When does flirting become sexual harassment?

[Deleted]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-41665049

A proclamation of sexual attraction. A hand resting on the knee. A flirty text message.

From the right person at the right time, they can make you feel great.

But from the wrong person or at the wrong time, an innuendo-laden text becomes creepy and an unwanted touch can make you feel uncomfortable and ashamed.

As the number of women making claims against Hollywood film producer Harvey Weinstein grows by the day, women around the world have spoken on social media about their experiences of sexual harassment under the #metoo Twitter hashtag.

Weinstein wielded great power, able to make or break his alleged victims' careers, but harassment can be just as damaging away from work.

In a global debate, the question of how we define sexual harassment is not altogether clear.

And that line between flirtation and harassment is a very fine - and often blurred - one.

So how do you ensure you stay on the right side of it?

If you want to meet someone, you have to flirt, says relationship expert James Preece.

But it's about doing it in the right environment, not when people are least expecting it, he says.

The problem is men can't always read the signals and assume all women are interested in them, while women can be huggy and tactile, and they'll say they're just being friendly, he says.

He advises his clients - men and women aged from 23 to 72 - to play it safe by flirting in a playful - not a sexual - way.

"Treat them like your mother at the first meeting," he says. "Be friendly and build up a rapport and trust."

At the end of the first date, he suggests a friendly hug or peck on the cheek.

If you get a second date, try touching them on a non-sexual body part - such as below the elbow or towards the small of the back, he says.

If they don't flinch, you can go in for the kiss.

When does flirting become sexual harassment?

When it's unwanted and persistent, says Sarah King, of Stuart Miller Solicitors.

Dating expert James believes it's when a man pushes things too far - whether through what he says or what he does - when a woman clearly doesn't want it.

Sea Ming Pak, who goes into London schools to teach young people about sex and relationships, reels off a long list of what she thinks constitutes sexual harassment: non-consensual touching; feeling entitled to someone else; talking in a certain way; chasing girls down the street in order to chat them up; wolf-whistling and using a position of power or trust to talk in a creepy way.

An interesting article, I only quoted part of the full article so recommend clicking the link

[Frolk]

Ugly/creepy guy = sexual harrasment

Handsome guy = flirting

[Vapo]

Apparently when the one receiving the flirts doesnt want it from the person doing it.

[Deleted]

When?

"Nice ass as always Sharon!"
*Slaps ass*

[Deleted]

Ugly/creepy guy = sexual harrasment

Handsome guy = flirting

Well if ugly guy/creepy guy can't take hints or ignores "not interested" which many are guilty of

[NicoWolf]

Ugly/creepy guy = sexual harrasment

Handsome guy = flirting

First rule of flirting: Be attractive.

Second rule of flirting: Don't be unattractive.

[Rooflesstoofless]

Ugly/creepy guy = sexual harrasment

Handsome guy = flirting

This is sadly true to an overwhelming degree.

[Mistame]

I mean, she answered the question already:

When it's unwanted and persistent

Harassment, by definition, refers to persistence. Too many people seem to think "unwanted/uncomfortable" is what makes it harassment.

[Deleted]

This is sadly true to an overwhelming degree.

Don't be creepy then

[Rooflesstoofless]

Well if ugly guy/creepy guy can't take hints or ignores "not interested" which many are guilty of

Yeah, they should already know ahead of time they don't have a chance with that girl and it's creepy to even try.

As someone who is tall and in shape and passably attractive by most standards I can tell you the hypocrisy is real. I could go up to a girl and say the same thing as a shorter dude and while I might get a phone number or a hookup the shorter dude is probably going to get labeled a 'creeper' even tho they are most like a much nicer person IRL than I am.

[Deleted]

Yeah, they should already know ahead of time they don't have a chance with that girl and it's creepy to even try.

As someone who is tall and in shape and passably attractive by most standards I can tell you the hypocrisy is real. I could go up to a girl and say the same thing as a shorter dude and while I might get a phone number or a hookup the shorter dude is probably going to get labeled a 'creeper' even tho they are most like a much nicer person IRL than I am.

It isn't hypocrisy it's rules of attraction - if you're not attracted you're not interested and if the person doesn't take that and continues then they're being creepy

[Eon Drache]

Don't be creepy then

You can be creepy for things completely out of your control these days. Height. Receding hair line. And I've been called creepy for being tall, skinny and having tired looking eyes.

[LoLcano]

Ugly/creepy guy = sexual harrasment

Handsome guy = flirting

+1
/thread

[digichi]

no matter the way you phrase it- as soon as the other person says 'no' persistently, and the other keeps going continuously, then its harrassment.

handsome guy turns into unattractive creepy dude real quick if theres no respect involved. yikes.

[Video Games]

When you whip it out, obvi.

[Deleted]

You can be creepy for things completely out of your control these days. Height. Receding hair line. And I've been called creepy for being tall, skinny and having tired looking eyes.

I suspect you was behaving creepy too or looking shifty

[Witchblade77]

Yeah, they should already know ahead of time they don't have a chance with that girl and it's creepy to even try.

As someone who is tall and in shape and passably attractive by most standards I can tell you the hypocrisy is real. I could go up to a girl and say the same thing as a shorter dude and while I might get a phone number or a hookup the shorter dude is probably going to get labeled a 'creeper' even tho they are most like a much nicer person IRL than I am.

bullshit. if you come up to a girl and she indicates disinterest and you move on? fine. but if you keep pushing despite disinterest? it doesn't matter if you are Brad Pitt in his prime, its STILL harassment.

[Mihalik]

1, No means no. It doesn't mean maybe, or later, or next time, or some other time, or try again. If you are a woman and you like playing games- STOP. If you said no to me once, it means no, and I'm not going to try again. Ever. (I have had cases where later I was told- I was just waiting for you to try harder!/I didn't wanna give in so easy!- Well sorry, but I'm not playing that game).

2, No physical touching unless there's mutual interest. If you can't read when a woman likes you enough for you to get touchy with her then it's 99.99% clear she DOESN'T want you to get touchy with her. Once again if she's playing games steer clear of her, because it's not fucking worth it. She'll grow up someday. Common' don't be an idiot.

3, Be professional and polite in every work setting. Keep things professional during work hours, even if there's attraction, even if you think she's SUPER INTO YOU. If you think that is the case, ask her out. Try this -Dinner and drinks someday, just the two of us? She knows what that means, if she says no politely, like -I'm unavailable, I'm busy, I've got other plans, etc. she's just being nice, it doesn't mean she wants you to try again. So just don't.

I really don't understand how the fuck can people not tell the fucking difference between flirting and harassment. Flirting is mutual. Harassment is unwanted.

[Deleted]

I experience it tons especially online - you make it clear you're not interested and they still keep messaging

[Tulune]

When the person receiving the advances makes it clear they are not interested, and the one flirting continues anyway. Although it also depends on what's being said, and if the person tried to advance physically.