Do you believe in divorce, and do you become property of in your marriage?

[jackofwind]

Oh yes they do, and there are some shining examples right here on these forums for the kinds of dumb things to expect from a long term relationship, with anyone for that matter. Many people would make SHITTY friends let alone life long partners in a committed relationship.

Source? Your personal opinions and beliefs are meaningless when you present them as facts.

The divorce rate. Google is your friend.

The divorce rate only proves that many people get divorced, it has nothing to say about whether the reasons are valid or not. So once again, give us your sources that back up your claims.

Yeah well if you have foggy ideas about marriage I am not surprised by this response. I understand times have changed, and I accept that but, none the less I am a caveman and possessive in this situation, and I do agree with this tradition and it's spirit.

By the way the law already recognizes part of marriage as it pertains to ownership

Not ownership of the other person. Honestly, not hard to understand - you don't own someone because you've married them. Not legally, not socially - at least not in the West. Go live in a sharia law-governed country, you seem to be in agreement with their ideals surrounding marriage. Good thing everyone knows how fantastic and successful marriage as an institution is in those countries. Being "a caveman" isn't a positive thing, and no self-respecting person should ever want to be with someone who holds that opinion - that's textbook signs of the start of an abusive relationship.

I don't have foggy ideas about marriage. I'm happily married, I understand everything that it entails and I went into it willingly and knowingly. You're the one who comes across as desperately insecure, needing to own your partner instead of being able to trust them to stay with you. That's a great basis to built a shitty relationship, a shitty marriage, and a shitty life. Enjoy it I guess, but just remember that you're a proponent of not being able to ever leave it.

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No union that will make someone else "own" me. I'm not property, nor should any human being be. Anyone who's embracing this concept that humans can become property of another is a sociopathic control freak, no less!

Exactly. OP is essentially Xe'ra talking about marriage.

[Celista]

In this current day and age, marriage is such a rough topic. Because people do want to find -the one- perfect for them.

There's no such thing really.

There are people that are a better temperament fit than others, for a given point in time. Sometimes people grow together for a lifetime by sharing a life together. Other couples grow apart. Other times, one person does something shitty, and the relationship screeches to a traumatic halt.

Not being pessimistic but using language such as "the one" is kinda cringe due to its inherent naiveté.

[Logwyn]

There's no such thing really.

There are people that are a better temperament fit than others, for a given point in time. Sometimes people grow together for a lifetime by sharing a life together. Other couples grow apart. Other times, one person does something shitty, and the relationship screeches to a traumatic halt.

Not being pessimistic but using language such as "the one" is kinda cringe due to its inherent naiveté.

As for the perfect person not existing.. You are wrong. I found her and she's sitting next to me right now. She feels the same about me.

I'll tell you the same thing in 10-20-30-40-N years from now.

[mrsohta]

My parents divorced when I was 8, it fucked up many things to be honest and caused a lot of bad things afterwards but I doubt it would be any better if they didn't divorce. It is better to just divorce if it's not working in my opinion.

[ro9ue]

I just view marriage as a legal arraignment to help facilitate creating a family. You make babies together, share resources, and share responsibility for one another. I don't hold it sacred by any means so divorce would just be a dissolution of that arraignment.

I dunno, I have a hard time with feelings and emotions so I guess I view those things a lot colder than most people would.

[BuckSparkles]

There's no such thing really.

There are people that are a better temperament fit than others, for a given point in time. Sometimes people grow together for a lifetime by sharing a life together. Other couples grow apart. Other times, one person does something shitty, and the relationship screeches to a traumatic halt.

Not being pessimistic but using language such as "the one" is kinda cringe due to its inherent naiveté.

^ This. Nobody is a perfect match.

I would even say any potential SO is replaceable.

[Independent voter]

When I tell her to do things she flips me off.

[Tiwack]

I see a copious amount of virtue signaling in this thread. Using the word property in the context of your spouse is less than appropriate in the terms of a healthy relationship.
It's just brain chemistry in the end anyway. You do you. There'll always be another bus and girl around so no reason to fret.

First you hold close, then you hold out and then you hold on. -> Most marriages without a divorce in a nutshell.

[Celista]

As for the perfect person not existing.. You are wrong. I found her and she's sitting next to me right now. She feels the same about me.

I'll tell you the same thing in 10-20-30-40-N years from now.

Sorry but no one's perfect. If you think so then you're either in the early stages of a relationship or you're putting her on a pedestal (or both).

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First you hold close, then you hold out and then you hold on. -> Most marriages without a divorce in a nutshell.

Not sure what the hold out part is referencing but long term relationships are definitely a conscious decision by both partners to hold on. So definitely agree with that part.

[Zafire]

I voted yes/no, because I think divorce should be an option and I don't think anyone is "property". Could write a lengthy assessment but several people have covered it already.

I WILL say I think marriage is turning into something stupid. I have read interviews of people in their 50s going on their 15th marriage. That's ridiculous. They're allowed to say vows they've broken 10 times already? What are the point of vows at this point? Marriage has devolved into this children's game that adults play, and it's disgusting.

I have met several women now who have said they would dump the guy they were with if the guy had no intention of getting married, or wanted to wait a decade before getting married. It's as if getting married is more important than their qualities as a person. I know people that are "married" but actually not together anymore, they just can't pay for the divorce. They live 1000 miles apart and never speak to each other. Is that to say their relationship is more powerful than mine because they're "married" and I'm not? The more and more I look at it, the more stupid I think marriage is.

