Told my best friend I was in love with her..what now?

[melodramocracy]

Watch a Roy Moore speech to get her juices flowing, then seize the moment

Fixed.

/10char

[BuckSparkles]

Never experienced it myself.

Rite?

10char

[Alexeht]

Do not message her at all. If she reach you then just play game further, but never back out

Told her how I felt, and that if she didn't feel similarly that it was fine; I would just need alittle time to heal and that I still wanted to be her best friend. Unfortunately, it seems to have gone worse than I would have thought. She hasn't really talked to me since then, and said that she wasn't sure if she could still see me the same way. I am wrecked, to say the least. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I might lose someone really precious to me.

Just seeking some advice and maybe a kind word or two, especially from other girls who have had this happen to them. I'm not pushing her to respond in any way, but since she won't say anything about this I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling about this.

You just send her mixed message, women usually do not like when someone show them confidence to tell them such stuff and them back out into beta male territory. If you really wanted her you shouldn't show any doubts about it, no matter how she would react or if even you wouldn't talk with her ever again. You blew it, and now if you have any respect left for her then give her space, if she care about you at all she will get in touch.

[Nnyco]

you prolly went to the second worst place to ask for girl advice, with reddit being #1

readin some of the replys just proves me right, wtf is wrong with most of you people here geeeeeez

[Lionwoman]

I feel sorry for your situation as a person who had a similiar case once (roles inverted, me on your side in my case), but in my case things got to the right direction.
It is a diffult issue, yes it is. No one reacts in the same way, but I believe if you both want and believe to keep the friendship, it will happen. Maybe not right away, because there's a lot to think and the "status quo" is broken.
But I also think that if she truly is your friend she sould had empathized more with you, since it's not easy. And that was a kind of rude. But we don't know what she truly is thinking (since mind is not an ally and could start to built some paranoias, we all had done this at one point with one issue or another imo), and as I said, everyone is different and handles in a different way (sometimes, bad way).

------
also:

you prolly went to the second worst place to ask for girl advice, with reddit being #1

readin some of the replys just proves me right, wtf is wrong with most of you people here geeeeeez

[Wayward88]

Holy fucking creepballs, never knew how bad reading comprehension and general understanding of human emotion was on this site untill I read this thread.

You did EVERYTHING right, you said the truth, didnt keep it secret and told her that you just needed to get it of her chest, not expecting feelings in return.

As others have said, she is either processing this and giving you space, maybe she is worried that you will never be the same old friend that you were.
But give her time, a true friend will come back around. If she doesnt, then you know.

And to the people talking about friendzone shit, learn to read... This is so far from a friendzone situation, then again the way you are all objectifying women Im not suprised that you default to that misogynistic shit...

For future reference OP, if not for trolling... Dont ask for advice about women here, clearly that just leads to some really wierd fucking responses... Some that even scare me as a person.

Also, a moderator should probably lock this, as 80% of replies either skipped reading the OP or doesnt understand what it says on the basis that they think its a lie.

That's quite alright, I've been around online forums for a looong time now, and I don't get aggravated by the people who obviously didn't read or try to understand where I was coming from. Thank you for your words however, they are really appreciated.

Again, thanks to all those who gave some actual advice or encouragement. I didn't think this was going to be easy, and it obviously isn't, but hey props to anyone who'd share some compassion with someone in need

[Thagrynor]

sounds like you share the same creepiness if you had to write such a long comment to justify yourself to a stranger on the internet. women do not owe you anything sorry if women not sleeping with you just because you were good friends upsets your ego.

Have you ever actually interacted with someone of the opposite sex? Just curious, because you don't seem to understand how interpersonal relationships actually work. Or how humans work. I am not justifying anything. I am trying to understand how someone can be as dumb as you and manage to make a computer work. If anything, it sounds like your repeated cries of other people being a "creep" are projections of your own insecurities about what women have told you when you were rejected.

[Rexosaurus]

Yeah but guy bitching is different because you can relate unlike girl problems that you give 0 fcks about.

In my experience, guy bitching can be just as stupid and petty as girl bitching. Sure it's a slightly different flavor, but it's like nails on a chalkboard when a dude does it.

@Wayward88: Sorry to hear that bud. I'd say give her some time like some of the other people have said. It's probably not as bad as you're imagining it is, which I know can feel like a black hole sometimes. Just hang in there and stay strong with not pressuring her. If she doesn't reach out soon, then I'd say that it''s best to move on. In my experience it's best never to dwell, regardless of the situation, it'll only hurt you more. I ALSO realize that you probably won't listen to me, which I can't blame you for. I certainly never listened to my friends/brothers when they gave me good advice :P

Good luck to you though, I hope it works out how you want it to.

[Lionwoman]

So, you are lesbian?

They or me? as for me I am not.

[Eurytos]

Oh man, thats a tough break. Good luck, heartache is a bitch. Unrequited love, damn that shit hurts. I do beleive though, it is always better to say what you really feel than to keep it hidden. That took guts, but you can't make another person love you back. Sometimes it works, and its great, other times it doesnt work, and it hurts. You've got to take risks like that though, because if the other person truly feels the same way...its fantastic!

