There's a lot to unpack here. I am maybe not the best person to empathize with that desire to be normal and act like everything is normal. To be clear, I don't live in fear, but I do consciously think about things like, "If I get in this car I am multiplying my odds of dying today by 16.25." For me that's just a matter of fact analogous to the weather. That's just how I think about the world.
This is an unfortunate truth of life. Sometimes you make all the right moves and still lose. For my own part, I would never go up to a woman that had just been raped and tell her that she should have done xyz. Anyone that has a basic level of social cognition knows that is probably not a good ideaThe problem really comes down to: if a woman knows kung-fu and gets raped, should she have learned more than one martial art? If a woman who owns a pistol gets raped (while the pistol is in her possession) should she have owned an AR-15? If a woman who knows kung-fu and is an ex-marine with guns a civilian can only dream of gets raped while wearing a spiked chastity belt...guess what's going to happen? People are going to say her titties were too pretty. That her pants were too tight. That her gun wasn't big enough.
As an individual, I don't really care what society tells me. I'll take the advice I think is good and discard the rest. I know of no other way to live.When you, as an individual are faced with a society who thinks nothing you do is ever enough, why do it their way? It's like the parent who never thinks you're good enough. Eventually you just have to tell them to go fuck themselves.