I have always felt there should be some kind of penalty for getting divorced more than once. If you've proven that you use marriage as feel-good tool, maybe the government should stop recognizing your "union". Maybe put it on a probation type system, where after you commit to getting divorced the second time, there is window where you can't get married again. Maybe after a while, people will start to consider their decisions before deciding to get high on dopamine.

[Logwyn]

Sorry but no one's perfect. If you think so then you're either in the early stages of a relationship or you're putting her on a pedestal (or both).

Perfect for me. Perfect for us. That's what counts.

[Seirith]

People marry for stupid things that don't last in the long run, people get married because of cute ideas rather than wanting to be responsible of committed to someone or anybody or anything.

It's fine not to want to get married, but the fact the state still sanctions that shit, I disagree with it being the no big deal that it's treated despite what people claim, Otherwise divorce wouldn't be as high as it is.

What is a "cute idea"? I have never heard of anyone getting married for a "cute idea"

[Doctor Amadeus]

What is a "cute idea"? I have never heard of anyone getting married for a "cute idea"

How old are you and where do you live? You know for science.

[Seirith]

Divorce happens. When you have no kids, it's whatever. Go for it.

But when you have kids, divorce becomes one of the most selfish things in existence, next to suicide. It tears apart families and has a negative impact one way or another on the kids.

And I am not sure what you mean by "property." No human is property.

My cousin was never married but she and her ex have a son together. Their child is now 5 and an incredibly smart, very happy young man. She has now married someone else and so has her ex. She and her ex work hard to parent their child together, they are both in his life and they are both very good parents. He loves both his step parents and his new half sister.

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How old are you and where do you live? You know for science.

I'm 34 and I live in NY...Not sure what they has to do with anything...

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To answer the OP, sometimes divorce is the best option, 2 miserable people will not make good parents. It's sad it happens but it does. People should choose carefully before marrying someone and ensure they have been together long enough to truly know that person but that being said people do change.

I do not think your spouse becomes property. I do not own my husband in any way, he is a human not an object. He can make his own decisions.

[Doctor Amadeus]

My cousin was never married but she and her ex have a son together. Their child is now 5 and an incredibly smart, very happy young man. She has now married someone else and so has her ex. She and her ex work hard to parent their child together, they are both in his life and they are both very good parents. He loves both his step parents and his new half sister.
To answer the OP, sometimes divorce is the best option, 2 miserable people will not make good parents. It's sad it happens but it does. People should choose carefully before marrying someone and ensure they have been together long enough to truly know that person but that being said people do change.

I do not think your spouse becomes property. I do not own my husband in any way, he is a human not an object. He can make his own decisions.

That's ok Andy, I was sort of joking can I call you Andy, your name is Andy isn't?

You live in New York and you are 34 never met anyone who married because they thought it was cute. Well Andy you have managed to live your life in the company of some pretty special people, because me although I manage to keep away from these special types of people.

I would have to admit I've known some and bump into them occasionally in generally society, and by occasionally I mean all the time.


ANYWAYS!

I agree with everything you said here in this quote for the most part, I especially like your reasons, you seem very civilized. However me I think I have some caveman genes and I happen to think marriage is one of the most serious things you'll do if you ever do in life.

So it should require a lot of thought before hand.

Because once they slip that ring on THEY ARE MINE!

[kasuke06]

Haha yes it is a legal process based on a law we made based on belief.

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How did that turn out?

According to the current edition of history: People are in fact, not property.

after the left gets done whitewashing: people were never property ever, at least in the US!

[schwarzkopf]

Belief is irrelevant - divorce exists.

Or do you mean agree with divorce?

Then yes, makes sense because the old married for life rules were when people were married for 20 years, and always had kids.

My sister is getting divorced because of an abusive husband - seems pretty cruel to force her to stay in that captivity.

[Xenyatta]

I used to never believe in divorce. I am not divorced but I've seen how 2 people who grew apart in different directions have a hard time meeting back in the middle again. I've seen how people change after getting married, change plans, change ideals, change personalities.

I have a friend whose husband was a wonderful man and one day he got hit by a car and had brain trauma. It changed his personality and he was a nightmare for her to live with and for the kids. He reduced her to tears often and berated the kids constantly. When 2 parents simply no longer get along, that stress takes its toll on the children WAY more than if they tried to stick it out.

My cousin in law and her husband fought like cats and dogs the kids had such introverted personalities because of the fighting. Finally she decided enough was enough and left and the kids flourished. They were SO much happier and admitted they hoped mommy and daddy got divorced.

I have a friend whose girlfriend at the time said she wanted kids and he wanted a family and were so happy and a few years later told him she had no interest in kids. She didn't want the responsibility and didn't want to be bothered with kids. Broke his heart and even after the bitch cheated on him, lost her job because of the cheating he still stayed with her but the idea of divorce is still on the table for the sole fact that he doesn't want to go through having to split everything.

I have another friend... his wife just moved to Indiana without asking him and said I'm going with or without you. He quit his job and moved. A little over a year later she took the kid and moved back to NY and left him in Indiana. I feel bad for the kid because he has no real friends in NY. They're all in Indiana and he only spends 3 months out of the year there.

Do I think divorce should be as commonplace as it is? No. But I do think it has it's place and sometimes it can help people better themselves or even better the children under the right circumstances.