Girl Scouts : Hugging relatives during the holidays violates consent

[LiiLoSNK]

So you think it's better acceptable for grandma to think "they obviously don't want me to hug them, but I'm gonna do it anyway because they're a kid and they don't have rights?"

My grandma was a very kind old lady who couldn't move around much, but was always trying to make other people happy. As a kid I wasn't able to realize how much she did for my family. I loved her, but she smelled funny and all the other younger boys/cousins would always snicker at whoever ended up being hugged, so it was embarrassing as a kid.

What amazing reasons to crush someone's feelings?

[Ghostpanther]

First off, I would not care what the girl scouts think of what is the correct social behavior for myself and kids. However, I would not force my children to hug any one. Encouraging ( suggesting ) them to, as a way to say thank you, I have no issues with ether.

[rayden54]

My grandma was a very kind old lady who couldn't move around much, but was always trying to make other people happy. As a kid I wasn't able to realize how much she did for my family. I loved her, but she smelled funny and all the other younger boys/cousins would always snicker at whoever ended up being hugged, so it was embarrassing as a kid.

What amazing reasons to crush someone's feelings?

And my grandpa was a child molester. Your point?

[Amerrol]

Bahaha, I see all the typical crazy SJWs are in force defending this shit. You people should not breed.

[Icechaosss]

Literally the point the Girl Scouts were making. But you're tripping over yourself so hard to be outraged about something you didn't even see that.

I disagree.

The article itself talks about the childs comfort zone. Which is completely agreeable. Don't see enough there about communication between parent and child.

"Plus, sadly, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter about consent early on can help her understand her rights, know when lines are being crossed, and when to go to you for help"

Is the main area of speaking about communication. I'm far from tripping over myself to be outraged. I just dislike the way things were phrased within the article.

[LiiLoSNK]

Yeah, obviously the only people who understand this could be people who were molested as a child.

What a fucking nonsense thing to say. No one is saying you have to tell them that. Why don't you actually read the article a few hundreds more times so you can understand it?

Oh sorry, not just people who were abused as kids, but also weak minded people who were broken from the start. I should have represented those guys who can't touch anyone without freaking out, but I forgot where I was posting for a moment. My bad.

[Underverse]

Pretty nonsense comparison there. What are the downfalls of forcing a kid to go to school?

You're violating their consent, thus engendering feelings of anger and distrust. How is it any different from telling them to hug grandma?

[Icechaosss]

Oh it's alt-righters at it again with defending pedophilia as "family values".

Wonder where I heard that from, oh wait, Roy Moore.

See, someone told me I was exaggerating saying I thought some things in this article were wrong with how my perception family works.

But my dude you jumped to Pedophilia. Like, you went from hugs to molestation.

Hoo boy.

[Wiyld]

Forcing your child to give grandma a hug is incorrect.

Telling them they MUST thank grandma for the gift by hugging her is incorrect.

That should be pretty obvious. The child really ought to thank grandma for the gift, allowing them some leeway in choice of how they go about thanking her is appropriate and also provides an opportunity to practice some independent decision making on the childs part.


All that incredibly obvious shit being said....

Suggesting a child go give grandma a hug and thank her for the gift is not only completely appropriate but is also constructive for the future. It is a moment of learning. This is the good touching, the moment of healthy intimacy against which the child will measure future touching and intimacy.

[LiiLoSNK]

And my grandpa was a child molester. Your point?

Very clearly made my point. Kids can be immature and not want to hug old people for childish reasons. If your parents recognize this and tell you to hug them anyways, it can result in the child gaining a healthy understanding of people's feelings.

Your parents/grandparents don't reflect the majority of families, as they were clearly fucked up monsters.

[Underverse]

See, someone told me I was exaggerating saying I thought some things in this article were wrong with how my perception family works.

But my dude you jumped to Pedophilia. Like, you went from hugs to molestation.

Hoo boy.

It's the go-to defense these days for claiming moral high ground. I wonder how long it'll last before people stop falling for it.

[Adam Jensen]

It isn't a stranger though. They are family members. You should love your family members and be close with them.

Why?

If I have an uncle who molests girls, then I'm not going to love him.

[Underverse]

Forcing your child to give grandma a hug is incorrect.

Telling them they MUST thank grandma for the gift by hugging her is incorrect.

That should be pretty obvious. The child really ought to thank grandma for the gift, allowing them some leeway in choice of how they go about thanking her is appropriate and also provides an opportunity to practice some independent decision making on the childs part.


All that incredibly obvious shit being said....