[Hellrime]

you prolly went to the second worst place to ask for girl advice, with reddit being #1

readin some of the replys just proves me right, wtf is wrong with most of you people here geeeeeez

It does seem odd. I would say a good 3/4 of the subscribers to this site haven't seen a woman naked in person, with 2/4s of them living in their mothers basement. It is a site primarily devoted to bitching about a video game.

[BuckSparkles]

It does seem odd. I would say a good 3/4 of the subscribers to this site haven't seen a woman naked in person, with 2/4s of them living in their mothers basement. It is a site primarily devoted to bitching about a video game.

And arguing about politics and reading Tennis threads.

[Dawnrage]

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I hope most of these answers are trolls, holy shit.

You did probably the best thing you could do in that situation OP. Hope things work out for you, and even if they don't, well it sucks to lose a good friend (regardless of gender) but what can ya do? Takes two to tango.

[Coombs]

Calling bullshit.

[Deleted]

if she isn't talking to you right now then let it go and move on with your life, without her that is. that may sound harsh, or easier said then done, but "you still wanting to be her best friend" is just not how it works, you just hurt yourself thinking like that, at this point you are not trying to be her best friend, you are trying to keep her happy by sacrificing your own happiness, and that will just end bad.

It's fine to say you need time for yourself, and afterwards reevaluate the situation, but you didn't do this, you told her flat out "hey, sorry i will feel bad for a time, but i totally will do everything so you don't feel bad and don't lose anything" that's at best making a promise you have in fact no idea you will be able to keep and 9 times out of 10 in reality won't be able to.

So harsh as it sounds, Act like she completly rejected you and doesn't want you in her life anymore and try to move on from this, maybe she will come around soon enough and tell you that in fact she does feel more about you, it's still possible, but waiting for this is only gonna hurt you, espacially cause most likely it won't happen, so move on, try to meet other girls, and if in a year or so you truly feel over her and you yourself still want to build a friendship with her then send her a message on facebook and ask to go out for a drink or whatever,

[jellmoo]

This is going to sound weird, but your ages play a huge part in this. Processing a declaration of love isn't easy, especially when it's something you experience for the first time. This is really hard for you, I know, but its also incredibly difficult for her as well. Try and keep that in perspective.

There's no right way to do this, it will vary greatly from person to person. The shitty part is that sometimes it costs you a friend. That's the reality of it. It can be incredibly difficult for somebody to do day to day things once that bottle has been opened. It took balls to admit it to her, so at least give yourself a pat on the back for that. This may not work out for you. Your love may be unfulfilled and you may have lost a friend. If that's her choice, try and respect it even if it's difficult.

Don't get hung up on it. Process your emotions, and move on. If you let it, it will eat you up. Give her the space she needs, and see where you go. If she still wants to be friends, cool, friends are awesome, but don't let your feelings hang over the two of you like a weird umbrella.

[Deleted]

Have you ever actually interacted with someone of the opposite sex? Just curious, because you don't seem to understand how interpersonal relationships actually work. Or how humans work. I am not justifying anything. I am trying to understand how someone can be as dumb as you and manage to make a computer work. If anything, it sounds like your repeated cries of other people being a "creep" are projections of your own insecurities about what women have told you when you were rejected.

only have to look at your attitude to see i was correct. you have gone out of your way to write another long winded comment about all the things wrong with me that you have no idea about as you do not know me. therefore and very commonly, to have those thoughts on ways to insult a stranger online can only mean they are problems you struggle with daily and i really hope you can sort out your attitude and learn from your mistakes instead of being in denial about how the problem is every other person and not you.

no need to insult you in my comments as i do not struggle with the issues you keep projecting outwards over and over again.

[Vorecien]

So here's the situation: I've known this girl for years. We became really close after a tough period for both of us, but have always kept things platonic. I was happy with the friendship and did not want anything more, and as far as I knew, she felt the same. In recent months however, I started to feel that something more. Fast forward a little, I finally admitted to myself that I had fallen in love with her, and struggled with the question of whether I should tell her or not.

I was almost 100% certain she only saw me as her best friend, and part of my intention of telling her was to find out for sure, so that I would stop wondering and move on. I also thought that she would not appreciate me feeling all this and not saying anything. Most of all, I wanted to protect the friendship, and despite worrying at first that telling her would break it outright, figured that our years of friendship would not be so easily broken.

So I went ahead and did it a couple of days ago. Told her how I felt, and that if she didn't feel similarly that it was fine; I would just need alittle time to heal and that I still wanted to be her best friend. Unfortunately, it seems to have gone worse than I would have thought. She hasn't really talked to me since then, and said that she wasn't sure if she could still see me the same way. I am wrecked, to say the least. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I might lose someone really precious to me.

Just seeking some advice and maybe a kind word or two, especially from other girls who have had this happen to them. I'm not pushing her to respond in any way, but since she won't say anything about this I have no idea what she's thinking or feeling about this.

Wayward,

My goal isn't to hurt you, nor am I here to feed you any false hope.

