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  1. #1
    Mechagnome Reape's Avatar
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    Note from her majesty to the USA

    Please note this is not my opinion, it is purely comedy

    To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

    In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

    Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

    1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').


    2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' '

    3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

    4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

    5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

    6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

    7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)

    8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

    9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

    10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

    11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

    12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

    13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

    14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

    15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

    God Save the Queen!
    Last edited by Reape; 2011-10-31 at 02:19 PM.
    Retired from WoW, not currently playing any MMO's

  2. #2
    I wish Number 15 happened in Britain in the first place. =/

  3. #3
    Mechagnome Reape's Avatar
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    I liked 14 would sort us out nicely
    Retired from WoW, not currently playing any MMO's

  4. #4
    I'm a fan of adopting the metric system as stated in #6.

  5. #5
    The Insane peggleftw's Avatar
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    loved number 10. "occasionally cast English actors as the good guys"

    yes please!


    you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
    ^^ and that.


    pretty funny who ever wrote that :P hope none takes offense from it though :\ i know what the Internets like.
    Too cool for a signature

  6. #6
    so if they revoke our independence do they then inherit all of our debts? ^_^

  7. #7
    Mechagnome Scratches's Avatar
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    Bwahahahahaha


    This was absolutely hilarious; I loved it!

    Too bad it'll never happen, though... lol

  8. #8
    The Patient Cheebie's Avatar
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    Brilliant.

    Shame it doesn't mention anything about NASCAR though...

  9. #9
    The Unstoppable Force RICH816's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheebie View Post
    Brilliant.

    Shame it doesn't mention anything about NASCAR though...
    It will be abolished, rightly so.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Reape View Post
    You will cease playing American football.
    This is absolute heresy, and I will hear no more on the matter!

  11. #11
    Pandaren Monk Willeonge's Avatar
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    I take offense to number 15. Coffee > Tea.
    "Laws should be made of iron, not of pudding."

    “A good act does not wash out the bad, nor a bad act the good. Each should have its own reward.”

    - King Stannis Baratheon

  12. #12
    The Patient Ferel's Avatar
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    If it were true, it would be the greatest thing to happen to this country in my (admittedly brief) lifetime. Which, sadly, means it will happen over our government's dead carcass.

    ...
    I think I just decided on a Hallow's Eve costume. Does anyone know where I can order a colonial-era British uniform?
    Originally Posted by Bashiok (Blue Tracker)
    And when you see them you'll be all like :O and we'll be all like and then people on the forums will still be all like(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
    Originally Posted by Bashiok (Blue Tracker)
    CRAAAAWLING IIIIIIN MYYYYY SKIIIIIIIIN

  13. #13
    Bloodsail Admiral Galm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bitlovin View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Reape View Post
    11. You will cease playing American football.
    This is absolute heresy, and I will hear no more on the matter!
    Beside of hockey/football(soccer) world championship American football is actually the only sport I like to watch.

    Apart from that the so called letter is absolutely brilliant!

  14. #14
    Because Great Britain is doing so much better than the U.S.?

    That being said, I could get behind number 1 and half of number 6.

  15. #15
    Brewmaster
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    Dear god! Please make them go away from the stupid imperial system! An Engineer myself, and having to convert every single drawing, file or even length to something sensible is time consuming an inefficient! Please ... please take the metric system into your hearts mr. America!

  16. #16
    The Patient Meezo's Avatar
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    hahaha funny stuff idd :P

  17. #17
    I thought the whole thing was bland except "13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad." I got a good laugh outta that one.

  18. #18
    Why did I read this whole thing inside my head with a terrible impression of a posh English women. :|

  19. #19
    I like the part about guns and therapy. Britain has about 10 times as many violent crimes as usa. Seems someone else needs some therapy.


    I also make a promise to all of you. I will spell it colour, labour, armour, and such the day you learn to pronounce melee properly.

  20. #20
    The Patient Drunknlulaby's Avatar
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    Hilarious!!!!!!! Passing it along to my employees in my office right now.

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