Suggesting a child go give grandma a hug and thank her for the gift is not only completely appropriate but is also constructive for the future. It is a moment of learning. This is the good touching, the moment of healthy intimacy against which the child will measure future touching and intimacy.

Yeah I agree, there's no real reason to force them to hug a family member. But they should be told that they should. You don't want to be raising autistic children, and lack of socialization is one cause.

[rayden54]

Very clearly made my point. Kids can be immature and not want to hug old people for childish reasons. If your parents recognize this and tell you to hug them anyways, it can result in the child gaining a healthy understanding of people's feelings.

Your parents/grandparents don't reflect the majority of families, as they were clearly fucked up monsters.

No. Immaturity is not recognizing that there can be reasons kids might not want to hug family members and that not everyone is lucky enough family as nice as yours.

[Underverse]

For one, it has zero to do with trust. Them getting angry is minimal to the benefits. I suppose it's better to ask, what are the benefits of forcing them to hug a family member they don't want to?

The downsides, as pointed out by the article, are that it makes them unable to realize they're allowed to set their own boundaries. Which is important for when they get older and don't always have supervision.

Ah, yes, that's the question everyone should be asking. Because this doesn't have anything at all to do with consent. It has to do with moral decisions. And sometimes moral decisions are not predicated on consent. As we see with the school example.

[PACOX]

The problem with this like this is that it takes away from more serious forms of sexual misconduct. Getting a kid to give and receive postive affection isn't misconduct, and sometimes is something that has be taught encouraged because kids are finicky without a cause. I remember when I was little I didn't want to hug my aunt because she had a skin tag on her arm. I was being a little shit about it too. This lady traveled across 5 states and was nothing but kind to me but I couldn't hug her because of a flap of a superficial flap of skin on her arm. My parents could've let me act like a shit, perhaps grow up into a person who turns his nose to people with visible imperfections or they could've made me stop being a little shit and hug my aunt.

I think the article could have done a better job of getting its point across without the sensationalism.

[kasuke06]

wow, okay so having friends is rape, loving your family is rape, being "too forward" in standard conversation is rape, being undesirable* in the morning is rape... Pretty soon we're going to run out of things to say are rape.

*If it's a woman finding a man undesirable, if it's a man who wakes up to "coyote ugly", then it's just a drunken mistake and he needs to hold his liquor better.

[rayden54]

wow, okay so having friends is rape, loving your family is rape, being "too forward" in standard conversation is rape, being undesirable* in the morning is rape... Pretty soon we're going to run out of things to say are rape.

*If it's a woman finding a man undesirable, if it's a man who wakes up to "coyote ugly", then it's just a drunken mistake and he needs to hold his liquor better.

Where are you people getting rape from?

[Wiyld]

"Plus, sadly, we know that some adults prey on children, and teaching your daughter about consent early on can help her understand her rights, know when lines are being crossed, and when to go to you for help"

Exactly...but i see it the other way around.


Some adults are pervs. So when My kid gets a gift, and I say 'hey give em a hug to thank them'. My kid learns that physical intimacy as a form of thank you ends with a hug. You are literally teaching them 'you want to show a person with whom you share a close relationship just how grateful you are with physical intimacy?? Ok, THIS is how its done'.

That way when uncle creepy gives them a piece of candy and then says 'hey, come down in the basement and thank me for that candy' The kid goes....'hmmm...this isn't what we did last time...this isn't how dad said this worked'.

[Izalla]

The Girl Scouts have released an article warning parents from “forcing” their children, daughters specifically, to hug their relatives. The article further elaborates that forcing your children to physically show signs of affection violates the child’s consent.



http://www.girlscouts.org/en/raising...s-consent.html

What are your opinions on the statement from the Girl Scouts? Do you agree that being told to hug/kiss family members violates a child’s consent or do you think this is further degradation of family values in the US?

As someone who this seriously affected as a kid, yes it did me great harm. I was so used to being forced let adults hug and kiss me that when an adult man started becoming inappropriate with me I honestly didn't clue in right away and when it did click that this was "bad touching" I couldn't do anything but freeze up and let him touch me, because he was an adult, and telling adults no is rude and bad behaviour. Forcing kids to let adults hug and kiss them even if they are uncomfortable with it (as I always was, I've never liked getting hugged or kissed by friends or family) just opens them up to being vulnerable to inappropriate touching and not being properly equipped to recognize or respond to it.

I can directly blame this for how I reacted when I was being molested as a kid, and I will never force my kids to let people hug and kiss them if they don't want them to.