone numbers on the subway. If I'm dating a Chinese woman and she likes my looks or the fact that I have (for them) strangely colored and fascinating eyes, it doesn't faze me. Thanks though, if I'm on the subway, obviously wearing jewelry meant to show I'm in a relationship, mention that I'm in a relationship, and have my fiancee's picture as the unlock screen on my phone -- I'm not looking for a date no matter how charming and exotic I am considered to be. My fiancee has been quietly upgrading my wardrobe and I realized that in part I've fallen into the habit of dressing down to avoid some of the unwanted attention.

From being on the receiving end -- there's the difference for you.

Well I'm sorry you've experienced such acts, but the problem sounds like people not knowing boundaries rather than what they like. The degree you like something doesn't determine if you're a creepy jerk.

As for that post you clearly didn't read it properly if you think my issue was her wording rather than the reasoning.

[shadowmouse]

As for that post you clearly didn't read it properly if you think my issue was her wording rather than the reasoning.

Write better. You replied with a quote. The words you quoted were specific, let me refresh your memory:

It would be swell if I could stop the people who have an asian fetish from messaging me.

Now, let's go to the post you quoted, I'll quote the whole post:

It would be swell if I could stop the people who have an asian fetish from messaging me.

That's it, her only statement at that point was to say "it would be swell if" and you come off and say:

I'm sure getting lots of attention can get annoying, but belittling people for having a preference is a bit shallow.

As I said, your claims are at best disingenuous. Her reasoning as expressed in that post and the quote you used in your reply was "it would be swell if". You did not address her reasoning, you dismissed her own preference as belittling people.

[Freighter]

Well I'm sorry you've experienced such acts, but the problem sounds like people not knowing boundaries rather than what they like. The degree you like something doesn't determine if you're a creepy jerk.

As for that post you clearly didn't read it properly if you think my issue was her wording rather than the reasoning.

Yeah, I'm a horrible person for not wanting to deal with those who fetishize me.

[TheLimonTree]

Yeah, I'm a horrible person for not wanting to deal with those who fetishize me.

No, you're shallow for assuming that someone who finds a certain aspect of you attractive is an automatic creeper and only wants you for that.

- - - Updated - - -

That's it, her only statement at that point was to say "it would be swell if" and you come off and say:



As I said, your claims are at best disingenuous. Her reasoning as expressed in that post and the quote you used in your reply was "it would be swell if". You did not address her reasoning, you dismissed her own preference as belittling people.

No, her statement was not just that. She was saying people who like asians aren't worth her time. Dismissing a person over that and only that is shallow. "it would be swell if" is not reasoning, there is no context or thought to it.

[shadowmouse]

No, her statement was not just that. She was saying people who like asians aren't worth her time.

Wishful thinking. She didn't say anything about people who like Asians, and she actually didn't even say that people who simply like Asians weren't worth her time. She said it would be swell if people who fetishize Asians could be blocked from messaging her.

Again, I'm a fetish myself. How do I get the impression someone is just out for the thrill? They don't talk like a person who is interested in me, they go on about how my skin and eyes look instead and they're usually directly sexual about it. I'm not even an attractive woman, I'm an old guy on the subway; however, there is a shortage of women on the dating scene and it is assumed that I should just be willing to jump in the sack with them right away because they're 20 some years younger.

She expressed a preference, anything more is something you're projecting onto her.

[Freighter]

No, you're shallow for assuming that someone who finds a certain aspect of you attractive is an automatic creeper and only wants you for that.

I have done no such thing.

[TyrannicalPuppy]

I pretty much love online dating indeed. I have used Tinder and a dating service so far. Oh, also, I tried OkCupid but it did not work nicely for me... Anyway, using that dating website I mentioned is really very fun and interesting, I have to say. I have met a couple of very lovely and nice girls from there and I think I am going to have something more with one of them soon

Nobody wants to know.

[Megitsune]

There's this, and worse. A lot of my female friends get disgusting abuse hurled at them when they are just being polite and nice but say they're not interested to jobless fatsos that live with their parents. Or they then get bombarded with desperately needy whining because they replied, so they MUST have some interest.

Yep I've gotten that too, it's sad how people act.

[Deleted]

Nobody wants to know.

Shut it you!

His post read like a badly written twilight fanfic, something more eh...

[Thoughtcrime]

Yep I've gotten that too, it's sad how people act.

This is why it always makes me laugh when people say that women have it easier because for both sexes the only unifying theme of online dating is that overall it really sucks, just in different ways. No many people are really having fun with it, that only comes when you meet real people in the real world.

As I've said earlier in the thread; compared to my social circle I've had a good amount of success from it. I've had a bunch of short term and a couple of long term relationships, including the one I'm in now from online dating so I'm never going to say it's a waste of time because even one of those relationships made the time I spent worthwhile. But I always want to get away from the "online" part of dating as quickly as possible because the whole thing is intolerable.