This is a sticky situation that you've placed yourself in. It's tough to say exactly what she's feeling, but here is what I'm thinking.

You told a girl that you've known for years that you're "in love with her". This situation can go one of two ways:

1. She can be excited and respond back within minutes telling you that she feels the same.
2. She can dodge your calls and texts because she's shy or feels betrayed.

It doesn't sound good to me, Wayward. I'm not going to teach you how to chase a girl that you like, in most circumstances it's not worth the time and effort. I don't believe that you're a sucker, so I won't type to you like one. It sounds like you're still young, but you're not dumb or slow. Most guys venture through what you're feeling now, and I have myself. I moved on, but the two of us are still friends.

My situation was a tad different; this girl and I had already dated but we broke up. However, she still means a great deal to me, even though I'm moving into a new relationship with a different girl. But here's the thing: I don't like leaving stones unturned. In other words, I told her that she's still important to me, regardless of how she may feel about me. I had given her plenty of space and time after we had broken up to heal, but the situation was very complicated.

To tie this back in to your situation, assuming you've given her ample time (2-3 days), then you should honestly reach out to her. I don't mean over text. This is a delicate situation, and should be handled with care. You should approach her in person and let her know that what you've said isn't created out of some conniving feeling. Meaning, what you've said is something genuine. Let her know that if she doesn't feel the same, that's okay and it won't hurt the friendship from your perspective going forward (which you did).

Unfortunately, you opened a different can of worms with "I will need a little time to heal...". It's a contradiction to what I suggested and what you did in the paragraph above. However, unlike most people in this thread, I won't leave you astray in this situation. Here's what I suggest.

1. In person, talk to her, let her know that the situation is fine if she doesn't feel the same, but ignoring you hurts more.
2. If she responds adversely, then it's time to let her go.

If Step 2 happens, then it's time for you to walk... away. Like I said before, you're not a sucker or dumb or slow. I won't lead you to chase her, but you shouldn't abandon all hope immediately, which is what half of the responses here are telling you. If, however, what you said crushed her enough that she can't still see you as a "best friend", then she's young and ignorant and there's nothing you can really do.

I wish you the best of luck, Wayward.

[Deleted]

Bunch of crappy advice being passed around here.

The good news:

Not all is lost. Very few relationships are damaged beyond repair, and this one certainly isn't. To understand where you need to go next, however, you gotta put yourself in her shoes:

1. Dropping the L bomb out of nowhere completely obliterates trust. While you may actually feel about the past years as friendship, she cannot be certain about that. Attractive females usually have a bazillion dudes who believe they need to go through a long ass friendship stage before they can start dating her, and for all she knows, that might have been your intention from the start. This makes you a dishonest person in her eyes.

2. Even if she's still interested in a friendship, she has to assume you're going to take it the wrong way, and probably does not want to lead you on. This makes her a pretty decent, albait helpless person.

3. Because you gave her mixed signals ('i would like for this to happen, but tbh, i don't care enough.. so you can just say no i guess'), you appear uncertain, and that means you're probably not going to take control of the situation to find a good resolution. Which means she has to, and once again, the most ethically, socially accepted one is to not lead you on. I.e. block contact.

4. Even if your friendship continued, it's uncertain whether or not it is going to be different now.

What you need to do is take control of the situation, show that the topic is not going to come up in the near future again, and that she is not doing you a disservice (i.e. hurt you) by hanging out again.

The bad news

Because you displayed uncertainty and dishonesty in the past, convincing her is going to be difficult. It's very much critical that you show, don't tell, cause actions speak louder than words. There are probably several ways to go about it, but here's one you could try:

1. Do not wait and give her anymore space than a week or so. If you were really close in the past, you left a hole, and eventually someone is going to come around to fill that hole (no pun intended, heh). The longer you wait, the more memories of your awesome time together disappear. Confront her on the subject as soon as you're out of shell shock state. Do not give her a choice (i.e. send her a text asking if she would like to meet up). You should know about her schedule by now, so grab two coffees and go do something fun. Display certainty. The sole purpose of this meeting is to give her a preview of how it could continue, and that it's going to be awesome, so it is super SUPER critical that things do not become awkward or sad. If you must address what has happened, do it light-hearted: 'oh yea haha us men and our hormones. THAT week, you know'. If you can, avoid the subject.


2. Get yourself an affair, or new gf altogether. Asap. Do not outright tell her (this will make her assume you're playing a jealousy game), but let it shine through (hang out at the same venue, etc.). This will make you seem less vulnerable, so it's okay for her to interact with you. If you find this hard, that's probably part of your problem. Lack of options can create false feelings. It does not have to be your future wife, but you need to re-establish your independence. Work on your interpersonal (i.e. pickup) skills.

3. Continue hanging out with your friend. If you do not bring the subject up again, things will go back to normal, i promise. Bonus points for trying to convince her to play wing(wo)man.

Goes without saying, if things work out, you owe me a beer.

Best wishes mate!

[Vorecien]

Goes without saying, if things work out, you owe me a beer.

Great post. This made me chuckle.